back to article NERDGASM as Apple announces 'special event'

Apple's hype machine has creaked into life again, with media outlets on Cupertino's “nice” list* reportedly showered with a new invitation to pay homage to the company on March 9th. The company's also updated its live events page with news of a to-be-streamed event on the same day. It's widely held the event will reveal more …

  1. ratfox Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    With a name like that for the event, how could it be about anything else than watches…?

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Maybe a new alloy that allows a coiled spring to store far more energy than a battery of Li-ion cells...

      Okay, you're right; it'll be about watches.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

        It is about a small jade figurine, curiously fashioned into a winged creature with a kraken head, and a bit squamous, yet ruguous to the touch.

        Soon to be mass-produced.

      2. NoneSuch Silver badge

        "* Apple doesn't do PR in El Reg's direction, on the basis of ancient grudges about our predilection for colourful language and not being gushy about everything it does."

        El Reg staff will be flayed alive in the streets during the 2017 Apple Riots. However, don't worry. You shall be avenged in the Android counter-revolutionary trials of early 2018.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Nah,

      It's just a reference to their past daylight savings time bugs.

    3. Salts

      Yep, but the USA springs forward on March 8th, the Apple watch is just a day behind then, not bad for a first release

  2. Marc 13

    Special event? I'll set my watch!

    You know, the watch that I already own, thats already made of Gold/Steel/Titanium etc, the one that already tells me what date and time it is... the one thats made by a suitably subtle manufacturer that only certain types will recognise and appreciate, the one thats thinner than a £1 coin yet doesn't need a battery...

    yawn.

    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Special event? I'll set my watch!

      Will you then phone up your friend using a hard-wired pulse-based rotary dial telephone?

      1. jake Silver badge

        @JDX (was:Re: Special event? I'll set my watch!)

        "Will you then phone up your friend using a hard-wired pulse-based rotary dial telephone?"

        Why yes, yes I will. But only if said friend also has that capability. You see, I live in earthquake country. The Rogers Creek Fault (probable home of California's next "big one") is not very far from here. My 1950s Model 500 Western Electric telephone and attendant landline will almost certainly survive the quake, the cellular system will very probably not. And even if the cellular system does survive, chances are that mains power will be out for a week or more. No battery, no cell.

    2. jai

      @Marc 13

      Hey Marc 13, the 19th century called, they want their archaic gadgetry back!

    3. DreamEater

      Re: Special event? I'll set my watch!

      Skagen!

  3. djstardust

    Blah blah blah

    More overpriced, lacklustre out of date hardware on the way. Yawn.

    Last time Apple gave me any excitement about product releases was at least 10 years ago.

    And as for that expensive landfill watch.......

  4. Joe 48

    In the News today

    We have no news. They don't even invite you so why bother wasting screen space on a story.

  5. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Pint

    Don't worry, it is Friday (TGIF...)

    Apple doesn't do PR in El Reg's direction, on the basis of ancient grudges about our predilection for colourful language and not being gushy about everything it does.

    Is it any wonder given the style of headlines that appear hear when there is a story even remotely connected to 'crapple'?

    Perhaps the headline writers are auditioning for a job on the Daily Star?

    Anyway, have one (not on me coz I ain't been paid yet) and perhaps you can try even harder next week? You guys will probably go all apoplectic when the A-Watch is released. It will make interesting reading (no not about the watch) for those headlines alone.

    1. dogged

      Re: Don't worry, it is Friday (TGIF...)

      > Is it any wonder given the style of headlines that appear hear when there is a story even remotely connected to 'crapple'?

      That's become more extreme over the years, largely as a result of Apple snubbing the Reg at all available opportunities if I'm any judge.

      They used to be a bit snide about Apple, then there was the combination of "jagWAH" and refusing to kiss Steve Jobs' ringpiece in every article and the resulting blacklisting. Since then, I guess the Reg's editors figure "why not? What harm can it do? And we already know that Steve Davies 3 will do the requisite ass-kissing in the comments anyway...."

  6. Mr C

    el-reg is invited to my nerdgasm event

    * Apple doesn't do PR in El Reg's direction, on the basis of ancient grudges about our predilection for colourful language and not being gushy about everything it does.

    Once i get Apple-status (planning it right now), i will reserve a front-line seat for El-Reg to all my nerdgasm events!! Word!!

    1. Vector

      Re: el-reg is invited to my nerdgasm event

      As a dyed in the wool nerd/geek for over 40 years, I'd like to register my displeasure at the use of the term "nerdgasm" in connection with anything coming from the Fruity firm!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wow! A new iThing!? Its almost as exciting as a Jeffrey Archer book launch.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
  8. returnmyjedi

    I'll wager five chocolate doubloons that they'll be no mention of Watches, maxi iPads or new iMacs, but instead his most convoluted Cookness will in fact relaunch the Pippin.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      >Cookness will in fact relaunch the Pippin.

      i.e Let 3rd-party devs create 'casual' games for the Apple TV.

  9. Captain Queeg

    ...Fall back?

    Is it just me that's amused that only half the aide memoir was used in the event name? :-)

    1. Michael Thibault

      Re: ...Fall back?

      ~= swoon?

    2. Hellcat

      Re: ...Fall back?

      That will be the air/pro/retina/mini version available from September.

      Delete as applicable.

      1. Benchops

        Re: ...Fall back?

        Maybe Madonna is providing the entertainment?

  10. 080

    Oooo

    "* Apple doesn't do PR in El Reg's direction, on the basis of ancient grudges about our predilection for colourful language and not being gushy about everything it does.

    Oooo..... You say the nicest things, don't let me down and I'll read you forever.

  11. Message From A Self-Destructing Turnip
    Coat

    nerdgasm!

    Damn it! Just sprayed 'apple sauce' all over my turtleneck.

    1. Lysenko

      Re: nerdgasm!

      Slanderous mischaracterisation. The Raspberry Pi2 or possibly a shiny new Cyanogen might be cause for a "nerdgasm", but a new iToy? Clearly a "Hipstergasm" moment.

  12. jake Silver badge

    Oh, goody. I'm on tenterhooks.

    Cupertino is adding yet another product-line that I'll refuse to bother supporting because the users of said product absolutely refuse to even try to understand how it works.

    1. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge

      Re: Oh, goody. I'm on tenterhooks.

      Almost certainly fewer than the number who fail to understand nuclear power? Are you going to boycott your electricity - or hey, this is an idea, put in a filter?

      1. DougS Silver badge

        Re: Oh, goody. I'm on tenterhooks.

        What a stupid comment. If the world required everyone to understand how something worked we'd be permanently stuck somewhere between the wheel and crop irrigation. Do you understand how a field effect transistor, giant magnetoresistance and LEDs work - without referring to any books or online sources, and well enough that if they didn't exist you could describe them to engineers who could build them? If not, STFU with your patronizing comments.

        Some people don't care to understand how a product works, they just want it to do what what they ask of it. I don't recall getting a degree in mechanical engineering in driver's ed before I received my license...

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Oh, goody. I'm on tenterhooks.

          "Do you understand how a field effect transistor, giant magnetoresistance and LEDs work - without referring to any books or online sources, and well enough that if they didn't exist you could describe them to engineers who could build them?"

          Yes. Ta for asking.

          "Some people don't care to understand how a product works, they just want it to do what what they ask of it."

          You don't see a problem with people using powerful tools without understanding how they work? The mind boggles.

          "I don't recall getting a degree in mechanical engineering in driver's ed before I received my license..."

          Quite frankly, if you don't understand F=MA at a fundamental level, and how it applies to driving, I'd really rather you weren't licensed to share my roads ...

          1. DougS Silver badge

            Re: Oh, goody. I'm on tenterhooks.

            So a smartphone is a powerful tool that one must understand how it works before people should be allowed to use it? You're just completely full of shit to a degree I've never encountered on the Reg before, I guess.

            1. jake Silver badge

              @DougS (was:Re: Oh, goody. I'm on tenterhooks.)

              You've obviously never worked front-line tech support.

              Consider the lines out the door at the average Apple store on weekends ... nearly every person queueing[0] up is there because they don't know how to do something obvious. A little education would go a long way for most people. IMO, of course.

              [0] "queue": Stored problems to be processed later.

  13. TonyJ Silver badge

    Assuming it's about the watch

    This has passed me by. Whilst I can almost understand the usefulness of things like alerts you can glance at if your phone is in your pocket I absolutely don't get why anyone would buy a watch you have to recharge every xx days.

    It's bad enough having to recharge my damn phone every day.

    Each to their own but for me, personally, meh!

    Jake...how many people who already wear a digital watch understand how they work? For that matter, how many actually understand how an analogue one does?

    1. Mike Bell

      Re: Assuming it's about the watch

      I doubt I'd buy one either, but I don't think I could complain about nightly charging. Most people don't take their watch to bed with them. Yes, I said most, before fingers start twitching.

      1. dogged

        Re: Assuming it's about the watch

        One thing the Apple Watch is touted as doing is analysing your sleep patterns.

        That might be tough from the charger on your bedside table.

        1. TheTor
          Facepalm

          Re: Assuming it's about the watch

          Then when are you supposed to charge the bloody thing?

  14. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge
    Happy

    To be fair

    "Apple's hype machine has creaked into life again"

    It never creaks into life - and possibly this sentence explains why they don't ask you?

  15. hplasm Silver badge
    Devil

    "...price of gold through the roof..."

    Perhaps it will be announcing a new Blue/Black colour scheme to complement the existing Gold/White one.

    Appletards will of course, buy both...

  16. Wattsy

    I only clicked on the story to read the comments, As usual the comment section is much more interesting than the main event. Good show you lot.

  17. The Quiet One

    Dat pic tho......

    How hilarious that your picture for this story is so massive, and yet you can't even scale it so all the text is visible..

    Also, slow news day much?

  18. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    A companion product

    I think they all need this so: the latest in wearable technology - Wankband!

  19. jai

    beuatiful???

    Of course, it might be that Apple snub El Reg because no one on El Reg is capable of proof-reading their copy before hitting the publish button.

    And even then, none of the editors can be bothered to read the story after it's published and correct any mistakes either!

    Y'know, there's new PR people at Apple now. I'm sure if you tried you'd be able to ingratiate yourselves with them and get Rik (is he still around?) an invite to an event.

  20. Mr.Mischief

    It has accelerometers and gyroscopes...

    .. to better understand when the user is having a wankathon. It then disables itself since thats not allowed in the iOS garden.

  21. Salts

    Could be the...

    ... Pebble has them worried it has just screamed past 11 million USD, by announcing the iWatch they could take the wind from the sails of pebble, nah apple are just too nice to do that, aren't they?

    1. DougS Silver badge

      Re: Could be the...

      They previously said they'd bring Watch to market around this time. Do you really think they are timing announcements specifically because of Pebble? Or that they should politely set aside their own plans and wait for Pebble to come through with whatever they are kickstarting, and if Samsung announces something while they're waiting I guess they should stand aside for them as well? I guess you automatically discount the idea that Pebble started the whole kickstarter thing when they did knowing that Apple was going to announce their watch at any time?

      If Apple announces something that causes people who were interested in Pebble to drop their plans to buy Pebble, too bad for Pebble. If Apple announces something that causes people who were interested in Apple to drop their plans to buy Apple and switch to Pebble, too bad for Apple. Welcome to the world of business (something you obviously have zero experience in)

  22. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Please stop destroying nice names

    Yosemite and Mavericks used to have good connotations.

  23. menotu

    Damn... the addicted users will start lining up now.. and the bleating is driving us crazy /s

  24. Charlie van Becelaere
    WTF?

    Apparently it has nothing to do with watches

    This fellow seems to think it's something biological instead:

    http://iheardacouplethings.blogspot.com/2015/02/apples-surprise-announcement.html

    Of course, this site seems to think there are ways to make people transparent, so one has to wonder.

  25. Breen Whitman

    Maybe they'll release something that appeals to the heterosexual working male.

    Don't get me wrong, I have gay friends, but Apple might find success to the non homosexual market.

    1. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge
      FAIL

      And how should we get you right?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Go on, you're just not trying hard enough, take it like a man and maybe you'll grow to love it

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Squeeeeeeeeeee

    It's a hoverboard, it has to be a hoverboard surely? It's 2015 and it's time is now, the iHoverboard surely?

  27. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    I think I know what it'll be.

    It'll be official Apple money, the iDollar, which you'll be able to exchange for Apple products just like other dollars, only much, much better in a way which no-one can quite define and which will need a different shape of wallet for charging.

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