back to article Twin Adam Sandlers shake El Reg's movie unwatchablathon team

We recently and somewhat recklessly announced that we'd be eyeballing Gigli, Pearl Harbor and Battlefield Earth back-to-back, in an epic "unwatchablathon" designed to determine just how much cinematic drivel the human mind can handle in one sitting. Our beloved readers are to blame for prompting this audacious experiment, …

  1. A. Coatsworth
    Flame

    "Effect" or "affect"?

    Other than that, I'd recommend Absinthe, and lots of it, to try and wash out the horror you're about to face.

    May the Green faerie protect your sanity this weekend!

  2. BryceP

    RLM

    No discussion of Adam Sandler and his particular brand of Hollywood machine is complete without linking to one of the greatest critical analyses of the man, his empire, and his films.

    http://redlettermedia.com/half-in-the-bag/jack-and-jill/

    Would the guys who made the Plinkett Star Wars reviews steer you wrong?

    1. Anonymous Coward
  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    anything with him in it is very MISSABLE

    Some people actually think he's funny?

    Not a patch on the masters that were Peter Sellers, Peter Cook, Dudley Moore and Spike.

  4. Def Silver badge

    ...we refer you to its clean sweep of the 32nd Razzies, where Sandler deservedly picked up both Worst Actor and Worst Actress awards, and the "twaddle-fest" was furthered honoured with Worst Picture, Worst Supporting Actor (Al Pacino), Worst Supporting Actress (David Spade as "Monica"), Worst Screen Ensemble (The Entire Cast of Jack and Jill), Worst Director (Dennis Dugan), Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel (for its debt to Glen or Glenda), Worst Screen Couple (Adam Sandler and EITHER Katie Holmes, Al Pacino OR Adam Sandler) and Worst Screenplay (Steve Koren and Adam Sandler)

    I have to say, I'm kinda intrigued. It's a bit like looking a bit too hard at a road accident - you know you shouldn't, but you just can't help yourself.

  5. Bob Wheeler
    Pint

    Look doctor, it’s not that I’m an alcoholic, honest, I just keep watching this film called Jack & Jill…..

    1. BongoJoe

      Two bottles in sixteen hours wouldn't make you an alcoholic, surely?

      1. mark adrian bell
        Pint

        It's not the quantity that's important, it's whether you can stop, both that day and in following days.

        1. Alan Ferris
          Coat

          BUT ...

          It's only binge drinking if you stop

      2. launcap Silver badge
        Mushroom

        >Two bottles in sixteen hours wouldn't make you an alcoholic

        Depends on the size of the bottles.. (clutches Melchizedek of Mrs' Miggins Finest EyeBlinder)

  6. Tempest8008

    NO DRUGS!

    Nonononono.

    There can be no mitigation of the unwatchableness.

    No drugs, no alcohol DURING the screenings.

    Afterwards, sure.

    I only say this because enough alcohol can make even severe limb trauma amusing. You must be wide awake, cogent, and coherent if this is to be a true test.

    And may God have mercy on your souls...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: NO DRUGS!

      bad trip #adamsandler #2015

      1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: NO DRUGS!

        So at what point do we need to invent an el Reg standard unit (or scale) of masochism for all this?

        1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

          Re: NO DRUGS!

          "So at what point do we need to invent an el Reg standard unit (or scale) of masochism for all this?"

          It would have to be called the Sandler.

  7. Donkey Molestor X

    in defense of Jack and Jill:

    1. it has a clever blink-and-you'll-miss-it dig at Tom Cruise

    Notice when Katie Holmes denies that she changed her religion when she married Jack how defensive she is? That HAS to be a dig at her ex-husband Cruise and the CoS.

    2. the special effect of the cockatoo bathing in the chocolate fountain lead to awards for the VFX company involved and a hilarious tumblr meme.

    Google "listen here cumslut" and all will be revealed.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge
      Stop

      in defense of Jack and Jill

      Stop right there! There can be no defence of the indefensible! It was obvious from the trailer that the film would be utter garbage. Mind you I can't remember finding anything with Adam Sandler in it good.

      As you can remember trivia about this film I suggest you seek professional help!

      1. Donkey Molestor X

        your heart is in the right place but I don't think the professionals HAVE medicine to fix what's wrong with me

        :)

      2. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
        Childcatcher

        in defense of Jack and Jill

        Mind you I can't remember finding anything with Adam Sandler in it good.

        Wait! There was... no, it was... hold on... ahhhh... No, you are right. Rotten Tomatoes has 7 of his movies rated above 50%, one less than the total that achieved single digits and including three that managed to score an incredible 0%. The only way he could get worse would be to star in a sequel to the Lost in Space movie.

      3. Monkeyman

        The worst thing about Adam Sandler is that he can actually really act! Watch Punch Drunk Love, cracking film, brilliant performance.

        Somebody just needs to sit him down and break the news to him that he just isn't funny. At all.

    2. dogged
      Stop

      > Google "listen here cumslut" and all will be revealed.

      Uh..... no, I'm at work.

      God, I dread to think about the "suggested images" on that one.

      1. Donkey Molestor X

        Re: dogged, Uh..... no, I'm at work....

        > Uh..... no, I'm at work.

        > God, I dread to think about the "suggested images" on that one.

        Understandable. If its any consolation, the images related aren't controversial. It mostly leads to search results with lots of copypastas and thread drama where someone inexplicably seems to be getting tumblr-sanctimonious about the suffering of a virtual (???) animal?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        RE: Uh..... no, I'm at work.

        In Redmond Wa. perhaps? ;-)

        1. dogged

          Re: RE: Uh..... no, I'm at work.

          > In Redmond Wa. perhaps? ;-)

          In Yate, north of Bristol, United Kingdom. I work for a very small precision engineering company and I think you just called me an MS shill, which I am not.

          So how are things in the Chocolate Factory, anonymous coward?

    3. Tom 7 Silver badge

      When the only redeeming point is having a go at tom cruise

      sorry lost the will to ty

  8. Donkey Molestor X

    about this "unwatchablathon" thing... (by the way my compliments on that portmanteau 'unwatchablathon' (it's a veritable 'hapax legomenon' for El Reg as per Google!)) has anyone here watched The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle starring Robert DeNiro (?????) yet? May I suggest it as fodder for any future unwatchablathons?

    1. disgruntled yank Silver badge

      Yes, I have

      In my defense, I was talking several middle school boys to what looked like an innocuous movie. It was in fact pretty bad. But I would say that it lacks the touch of self-importance that distinguishes the really awful from the just plain bad.

      1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

        Re: Yes, I have

        Or if you want to go Superhero, try Spawn, possibly paired with Daredevil (although the latter is arguably tolerable, and does have Jennifer Garner in it as a redeeming feature so maybe shouldn't be included in this company).

      2. nichomach
        Mushroom

        Re: Yes, I have

        Nativity 3 - Dude Where's My Donkey. A film designed to immolate the Christmas Spirit and urinate on the charred and defiled corpse. Honestly, probably the second worst movie I've ever seen. Not even "so bad it's enjoyable", just excruciatingly, painfully, woefully ill-judged. Kill with fire.

  9. Dan 55 Silver badge

    Watching it in Spanish

    So, did that improve it or make it worse?

    Or did you insist on o.v. so you could appreciate Adam's acting abilities to the fullest without worrying about if you were losing the subtle nuance that he brings to his role in translation.

    There was no wine in the house. I fired up Kodi.

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Watching it in Spanish

      Digital telly, so we watched it in the full splendor of the English original. Probably should have set it to Spanish, tbh.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Seth Mcfarland?

    Didn't this idea start out as a piss take on Family Guy or American Dad?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ultimate urban room clearance

    Put on Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2

    If the room isn't cleared out within 10-15mins, tell people you've realised the mistake and they just won't get it unless they watch Baby Geniuses first. It's sooo cute!

    I'm working on whether keeping my Rotten Tomatoes 0% movies together or not. Sometimes just reaching for that section makes people leave.

  12. John Tserkezis

    My brother in law is a rabid Adam Sandler fan.

    Aside from that, I manged to track it down some time after release and we sat down to watch it.

    Remember when I said "rabid"? If Adam Sandler is on, he'll shout anyone down for making noise during the movie. However, after the "film", he didn't say so, but you could see it in his eyes. His brain died a little bit.

    It's that bad. Do not be tempted to watch this citing "anything this bad has to be funny", it isn't, you're not watching a 50's SciFi that was once thrown out, watching this will cause brain damage.

  13. Captain DaFt

    Wait, What!?

    After suffering through Sandler, you're Still going through with the unwatchablathon?

    There's brave, but this's suicidally foolish!

    Oh well, if an ordinary joe can become the Flaming Carrot after reading 5000 random comics in a sitting, maybe you'll become "Not the heroes the world wants or needs, but the ones it gets" after this fiasco.

    1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: Wait, What!?

      Ah, Flaming Carrot. "Hand-to-hand combat with a foot!"

      Alas, you've reminded me of the tragically wrong Mystery Men film, but have an upvote anyway.

  14. Jan 0
    Coat

    Pearl Harbor

    If it's unwatchable, would that have allowed Mitsubishi Group* to sponsor it without anybody clocking the product placement?

    *Warning: May contain MHI (the manufacturer of a very capable long range fighter 'plane).

  15. Jiminy

    If you want a really unwatchable film with Ben Afflek in it swap out Pearl Harbour for To The Wonder http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1595656/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_9

  16. crediblywitless

    Consider also 'The Master Of Disguise' and 'Ishtar'. Recently unwatchable: Interstellar.

  17. fredds

    Then there is that classic example of Oz film adored by all the cognoscenti, "Picnic at Hanging Rock"

    That tripe is so boring, I have never managed to get past the first 20 minutes.

    Other time wasters are Caligula, The Postman always rings twice, and that rubbish where Julie Andrews gets naked.

  18. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

    Apex, Jump Cut, Quantum Apocalypse, Robotropolis, TNT Jackson

    And you think you have suffered???

  19. skillz

    Sounds like a similar concept to the Worst Idea Of All Time podcast:

    http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/matt-heath-drive-show/the-worst-idea-of-all-time

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