back to article SEX BEAST SEALS may be egging each other on to ATTACK PENGUINS

Boffins have shot shocking footage of seals trying to rape penguins, which are normally one of their food sources. A team of scientists has captured frank images of fur seals mounting king penguins, who are powerless to resist the sea-borne sex pests. Animal experts working on the Marion Island, near the Antarctic, found the …

  1. LeeH
    Linux

    This just in...

    "It may be that seals see other animals attacking penguins and then decide to copy them."

    "T'was the researches what done it first", said a penguin speaking to reporters under condition of anonymity.

  2. Mark 85 Silver badge

    More sites to be blocked?

    I'm wondering if these images fall under the "extreme porn" rules? Let's think of the children now and not send researchers to visit Goatsie Island with cameras.

    1. ian 22

      Re: More sites to be blocked?

      Yes, this's bestiality at its worst, and must be banned. Wait aren't seals beasts, and so bestiality is normal to them?

      This is all too complicated for me.

  3. Cipher
    Coat

    Ahem...

    Of course it is a gIven that when seals see *windows* of opportunity, they attack Penguins...

    1. Lars Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Ahem...

      Not anything about OSS I hope, but on a more "serious" note, I believe we have all had dogs fucking up our legs, and I have known guys who in the morning did not believe what they had managed to fuck up. All about us "men", I would think. My old mother once told me she liked wild life programs on the telly but that she was a bit fucked up with all the fucking in each program. I think there was a program showing two fucking whales, first ever on TV and I think they got the Pulitzer Prize or something. I think some boffins are too obsessed with animal sex, high time of course seen from a Victorian perspective. And I am sure there must have been a shepherd who fucked a sheep and then ate it. Sometimes I think that happened to the Neanderthals too. I miss a shut up icon badly.

      1. xperroni
        Childcatcher

        Re: Ahem...

        And I am sure there must have been a shepherd who fucked a sheep and then ate it.

        Lies, and also slander.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Ahem...

        >I think some boffins are too obsessed with animal sex

        In the old days when the technology wasn't up to much the only time animals remained around long enough to be filmed was when they were either copulating or eating, they didn't have much choice really,

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Ahem...

          >I think some boffins are too obsessed with animal sex

          "Honestly I did not expect that follow up sightings of a similar nature to that 2006 one would ever be made again, and certainly not on multiple occasions," said Nico de Bruyn, who was wearing a Tuxedo, and had a mackrel in his back pocket.

  4. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    (In my best Morgan Freeman voice)

    "And here we see the ongoing struggle of nature between the king penguin and it's natural enemy, the seal. After a lengthy pursuit, the seal............ewwww"

  5. kain preacher Silver badge

    Inter species rape

    Are you sure the researchers didn't blow their budget , got drunk and wandered into a Japanese comic book store.

  6. Gene Cash Silver badge

    So I pulled into a Shell station; they said I'd blown a seal.

    I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay, pal?"

    (So are they sure it wasn't frat night for the seals? Apparently beer goggles work interspecies now)

    1. Bloakey1

      "So I pulled into a Shell station; they said I'd blown a seal."

      <snip>

      And you replied, "no it is only ice cream".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        On a serious note

        I have a stain on my car seat right between my legs as a result of some mayonnaise type crud spurting forth from a big mac, at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it and not being the worlds most elgeant eater it is believable. I've tried everything to get rid of it including various chemical products and steam cleaning. It goes away for a while then comes back again like the ghost of some unhappy cow/horse/other that transferred it's spirit to the sauce. Hopefully when you eat the stuff it passes straight through your gut. Any tips on removing McDonald's mayonnaise stains will be greatly appreciated.

        Disclaimer: This was an unfortunate incident due to inexperience with McDonlads cuisine, I must have eaten their products no more than a handful of times.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: On a serious note

          Ah, someone doubts my tale. There are two facts which cannot be denied, mainly I am a sloppy eater and secondly that McDonalds grunge leaves an indelible stain on car seats.

          May I add that to get through university I worked with a contract cleaner and know a thing or two about removing stains. I've cleaned offices top to bottom, restaurants that have been closed down by health inspectors, urinals that needed protective suits because of the rather nasty chemicals being sprayed around and had nose bleeds from the fumes of ammonia being heated in a tea urn. warm ammonia cuts through crap a lot quicker than cold. There is not a stain I have not been able to remove until this one.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: On a serious note

            Leather or Fabric seating?

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: On a serious note

              Some sort of weaved fabric, not that velour stuff.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: On a serious note

                Search youtube for "Protein Stain Remover" I think they might have it licked.

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: On a serious note

                  Thanks, I've seen these but have little faith that anything from McDonalds has any protein in it. I'll give one a try.

  7. Chris G Silver badge

    Sealguins or Pengseals

    So are we going to see feathery seals or furry penguins who are not accepted socially by either seals or penguins?

    A ruffled penguin when interviewed said " I wouldn't have let him get away with it but I needed the fish!"

    1. Marketing Hack Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: Sealguins or Pengseals

      I think the unholy offspring of these trysts are relocated away from the scene of their traumatic conception to Australia, where they are known as platypuses.

      1. Fluffy Bunny
        Joke

        Re: Sealguins or Pengseals

        "I think the unholy offspring of these trysts are relocated away from the scene of their traumatic conception to Australia, where they are known as platypuses."

        We used to do this, but then we had a royal commission into the stolen species, so we had to stop.

    2. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: Sealguins or Pengseals

      If hybrids were named consistently like Tigons and Ligers then the offspring would be a Sealguin. A Pengseal would have a penguin father. At a brief glance, the names are not consistent for example the offspring of a male sheep and female goat is a geep. That could be an exception because shoat is another word for piglet.

      I am not expecting sealguins to hatch any time soon because seals and penguins are not in the same class, let alone species. Despite a certain Elephant's best efforts, an Elerhino is not likely either.

  8. Bloakey1

    <snip>

    "Most of the time, the penguin is let go, but on one occasion the sadistic seal killed and ate its target."

    <snip>

    That would explain my lack of sucess with birds. I have been eating the target prior to mounting it and not the other way around.

    The SEALs killed Bin Laden doncha <sic> know, so they can be awkward buggers.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    As a long-time Linux user...

    ...I'm really feeling butt-hurt over this.

    1. PNGuinn
      Coat

      Re: As a long-time Linux user...

      Systemd?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Holmes

        Re: As a long-time Linux user...

        More like SCO.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

  10. Slartybardfast

    Christmas

    Not what the boy in the John Lewis advert was expecting

  11. JassMan Silver badge
    Joke

    Time for penguins to unite

    Warning: the following torture of the English language may cause as much pain as being squashed under a fur seal.

    Maybe penguinistas should start a special interest group called:

    Protection

    Of

    Penguins in

    Seal

    Infested

    Countries

    Lacking

    Equality of

    Species

    or POPSICLES

    </sorry>

  12. mevets

    I wonder what the penguins were wearing....

    I didn’t see a mention of it, but what do we know about these penguins that were allegedly attacked? Were they of previously chaste character? Swimming in a way that could be seen as a provocation to the seals? Did anybody hear the penguin say no? I think these poor researchers have become unwitting pawns in these tawdry shenanigans to entrap a husband.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I wonder what the penguins were wearing....

      They must be doing something because if the seals have learned the behaviour from others then it's not only the seals who are having a go. Maybe it's the way they wiggle their cute little butts when they walk, that always works for me, with females you understand, human ones.

  13. skeptical i
    Devil

    Who ya' gonna' call?

    EGON: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes! Volcanoes!

    WINSTON: The dead rising from the grave!

    PETER: Human sacrifice, seals and penguins living together, mass hysteria!

  14. cyrus

    It's not rape

    its a snuggle with a struggle.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The sadistic seal killed and ate its target

    The Hannibal Lecters of the animal kingdom, usually you have dinner first then get a shag.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tight

    Once you've had cloaca you never look back.

  17. Benjol

    This is the kind of story which explains why this kind of story drives me up the wall...

  18. ukgnome
    Linux

    It's the circle of life...

    You should see what the whales do to the dolphins, and what the dolphins do to the.....well to the anything - slippery perverts.

    I think it goes Whale > Dolphins > Sea Lions > Seals > Penguins > Whales

    (hey, that's why penguins are that shape)

  19. Dr Dan Holdsworth Silver badge

    Sometimes the filming is entirely justified, honest!

    Many, many years ago I was doing a PhD on the sex pheromones of some plant parasitic nematodes. The easiest way to tell if a male nematode thinks is chemical is sexy is to make a very thin layer of plain agar gel on a petri dish, put some of the chemical in the middle, wait a bit for a chemical gradient to form and then see if the male nematode moves towards it.

    Now, there are several problems here. You have to know how long to wait for the pheromone chemical to form a gradient, and you also want to know how long it takes for the gradient to completely smooth out so that all it does is makes the nematode move about a bit faster, but completely aimlessly. The way to resolve this is by filming the responses of these nematodes.

    This isn't easy. You're talking about a one millimeter long animal, which is almost transparent, moving in the film of water on a thin layer of gel, which you also do not want to dry out at all during filming. So, you build a box and put the petri dish on a small platform (with a dark background) and surround it with water, put a thin glass sheet over this (waterproofed with anti-mist spray or it'll mist up) and illuminate from the side with a cooled light source.

    I did all this, and am proud to say that I solved the problem of how to set up a working sex pheromone test system. I also filmed the world's most boring sex-related videos in the history of the world which didn't actually feature any sex at all, but which had to be watched on fast-forward to see any movement at all.

    You will be glad to know that these are now lost to posterity.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Trollface

      Re: Sometimes the filming is entirely justified, honest!

      repeat using Essex man - almost as intelligent as a male nemotode but moves about a good deal faster

  20. cs94njw

    Interested to see how evolution deals with this...

    ... I wonder if the seals will catch some kind of Penguin STD and die or something.

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