back to article Osbo: Choose a IoT fridge. Choose spirit-crushing driverless cars

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne vowed today that a Tory government would bring speedier internet connections of 100Mbps to most of Britain – a bold promise given the Coalition's delayed deployment of superfast broadband during the current term. Number 11's occupant made his final pre-election budget statement by …

  1. WylieCoyoteUK
    Pint

    So, I need to drink 100 pints to save a pound?

    Better get started saving money right away........

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So, I need to drink 100 pints to save a pound?

      buy 300, get one free ... sounds like a challenge to me.

      1. Richard 81

        Re: So, I need to drink 100 pints to save a pound?

        You must not live in the south. Here you'd have to buy at least 400 to get one free.

    2. Bob Vistakin
      Pint

      Re: So, I need to drink 100 pints to save a pound?

      You know where you are with Gideon Osborne, because Gideon is a straight talking man of the people everyone can relate to - and all the hard working blokes down the pub know Gideon is one of them, with nothing to hide.

      1. Badvok

        Who's Gideon Osborne?

        Perhaps I just don't get this puerile humour but what is it with people who can't use other people's actual names.

        Note: Gideon Osborne is not the name of anyone associated with the budget, though it was George Osborne's previous name before he legally changed it in his youth.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Who's Gideon Osborne?

          @Badvok You don't get why one of Cast Iron Camerons Eton cronies doesn't like his toff name showing how out of touch he is more like.

  2. Montague Wanktrollop

    The Chancellor claimed Britain was "walking tall again".

    Before crouching over its IT contractors in preparation for the release of a giant turd.

    1. boltar Silver badge

      Re: The Chancellor claimed Britain was "walking tall again".

      Yes, I'm sure the russians think we're walking tall as a huge cut in defence spending hoves into view so soon our navy will consist of 1 aircraft carrier with no aircraft and a couple of men in a rowing boat to keep an eye on it. No wonder Putin is giving the whole EU the finger. Without the US intervening russia could probably take the entire continent in a month.

      Meanwhile we waste 0.7% GDP (£18 billion) per year on paying for palaces and yachts and some AK47s for various dictators ... sorry , I mean foreign aid to worthy causes.. which only the most handwringing north london liberal bedwetter actually believes is a good way to spend taxpayers money in the current economic climate.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The Chancellor claimed Britain was "walking tall again".

        Do you honestly believe that foreign aid is even meant to help poor countries rather than acquire natural resources from those countries?

        1. boltar Silver badge

          Re: The Chancellor claimed Britain was "walking tall again".

          "Do you honestly believe that foreign aid is even meant to help poor countries rather than acquire natural resources from those countries?"

          I honestly have no idea where the foreign aid money ends up , other than its rarely in the hands of the people who actually need it. Still, until recently we were helping India fund their nuclear and space programs which was nice.

        2. strum Silver badge

          Re: The Chancellor claimed Britain was "walking tall again".

          >Do you honestly believe that foreign aid is even meant to help poor countries rather than acquire natural resources from those countries?

          Have you ever actually bothered to look? As it happens, DfID has a pretty good reputation around the world, for well-managed, well-targeted aid. But you didn't read that in the Daily Mail, did you?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @boltar - Re: The Chancellor claimed Britain was "walking tall again".

        Gave you a downvote for trying to use big scary Russia upon your fellow British citizens. Naughty you!

      3. PNGuinn

        Re: The Chancellor claimed Britain was "walking tall again".

        +1 for "handwringing liberal bedwetter"

      4. Roj Blake Silver badge

        Re: The Chancellor claimed Britain was "walking tall again".

        According to the IISS the UK's defence budget is the 5th largest in the world. If our armed forces are crap, it's not because of a lack of money, but because that money has been spent poorly.

  3. moiety

    Make it £45m and at least look up the word "security" before getting all keen about IoT.

    Controlling multiple fridges. Heh. Can't say it's a problem that keeps me up at night. Can't say I've ever had a fridge that wasn't "set and forget"

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "Controlling multiple fridges. Heh. Can't say it's a problem that keeps me up at night. Can't say I've ever had a fridge that wasn't set and forget"

      Yeah, but then mentioning controling fridges with a phone has probably never given you the opportunity to have a childish, point scoring dig at someone, while your in-bred, male, middle aged, expenses cheating colleagues, guffaw, back slap and wave paper in the air. And for balance, both sides are just as bad.

      1. Christoph Silver badge

        Give him his due - he has actually realised that there are some people so poor that they only have a mere two kitchens.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

          1. Badvok

            Re: new nickname

            Not sure you can really give George the same nickname that Ed "Two Kitchens" Miliband has already staked a substantial claim to (by having been caught posing in his second smaller kitchen so as not to appear too well off).

            1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

              Re: new nickname @Badvok

              Why not - aren't they the same person?

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: two fridges

        I thought the idea of 'connected' fridges was they could let you know when your four* litres of milk was running out or going off so you could get a fresh one.

        * this is the milk that now costs £10 as it has to have electronics attached to it to be of any use at all and the people who program these devices will have to be imported from India to do it manually.

        1. kiwimuso
          Happy

          Re: two fridges

          @ Tom 7

          I really don't feel I actually need a fridge to tell me what I already know by a) looking at milk in fridge, note that it's getting a little low (or otherwise) and b) take a sniff of the milk. If it smells fine, I use it.

          Same goes for all other food items in said fridge, and nary a Use By date do I need to look at either.

          Ergo, no use for such a fridge.

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. RichUK

      well someone has to control the fridges when the damned things start spying on us...

    4. DropBear Silver badge
      Trollface

      "Controlling multiple fridges. Heh. Can't say it's a problem that keeps me up at night. Can't say I've ever had a fridge that wasn't set and forget"

      Well yeah, but if you had two kitchens, now you could NOT control both fridges with the same smartphone! See, it's working even for those who aren't even using this! Pure genius!

  4. Buzzword

    The Lads from Lagos will Like this

    > Millions of individuals will have the information the Revenue needs automatically uploaded into new digital tax accounts.

    I look forward to the emails from HMRC's outsourced office in Lagos telling me how to register for the new system.

  5. Blitheringeejit
    FAIL

    Fridges schmidges

    "Osbo was tight-lipped about exactly how the government would bring in broadband download speeds of up to 100Mbps for most Brits if re-elected in May."

    We already know - from what they did with rural broadband strategy. He'll throw taxpayer's meeellions at BT, who will say they'll use it for broadband rollout, but will actually spend it on shareholders dividends, executive bonuses, and foopball rights.

    But at least that puts urban broadband strategy on an equal footing with rural broadband strategy - "we're all in it (=fucked) together".

    1. PNGuinn
      Coat

      Re: Fridges schmidges

      I think its called "kicking the foopball into the long grath"

      1. moiety

        Re: Fridges schmidges

        That'th about the thize of it.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Fridges schmidges - 100Mbps? Heaven

      100Mbps would be heaven (if not pure fantasy) - a few miles north of Watford, Herts I still get less than 500kbps on average via BT copper (yes, this is 2015).

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Blitheringeejit
        Thumb Down

        Re: 100Mbps? Heaven

        Likewise, my biggest speed problems are in areas which aren't really rural (like Cornwall or the Hebrides, where I understand connectivity is excellent) but are on the edges of urban areas - say places with a ~5Km copper run to the exchange. At one site I work with, BT have listed the cabinet down the road as "Imminent" for FFTC, which should make a world of difference - but this "Imminent" status has been in place for over a year, with no sign it actually happening. Grrrr...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmmmm

    given that some religious food rules pretty much demand the use of two kitchens or at least two food preparation areas then surely by claiming this is a ridiculous example he's falling foul of the rules on hate speech, making fun of religion etc.

    1. nsld
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Hmmmm

      What you really want is a mythical sky fairy telling you to keep a couple of hareems of pneumatic blondes* as a show of faith rather than two kitchens!

      * insert your preference here. ...

  7. Simon Harris Silver badge

    "control both fridges from the same mobile phone"

    I've got a fridge and a separate little freezer.

    Do they need remotely controlling from my phone? Nope - once they're plugged in they just get on with their jobs of keeping things cold for me without needing any intervention.

  8. Zot

    Drop BT and give contract to VM and other Fibre Optic companies?

    No, as I suspect BTs power of lobbying whips goes unchallenged as usual.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The two-fridge dig

    Osborne's little quip about people with two fridges is a not-very-subtle joke at Milliband's expense (the Labour leader had a family photoshoot in what turned out to be the smaller of the two kitchens in his house).

    Now I'm all for people having a dig at well-off politicians who are trying to look more "normal" than they actually are, but not when it comes from a smug upper class twat who has spent his life nestling in a comfort blanket of inherited wealth.

    1. The Vociferous Time Waster

      Re: The two-fridge dig

      Yet 'red ed' and all the middle class goons in Labour keep making those same jibes. How many millionaires on the red benches? http://www.spectator.co.uk/spectator-life/spectator-life-life/9022871/socialist-climbing/

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The two-fridge dig

        "Miliband is a career politician who has to entertain journalists, party members and so on quite a lot and sensibly has a small kitchen off his living room to make this easier."

        Well I'd have thought it was easier to entertain lots of people in a big kitchen. But hey, what do I know? Perhaps that's why I'm not running the country.

        Mind you, neither is Ed.

        On a more serious note, perhaps if politicians stopped bickering about each other's kitchens they'd have more time for shit we actually care about. Like building enough houses, creating opportunities for young people, stopping America reading all our Interwebz, that sort of thing. You know, the hard stuff.

  10. phil dude
    FAIL

    Doesn't matter your politics...

    A) stopped clock is right twice a day...

    B) broken clock is always wrong.

    C) We are all f*cked.

    Sometimes it appears like A) , usually it is B), but generally it is C).

    P.

  11. Mephistro Silver badge
    Devil

    Typo in the article!!!

    "The Chancellor promised to pump £40m into the development of Internet of Things"

    It should be:

    "The Chancellor promised to dump £40m into the development of Internet of Things".

    Here, fixed!

  12. Tromos

    I wouldn't object to having 100Mbps broadband.

    But only if:

    a) It didn't cost so much as a penny more than my current 13Mbps

    b) It was truly unlimited at any time of day or night

    c) It was at least as reliable and stable as my current connection

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  13. A. Coatsworth
    Big Brother

    "Your Samsung (tm) fridge works better with Walmart (tm) brand milk"

    Will the connected fridges be able to tell where an article was bought?

    Can they refuse to accept a source, or give advantage to another?

    Will this devolve into a "generic vs original ink cartridge" kind of situation?

    The possibilities are endless!! although not necessarily for the customer...

    Big Brother is watching you (drink milk directly from the bottle)

  14. ZanzibarRastapopulous

    Fridges...

    If you have two kitchens and an overflow fridge in the cellar and all these things are two stories apart then suddenly internet connected fridges make sense.

    For the first time in my life I see why someone might want one. It might even make sense for the toasters and bread bins too.

    1. Keef

      Re: Fridges...

      'It might even make sense for the toasters'

      Perhaps Crapola Inc. are getting some of the dosh?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Internet of tings

    New name for the yoof!

  16. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Holmes

    Why hold back? Money is infinite!

    a Tory government would bring speedier internet connections of 100Mbps to most of Britain

    Why not 1000 Mbps internet connections to ALL of Britainthe UK?

  17. stucs201

    I actually do have two fridges.

    The main fridge freezer in the kitchen and a small one next to the computer in the spare bedroom with beer, coke, pork pies and other snacks in it. That second fridge is about quarter of a century old (dating back to when I was a student). Back when I originally acquired it I'd not yet even discovered JANET, never mind such fancy internet stuff as Telnet, FPT and Usenet. Somehow I don't think it has an internet connection...

    1. Dwarf Silver badge

      Re: I actually do have two fridges.

      We all remember our first girlfriends !

      I have two fridges too, but mine won't ever get an Internet connection, there's no point - I outsourced the management of mine to the wife.

    2. DropBear Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: I actually do have two fridges.

      No worries, these days you can get these newfangled watchamacallits: WiFi controlled LED bulbs. I trust your fridge does have a lightbulb - change it to one of these, and you're good to go: IoT bragging rights++!

      1. Simon Harris Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: I actually do have two fridges.

        You could even program it to tell you whether it goes out when the door is shut.

  18. DiViDeD Silver badge

    Am I missing something here?

    Don't take this the wrong way, Mr Os, but how often, on average, do people have an urgent need to 'control' their fridge(s)?

    I have 2 fridges. I plugged em in and set the temperature when I bought em. Since then I have controlled them ... now hang on, let me think ... Oh yes, BLOODY NEVER.

    So what exciting control activity am I missing out on when, it seems, other people often need to control their fridge at 2 in the morning from the other side of the world?

    1. The Crow From Below

      Re: Am I missing something here?

      "So what exciting control activity am I missing out on when, it seems, other people often need to control their fridge at 2 in the morning from the other side of the world?"

      You are missing out on the ability to be standing in Tesco at 3am on a sunday morning (after your pregnant wife has screamed you out of the house to go pick up some turkey slices so she can have a sandwich cause she woke up hungry) and check to see whether or not you have enough beer left in order to cope with the rest of the day because there is no chance you'll make it to the offy and back without her noticing and therefore removing your balls for leaving her in "a distressed state".

      In all seriousness though if you have an IOT fridge, washing machine, freezer, circuit breaker, lights etc etc, they can communicate with each other to make power consumption more efficient, this is very important in an age where we are consuming more and more power but building less and less power generation centres (usually down to the nimbys, but that's another conversation).

      Power consumption overall will not change (your bill wont reduce much at all if any) but if your fridge knew you were running a wash and had the kettle on it may delay firing up the compressor for 5 mins whilst the kettle stopped boiling, lowering the overall load on the power network. This is not so important in areas where power is plentiful (most of the UK at the moment) but in 10 to 20 years time when we are all humming around in electric cars it could be a very big deal. When power rationing starts then the kettle being able to say to you "if you turn me on you'll stop your wifes hair dryer working because there's not enough power available at the moment" may just save your life one day (did I mention the pregnancy thing!?).

      I think people are putting too much emphasis on controlling the devices via the internet, rather than the reality which will be that the vast majority of options made available by the IOT will be automated services. Yes you will be able to turn on the lights with your phone, but that is pretty much going to be the only thing people will actually use the IOT for when it comes to controlling devices themselves, as everything else usually needs an additional human input, like putting the bread in the toaster before turning it on.

    2. Matt Siddall

      Re: Am I missing something here?

      I can see some benefit coming in the next couple of years. All we need is the expiry date encoded into the (or an extra?) barcode or an NFC tag and the fridge could let you know when things are going out of date, and you could check your phone at work to see what you have in the fridge for dinner to decide whether or not you need to make a trip to the shops on the way home.

      Sure, it's not life-changing but could be very convenient.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fridge's revenge

    No officer I would not go searching for "hot German sausage", "best breast", "toungue in cider", "sweet baps" or heaven forbid "goats cheese", it's obviously someone has hacked my wifi and is trying to pollute my search history.

  20. Richard 81

    100mb/s? I'd be happy if the 30mb/s I pay for was stable.

  21. Elmer Phud
    WTF?

    Fridge Facebook Friends.

    While we are waiting for the bollock-nosed towel-folding nore-powder afficionado to ensure my fridge can grouse about behind my back ---

    I can't bloody register to vote on-line as the site says there is something wrong and I should come back later.

    George - before spendin my money of more shite - try to get the currrent shite workng first. Oh, hang on, it is policy to fail most systems and then re-do the contracts to ensure that the right people get paid well -- at least twice.

  22. David Roberts Silver badge
    Coat

    100 Mb/sec?

    Hope this isn't mandatory - I get 150 Mb/sec at the moment.

    [Or I would if the bloody power didn't keep going off and on like a dodgy CFL]

    Mine's the one with "smug bastard" written on the back.

  23. PassiveSmoking

    I prefer spirit-crushing driverless cars to pelvis-crushing cars driven by nobs with mobiles.

  24. ScottME
    Devil

    Digital tax accounts - can't wait for that!

    Can I have your bets gentlemen, please, on when we can expect the project to go tits up like virtually every other major government IT initiative?

    Seriously, I've not seen or heard any talk of this being in development - does anyone know who is putting the necessary systems in place to support this announcement?

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