back to article BOFH: Mmm, gotta love me some fresh BYOD dog roll

"Oh, Bring Your Own DEVICE!" the PFY blurts in mock realisation. "Of course Device!" the Boss snaps "What did you think it meant?!" "Bring Your Own DRINK" I say, nudging a half consumed case of chilled Newky Browns from under the desk that the PFY and I have been working on for the past half hour. "Bring Your Own Dog," the …

  1. IT Hack

    Newky

    The local venacular is Dog, which only a Geordi can tell you the reason why....

    1. LesB

      Star Fleet

      Not sure if Lt Cmdr LaForge is that much of an expert on the beer formerly made in Newcastle. Perhaps a geordie would be better?

    2. x 7

      Re: Newky

      Its because Geordies are godless heathens and "Dog" is the antithesis of "God"

      1. FartingHippo
        Go

        Re: Newky

        Man's best friend :)

    3. Chika

      Re: Newky

      D.O.G.

      Dodgy Old Gear.

    4. David Robinson 1

      Re: Newky

      First off, grrr at Newky. Isn't that a seaside town?

      Second, Geordie not Geordi. Latter was the engineer on NCC-1701-D.

      It's called Dog, because when slipping off down the pub, the excuse would be "Aam taekin' the dug forra wark."

      Five minutes later she cottons on, "Ha'ad aan, we divvent heav a dug."

      1. x 7

        Re: Newky

        I hear a fat slag somewhere........

        1. moiety

          Re: Newky

          "And e pulled it out and there was corn on the end". NYHHHHHHAAAHAAHAAAARRRRRRRRR!"

  2. Groaning Ninny
    Headmaster

    Vax? VAX!

    Hang on, isn't VAX capitalised?

    1. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

      Re: Vax? VAX!

      It's definitely and acronym. Virtual Address eXtension IIRC.

      If it's been in storage, I would expect that it would take a while to get running again, and you wouldn't get any support from Digial Compaq HP.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Vax? VAX!

      Nah it's Vax. After all, need to clean the carpets.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Vax? VAX!

      The PFY did say they'd just had the carpets cleaned...

      1. maartent

        Re: Vax? VAX!

        Only the fan has to be working to get the carpet cleaned. No need for computing anything.

  3. Ralph B

    Dog Roll

    I guess the BOFH was talking about these. Are they sold outside of NZ? It might have been more universally comprehensible to have the cafeteria cooking with canned dog food.

    1. Tom Maddox Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Dog Roll

      That doesn't look so bad. It's probably more nutritious than what my university cafeteria served, and it might even taste better.

      1. moiety

        Re: Dog Roll

        Meat from a named animal. That's posh, that is.

        1. IanTP

          Re: Dog Roll

          Upvote for the DiscWorld ref :)

          1. Sarah Balfour

            Re: Dog Roll

            WTF would anyone DV THAT…?! And evidently an AC too cowardly to even post as an AC! C'mon, let's 'ave ya! Stop disrespecting the recently deceased!

        2. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge

          Re: Meat from a named animal

          Fido does not count!

    2. tlhonmey

      Re: Dog Roll

      Well, I know they're sold in the United States. They're not generally called "Dog Rolls" here though.

      1. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: Dog Roll

        They sell 'em here in Spain too one printing on the wrapper for dogs and the other as a 'pate' for children's sarnies, visibly there is no difference to the contents.

        1. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
          Childcatcher

          Re: Dog Roll

          ...there is no difference to the contents.

          Sometimes you have to eat your own dog food pâté.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Dog Roll

      My dad cooked (sliced & fried) and ate one of these out of pure, drunken, stubbornness: He got drunk, then he went shopping, he put this thing in the cart for some reason and then refused to admit that he made a mistake - so he sliced it an cooked is and ate it to prove his point!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Dog Roll

        Brilliant, your dad is not only an idiot he also proved it. Which delivers up a conundrum. Having proved he's an idiot does that make him more or less of one?

  4. A. Coatsworth Silver badge
    Pint

    Friday morning in the left side of the Pond.

    I just sat down with a fresh cup of coffee, open The Register, and found a new BOFH.

    It's an extreme sport, drinking coffee in front of the computer while reading Simon's column, but that's how it's supposed to be, that's the way to start the Friday!! I only wish "Something for the weekend, Sir?" would come back to this sensible schedule.

    I know it's pub o'clock in the UK, so cheers!

  5. Florida1920 Silver badge
    Pint

    "I'd quite like another Newky Brown."

    So would I and it's just past noon here. You can keep that dog, though.

  6. chivo243 Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Misread the tag line

    Though I read "bog roll" not dog roll...

    1. stucs201

      Re: Misread the tag line

      Don't give management ideas...

  7. choleric
    Thumb Up

    Breakfast delivery

    It was worth a new keyboard just for that.

  8. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
    Coat

    BYO...

    Dinosaur.

    Mine's the one with the rips in the back..

    1. earl grey Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: BYO...

      Rides through the jungle tearing limbs off off trees....

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  9. Stuart Moore
    Flame

    Dad...

    Bring Your Own Dad could have been fun; we find out the BOFH's dad was an even older school BOFH and they have some father son bonding, cooking beancounters on a campfire.

    1. 404 Silver badge

      Re: Dad...

      Can tell your age right there - everybody knows you pit a beancounter, the meat is too dry and stringy over an open fire.

      damn kids these days....

      ;)

  10. Will Godfrey Silver badge

    I think all of these could be summed up as Bring Your Own Disaster!

  11. chivo243 Silver badge

    Ah, Newcastle Brown

    Newcastle Brown, I'm tellin' you, it can sure smack you down...

    1. Marshalltown
      Pint

      Re: Ah, Newcastle Brown

      The variety sold in the US has gone downhill to the point that it is nearly indistinguishable in a blind taste test from Budweiser or some of the other fizzy crud passed off as beer by the big brewers.

      1. chivo243 Silver badge

        Re: Ah, Newcastle Brown

        That is sad. I've not had NB in the States since the late 80's. Maybe I'll do the taste test on my next visit to the colonies...

  12. Daedalus801
    Pint

    the real question is......

    Is the Newcastle Brown the original recipe or the new health and safety approved one

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-31208978

    Im Guessing which one the BOFH would Prefer.

  13. bigfoot780

    Unwise but it happens

    "I did think it was a little unwise – foolish even,” I say. “But then this is exactly how I felt before they got us to install Vista on people's desktops – AND Windows 8 – and we still did that. And it's exactly how I would have felt if someone had suggested that people bring their own devices in to use for work purposes."

  14. x 7

    dog roll?

    =korean hot dog?

  15. x 7

    Vax? Surely, Vaux, another crappy beer from the northeast?

  16. Number6

    About that roll...

    There's clearly some confusion as to what is meant by a dog roll. It occurred to me that it's what the dog leaves, not what the dog eats. that would definitely be gag-worthy, even if it tasted OK with a bit of spice to mask the flavour. Probably still has some meat content, too.

    Apologies to anyone eating when reading this, just be careful which door you open.

  17. Rob2621

    Dog Roll

    Doll role in in New Zealand is basically bulk dog food sold in a large plastic skin - about 5 inches in diametre and about a foot and half long, im not sure whats in it - but our dog wont touch the stuff...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Dog Roll

      Ours would eat it, but it turned her from 'walking playdough machine' into 'walking fountain'.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Doesn't the BOFH have a portable....nah, I don't want to spoil it

    Thanks again, Simon.

  19. oldcoder

    What? no mention of the security device for BYOD?

    As simple as the cattle prod to the device to ensure that company confidential data doesn't leave the building?

  20. Fatman Silver badge

    The Boss' comments

    "DEVICE! BRING YOUR OWN DEVICE DAY! WHO THE HELL WOULD HAVE A BRING YOUR OWN DRINK DAY?!"

    YOU would if you just bought a company that is a Windows shop, and you are NOT. Even worse, if that Windows version bore a strong resemblance to a child's toy.

    "I'm just ... encouraging ... you to think of the company's spend,” purrs the Boss. “If we save money here we'll have it to spend in other areas. You'll be able to get something you really like. We will have an even larger pool for the executive bonuses at the end of the year"

    When it comes down to:

    shiny new kit, or

    executive bonus money,

    my money is always on the shiny new kit. You can have that old 1133mHz P3 with only 512Mb of RAM. I want NEED the latest core i7 with 16GB of RAM, and fuck you if you can't take a joke!!!

    BTW, my boss heads out for a 5 week vacation starting on the 28th (lots of 'use-it-or-lose-it' comp time). Somehow, someway her signature is going to appear on a purchase order for some shiny-shiny.. By the time she gets back, well, it will be just too late to return said shiny-shiny. If it does hit the fan, then the prime motivator will just blackmail coerce trick convince the beancounters it is in THEIR best interest NOT to piss off IT; lest they experience the pain of having the switch ports reconfigured to 10Mb HALF duplex (instead of the current 1Gb full duplex).

    "I can't understand HOW that happened. We can't help you until the boss gets back, as there is IT policy that prevents us from tampering with the switch configuration without her explicit approval., So sorry." (said with a straight face)

    April will be a fun month.

  21. Frank N. Stein

    BYOD is my worst nightmare in Tech Support. Walking them through installing Airwatch often goes well, but when they start messing with the device and calling for support with issues that have nothing to do with their work apps, it's time to toss them back. "We support your work apps, not your personal apps", is the company line on that...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Which is why a lot of places just say 'fuck it' and go for a vdi-style approach where your device is basically a dumb-client.

      So essentially it doesn't matter if you shelled out for a £30 rpi or a £1200 macbook, the experience will be the same.

      1. x 7

        " a dumb-client"

        yep, thats a macbook user

  22. JulieM Silver badge
    Pint

    Newcastle Brown Ale

    was little more than just cheap lager with brown food colouring in it, the last time I tasted any; and more suitable as a sewage pipe testing fluid than an actual beverage.

    On the other hand, living where I do (many of the local publicans have installed oversized chemistry sets in outbuildings and brew their own offerings, and it's considered newsworthy when there *isn't* a beer festival going on), I could drink a different real ale every night, from somewhere within walking distance, for long enough to forget when I started this bizarre pub crawl. So this inability to comprehend having access to beers that taste of something might just have accidentally turned me into something of a beer snob.

    (Hoping the icon represents a light, pleasantly-hopped 3.2% Summer quaffing ale from one of the local microbreweries, and not some overpriced, pressure-dispensed product that probably will taste better on the way out than it did on the way in.)

    1. x 7

      Re: Newcastle Brown Ale

      the head on that pint is too big

      1. JulieM Silver badge

        Re: Newcastle Brown Ale

        I'll give you that one. Usual excuse, best I could manage with whatever I could get hold of in the time available, and that. And if I can wish for it to be a representation of a decent beer, it's not much extra effort to wish for it to be in an oversized glass as well.

  23. heyrick Silver badge
    Happy

    BYOD

    Bring Your Own .... Dead ?

    Time to air the BOFH's closet, perhaps?

    1. ecofeco Silver badge

      Re: BYOD

      BOYD

      Bring Out Yer Dead

  24. earl grey Silver badge
    Trollface

    "taste better on the way out than it did on the way in"

    Sounds like the voice of experience.

  25. TSM

    I could go for a Bring Your Own Diversion day.

  26. mustang0

    What, no "hair of the dog" reference?

  27. _iamat

    I wonder

    I am wondering why the BofH is so against the Bring your own Device.... as most (l)users never clean their harddisk he could find alot "beneficial" Information on those machines, along with creating some "intresting" opportunities for some of his beloved colleagues, maybe even opportunities they would not have the Courage to ask for themselves (like the sites with specil intrests, or by sending the wifes certain Messages....)

  28. x 7

    Well.....we're a bunch of techies, so we all know what it really means.....

    Buy your own donuts (and stop eating mine you fat greedy bastard)

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