back to article Is it humanly possible to watch Gigli and Battlefield Earth back-to-back?

Our piece earlier this week on a study which proved The Wizard of Oz is the "most significant" movie ever – by dint of being the flick most referenced in subsequent works – provoked some interesting comments from our ever-lively readers. It goes without saying that a lot of your output centred on the researchers' possibly …

  1. Dramoth

    I reckon that I have something...

    that beats all three of those movies in the unwatchable stakes. A movie so bad that Stephan King successfully sued to have his name removed from the original title.

    The Lawnmower Man... enough said

    1. Lionel Baden

      Re: I reckon that I have something...

      Hey !!!

      I really enjoyed that film as a kid ... I was probably a bit young to be watching it but, HEY !!! all the same

      1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

        Re: I reckon that I have something...

        I reckon you do have something, Lionel.

        Perhaps you could get a soothing unguent from an apothecary....

    2. dogged

      Re: I reckon that I have something...

      Oh, I can beat that.

      Bean: The Ultimate Disaster Movie

      1. DragonLord

        Re: I reckon that I have something...

        How about Hercules in new york starring Arnold Schwarzenegger

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          Re: I reckon that I have something...

          Hercules in New York is a very watchable film. It's laughable, yes, the acting is terrible, and the background traffic noise on Mount Olympus destroys any sense of realism. However, it does have a plot, and is actually enjoyable despite being a terrible film.

      2. asdf Silver badge

        Re: I reckon that I have something...

        I guess one edge to some of the European readers is they probably have never heard of Larry the Cable Guy (voice of Mater in movie Cars) and his total garbage movies (think the Ernest movies but mean spirited and with a lot more toilet humor). I can't imagine anyone would waste time dubbing those pieces of shit into any other language.

    3. Amorous Cowherder
      WTF?

      Re: I reckon that I have something...

      You've obviously never watched JET ( also known as Ground Control ) starring Keither Sutherland!

      OH GOD IT'S BLOODY AWFUL! The set must have cost about £5 to build/rent out of hours. Sutherland seems to have taken his inspiration from Ted Striker in Airplane! It's shot at night for the external shots which consist of our hero having flashbacks and chain smoking while standing in a stairwell! The interior set must have been about 10 foot square max. The worst bit is the fact that when the plane safely lands it's daylight AND the shots were taken from another movie! Train wreck? It's a full on train-carrying-nuclear-warhead-hitting-a-city wreck!

      1. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge
        Boffin

        Re: I reckon that I have something...

        JET? it can't be as bad as Dark City.

        Can it?

        Noooooo!

        1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
          Devil

          Re: I reckon that I have something...

          Dark City? Not sure you understood the question...

          However, one movie I gave up on within 30 minutes was Avatar. Star Wars gets a pass from most people despite its awful dialogue, but all the special effects in the world couldn't save Avatar's.

          1. stuartnz

            Re: I reckon that I have something...

            I heartily endorse your view, of the film, but one good thing did come out of Avatar: One of my favourite movie reviews ever

            http://io9.com/5576076/m-night-shyamalan-finally-made-a-comedy

            1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
              Pint

              Re: I reckon that I have something...

              Hah, brilliant.

              (Although I was referring to the movie called simply "Avatar")

        2. JW 1

          Re: I reckon that I have something...

          Seriously, Dark City? That is actually a masterpiece so probably too deep for you. Ebert would get many film professionals and review it frame by frame for the extraordinary elements in it. Read his reviews and enlighten yourself.

          1. dan1980

            Re: I reckon that I have something...

            Dark City?

            Whatever you think of the plot, the design, the morality or anything else, it has Jennifer Connelly in it. And no movie with Jennifer Connelly in it can be justly called unwatchable

            Not even Inkheart or Noah* and especially not pre-2000 Jennifer Connelly, when she still qualified as 'voluptuous'. Winter's Tale has received particularly poor reviews but, with not only Jennifer Connelly but Jessica Brown Findlay in it, I can't imagine it even approaches unwatchable, however bad it is.

            Wash your mouth out, sir. (Or perhaps your eyes.)

            * - I still have next to no idea what was going on there.

      2. AlanS

        Re: I reckon that I have something...

        I like "Jet" and have watched it several times (Kelly McGillis doesn't hurt). I've never watched it stone cold sober, though, and the DVD came free with the player.

    4. This post has been deleted by its author

    5. asdf Silver badge

      Monster A Go-Go and Manos: The Hands of Fate back to back

      Don't try this at home, EVER! Even the robots from MST 3000 cried in agony watching.

    6. cray74

      Re: I reckon that I have something...

      "The Lawnmower Man... enough said"

      Lawnmower Man (theatrical release) wasn't bad for the era and I enjoyed it, although I was quite into cyberpunk at the time and hence biased. I even liked little touches like having Lawnmower man's wife walk out on him, never to return. Movies just don't leave loose ends like that. I thought it was bold for a mainstream movie.

      Then I got a chance to watch the director's cut and found that that the pieces cut out of the theatrical release really helped the movie. In the director's cut, the wife returned to be mind-controlled into a mindless, cornball zombie that hurt the movie. A lot of the extra bits did not help at all. If you saw the unabridged director's cut, I'm sorry, you're seeing the worse movie.

      I walked out Lawnmower Man II. It's one of two movies I've walked out of. Battlefield Earth would've been a third, but I was paralyzed like a deer in headlights by its horribleness. The only other movie that's been so painful to watch (for me) was Dragon Wars.

    7. The Packrat

      Re: I reckon that I have something...

      Nukie - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107715/

      Oh God, the flashbacks are starting up again...

  2. Sokolik
    Thumb Up

    Hmmmm...

    ...once again, wondering if such superlatives and lists are generated merely to attract attention and generate flame wars so as to pile-up the advert revenue.

    Oh well. Doesn't matter. I still want to put in my $20.00 (that's $.02 adjusted for inflation since my birth) worth. I'm as opinionated and mouthy as the next guy.

    In defense-- however slight-- of "Pearl Harbor": for a military-history and aircraft buff, it may be worth the price of admission just for the five or ten minutes of FX of the B-25's marshalling aboard and then launching from "Hornet" for the Doolittle Raid. Sure had me convinced. Of course, to connect anybody in England or at Pearl with the Doolittle Raid is just plain silly. But that's what movies are for.

    ElReg ed's: completely agree with your judgements. Dramoth: completely agree with your judgement.

    However, I can't be the only one also thinking of "Ishtar", "Water World", "Howard the Duck", and "Heaven's Gate".

    Let the flame wars begin...

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Hmmmm...

      I didn't think Waterworld was that terrible. It was slow, and could have done with some jokes, and fun goodies, but it had a few bonkers action sequences and cheerfully nasty baddies. And as a bit of lazy TV, where you can visit the kettle during the boring bits, it's better than quite a lot of other stuff I've seen. Of course I didn't pay to see it at the cinema...

      I assume there are good action sequences in Pearl Harbour, but it seems to go on for ever, and whenever I've come across it on TV, it's been in some interminable bar scene, or just dull conversation - so I've never managed to stick around long enough to see if there are any good bits. Or even interesting characters.

      I've never seen Gigli and only vaguely remember switching Battlefield Earth off after a couple of minutes - so can't comment. Although my memories of the Phantom Menace are pretty dire - and whatever the 3rd one was called when Haden Christensen's total inability to act and George Lucas' appalling ear for dialogue combined into a bumb-numbing crescendo of awfulness.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Hmmmm...

        take a downvote for attempting to defend 'waterworld'!

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Happy

          Re: Hmmmm...

          OK. Downvote accepted.

          It was surely better than Robin Hood Prince of Thieves though - apart from anything due to not having that bloody song. Another awful film only slightly redeemed by the baddie.

          1. Tim Jenkins

            Re: Hmmmm...

            Ah, yes, Prince of Thieves. Where the opening montage has them landing under the White Cliffs of Dover, announcing that they will be in Nottingham by nightfall (170 miles), and then travelling there via a slight detour of 120 miles further north to Hadrian's Wall. Outstanding!

            (but totally redeemed by Alan Rickman, of course. There must be a 'Costner-free' edit around somewhere...)

            1. moiety

              Re: Hmmmm...

              "You, my room. You, my room in 10 minutes. Bring a friend"

              ----------

              "Cut his heart out, with a spoon".

              "Why a spoon?"

              "Because it'll hurt more you idiot"

            2. Tim Jenkins

              Re: Hmmmm...

              "...landing under the White Cliffs of Dover*..."

              *actually filmed at the Seven Sisters cliffs in Sussex, which Wikipedia notes a being "a stand-in for the more famous White Cliffs of Dover, since they are relatively free of anachronistic modern development and are also allowed to erode naturally". The film makers probably wanted to imply that they were part of the well-known Nottinghamshire coastline...

              1. BongoJoe

                Re: Hmmmm...

                Upvote for the "well known Nottinghamshire coastline".

    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: Hmmmm...

      I'm quite fond of Howard the Duck, which has a good cast and a number of funny lines.

      Water World I just thought was terribly boring. It had all the stupid of, say, Tank Girl but none of the cheesy joy. Costner is convinced he's god's gift to cinema (just read an interview where he blathers on about his latest Great White Father flick and confirms the diagnosis), and can't lighten up enough to play "web-footed messiah" as any way other than completely straight.

      I've never seen more than bits and pieces of the other two.

  3. Mark 85 Silver badge

    Two on the list are the worst.. one, maybe not.

    This list: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_considered_the_worst doesn't include "Pearl Harbor" for some reason so that might <rolls eyes> be the saving grace of the whole experiment. Or not...

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: Two on the list are the worst.. one, maybe not.

      Phew... I watched only one film on that list but I've seen some real shit, where in comparison Highlander 2* could be considered "good". Now I can only guess how bad the rest of those worst must be...

      *Renegade Version

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Two on the list are the worst.. one, maybe not.

        Dear Evil Auditor

        If you are going to include less savoury titles in the worst movies ever, the selection process will become much harder....

        Fnarr Fnarr.

    2. James O'Shea Silver badge

      Re: Two on the list are the worst.. one, maybe not.

      Feh. Neither Barbarella nor Galexina were on the 'worst' list, which shows that it couldn't possibly be a list of the real worst films ever.

      1. itzman

        Re: Two on the list are the worst.. one, maybe not.

        Barbarella was so bad it was genius. Imagine two teenage kids rolling around the floor laughing the whole way through...

        I believe Plan 9 from outer space is generally reckoned to be the worst scifi of all time.

        1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

          Re: Two on the list are the worst.. one, maybe not.

          I believe Plan 9 from outer space is generally reckoned to be the worst scifi of all time.

          If we include the excremental Uwe Boll disaster Alone in the Dark, then Plan 9 is far from the worst. But Alone is really horror / fantasy, not SF. I don't know if Boll has ever made a film that could comfortably labeled SF.

          I'm sure I've seen SF films on MST3K that are comfortably worse than Plan 9 by pretty much any measure. Certainly less entertaining.

          If we include made-for-TV movies shown on the SyFy cable channel, then Plan 9 is closer to Oscar territory than "worst ever".

          1. The Packrat

            Re: Two on the list are the worst.. one, maybe not.

            Has Boll actually made anything that qualifies as a movie?

  4. Voland's right hand Silver badge

    What?

    No Highlander 2 and 3?

    <Meldrew Mode>

    I can't believe it

    </Meldrew Mode>

    1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

      Re: What?

      Well obviously not, Voland... there can only be one!

    2. Kevin Fairhurst
      Headmaster

      Re: What?

      Pedant mode... Meldrew's catchphrase was "I DON'T believe it"

    3. auburnman

      Re: Victor Meldrew

      As a completely off topic aside, I liked my first mobile phone number because it ended in 4291 and was thus much easier to memorise.

    4. It'sa Mea... Mario

      Re: What?

      'No Highlander 2 and 3?'

      Thought 3 was okay if you ignore the fact that 2 exists however it has been years since I watched it.

      IIRC 2 seemed to be a victim of the 'global warming' media circus that predated the 'climate change' media circus.

    5. Greg J Preece

      Re: What?

      Don't forget Highlander 4 and 5. Yes, I am 100% serious. In fact, Highlander: The Source is far far worse in sheer concept alone than Highlander 2.

      1. JEDIDIAH

        Re: What?

        Oh god. They managed to take a better executed cast of characters (from the TV show) and managed to trash the thing beyond all recognition. It (The Source) was like some horrible fan fiction brought to life.

        1. Greg J Preece

          Re: What?

          That fucking super-speed attack thing at the end where he literally makes the villain spin around so fast he drills into the ground like a fucking Looney Tunes cartoon... When the guy started singing "Who Wants to Live Forever" I wanted to reach through the screen and get me some quickening.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hope that the damage is not permanent

    Note that there are potentially serious health and safety issues with such combinations. Like mixing wine and vodka in the same night. Your taste may not recover. Ever.

    1. tony2heads

      Re: Hope that the damage is not permanent

      I think that you would lose the will to live

  6. Sokolik
    Alert

    I resemble(d) that remark.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Meh

    Dumb lists

    I like Battlefield Earth, so there.

    And anyway, why isn't Last Tango in Paris in the 'Most Dreadful' list?

    1. BongoJoe

      Re: Dumb lists

      Because it is 'art' and the inclusion of Brando made it a 'great film' according to the beardies at the Grauniad or someplace.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Dumb lists

        Methinks you're right.

        I'm not too picky when it comes to films - if I enjoy a film I don't care what others think of it. But Last Tango - that is one film I regret seeing.

      2. Tim Jenkins

        Re: Dumb lists

        Brando and that butter. The horror, the horror....

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mine...

    ..Sugar Hill.

    The only film I've ever walked out of and asked for my money back.

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Mine...

      Robocop 2

      1. Ian 55

        Re: Mine...

        With a bit of editing, Robocop 2 isn't bad. Not as good as the original, obviously, but better than the remake.

    2. Fungus Bob Silver badge

      Re: Mine...

      Space Mutiny

      Spies a go-go

      Prehistoric Women

      Laser Mission

      The Jane Austen Book Club

      Starship Troopers 2

      Super Infra Man

      1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
      2. James O'Shea Silver badge

        Re: Mine...

        There was a Starship Troopers 2? Jesus Christ. And I thought that Starship Stormtroopers was bad enough, they made a _sequel_? <checks IMDB> No, they made _three_ sequels, and there's another one due this year. Bloody hell.

        1. Vic

          Re: Mine...

          And I thought that Starship Stormtroopers was bad enough

          Starship Troopers was an excellent movie. It just wasn't the moviue most people seem to think it was.

          If you saw ST as an action romp, with the good guys shooting up the evil aliens - you missed the whole point of the movie. It is a satire. It is a reflection on a society entirely beholden to its military, unable to see the evil it is perpetrating.

          The sequels, howver, were total unadulterated crap. Despite having Jolene Blalock in one of them.

          Vic.

  9. Busby

    Charlies Angels 2, was forced to sit through it once have managed to block most of it from my memory but can recall how I felt after seeing it so that's enough for it to be high on my list. Have never actually watched any of the 3 mentioned in the article though and consider that a good thing.

    1. h4rm0ny

      Charlie's Angels 2 is a hugely fun movie. I think perhaps you were expecting a serious action movie or just don't like anything that toys too much with realism. I adore that film.

  10. AndrueC Silver badge
    Meh

    I didn't think BE was all that bad. I think it's just one of those films that for some reason people took too seriously. I've read the book and I thought it was a pretty good adaptation. BE never was high science fiction. It's a ludicrously long comic book without any pictures. I am glad that they didn't bother with the sequel though. The second half of the book is a test of endurance with little to nothing to show for it when you do struggle through.

    1. phuzz Silver badge
      Flame

      "I think it's just one of those films that for some reason people took too seriously."

      Making an entire religion* based on it** is definitely taking it too seriously.

      * scientology

      ** well, the book, sort of

    2. JEDIDIAH

      Don't take it seriously.

      Battlefield Earth was ridiculous propaganda for Hubbards litle cult. They toned this down for the movie. Although I think it would have made it even more of a hoot.

      It's like accidental satire.

  11. Fortycoats
    Pint

    Frikkin' shark movies on SyFy

    This was a real endurance test. SyFy had a Shark-Movie day a few months ago, with "movies" like

    Ghost Shark

    2-Headed Shark Attack

    Sharknado

    Sharknado 2

    one after the other...... I survived. But only thanks to enough drink. Even the ad-breaks didn't provide any respite, with David Hasselhoff promoting Sharknado 2. AAARGH!!

    1. Neil Barnes Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: Frikkin' shark movies on SyFy

      My daughter-in-law recommended Sharknado to me.

      There's two hours of my life I'm never going to get back...

      1. micheal

        Re: Frikkin' sharks? my yardstick is Open Water

        2 hours of my life i'll never get back

        Pearl Harbour - Open water with ships

        Gravity - Open water in Space

        etc etc

      2. VinceH Silver badge

        Re: Frikkin' shark movies on SyFy

        Sharknado was funny.

        I particularly liked how there was a bus with the depth of the water not yet covering the wheels, it then cut to underwater shots of the shark the people in the bus were contending with - in deep water.

        I didn't see any frikin' lasers, though, so I don't think the film was a particularly accurate depiction. Are there lasers in the second one?

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          Re: Frikkin' shark movies on SyFy

          Didn't that have Robert Picardo in? His roles have gone progressively downhill, since he played 'johnnycab' in Total Recall...

        2. theblackhand

          Re: Frikkin' shark movies on SyFy

          I enjoyed Sharknado as well - it may have had something to do with drinking and doing shots every time something truly dire happened.

          Three of us finished a bottle in the last 10-15 minutes alone....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Frikkin' shark movies on SyFy

      1/2 OT, ref. syfy, we had a brief encounter (my dearest wife and I), it was kind of hard to focus on the content, when preceded by "Shitty entertainment" intro screen (this is how "syfy" translates into Polish, no less).

  12. Stumpy Pepys

    I always

    give low-budget trash and exploitation films a bit of leeway here; it's the terrible stuff done by people who should know better that I'm less forgiving of. And stuff like Creeping Terror and Plan Nine from Outer Space are good fun to watch.

    But yes, Battlefield Earth is jaw-droppingly bad. Special mentions also for Girl on a Motorcycle, The Room, Glen or Glenda (sorry Ed) and the Fat Slags movie.

    Films I need to check out—to see if they're as bad as people make out—include Rancid Aluminium, Sex Lives of the Potato Men and Norbit.

    1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

      Re: I always

      Everybody watched Girl on a Motorcycle to see (young) Marianne Faithfull fake an orgasm while riding up the motorway. There must have been something else in it, but that's all I remember.

      1. Evil Graham

        Re: I always

        Have an upvote for Girl on a Motorcycle. I was very young when I watched it but it stirred something in my loins for both girls and motorcycles.

    2. Lyndon Hills 1

      Re: I always

      Sex lives of the Potato Men, I'd forgotten that one. I'm still not sure of was meant to be funny (it wasn't) or it was just crap.

      1. Tim Jenkins

        Re: I always

        I always felt 'Sex Lives of the Potato Men' was deliberately misunderstood by the critics, largely due to Johnny Vegas taking the lead role. The same film starring Timothy Spall and with a Mike Leigh directors credit would have been hailed as a Palme d'Or candidate for being a "brave and gritty representation of underclass Britain", or some such tosh...

  13. Alister Silver badge

    Well if you want the definitive Affleck dross, I suggest adding Armageddon to the list, watching him try to emote at Liv Tyler whilst that bloody awful song is playing is sufficient to give anyone nausea...

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Armageddon does have some good bits

      The special effects

  14. MJI Silver badge

    Adam Sandler

    Is also in some real stinkers.

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge

      Re: Adam Sandler

      For me he's a seal of quality for stinkers. I'm not going to waste my time on another Sandler flick.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Adam Sandler

        All true re Adam Sandler... but Happy Gilmore? Come on, that was genuinely funny. Like M Night Shyamalan, he peaked early and went rapidly downhill.

    2. dogged

      Re: Adam Sandler

      I have a soft spot for "You Don't Mess With The Zohan" but only because I've spent time in Israel and it is savagely accurate in many respects.

  15. MJI Silver badge

    BE

    The book is bad and the film poor.

    Not even a second rate author, more like third or fourth.

    The film could have been a lot better, but at best was OK.

    1. AndrueC Silver badge
      Meh

      Re: BE

      The book is bad

      I haven't read it in a while (I bought it in my last year at school more or less when it was first published) but from what I remember the first hundred pages were okay. I mean it's not literary brilliance but it was interesting and fun which is more than most 'post human civilisation' novels are. For me it all started to go downhill shortly after Jonnie began planning the revolution and the after they nuke Psycho it goes downhill fast. Entire chapters devoted to reverse engineering then redesigning the teleporter. And as for all that financial crap when he manages to find a way to avoid the foreclosure on Earth. Yuk.

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: BE

        Is it bad that I know that should be 'Psychlo' ?

        I think it probably is.

      2. MJI Silver badge

        Re: BE

        Aghhhhhhhhh I forgot how dragged on it was!

  16. Mtech25
    Devil

    Two words

    Batman and Robin

    Enough said

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Two words

      I don't know, I liked the version with David Jason, Nicholas Lyndhurst and the 3 wheel yellow Batmobile

    2. fajensen Silver badge

      Re: Two words

      Nah - The hammy acting and not-so-special effects sucked so much that it was entertaining to watch, like the dear old friend falling off a roof ;-)

  17. WraithCadmus
    FAIL

    "So bad it's good"

    Do we get many truly awful movies these days? Studios are becoming more risk-averse so we're seeing more "so meh it's hmm" titles.

    I recall watching Stealth and thinking it was a turd, but I couldn't point to any one thing in particular that made it so wretched.

    1. dogged

      Re: "So bad it's good"

      Daredevil.

      I mentioned the Mr Bean movie above (it's the only movie I've ever walked out of at the cinema) but Daredevil is quite possibly the worst film I've ever seen. And I've seen it twice because some ABSOLUTE BASTARD convinced me that the director's cut was an improvement. I am no longer friends with that person.

      The reverse chronology, the fuckawful Affleck voiceover, the terrible, terrible direction and editing, the awful soundtrack... everything about that film is truly awful except for Oliver Platt and the late and much missed Michael Clarke Duncan.

      If there was ever a film where you longed for the villain to crush the hero's idiot skull, it's that one.

      1. Dave Walker 1

        Re: "So bad it's good"

        I agree - it's bad enough that i still resent the 2 hours wasted from my life, even though someone else paid (sister-in-law decided to 'treat' my wife and I )

    2. dogged

      Re: "So bad it's good"

      however - and in keeping more with your post title, in the "So Bad It's Good" category, I give you Knowing, a Nicholas Cage movie so "knowingly" - I see what they did there - terrible that it's hilarious.

      By the time we get to the alien Nazi Angels, I am crying with helpless laughter every time I watch it.

      1. nichomach

        Re: "So bad it's good"

        Knowing is truly dreadful - it's like someone took the start of a half-decent thriller and then tacked on the arse-end of a SyFy special (hence chez nichomach we refer to it as the cut-and-shut movie).

        1. Paul Westerman
          Thumb Up

          Re: "So bad it's good"

          The plane crash was pretty good though :)

    3. Magnus_Pym

      Re: "So bad it's good"

      "Do we get many truly awful movies these days? Studios are becoming more risk-averse so we're seeing more "so meh it's hmm" titles."

      I hear what you are saying but I'd counter with 'Hector and the Search for Happiness." And use a phrase that occurs so often in this thread that it probably needs an acronym. The only film I ever walked out of. TOFIEWOO.

      1. Alister Silver badge

        Re: "So bad it's good"

        TOFIEWOO has got to be worth an upvote, on its own.

      2. CowardlyLion

        Re: "So bad it's good"

        Thumbs up for TOFIEWOO - will be using that in a sentence first chance I get!

    4. VinceH Silver badge

      Re: "So bad it's good"

      "I recall watching Stealth and thinking it was a turd, but I couldn't point to any one thing in particular that made it so wretched."

      I paid to see that pile of turd at the cinema.

      IIRC, it seemed to me to have two distinct halves - like two pilot episodes of a TV series joined together to make it a feature length pilot. Two failed pilot episodes, that is, where the makers decided, nah, this will never run as a TV series - let's throw it at the cinemas and see if people are mug enough to pay to see it.

    5. LesC
      Coat

      Re: "So bad it's good"

      Dare I say "Roger Corman."

      So bad that sometimes they're excellent - the laser free "Sharktopus"

      Or Lloyd Kaufman's indie Troma effort "Surf Nazis Must Die"

      Mines is the one with "Roger Corman Presents" DVD in the pocket.

      1. Stumpy Pepys

        Corman

        No, I completely disagree. Corman never claimed he was making great art; he just made films to make money. It's a testament to his skill that he ended up making some pretty good films very quickly and on very small budgets; particularly the Poe adaptations.

        Films like Bucket of Blood are crying out to be remade. Even the obvious exploitation flicks like Slumber Party Massacre are well-made and tongue-in-cheek, even if they do deliver the requisite gore and tits'n'ass.

        Francis Ford Coppola, Ron Howard, Martin Scorsese and James Cameron all learned their trade under Roger Corman.

  18. auburnman

    I remember going to see the original 'Night at the museum' in the cinema. It was absolutely droll but I couldn't walk out as I needed to wait for a lift home. Halfway through I went to the bogs, on the way back I started checking the other screens to see if there was anything we could switch to. Unfortunately the only other thing on the go was some dire Jessica Simpson vehicle.

    1. dogged
    2. Alister Silver badge

      I think you mean "dross"

  19. Mystic Megabyte Silver badge
    Stop

    The pretentious load of old bollocks award

    Must surely go to Talking Head's "Stop making sense". It's the only film that i walked out of although I have been thrown out of other films.

    1. Paul Westerman
      FAIL

      Re: The pretentious load of old bollocks award

      It's a movie of a Talking Heads concert. If you were expecting a story or character development (or don't like Talking Heads) you went to the wrong place.

    2. AbelSoul
      Facepalm

      Re: Talking Head's "Stop making sense"

      Must be in the top ten of best concert movies ever made.

      It would indeed be curious for someone who likes the music of Talking Heads not to like the film.

      If this is the case please feel free to elaborate.

      OTOH, if you don't like the music of TH, then I suggest you made a right, old arse-bollox of picking a film that night.

      (I'd also suggest you need your ears looked at but that's by the by.)

  20. Spiracle

    The parental burden

    One of the duties of a parent is having to sit through 'must see' movies on a Saturday afternoon, the worst of which in my case being, by a considerable length of chalk, Pokémon: The Movie 2000. I would honestly rather undergo dentistry than have to sit through the final hour of that for a second time.

    G-Force wasn't much better but was mitigated by being presented in 3-d (so you could at least nod off behind the dark glasses without too many people noticing).

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: The parental burden

      My Mum complained about Empire Strikes Back / Return of the Jedi, that the screen was often too dark to read by, which is what she did when taking us to crap kids films. But then she decided it was dark enough that she could get some sleep instead.

      1. Spiracle

        Re: The parental burden

        she decided it was dark enough that she could get some sleep instead.

        My dad snored audibly throughout the final two-thirds of Star Wars in 1978. Twenty years later I found myself in a similar position for The Phantom Menace. I stayed awake, but it was a close run thing.

    2. Greg J Preece

      Re: The parental burden

      One of the duties of a parent is having to sit through 'must see' movies on a Saturday afternoon, the worst of which in my case being, by a considerable length of chalk, Pokémon: The Movie 2000. I would honestly rather undergo dentistry than have to sit through the final hour of that for a second time.

      Is that the one where the film spends five minutes (*actually* five minutes) talking about how "fightings is totally bad you guys", and then everyone's memories are erased because Nintendo realised that would completely nutfuck a series based entirely around fighting?

  21. TheFinn

    Imagine, turning up to the cinema to see Bill & Ted. Finding it sold out.

    And watching Curly Sue instead.

    1. It'sa Mea... Mario

      Bit more recent, but went to see 'Scott Pilgrim vs the world' to find it sold out - ended up watching first of 'The Expendables' :(

      Will not give the sequels the time of day.

      1. Greg J Preece

        Don't worry, you got the best part of that deal. Scott Pilgrim was awful.

  22. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Stop

    Does no one remember Heavens Gate ?

    ISTR it being a Bazza running gag in Film79, Film80, Film81 ....

    1. Ian 55

      Re: Does no one remember Heavens Gate ?

      Heavens Gate is actually rather good. Up until the ending, anyway.

  23. Kane Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Terrible films...

    As we're adding in to the mix, Red Lights. Diabolical waste of time. If you have an hour and a half to kill, may I recommend you take a nap instead?

    In the words of a much better Sigourney Weaver character, "Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure". Icon most definitely related>>>

  24. hammarbtyp Silver badge

    1 vote for Battleship. the film that is the very epitome of what is wrong in Hollywood

    (P.S to the commentator who voted for waterworld, that is suprisingly watchable, now the Postman is another story ....)

    1. VinceH Silver badge

      "(P.S to the commentator who voted for waterworld, that is suprisingly watchable, now the Postman is another story ....)"

      They're both alright, in my book. I've quite a softspot a bit of post apocalyptic nonsense.

      However, if you read the book, the film suddenly becomes a whole lot worse. The Postman is an excellent book.

      1. Tom 13

        @ VinceH

        Downvoting for claiming "The Postman is an excellent book." The short story that appeared in IASFM was excellent. Even he added the second chapter it was still pretty good. But when he turned it into a book, BLEH! Fonzie jumped the sharknado in the third chapter as I recall.

        1. VinceH Silver badge

          Re: @ VinceH

          Well, I've downvoted you for downvoting me for having an opinion. :p

    2. h4rm0ny

      >>"1 vote for Battleship. the film that is the very epitome of what is wrong in Hollywood"

      Battleship is surprisingly watchable satire. You realize that no-where in the film did the crashed alien vessel initiate hostilities and despite their clearly superior firepower they always hold back from pressing their advantage each time the humans are forced to back off? I'm not even convinced the alien ship was a military vessel. The entire point of the film is that the humans are the aggressors attacking a damaged alien ship whose sole aim in the movie is to "phone home". They trot out all the American Military Hero tropes and film it from the action heroes' points of view, whilst at the same time making it clear that the humans are needlessly provoking war.

      It's a brilliant indictment of the American military industrial complex and Hollywood war movies. I worry when I read posts like yours that people missed that and just took it as a straight action movie.

  25. Caff

    catwoman

    Catwoman was so bad that among a group of friends we use it to rate how terrrbile on a scale of 0.1 - 0.9 catwomans a movie is.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: catwoman

      There is Latex in it, that makes it gooder!

  26. T_o_u_f_ma_n
    FAIL

    Surely "Gigli" cannot be as bad as these ones ?

    There are just too many other contenders to name...

    "Lust. Caution" was a particular artsy fartsy waste of time despite all the awards it got.

    "The Mist" still stands as an over acted, poorly scripted, desperate Hollywood attempt at adapting a Stephen King's novel into a horror movie.

    I'm still owed about 2 hours of my life watching "Marley & Me" which (for reasons I can only explain by biology) seems to be ranked as a classic tearjerker by most women I know...

    Dog is born -> Dog acts silly -> Dog dies... What the f*** is there a need for a movie to tell that ?

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: Surely "Gigli" cannot be as bad as these ones ?

      You forgot all the Baby Movies and Santa Movies ever.

    2. HelpfulJohn

      Re: Surely "Gigli" cannot be as bad as these ones ?

      "Truly, Madly, Deeply, Whatever". The "British 'Ghost'".

      That one was roughly to "Ghost" what "Hex" was to "Buffy".

      I *liked* "Ghost", though the ghost and his medium were both dreadful actors who were exceedingly poorly directed. ""TMD" was just recycled arty yak-puke in a bun.

      "Hex" was, unbelievably, worse than "Battlefield Earth". It's not really a film but it does illustrate that when USAlien stuff is copied by UKlanders trying to cash in on the genre the result can be just as direl as when ideas go in the other direction.

  27. Thecowking

    Devil

    Possibly the worst of M. Night thingummy's works. It's a film about the devil using lifts to kill people. Why? Because he is the devil.

    When my friend now asks "What's the worst that could happen?" "Devil" is my response.

    It was worse than Highlander: Source, worse than the Robocop TV movies and even worse than Battlefield Earth or Gigli.

    It's even worse than Silent Hill. Or anything by Uwe Boll.

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Devil

      What happened to him, MNS made some really good films. Then they turned to crap.

      6th Sense was clever

      Unbreakable was his best I really like it

      Signs OK

      The Village clever but silly

      Lady in the Water rot set in a very average film

    2. Anonymous Coward 101

      Re: Devil

      Shylaman's films have become progressively shit. The Sixth Sense was good if you didn't guess or hear about the ending, and from that point on every film he has made was worse than the one before it. Indeed, the IMDB ratings from every film he has made from The Sixth Sense onward almost keeps to that rule.

      1. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Devil

        Quite annoying after you find a good one, to find they get rubbish was so sad.

        Signs to me was the the start of the drop.

        Now I just don't even bother.

    3. WraithCadmus

      Re: Devil

      [...]worse than the Robocop TV movies[...]

      You mean Prime Directives? Four-part mini-series thing?

      There were some good ideas in there, but it was hamstrung by poor pacing caused by too much padding. The whole thing could have made a tight two-parter (like the Pratchett adaptations) but it was squandered.

      It didn't help that the first episode's "villain" looked like a rejected Power Rangers extra either.

    4. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Devil

      The ones where the trees shake in the wind drive people to suicide was an MNS one wasn't it?

      It's that shit I've forgotten its name.

      1. HelpfulJohn

        Re: Devil

        "The ones where the trees shake in the wind drive people to suicide was an MNS one wasn't it?"

        "The Happening"? Or "Stuart Little"? I must admit that, after being subjected to previews, I've never been tempted to bother with either of those but they could justifiably both fit into any top ten worst movies of all time list.

  28. Little_Crow

    Coping Mechanism

    It seems to be only high profile disasters that are getting a look in, in which case you'd have to throw in the 2006 Wicker Man remake.

    However, the only way I could ever partake in an unwatchablathon is if every film was the MST3K version of it, or if it was available as a riff from riff trax.

    I'm too spoiled by being entertained by brilliant commentary to sit through a turd of a film without it.

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Coping Mechanism

      Say to yourself.

      There was never a remake to "Wicker Man"

      There was never a remake to "The Italian Job"

      There was never a remake to "Taxi"

      Chap at work said he had seen Taxi, I said did you like the 406?

      Go the reply American film.

      I will HAVE to lend him my Taxi DVD

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        Re: Coping Mechanism

        Also, there was never a remake of:

        Total Recall

        Conan the Barbarian

        The Karate Kid

        Arthur

        Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

        ...and there was never a totally pointless scene-by-scene remake of Hitchcock's 'Psycho'

        1. Little_Crow

          Re: Coping Mechanism

          irt: Loyal Commentator

          I would suggest not just the remake but the sequels of Karate Kid, too.

          And to vent an unpopular opinion, I thought Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was great, it was the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory that I dislike. A multitude of reasons, but the naming particularly ticks me off, and the family singing is just awful (The riff trax of this is with Neil Patrick Harris, and it's brilliant)

      2. HelpfulJohn

        Re: Coping Mechanism

        .. there was never a remake of "Get Carter" ...

        Oh, gods, there *was* wasn't there?

        And "War of the Worlds", which, for some Holyweird reason didn't eve feature invaders from another world.

        The top ten worst movies list is about a thousand movies long.

  29. Trollslayer Silver badge
    Flame

    Soo... Battlefield earth...

    A bunch of savages who don't even have the wheel take a bunch of AV8s that have been mothballed for centuries and just start throwing them around the sky...

    This tells us a lot about Scientology.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: Soo... Battlefield earth...

      WIth XENU you can do anything?

    2. Donkey Molestor X

      Re: Soo... Battlefield earth...

      oh c'mon, they showed them faffing around in the simulators for all of 30 seconds. surely that was enough!

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Crow.

    That is all that needs to be said.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: The Crow.

      Oh, I'd forgotten that. Thanks for reminding me! Ugh!

      Fortunately it was on video, so I was able to walk out. A friend was a big fan, for some reason.

      1. Gazareth

        Re: The Crow.

        Philistines.

    2. Haku

      Re: The Crow.

      I'll see your "The Crow" and raise you "The Crow: Stairway to Heaven" the tv series...

  31. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    I like Pearl Harbor

    All 20 or so minutes of it.

    I watch only the action scenes and skip everything else.

  32. 7

    How to avoid bad movies

    Every time you're in the mood for a film, slip GotG into the tray, sit back and bliss out.

  33. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Alien

    Ya! YA! SHUB NIGGURATH!!

    what happens if you watch the unwatchable, and indeed what are the effects of watching two unwatchables back-to-back

    The unwatchable will watch you back. This will be your spiritual end.

  34. Anonymous Coward 101

    Mac and Me

    British gangster films from the late nineties and early noughties, with a handful of exceptions.

    Mr. Nanny

  35. Yugguy

    California Man

    The ONLY film I have ever walked out of the cinema during.

    Normally I will sit there suffering as I've damnwell paid my money, but not that one.

  36. TeaLeaf

    I vote for...

    Robocop3 - an absolute stinker.

  37. Haku
    Thumb Up

    Bad movies? I LOVE BAD MOVIES!

    Especially old ones, and old sci-fi. I still have an extensive VHS collection and some laserdiscs of films that never made it to DVD, such as:

    Slipstream (1989,Japanese widescreen laserdisc)

    Deep Red (1994,laserdisc)

    Out on a Limb (1992,laserdisc)

    Hamburger: The Motion Picture (1986,laserdisc)

    Dream Machine (1991,laserdisc)

    Off and Running (1991,VHS)

    Crazy Legs aka Off The Mark (1987,VHS)

    Savior of the Earth (1983,VHS) - Tron ripoff cartoon you just gotta see, even if you only watch the first few minutes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OePa32O9l0

    The Dirt Bike Kid (1985,laserdisc)

    1. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: Bad movies? I LOVE BAD MOVIES!

      Then go check out Lair of the White Worm. You should love it. I know I sure didn't. It's got bad acting despite having some decent actors which I suppose indicates bad direction; bad dialog; and really, really bad special effects. It ranks right down there with almost everything The Cruiser* made.

      *Tom Cruise

      1. Haku

        Re: Bad movies? I LOVE BAD MOVIES!

        Already have it on DVD :)

        Along with other such gems as: Waxwork, Waxwork 2, Troll, Troll 2, The Wraith, The Gate, The Stuff, The Wizard, Crash & Burn, Robot Jox, both Ewoks movies, Tomboy, School Spirit, Back to the Beach and a shedload more.

        1. Ian 55

          Re: Bad movies? I LOVE BAD MOVIES!

          Robot Jox - 'Oooh, it's by the person who did the incredibly wonderful Re-Animator, I want that!' 85 minutes later... 'WTFF?'

          What's worse is that it got effectively remade as Pacific Rim by someone else who does magnificent stuff and commercial crap... as the latter.

      2. The_Idiot

        Re: Bad movies? I LOVE BAD MOVIES!

        But... but... White Worm has Emilio Perez Machado and Stephen Powys doing 'The D'Ampton Worm'! Gloriously insane!

        Although The Tossers version comes a close second, and is a lot easier to get hold of... :-).

      3. fajensen Silver badge

        Re: Bad movies? I LOVE BAD MOVIES!

        It also has Amanda Donohoe getting in and out of various kinky gear -- which saves the entire movie!

      4. Ian 55

        Re: Bad movies? I LOVE BAD MOVIES!

        Lair... is great!

    2. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Bad movies? I LOVE BAD MOVIES!

      I remember Slipstream, I quite liked it at the time.

      I remember renting it, on Beta

    3. Sooty

      Re: Bad movies? I LOVE BAD MOVIES!

      I have slipstream on DVD, i got it in a boxed set of 40 od sci-fi films that cost me a couple of quid, there are some absolute gems in the set

  38. Truffle

    Adam Sandler

    Bet you cant survive an Adam Sandler marathon.

  39. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

    I nominate

    'Cocktail' with the revolting little Tom Cruise.

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Re: I nominate

      Oh yes, and how could I forget the Nick 'one facial expression' Cage classic, "National Treasure". The whole plot seemingly revolves around how he is somehow descended from some great American hero, and there's a massive conspiracy by the British to undo him, with associated cheesy effects and wooden acting.

      Then they made a sequel.

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: I nominate

        Too easy, anything with Nicholas Cage in is a guarantee of highest quality natural fertilizer.

        1. toxicdragon

          Re: I nominate

          I thought lord of war was good.

        2. Ian 55

          Re: I nominate

          I don't think so.

          Raising Arizona is - intentionally! - one of the funniest films ever. There have been other good ones.

  40. Mike Dolan

    Hawk The Slayer

    So bad. So terribly bad. It's fantastic.

  41. The last doughnut

    BE wasn't that bad

    Yes it had plenty of faults but it was also funny in places, as is the book.

    For something really bad try "Basket Case" or "Surf Nazis Must Die" both of which could have been _so_ much better if only someone with any skill or talent was involved with any of the production!

  42. MJI Silver badge

    Cheap BDs from Asda

    Bought a few of these for a laugh.

    And the films were not bad.

    A Norwegian zombie Nazi film was quite funny.

    B movies but not bad movies.

    1. zebthecat

      Re: Cheap BDs from Asda

      Ein

      Zwei

      DIE!

      1. MJI Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Cheap BDs from Asda

        That's the one

  43. A. Coatsworth
    Flame

    I'm treading on really cliché territory...

    but I'd nominate Star Wars: Episode 2 as one of the worst movies ever. It was the only time I have actually walked out of the cinema (and watched it years later on cable tv to confirm it was as bad as I remembered)

    There is no saving grace from the terrible acting to the insta-obsolete-looking FX to the suicide inducing script...

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: I'm treading on really cliché territory...

      Surely episode 2 is the "best" of the 3 prequels? It's got 2 enormous set-piece battles, which take up most of the time, so there's less time for George Lucas' appalling dialogue. They're quite fun. Also it isn't about taxes like the Phantom Morrass. Plus the whole film doesn't hang on Haden Christensen's acting inability, in order to convince you of his motivation to go to the dark side (like the 3rd).

      1. Hairless Biker

        Re: I'm treading on really cliché territory...

        'Caravan of Courage' is truly dreadful. I've managed to avoid 'Battle for Endor'.

        In the meantime, may I kindly draw your attention to 'Showgirls'? THE. WORST. SEX. SCENE. EVA!!!!

        Also, no-one's mentioned Red Sonja? Arnie's the best actor in it, and he's outshone by the horses...

  44. MJI Silver badge

    My dry period

    I watched a lot in the 80s, rental tapes by the ton.

    Then they dried up in early 90s.

    So watched TV instead.

    Then late 90s a shiny new format appeared. So I bought them, I got addicted, over 200 DVDs here!

  45. Swarthy Silver badge
    Alert

    Not bad movies, but a marathon I shant live down

    One evening watching movies with a friend, the lineup was Apocalypse Now, Brazil, and The Wall. There were no recreational pharmaceuticals in use, and no boozahol.. but Damn did my head get bent that night.

    The Fiend wanted to end the night with Memento but the movie wouldn't play.

  46. HairyHaggisKeeper
    Facepalm

    From the depths of filmdom I give you

    "Hercules in New York"

    A film thrown together for no other purpose than for Arnie to flex his pecks... we didn't even get to hear his own voice - they dubbed it out.

    Complete drivel. IMHO of course....

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Re: From the depths of filmdom I give you

      You should watch the cut with the original Arnie Dialogue. The fact that he couldn't really speak English at that point* makes it more fun.

      *I know, he's not much better now

  47. rcp27

    Computer Games Movies

    You could pick pretty much any attempt. There has never been a good movie-of-the-game. While the better known examples like Super Mario Bros, Tomb Raider and Doom are pretty dire, the worst I have encountered would have to be the Wing Commander movie.

    1. Donkey Molestor X

      Re: Computer Games Movies

      One of the most favorable reviews I've ever heard of the Wing Commander movie came from a friend's girlfriend after we left the theater: "I haven't slept so well in a long time!" Now I'm getting wistful thinking of pre-terrible-cosmetic-surgery Saffron Burrows who was in that pile of dreck with Matthew Lillard and Freddie Prinze Jr. What might've been but for some body image issues. Sigh.

    2. dogged

      Re: Computer Games Movies

      In The Name Of The King, an Uwe Boll take on Dungeon Siege starring Jason Statham, Ray Liotta and Burt Motherfucking Reynolds as the King in question.

      I saw the cast and the title on EPG but had no idea it was a game-movie or that darling Uwe was involved.

      Jesus H Corbett, that was bad.

      1. OzBob

        Re: Computer Games Movies

        "Jesus H. Corbett"

        Actually with that beard of his, I see your point.

        1. MJI Silver badge

          Re: Computer Games Movies

          I reckon the new Ratchet & Clank movie may be OK.

          Film scriptwriter wrote the games.

          The voice actors are the game voice actors.

          The game studio is heavily involved.

        2. dogged

          Re: Computer Games Movies

          > Actually with that beard of his, I see your point.

          I'm not suggesting that Jesus had his hand up Sooty's arse but....

    3. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge

      Re: Computer Games Movies

      Have to say I enjoyed tomb raider. Having said that the vast majority of my cinema experiences have been on all to frequent transatlantic flights. deadens the critical skills.

    4. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: Computer Games Movies

      I disagree on a few points.

      + Resident Evil

      + (quite liked) Silent Hill

      + Tomb Raider (not too bad, especially if you are an Indianna Jones fan)

      You're mostly right thiough, especially Doom & Red Faction (not even sure that WAS based on the game)

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: Computer Games Movies

        Resident Evil starts off okay but by four and five turns into Excrement Drivel. They never happened.

        1. A. Coatsworth
          Thumb Up

          Re: Computer Games Movies

          It depends... the 2 CGI Resident Evil made by Capcom are quite fun... I'd go as far as to say that the second one (RE: Degeneration) is actually good, that is if you like the games' characters* and enjoy their crazy plots: in short, if you're a fan of the games, these movies are highly entertaining (and you'll know to steer clear of the Mila Jovovich vehicles...)

          Any other videogame movie, with the possible exception of Silent Hill, falls squarely in the list of worst-ever

          *Leon S. Kennedy rocks

        2. sisk Silver badge

          Re: Computer Games Movies

          Resident Evil starts off okay but by four and five turns into Excrement Drivel.

          They made 5? Don't tell my wife, please, especially if they're bad. I've been subjected to the first three so many times that any good qualities they may have once had have faded and been replaced with "Oh hell, not this again!"

          1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

            Re: Computer Games Movies

            Not all are completely bad.

            POP: SOT was quite a good fun to watch.

            Then, while it's not official in any way, but the Children of Men borrows many scenes directly from Half-Life 2 and is an excellent movie...

  48. Richard Ball

    Spawn. Only film I've ever walked out of.

    Scream 2. Where I learnt what it is to knowingly not care who did it or what's supposed to be happening.

  49. alexmcm

    The English Patient

    Can't even remember the plot now. But it went on and on and on, and the girl I was with was crying at it and I was falling asleep. Jeez one of the most miserable soul destroying nights/films ever. Felt like it was 3 hours long... oh it was...

    1. Richard Ball

      Re: The English Patient

      The trouble with The English Patient was the hype. I was taken by girlfriend and I had never heard of it so had no expectations and I quite enjoyed it. In a bored and confused sort of way.

  50. envmod

    Battlefield Earth is definitely on my list... A more recent addition to it would be "A Good Day To Die Hard" - anyone seen that? Terrible terrible film...

    1. HelpfulJohn

      "AGDTDH" is better than "DH4.0" if only for the science. I loved their "anti-radiation" foam or whatever it was.

      Though the girl who betrayed Daddy, only to not do so, was a rather unconvincing character. Actually, the only truly convincing character was the power-plant at Chernobyl. But it was still better than "4.0".

  51. THMONSTER

    Transformers : age of extinction

    I so wanted to walk out of this movie but damn it, I had paid for the uncomfortable chair and I was going to damn well use it.

    (need a burning poop icon)

  52. Esme

    I haven't seen most of the films mentioned above (aside from Armageddon - pretty bad) but the film of The High Crusade was dreadful (note to film makers - sometimes the funniest way to film the book is to play it straight! What made the book funny was that the overall situation was so ludicrous (mediaeval English vs advanced aliens) and yet credible, the way it was described. Dune was worse though. IMHO.

  53. moiety

    Gravity

    This was the last film that made me actually angry. Specifically, the bit where Sandra Bullock has a toehold on some cables attached to the space station and she's holding onto George Clooney. All she had to do was slowly contract her body and they would both have drifted to the station and been able to grab onto something.

    And yet.

    In the film George Clooney is being pulled away from the station by a force that is at right-angles to anything we know. When Sandra lets go, that same mysterious force sends George whistling off into the darkness. Considering the film is called Gravity, you would have thought that somebody would have looked up what that is at some point.

    1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

      Re: Gravity

      I think the force in question was Gerorgie's manager pulling him away lest they got for free a few seconds of Clooney's precious shooting time in excess of the contractual provisions...

  54. Finder Keeper

    Speed 2

    Never gets out of 2nd gear.

  55. MJI Silver badge

    I should not have

    Worst ones on Wikipedia

    Freddy Got Fingered

    So bad I had forgotten it existed

    aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    Edit:

    Actually asked for my rental money back and did not watch it all, just total shit

    1. Sweep

      Re: I should not have

      Would you like a sausage?

    2. Donkey Molestor X

      Re: I should not have

      true story:

      My manager at a former job said he liked funny movies so I told him I had a funny movie that he could borrow called "Freddy Got Fingered". When he gave it back to me he practically stuffed into my chest while scowling poisonously. "What the fuck is wrong with that guy? Why did he do that to that deer? What the hell is wrong with YOU?". GodDAMN it was so worth it :) I was never going to have a long career there anyway.

    3. sisk Silver badge

      Re: I should not have

      Actually asked for my rental money back

      I actually sort of got my rental money back for a bad movie once. The video store manager gave me a look of sympathy when he saw what movie it was and said he understood as he handed me a coupon for a free rental. I've no idea what the movie was though. I didn't think I'd be trying to remember it 20 years later.

  56. ravenviz
    Coffee/keyboard

    Why has no-one mentioned Abraxas, it's appalling?

    But then I suppose it does get 0.2 points higher than Battlefield Earth's score of 2.4 at imdb.com!

  57. Gazareth

    For your consideration

    Scary Movie 3+. 5 was actually so bad it went back in time and made Airplane! less enjoyable.

    A-Team

    The Talented Mr. Ripley

    Catwoman

    American Hustle

  58. MJI Silver badge

    Make your self feel better

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_considered_the_best

    I was surprised at Studio Ghibli having so many animated. (Yes I know they are good)

    Actually I have seen all of the best animated

  59. ShortLegs

    Is this a tech site or not?

    Awful movies:

    Swordfish - Yeah, encryption can be broken by randomly smashing a keyboard. And viri coded without one.

    Alien 3. Obviously.

    The Net. Less said the better. Desperate attempt to cash in on this new, popular "information superhighway" thing.

    Truly awful movies:

    Hackers - pile of screaming dog turd. Was given it on DVD. Put it on again last week for only the second time in 15 years.... it lasted less then 10minutes.

    Alien Resurrection. Same reasons.

    Devils Bridge. The g/f found this in a charity shop. Its supposed to be 'Southern Comfort' in Wales. Its 90minutes (?) of terrible trash. Which is a shame, as the basic premise isn't too bad.

    Zombiefied. From the same shop. It lasted less than 5 minutes before being thrown into the log burner.

    However, a thumbs up for Wargames (mainly as it was aimed at kids). Overlooking the problem of displaying vector graphics on a bitmap screen, and the slight incompatibility between asyn and sync comms protocols, they did get a few things right. Heck, the film spawned the terms 'war-dialling' and 'war-driving'.

    1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

      Re: Is this a tech site or not?

      And viri coded without one.

      Viruses

    2. toxicdragon

      Re: Is this a tech site or not?

      Hackers is watchable, mainly for the soundtrack IMO, if you are drunk enough.

    3. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Is this a tech site or not?

      Alien 3 is not bad, just a disappointment.

      Most dissappointed person was James Cameron as they killed off his new characters,

      Resurrection is the drink mat supplied with the trilogy.

  60. Teiwaz Silver badge

    Jehova, Jehova, Jehova

    It's not a moive (a movie refernce though), as i think the following comments will probably see me stoned to death (figuratively)

    Bad Movies: (my list)

    Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - what the hell did they do to the plot? disgusted

    Stargate & Buffy the Vampire Slayer

    (Not really the movies fault, but they are so sub-par compared to their respective derivative TV series, that once you've seen the tv series, the movies are unwatchable imo) In Highlanders case even the TV series was bad.

    other movies I think are bad...

    (1) Most movies that are not sci-fi or fantasy.

    (2) Almost all movies that are popular or set/made in america that also match (1)

    (3) ALL moives that are whimsical comedies featuring self-effacing 'british men' faling in love with american ladies.

    (4) ALL movies with Tom Cruise or George Clooney in them.

    (5) Most movies with Ben Affleck (there was one i liked, can't recall it's name)

    (6) 'Almost' all movies with Bruce Willis. ('cause I quite liked Fifth Element)

    Fussy, aren't I?

  61. robert Tracey

    How about Spice World - The Movie?

    I'm ashamed to say I payed to watch it - Only 20p mind, but that was 20p too much!

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Joke

      "How about Spice World - The Movie?"

      Is that a sequel to Dune? I'll keep an eye out for that one.

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        I'd pay to see the Spice Girls eaten by sand worms.

  62. Britt

    RoboGeisha

    We had this phase of movie nights where we would put the CD case in a bag and one would be pulled out at random to watch... this was constantly sabotaged with such moves as RoboGeisha and other gems like Megashark vs ****

  63. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Stallone

    Admittedly I skimmed the previous 140+ comments pretty quickly, but am astonished to not see any mention of :

    "Stop, or my mom will shoot"

    ...which is about about as bad as it gets - intending to be comedy but failing entirely.

    Fortunately we are graced with some movies which are so bad as to cross the threshold into utter brilliance. I give you:

    Bad Taste (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092610/?ref_=nv_sr_1) ...Peter Jackson's first commercial movie.

    I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097550/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 ...Starring Neil Morrissey

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge
      Stop

      Re: Stallone

      I won't have a word said against Bad Taste.

    2. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Stallone

      Seen both liked both

  64. Tringle

    Aaargh

    Two fillums:

    The Blair Witch Project - no plot, no atmosphere, just NO.

    Schindler's List. I have a particular dread of Spielberg films, but this one was the worst by a country mile. It wasn't just me who nearly lost the will to live, the chap behind me was snoring by about 10 hours in, and it is to this day the film with the most audience heckling I have ever sat through.

    1. Ian 55

      Re: Aaargh

      BWP - for all but the last minute, NOTHING HAPPENS. Then, for the last minute, NOTHING HAPPENS AGAIN!

  65. wub

    No one saw Zardoz?

    I realize it has been a few decades, and I don't hold it against Sean Connery, who has been in many very entertaining films, but Zardoz has to be mentioned in a list of least watchable films. I gave one last try a couple of years ago, on the theory that perhaps I was too young and callow to appreciate it at the time. No. The flying heads alone... How could anyone have given the go-ahead for that project?

    1. Gommster

      Re: No one saw Zardoz?

      Zardoz was bad but at least it tried to go off the wall a bit

    2. John Gamble

      Re: No one saw Zardoz?

      Oh, yeah, that was pretty bad.

      I saw it with great expectations -- it had been praised pretty regularly by the then-reviewer of F&SF -- and good lord just how awful can one movie be. I understand that there was a metaphor about overthrowing a decadent ruling class, but that metaphor was realized with rape scenes and manly men going around shirtless for no apparent reason (okay, I can guess the reason, but it's still terrible).

      1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

        Re: No one saw Zardoz?

        I found it so boring that the massacre in the end felt like a merciful deliverance. Or maybe that was the whole idea?

  66. Gommster

    PH is not irredeeemable

    there's a fanedit for Pearl Harbour that takes the love story out, improves the film a lot.

    http://fanedit.org/ifdb/component/content/article/79-fanedit-listings/fanfix/251-pearl-harbor-strength-and-honor-edition

  67. Florida1920 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Honky Tonk Freeway

    Honky Tonk Freeway is a 1981 comedy film directed by John Schlesinger. The film, conceived and co-produced by Don Boyd, was one of the most expensive box office flops in history, losing its British backers Thorn-EMI an estimated $11,000,000 and profoundly impacting its fortunes and aspirations.

    Wikipedia

    New Yorkers lined up for blocks to see for themselves just how bad it really was. Still, it lost money!

    And yet, it gets a 5.0 rating on IMDB.

    1. Ian 55

      Re: Honky Tonk Freeway

      It's got a water-skiing elephant!

      There are some good bits, too.

  68. old_IT_guy

    Frankenhooker.

    Night of the Lepus.

    Them, Phase 4 - anyone know of any other ant movies?

    I've watched them all with many laughs and no regrets, but they are truly among the mingers of the film world.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "Them, Phase 4 - anyone know of any other ant movies?"

      Them! ...with Joan Collins

  69. cortland

    If one stands

    I've been to Pearl Harbor. If one stands where he can watch Pearl Harbor, it's unlikely he'll be able to immediately after watch Gigli, unless he's taken along someone of that name -- and then he could watch both at the same time.

  70. Curtis

    Nope Nope Nope

    Mantera. I'm ashamed to say that I actually watched this on netflix.

  71. Cliff

    Something a bit different

    Try any of Bela Tarr's epic films like The Man From London http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0415127/ - only 139 minutes (his 'Satantango' runs to 450 minutes, and hence is heralded a masterpiece by people who don't understand cinema), but managed to fall properly asleep *twice* during it. Fuck me, what a slow, onanistic film. Slot it into your viewing schedule to make you appreciate drawn-out bar scenes.

  72. John Gamble

    Two Movies I've Walked Out On

    Both of them I went to see based on the reputation of someone involved in the movie.

    Going Places. I'd heard Gérard Depardieu was an excellent actor, and thought I'd see him during a revival of Going Places. He may indeed be an excellent actor, but unfortunately this was a demonstration of what happens when humor doesn't age well. Those "funny" scenes didn't translate well twenty years later.

    Switch. Blake Edwards! Director of Pink Panther, Victor/Victoria! There's no way this is going to be a movie that repeats the same joke over and over, right? Right? Oh dear...

  73. Jagged.Shard

    A DVD I recently has the misfortune to see - SAS Black Ops.

    I will admit to being fooled by the case which featured

    soldier clad in urban combat gear with soldiers rapelling

    from a helicopter in urban environment.

    OK so far?

    Film had following failings:

    1. Nothing to do with SAS,

    2. Nobody wears urban combat gear,

    3. Nobody rapells from a helicopter,

    4. There are no helicopters,

    5. Film set in deserted house and woodland.

    "Actors" were dreadfully wooden with dialogue so bad it

    aspires to be wooden. Plot (was there one???) simplistic

    and effects limited to the odd fourpenny banger going off.

    This film should be avoided at all costs!!!

  74. Donkey Molestor X

    Hey, to bring things back to Ben Affleck: anyone else here obsessed with Reindeer Games? This movie tried to be so clever and Charlize Theron was rocking the no-makeup look with excellence here. The cast was pretty packed between Gary Sinise, AFLAC, Charlize Theron, and Dennis Farina. Yet somehow the movie bombed like a Stuka.

    Personally, I thought the various Santa deaths should've been more gory. It wouldn't have taken much to have turned that movie into a warped Christmas classic on par with the first Die Hard. Oh well.

  75. EddieD

    Too late, but...

    Knights.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107333/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

    "In the future, a kickboxer and a robot lead a revolution against ruling cyborgs."

  76. Adam Foxton

    Pearl Harbour sucks.

    Team America agrees.

    http://youtu.be/_pM8PrqY5Rg

  77. zemerick

    It's funny to see just how different peoples opinions are. I'm about to further showcase that with one of my all time dislikes.

    I should first point out that I watch movies for entertainment. Not art. Also, continue to read on to my second, which is my most hated movie.

    2001: A Space Odyssey. Yes, if you handed me BE and 2001, and pointed a gun at my head to choose...I would choose BE. I find it really funny that people will complain how little plot the Transformers movies have, and then claim to love 2001, which had much less. ( To be fair, what I've read about the books suggests it's a lot better there. ) I mean, it took what, 45 minutes to get out of the apes scene and start the movie? The newest Transformers only took like 10 minutes to get past its own backstory. ( Don't get me wrong, there was plenty wrong with T4 as well. Everything burns/explodes, female is set up to be a strong lead character then spends the second half crying for help and being entirely useless, etc. )

    Now that that little gripe is out of the way, it's time for the real winner ( loser? ):

    THX-1138.

    Allow me to sum this movie up: They walk over to a ladder and climb out.

    There's no drama, intrigue, interest, plot, nothing. It has not a single saving grace. It's the epitome of what happens when George Lucas is allowed to make things his own way.

    This was the most bored I have ever been in a movie. I kept watching it expecting something to happen. I kid you not, as they climbed out of the ladder, I was thinking "Finally something is going to happen!"...and then came the credits. I watched this with my parents, who have quite different tastes, and they too thoroughly hated it.

    I recommend saving thx-1138 for the last of this terrible marathon, to really drive home the bad. If you go into it wanting the last few hours back, and wanting something to happen/to do...this will surely bring out the suicidal thoughts.

    1. sisk Silver badge

      2001: A Space Odyssey

      To be honest your opinion of 2001 pretty much sums up mine of every Kubrick film I've ever seen with the notable exception of A Clockwork Orange. One gem out of what, thirty some odd really bad movies? Why did they keep letting him make movies?

      Geh, now I'm having flashbacks to Eyes Wide Shut! Make it stop!

  78. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Millennium Crisis: different class altogether

    All the big-budget movies you guys are complaining about are masterpieces compared to a movie I saw on a bus in South America: Millennium Crisis.

    I applaud anybody who can make it through the trailer without a look of horror on their face by the end:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3sBcDpNiUU

  79. This post has been deleted by its author

  80. asdf Silver badge

    hmm

    Keep getting post deleted but the most messed up movie ever made has Serbian in the title. I think its banned in the UK which might be why I can't post it.

    1. John Gamble

      Re: hmm

      Typing "Serbian" at the IMDB find box got me the movie (plus one TV episode and one documentary), and it looks like the IMDB message boards are in complete agreement with you.

      1. asdf Silver badge

        Re: hmm

        Never watched that garbage myself but heard from people that laughed at Hostel you won't laugh at that movie. It's probably not a "movie" that part of Europe wants advertising it either. Yeah I think I'll stay in Western Europe thank you.

  81. graeme leggett

    The Russia House

    made a quiet night at the cinema rather slow. By comparison more happened in Medicine Man but still a poor showing by Mr Connery.

    Once fell asleep during "The Song Remains The Same". But in it's defence, it was the middle film of an all-nighter at the local ABC. Heavy Metal and Woodstock were the other two. I think I might have been 15 or so. God knows why I thought that was something to do.

  82. sisk Silver badge

    Bah

    Your definition of "unwatchable" is far too tame. Now me, I'd use Legend of the Rollerblade Seven and Cinderella 2000. Granted that combination would no doubt result in some gouged out eyes, but sacrifices must be made in the name of science.

  83. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

    for the foreign film offering

    I can highly disapprove of a Japanese horror film called the loft...The plots all over the place (so many ways to ruin cherkovs gun, so little time). It's not even much of horror film since you just want everyone to die if only to get it over with (plus the ending comes from no where) just hopeless.

  84. JEDIDIAH
    Linux

    Still not worse than Plan 9...

    Battlefield is much more tolerable if you've actually read the book. Then the whole thing is a big joke on L Ron Hubbard and Scientology.

    It's almost like a Verhoeven film but they're taking themselves seriously...

  85. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmmm

    chicago

    Solaris

    The hulk (one with Eric banana)

    Troy

    I could go on but suddenly feel very ill

  86. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Micheal Bay films

    Looked forward to seeing Transformers. Learned my lesson.

    Transformers 2 was forced upon me due to being a chaperone. Think my eyes bled.

    Now if I ever see Micheal Bay in association with a film I will do my utmost to weasel my way out of seeing it.

  87. Mike Bell

    Team America: World Police

    This would have been quite a good movie, but the CGI special effects were terrible. I mean, Alec Baldwin was being played by a puppet, for Christ's sake! Did they seriously think the audience wouldn't spot that?

    Can't fault the historical accuracy, though.

  88. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Two words that send fear into the hearts of every moviegoer....

    The Postman

  89. drunk.smile

    Tiptoes - Gary Oldman as a dwarf

    If Matthew McConaughey as the leading love interest in a movie wasn't bad enough, this film combines it with Kate Beckinsale as his partner.

    Gary Oldman also method acts as a dwarf spending much of the film walking around on his knees Yoda style. Peter Dinklage does put in an amusing, although too brief a performance to redeem this film.

    It was so bad I actually bought several copies of the DVD so that I could distribute it to friends, much the same way that Two Girls One Cup was shared.

  90. Sooty

    There are very few unwatachable movies

    Anything really bad generally can be an enjoyable watch, with the right frame of mind. It's the ones in the middle that are really unwatchable, not good, but not truly bad either..

    I had a "B-fest" B movie marathon over a weekend last year, and much fun was had by all, that included Troll and Troll 2

  91. proud2bgrumpy

    Masterpieces.... ...compared to "The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D"

    Battlefield Earth (terrible - thank god it's less than 2 Hrs), Gigli (haven't seen it), Pearl Harbour (terrible, and very, very long) are veritable masterpieces of writing, actiing and film-making compared to "The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D" which is so truly without any redeeming features that even my dog couldn't bear to be in the same room while it was (briefly) playing despite bacon sandwiches being available.

    The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D is without any shadow of doubt of less value than the celuloid it was printed on. At 93 minutes long, it is precisely 93 minutes too long.

  92. Sooty

    if you want to be really evil...

    Do what one of my "friends" did to me, I lost a bet and the forfiet was to watch all the twilight films... back to back!

    The only redeeming thing was I insisted that they personally verfiy I'd done it :)

  93. Bill Stewart

    You need to add subtitles, so you can read The Eye of Argon while watching the movies.

  94. Bunbury

    Amateurs

    That's no bad-film-o-thon.

    I have watch the following back to back with no breaks:

    Robot Monster

    Glen or Glenda

    The Wild Women of Wonga

    Plan 9 from Outer Space

    It made me the man I am today.

  95. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Personally I think a lot of the films mentioned here as being really bad, such a waterworld and BE, actually aren't that bad. Certainly not high points in cinema history but not every film can be.

    Having said that I think film rating sites give an excellent lesson in why many statistics should generally not be believed and statistics gathered on the internet particularly so. Pick just about any film and look at the rating on IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes. Make sure there is a decent number of votes on both sites, lets say 10k votes. The scores will almost always be wildly different despite what you would think would be enough votes for a representative sample. Consider the many psychology experiments look at just small groups students and you have to wonder what they are really discovering.

  96. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    As for TV...

    Just turning on ITV for five minutes is quite the equal of any of the above.

  97. A K Stiles
    Unhappy

    My nomination for the list is...

    Drop Dead Gorgeous

    I took a few friends to see it on the basis of a review in a magazine.

    I refunded their cinema tickets and bought them beer by way of an apology.

  98. Dick Pountain

    Walking out of the cinema is the acid test: I've only walked three times in the last 30 years, from "Absolute Beginners", "City of Lost Children" and "Romance and Cigarettes". All from directors I'd loved who crossed a line into the twee...

    1. Shovel

      I walked out of an air-conditioned theater in the desert after only 3 minutes of Ishtar .

  99. Sinick

    I can't believe nobody's mentioned...

    BIRDEMIC!

    The FX alone have to be seen to be believed; they look like they've been done with MS Paint.

  100. Shovel

    Let's give Brits some credit. Proffesional Darts is torture.

    When I was TDY to RAFs in my youth, I was subjected to the only entertainment on the Tele, Professional Darts. There had never been a more boring 'sport' on the air. I would rather watch insurance seminars and read Actuary Tables than to watch fat, grown men glare at each other like Siamese-fighting fish. That's when I learned to drink.

    1. Keven E.

      Re: Let's give Brits some credit. Proffesional Darts is torture.

      "I would rather watch insurance seminars and read Actuary Tables than to watch fat, grown men glare at each other like Siamese-fighting fish. That's when I learned to drink."

      That's how they learned to drink.

  101. Simon Watson

    The Net

    I can't believe The Net has only been flamed once, and that in passing. I'll watch pretty much anything on the box but I draw the line at this piece of unadulterated b*****ks.

  102. Keven E.

    It's official

    Anything with Steve Carell.

    The Wedding Singer is the only movie I've ever walked out on.

  103. damocles

    Indecent Proposal

    First film I ever walked out of. It was so bad I chose to incur the homicidal wrath of the mrs once it finished rather than sit through it. Happily she joined me less than 10 minutes later and apologising for her film choice.

  104. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    3 words...

    Truly, madly, deeply

    And 3 more...

    the hopping scene

  105. Patrician

    I've only ever walked out of the cinema once and that was watching The Exorcist; wow was that film boring!!

    Bad films:-

    Phantom Menace

    Pacific Rim - It's so bad I've had to re-watch it several times just to see if it's as bad as I thought;

    The New Godzilla, mind the old one isn't any better

    Doom

    Dungeons and Dragons

    BloodRayne

    Aliens 3 & 4

    Predator 2 & Predators

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