back to article Apple Watch: HOT WRIST ACTION plus slim $1299 MacBooks - and HBO TV

It's time for Apple to show off its hardware: the Apple Watch, a shiny and expensive accessory for a shiny and expensive accessory (the iPhone) – plus a new Intel Core M thin MacBook for $1,299, and a HBO Now tie-up with Apple TV. CEO Tim Cook is leading a presentation on the device in San Francisco today. You can watch live …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "...Game of iPhones"

    Unless, of course, the new "Game of iThrones" is coming out to coincide with that other, necessary tech paradigm shift to hit us.

    The new Apple Toilet. Excrete like you never have before, in more convenient ways than before.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Killer App!

    Maybe Snapple boffins have discovered a 'New Second' (61 instead of 60) and for the privilege of being able to view this new second you have to hand over $10,000?...It's all starting to make sense now.

  3. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    Wot? another Crapple launch?

    Of a product that only 24% of their customers are even remotely interested in...

    Yawn

    ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

    Now if they announce a 17inMBP then I might wake up and show some interest.(yeah fat chance)

    1. DougS Silver badge

      Re: Wot? another Crapple launch?

      Given the number of Apple customers, if only 24% are interested in the watch and only 24% of them buy it, that's tens of millions of watches sold. Pretty sure most would consider that a success.

  4. frank ly Silver badge

    "... Apple has no problem finding our phone number for off-the-record chats ..."

    You weren't supposed to mention that!

    1. Buzzword

      "... Apple has no problem finding our phone number [...] when we're ABOUT TO write some bad news about them ..."

      How on earth do they know you're about to write a bad story? Are they in cahoots with the NSA? Do you write all your stories on Apple computers which have a built-in backdoor to Cupertino and a keyword detector? ("fanboi" must set it off)

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Let's hope the Watch doesn't use the 10 hours=all day battery life definition.

    1. Salts

      18 hours = all day

      Or so it claims, looking like the pebble is a better option

      1. TheOtherHobbes

        >18 hours = all day

        I always suspected Apple lives on another planet.

        Now I know it's true - one that spins much faster than Earth does.

        1. MrT

          An 18hr day sounds like...

          ... all those series of 24, once the adverts were removed.

          1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
            Facepalm

            Re: An 18hr day sounds like...

            The work day of the people who assemble these devices

            1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

              Re: An 18hr day sounds like...

              No, no - it's just that the battery lasts 18 hours, then it catches fire and burns your arm off.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: An 18hr day sounds like...

                "... spins much faster than Earth does." - Could be why Apple makes me puke :-/

                "...catches fire and burns your arm off." - That's YOUR fault for having arms!

                I'd like to respond to you all a little more, but my watch is dying and I still need it for all my awesome sweet stag lickering tweets that will light this place up in juiced rainbows!

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        My android wear (sw3) does 36 hours without a problem. It's also more functional with NFC, BT, WiFi connectivity and 4gb onboard storage. Its capable of working perfectly fine away from my phone as it is connected to it.

        It's half the price of the cheapest itat

      3. werdsmith Silver badge

        "Or so it claims, looking like the pebble is a better option"

        No doubt.

        Pebble Mk1 is a better and more useful smartwatch than the Apple attempt.

        Not to mention that it is favoured by people who like to develop and it's a doddle to develop for (a bit like an 80s home computer) and there is a web based IDE where you can write, build and install an app in about 2 minutes.

    2. Synonymous Howard

      Watch Battery Life

      18hours = All Day

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Our invite was lost in the post again.....

    Daddy!

    Yes, son?

    What does regret mean?

    Well son, the funny thing about regret is, is that it is better to regret something you HAVE done rather than something you HAVEN'T done....and if you see your mom this weekend be sure and tell her, 'SATAN', 'SATAN', 'SATAN', 'SATAN'.......

  7. Bronek Kozicki Silver badge

    hahahaha

    Apple released a new laptop. It's gold. And it has only one (sic!) USB connector. The type of which is not implemented on any device yet.

    To me, this is Best Joke Ever. But I have a feeling that Apple is being serious!

    1. Steven Raith

      Re: hahahaha

      To be fair, it was not dissimilar to USB1 when it came out, as I recall - although it was a while ago. Apple pushed it on the iMac and it gained a lot more traction.

      If it causes USB-C to be implemented more widely on other hardware, that's fine by me.

      As for the just one connector....be interesting to see how that is worked around in the real world. Presumably a y-cable on the power connector or something?

      Steven R

      1. Mr.Mischief

        Re: hahahaha

        So you need a separate connector if you want to charge your laptop and use a USB stick?

        I think thats a ripoff. Especially if that "connector" costs $50 and doesn't work with anything else.

        1. Dan 55 Silver badge
          FAIL

          Re: hahahaha

          Another scenario...

          - I think I'll plug it into an external display for a presentation via the magic of USB-C.

          Sometime later...

          - The battery's running out. I can wait for the screen to go black or I can unplug the display and plug the charger in... oh.

          ----

          Another scenario...

          - I'll plug it into my client's Ethernet lead via this USB-C to Ethernet dongle available for an outrageous sum.

          Oh damn, the battery's at 10%. I'm fucked.

          Etc... etc...

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Facepalm

            Re: hahahaha

            Another scenario...

            I'm sitting in Starbucks rocking a latte and my new MacBook. Father's trust fund and 'careful' tax planning has meant I've never had to do a day's work in my whole life. My two best friends, next to me, Joshi and Clarabellabella are also trustifarians, also do fuck all and also have new MacBooks. I keep forgetting to charge mine up since the battery first ran out, I've lost the mains cable somewhere on Daddy's boat and the screen isn't working or something. Anyway it's all black, and I'm sure it wasn't like that earlier when I WhatsApp'd Harmonieh in Marrakech. She too was in a Starbucks, photoing her latte.

            I'll have another coffee and use my iPhone to upload a clip of it to whatever social site my tribe mindlessly worships this week. I'll buy another MacBook next week maybe and see if that one does stuff. I'll leave this one on the chair next to me, and five minutes after leaving Starbucks, I'll have forgotten I ever owned it.

          2. anothercynic Silver badge

            Re: hahahaha

            And for £65 you can buy a digital port extender that gives you exactly one USB 3 port, an HDMI port and a USB-C port for power... So much for the 'look at me' fabulousness...

      2. jonathanb Silver badge

        Re: hahahaha

        It has the same number of connector sockets as an iPhone. One 3.5mm headset socket, and one USB C port in place of the lighting socket for charging, external display, external storage or anything else you might want to connect to it. Nowhere near enough IMO.

    2. Kunari

      Re: hahahaha

      Having a USB-C port is a good thing, though I'd have put a few USB3 just for sake of user friendliness. IIRC there is cable adapters from type C-to-USB2/USB3 so it's not like accessories won't be able to be attached.

    3. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: hahahaha

      I use a Mac but I'm not fanboy (use a MacBook from 2009, no I-thingies). A single connector like a phone is great, though a second port would be nice. Presumably £50 gets you a hub. But a mere 1 kg is very, very impressive for the size. I can see Apple selling shedloads of these. The colour and the weight may also appeal to the ladies.

      At some point I'm going to have to replace my machine but fortunately I don't have to do much travelling for work.

    4. Zola

      Re: hahahaha

      Death knell for the Lightning Port and cables, good riddance to that money gouging non-standard piece of crap.

  8. VinceH Silver badge
    Trollface

    Actual photo of a fanboi's desk in preparation for the event.

    1. John 104

      @VinceH

      I can't thumbs up that enough!

    2. Synonymous Howard

      That is so fake ... I mean a Dell display and not a 5K iMac? Must Try Harder (ooh err missus).

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      A true fanboi would have two bottles of lube, understanding full well the importance of a sound backup strategy.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The 'Pink Pound'. Dollar, Euro, etc

    [Removed homophobic piffle that started with the classic "Not being a prick here, but ..." – mod]

    1. Pavlov's obedient mutt

      Re: The 'Pink Pound'. Dollar, Euro, etc

      it the comments looks like it's prickish, and it reads like it's prickish, then the author is probably a prick.

    2. dz-015

      Re: The 'Pink Pound'. Dollar, Euro, etc

      "Not being a prick here" - false, but the issue of whether or not you're a prick is massively overshadowed by the concern over whether or not you're a human being, because if you are then it makes me feel ashamed to be a member of the same species.

    3. anothercynic Silver badge

      Re: The 'Pink Pound'. Dollar, Euro, etc

      You *are* a prick... Most likely it will be my-willy-is-bigger-than-yours willy-wavers like you who'll be stumping up for the $10,000 model *and* the MacBook to out-Air any MacBook Air users in their circle of friends...

      But hey... don't let name-calling get in the way of the debate, yeah?

      Prick.

    4. Waspy

      Re: The 'Pink Pound'. Dollar, Euro, etc

      Revealing your prejudice with a version of the old "not being a racist but...".

      Classy.

    5. nsld
      Mushroom

      Re: The 'Pink Pound'. Dollar, Euro, etc

      I struggle to know where to start with a response to this so lets start with an easy opener that, speaking directly and expressing my opinion freely you are a cunt of the highest order.

      Now thats over we can move onto the minor issue that disposable income and sexuality are not linked, you will clearly be shocked to learn that both gay and straight people can be rich or poor, and in equal measure they can have both good and bad taste.

      Now thats dealt with perhaps you can do the planet a favour and pop yourself down the vets for a one way trip on ketamine airways?

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The 'Pink Pound'. Dollar, Euro, etc

      Oh dear.

    7. Mr.Mischief

      Re: The 'Pink Pound'. Dollar, Euro, etc

      A good idea for autocorrect programs everywhere. If someone types "Not being a prick here", the system should autocorrect that to "I'm a prick..!! I'm a prick..!! I'm a big hard raging PRICK..!!"

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Remove watch when ahem browsing

    I spotted the remark about the watch having Apple Pay and Siri on it - just a suggestion here, but it's probably not a good idea to be surfing any paid-content sites where the word 'yes' is used repeatedly... dare I ask if the watch has motion sensors which might be used to detect such erroneous acceptances...?

    1. JamesPond
      Happy

      Re: Remove watch when ahem browsing

      If only they'd built a kinetic energy recovery system in, you would be positively encouraged to keep the watch on at that point (assuming one uses ones watch wearing hand).

    2. VinceH Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Remove watch when ahem browsing

      "I spotted the remark about the watch having Apple Pay and Siri on it - just a suggestion here, but it's probably not a good idea to be surfing any paid-content sites where the word 'yes' is used repeatedly... dare I ask if the watch has motion sensors which might be used to detect such erroneous acceptances...?"

      According to Robots Read News, Apple advice against that for an entirely different reason.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Apple Pay?

    OK... two scenarios here.

    1. You still need your iPhone fingerprint censor to approve the payment, making the watch pointless

    2. You can authorise a payment with the watch, as long as it is in range of the iPhone.

    Am I the only one who can see just a tiny security flaw with scenario 2? Relieve a fanboi of two bits of shiny, and spend, spend, spend,

    1. TheOtherHobbes

      Re: Apple Pay?

      I'm guessing the phone has the NFC credentials, so the watch on its own won't do much.

      But that just means you have to steal the phone, the watch, and a finger, I guess.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: Apple Pay?

        >But that just means you have to steal the phone, the watch, and a finger, I guess.

        Sounds like too much effort, I might just mug a person who has a wad of cash instead.

    2. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Apple Pay?

      >Am I the only one who can see just a tiny security flaw with scenario 2?

      No you're not, which is why it doesn't work like that.

      The phone still requires a PIN or fingerprint to make a payment. The watch will make a payment as long as it hasn't' been removed from the owner's wrist since being paired to the phone.

    3. gnasher729 Silver badge

      Re: Apple Pay?

      "Am I the only one who can see just a tiny security flaw with scenario 2? Relieve a fanboi of two bits of shiny, and spend, spend, spend,"

      You are the only one who can see a tiny security flaw, because there's a bit that you are missing: Paying with the watch only works as long as you wear it. Take it off, and you have to enter the PIN to pay. Which the thief wouldn't know.

  12. returnmyjedi

    HBO really are desperate to limit their viewership, aren't they? If they're not jumping into bed with Uncle Rupert and making their content only available on Sky in the UK, now you can only watch HBO on demand via Apple's mediocre box of pretty naff tricks. Sue poib.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Game of Thrones already holds the record for the most torrented program. Can expect a new record this year.

  13. 45RPM Silver badge

    18 hour battery life? Ah… No.

    I wish them all the best of course. They've done no harm to me (or any of the haters here either), and I wouldn't wish failure on anyone (except Donald Trump. And anyone who makes Muzak. And… aw, shit. You got me. I do wish failure on quite a lot of people, but none of them in the tech business. Probably), but 18 hours?

    When it can go for at least as long as a pebble it'll be worth reconsidering. When it can go as long as a Seiko Kinetic I'll stop considering and reach for my wallet. Until then, it's a statement of intent from Apple - and as much use as any Mk1 Apple product.

    Interesting, by the way, that they didn't mention how waterproof it is. A 'sport' watch that can't go swimming ain't much of a sport watch.

    1. Vince

      "All Day" where "all day" is defined as 18 hours. My days are longer, as in I am awake longer than that.

      I imagine the real world life is going to depend how much you use it. Arguably, it's pretty pointless, so it might well do. But so far the only people I've seen with "smart" watches, of any description seem to have them notify them of just about everything. Which means it won't last long.

      Whilst there are undoubtedly fringe reasons for all the stuff it can do, I'm not sure it's so "useful" as pitched. Plus I wanna know... if the girl who left her key behind couldn't get into the garage or whatever it was, why didn't *she* have an Apple Watch to unlock it herself if they're so essential everyone has to have one (which is a paraphrasing of the way Apple promoted it).

    2. Roger B

      NOT waterproof, from the Apple site, hidden down the bottom

      "*Apple Watch is splash and water resistant but not waterproof. You can, for example, wear and use Apple Watch during exercise, in the rain and while washing your hands, but submerging Apple Watch is not recommended. Apple Watch has a water-resistance rating of IPX7 under IEC standard 60529. The leather straps are not water resistant."

      Maybe waterproofing will come out in an OS update? They added that to the iPhone didn't they?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    $500 difference in price depending on which strap you get for the steel watch???!!!

    $500 for a watch strap!

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How much?

    Sport 38mm = £299 / 42mm = £339.

    Watch = from £479 up to £949.

    Edition = £8,000 up to £13,500.

    Hmmmm.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: How much?

      Apple's buyers have traditionally proven to be pretty insensitive to price. Indeed for some the high price is part of the appeal and Apple is certainly right to keep out of the bargain basement section. If any of the segments sell well then Apple stands to make a tidy profit. Otherwise it's likely to be forgotten quickly like coloured I-Phones.

      That said, I personally think it's poo.

  16. chivo243 Silver badge
    Gimp

    Apple user, First rule!

    Never buy first generation products. Unless you're a collector of course speculating on the future value. Fanbois will be fanbois.

  17. OgreMHDW

    Way too expensive

    Nice features, but at 2020 prices. I guess the inflation came early?

  18. phil dude
    Joke

    obvious troll...

    but does it have an interface to the wankaband?

    P.

  19. anothercynic Silver badge

    This was a cringeworthy launch...

    Steve Jobs is rotating in his grave. And this from a daily Apple-device user...

    I dread to think how many talking-to-wrist, shouting-at-wrist-on-a-train kind of people will be out there after April 10. Ugh.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: This was a cringeworthy launch...

      I believe the correct thing to shout into your wrist is: "KITT, I need you!"

      Admittedly that needs to be a black digital watch, while wearing a black leather jacket, and talking to a black car. But I guess it explains the rumours that Apple are researching self-driving cars. There's no other reason to talk into your watch is there?

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        Re: This was a cringeworthy launch...

        Breitling, Longines, Omega, Pulsar, Rolex, Seiko, Tag Heuer.

        Apple?

        Product placement in the latest 007 movie?

        Has it got an electomagnet that can be used undo the dress zipper of a friendly agent?

        (Madeline Smith - Live and Let Die)

    2. chivo243 Silver badge

      Re: This was a cringeworthy launch...

      Calling Dick Tracy, Calling Dick Tracy, your phone is finally ready...

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Apple Watch (BS) Sport Edition

    Taken from the Apple site:

    Anodized aluminum. Designed to be uncommonly light and strong. (Erm... It's Anodized Aluminium and it's a common alloy invented a long long time ago!)

    For Apple Watch, we created a new (No you did not!) alloy of 7000 Series (Mitsubishi A6M Zero used 7075 Aluminium in it's airframe in World War II) aluminum that’s 60 percent stronger than standard alloys. Yet it’s very light (Yet it's Erm... Aluminium, if it wasn't light I'd take it back). The Revolutionary Magical Apple Roundabout Has Surely Started!

    1. Vince

      Re: Apple Watch (BS) Sport Edition

      No - they totally invented a brand new version. OK....

      And when Graphene becomes mainstream... no doubt Apple will claim that too, despite being discovered/invented/created (not sure what the correct term actually is), in a UK university.

      1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Re: Apple Watch (BS) Sport Edition

        discovered/invented/created (not sure what the correct term actually is)

        "serendipped" is the right word I believe.

  21. Zebo-the-Fat

    Why?

    I don't understand the point. I have a watch which lasts around 18 MONTHS on one battery, is waterproof to 100 meters and it tells the time, it costs a fraction of this ithing too.

    I read somewhere that it can make phone calls... is that true or is it just a link to an iphone?

    The rest of the apps seem trivial and/or pointless, just duplicating what you already have on your phone (is it so hard to take it out of your pocket and use it?)

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Why?

      The watch needs the phone to make phone calls. The phone doesn't need to be in the same room, as the watch can use WiFi or Bluetooth to connect to it.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Why?

        The watch needs the phone to make phone calls. The phone doesn't need to be in the same room.

        So... enlighten me, why would you want to make a call using a watch if you have a phone to make a call?

    2. Richard 12 Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: Why?

      18 months? Useless.

      Mine ran for 5 years.

      The replacement battery only managed 3, and I was so annoyed that I stopped wearing a watch altogether.

  22. DougS Silver badge

    The only reason

    I hope the Watch is a success, other than owning Apple stock of course, is that it'll really piss off all the haters. I have no desire for a smartwatch, at least not based on any of the lame attempts there have been so far, or what I know of the capabilities of Apple's. Maybe someday someone will surprise me with some functionality that makes me want one.

    I remember all the wailing and gnashing of teeth after the iPhone was launched. Too expensive, too big, etc. When Jobs said that he hoped that someday Apple might have 1% of the worldwide mobile market how people laughed and laughed. In 2014 Apple had over 10% of the mobile market (not smartphone, overall mobile market)

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: The only reason

      So, let's get this straight: it's okay for you to hate? Just not anyone else? What an exciting life you must lead!

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  23. x 7

    Apple really missed a trick here. They could easily have built wrist-operated charging into the watch and so negated the need for the daily battery charge. Could have called it the iWank.

    Would have been one in the eye for Redtube, who now seem to have got their firm grip on the technology first.

    edit

    thinking about it......given the pointlessness of the watch and the mentality of those who are the targeted customer base, maybe thats still a valid name...

    1. David 132 Silver badge
      Coffee/keyboard

      Could have called it the iWank.

      Would have been one in the eye

      Ewww.

      This isn't the "Japanese/special interests" section of the local XXX bookstore, you know.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    At least Samsung now know exactly what they need to copy...

    I was almost feeling sorry for Samsung, thrashing around all confused and rudderless. Now Apple's shown 'em what to do again and Samsung can have another go.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. DiViDeD Silver badge

      Re: At least Samsung now know exactly what they need to copy...

      Rii-iight. So my pitiful Gear2, which can send and receive emails, phone calls, check my heart rate and activity and on which I can display phone content, play games, operate IR remore operated devices, read notifications, play music from my phone or watch via bluetooth headphones and (if I had very much smaller eyes) play videos, which I could, as a last resort, even (and bear with me here) actually use to tell the time, was copied by Samsung, from the Apple Watch, and then transported in time through a wormhole so that Optus could give it to me two years ago?

      Bloody fiendish, those Koreans, eh?

  25. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Alert

    Time to dust off patents

    Casio, Seiko et al - have you checked your patents for infringement recently?

    1. x 7

      Re: Time to dust off patents

      Clive Sinclair had the first electronic watch - did he raise any patents? Who would own those now? Alan Sugar? Or Sky? I've lost the thread during all the various Amstrad takeovers and sales

  26. Nash

    Pointless

    Why does one need a watch that performs the same basic functions as a phone as well as owning a phone to interface with ones watch. without one the other seems pointless. do you want to tell the time? - buy a watch. Do you want to make a phone call? - use a phone. do you want to check your calendar, use your watch....oh wait you haven't got your phone on you, ah well you can only tell the time then.....oh wait it's been 19 hours since you last recharged, in that case you can now neither tell the time nor check your calendar on your £18k diamond encrusted wrist tat. a £1 watch from tat land will still outlast this iwatch in terms of purely telling the time. it all strikes me as pretty pointless.

    thank you for reading, you have a good day now.

    thank you,

    much love

    peace out..

    1. Vargs

      Re: Pointless

      I think you, and several other commentators of an Android persuasion, are missing the point. This expensive thing is not especially about functionality (except for those who are worried about their health or obsessed with their fitness). It's about ergonomics.

      I think the intention is that you can keep up with your online life by glancing at it, rather than having to fish around in your pocket and then authenticate on a phone to see what's coming in.

      Typical El Reg commentators often focus on the hardware or back-end twiddling which they can't do. Apple has always been about the interface and convenience of use for ordinary people of their equipment.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Pointless

        No, we are mostly just waiting for somebody to buy one, so we can taker the piss. The convenient part for us, is that some people will be proud, and tell openly of their purchase. People buying the iWatch will be a fatted lulzcow. Cant wait.

      2. Keven E.
        Facepalm

        O.M.Goobers

        "It's about ergonomics.".... "Apple has always been about the interface and convenience of use for ordinary people of their equipment."

        Snicker... chuckle... LOL... ROTFLMFAO...

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