back to article Man brings knife to a gun fight and WINS

There are two things generally thought to be true. First, you should never bring a knife to a gun fight. Second, the machines are on the rise and puny humanity is set to be exterminated in an orgy of mechanised slaughter not too far in the future. Well it's a topsy turvy world, my friends, and these days it's pretty hard to …

  1. Ian Emery Silver badge
    Alien

    Was he a Jedi ???

    Carrying a really short light-sabre??

    1. brooxta

      Re: Was he a Jedi ???

      This is not the lifeform you are looking for.

    2. Fungus Bob Silver badge

      Re: really short light-sabre

      More of a light-stiletto then...

  2. Ross K Silver badge
    Coat

    You Have Twenty Seconds To Comply

    I wonder if shooting one of these police robots be a felony, like shooting a police dog?

    1. baseh

      Re: Shooting a robot

      Until true conscious AIs are developed and recognized as sentient beings, I think it will count as property damage

      1. Ross K Silver badge

        Re: Shooting a robot

        It was a tongue-in-cheek comment, as is this one:

        BTW I know some cops who would fail the "sentient being" test.

      2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Shooting a robot

        >"Until true conscious AIs are developed and recognized as sentient beings,

        So more like shooting a senior Met spokesman then?

    2. Charles Manning

      Re: You Have Twenty Seconds To Comply

      Nothing special about police dogs. They are just considered property like police cars etc.

      1. Flip

        Re: You Have Twenty Seconds To Comply

        Some would disagree with you:

        http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/edmonton/quanto-s-killing-prompts-call-for-law-to-protect-police-dogs-1.1929909

      2. Ross K Silver badge
        FAIL

        Re: You Have Twenty Seconds To Comply

        Nothing special about police dogs. They are just considered property like police cars etc

        I said killing one was a felony - which it is.

        I didn't make any comment as to whether a dog was an officer or property...

  3. pepper

    So the suspect actually managed to disarm a man with a gun that appeared at his door? That is actually quite impressive and sensible given the circumstances!

    EDIT: Nevermind, the whole switcharoo got my confused for a second. The writing isnt very clear about who's who in this report.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Police robots?!

    Did I miss the far bigger story, some years ago, that there are now ARMED POLICE ROBOTS patrolling the streets of America?

    Clearly the UK remains a third-world, luddite backwater devoid of such innovation.

    Thank God.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. TitterYeNot
        Coat

        Re: Police robots?!

        "I never heard that one but if they really are I would like to see the first report on their performance to see if they are racist."

        The robot cop's direct supervisor, Lieutenant NY225TS609, spoke to reporters earlier today.

        "It seems that the first responder at the scene, Officer TR88865BK3, may have picked up inappropriate phraseology from human colleagues, and will need to be sent off for re-education. However, I can categorically state that there is no evidence that the first words through his megaphone were -

        Comply with the directive and place the cutting implement on the ground, you scummy, organics-eating, sexually-reproducing humo..."

      2. Red Bren

        Racist police robots

        Of course they're racist. They despise the human race!

    2. Ross K Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Police robots?!

      Did I miss the far bigger story, some years ago, that there are now ARMED POLICE ROBOTS patrolling the streets of America?

      The Simpsons covered police robots in the episode "Brawl in the family" back in 2002.

      "Robot: I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and constructive manner. DESTROY! DESTROY!"

      1. Marketing Hack Silver badge
        Terminator

        Re: Police robots?!

        Or the Simpson's episode where the police have a robot disposing a bomb, and the robot cracks under the "cut the green wire or cut the blue wire" pressure, pulls out it's service revolver and shoots himself in the head. As I remember, Chief Wiggum then mournfully comments that the robot "only had 2 weeks until retirement".

        (Can't fool me though, the Everett robot is no doubt acting incompetently to lull us meatbags into a false sense of confidence. Either that, or the robot was reprogrammed by the human resistance in the future, and then sent back to our time with a new-found respect for human life.)

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Police robots?!

      they're not "patrolling" but sent in as negotiators whilst a remote operator sits outside.

      Patrolling armed robot death machines WERE pioneered in the UK, BTW.

      Just because YOURS couldn't climb stairs until the mid 80's is no reason to hate :)

      (EXTERMINATE!)

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Frightening

    I find the report fightenting: what's all this *the male*? I know the world is an increasingly impersonal place; but is the word, "man" such a difficult one? Such language is meant to distance us from the realisation that we are dealing with people (not persons).

    But then, this is by a police force that thinsk robots are the answer rather than looking, talking, understanding (I was a policeman for six years in two different countries - really - it does work, better than aggression and violence as a first response).

    1. Cameron Colley

      I think the use of the term "male" by law enforcement is entirely justified.

      After all, is an 18 year old male a man? How about a 16 year old ... a 12 year old?

      Yes, in this case if they knew it was a 50 year old male, for example, then "man" could have been used but, then, does that mean law enforcement should do as in bars and call every male who looks like they could be under 30 a "boy"?

      Such is language that we sometimes need to use less than personal words to be consistent. I know police do, in many cases, seem to treat their fellow human with less than the due respect but I think the use of "male" and "female" are just necessary in order to be semantically correct and avoid ambiguity. Of course, then we have transgender/mixed gender people and so forth so perhaps, in future, law enforcement will simply say "human" ...

      1. Anomalous Cowshed

        Re: I think the use of the term "male" by law enforcement is entirely justified.

        No I believe you are misguided, let me explain to you why:

        They were not referring to a man or a boy or an adolescent of the masculine gender.

        If you look carefully at the sentence, with a suitable magnifying object, for instance the bottom of a bottle of whisky whose contents must have been emptied but not thrown away in the seconds leading up to the operation, you suddenly see this:

        "The victim believed the copy of the Daily Mail was still inside his house and officers contained the area. Commands were given for the Mail to be brought out and a robot was used to look inside the home and read it. While Everett officers worked to decipher the Mail, Marysville Police Department found another copy of the Mail at a house in Marysville. It was impounded and is expected to be thrown into the Snohomish County incinerator."

        Now it starts to make more sense.

        1. steogede

          Re: I think the use of the term "male" by law enforcement is entirely justified.

          I was going to rant about how using the terms 'the victim' and 'the male' - surely it should be alleged victim, and how does 'the male' differ from 'the black person' or 'the muslim'.

          That said, if you are correct and there was a copy of the Daily Mail in the house, then I can see that it makes a lot more sense to use 'the victim' rather than 'the alleged victim'. Now that I think about it, the Mail's "weapon" of choice was a knife, which makes perfect sense - after all, there is no more evil and subversive "weapon" than a knife (in the eyes of the Daily Mail).

      2. veti Silver badge

        Re: I think the use of the term "male" by law enforcement is entirely justified.

        I disagree. If "male" is the only adjective you have, then by all means use it - once. But to keep repeating it as the only noun used to identify the suspect - that seems to give it undue prominence, as if his sex were the most important characteristic of this person.

        Call him a "suspect", or "perpetrator", or even "person" if you really must. But "the male"? That's just gratuitously sexist.

  6. Marcus Aurelius
    Joke

    Not a one horse town

    It is a one Jumbo town

  7. jake Silver badge

    Hmmmm ...

    "The two truisms stated above"

    Assumes facts not in evidence ...

  8. Winkypop Silver badge
    Terminator

    "the machines are on the rise"

    Indeed.

    Mars is entirely populated by robots!

    The only known planet to be so inhabited.

    1. Shrimpling
      Terminator

      Re: "the machines are on the rise"

      They are armed with lasers as well.

      Its only a matter of time before some well meaning human gives them a way to get to our planet, then we are doomed.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Terminator

        Re: "the machines are on the rise"

        "They are armed with lasers as well."

        ...and a network of orbiting satellites too!!!

        No one would have believed in the first years of the twenty first century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man's ...

  9. Fred M

    Slightly misleading headline

    Let me adjust that rather click-bait headline for you. "Police robot looks for man in house after he'd left"

    I was expecting to hear the (slightly heroic) tale of how a man with a knife defeated a gun-wielding robot like the script of some bad action movie. That wasn't really what happened.

    1. Gordon 10 Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Slightly misleading headline

      Are you new here?

      Your first mistake was assuming the headline has any relevance to the story when a humorous angle can be created instead.

      Your second was posting about it where people like me can troll you.

  10. Cliff

    Knife to gun fight

    Mythbusters covered this - close range or fast attacker, knife has advantages if they can get it embedded before the shooter can respond accurately.

  11. TRT Silver badge

    "Commands were given for the male to come out"

    Please put down your weapon. You have 20 seconds to comply.

    You now have 15 seconds to comply.

    You are in direct violation of Penal Code 1.13, Section 9.

    You have 5 seconds to comply.

    Four... three... two... one... I am now authorized to use physical force!

    1. Marshalltown

      Re: "Commands were given for the male to come out"

      The "20-foot" (six-meter) rule. Inside that distance, unless a gun is drawn (and even sometimes if it is) the knife has a distinct advantage. That would also pertain to any hand-wielded weapon (e.g. a walking stick for instance). The problem lots of gun users have is the faith that their weapon makes them invulnerable.

  12. Blacklight
    Facepalm

    I demand....

    Tom Selleck and a police unit in the style of "Runaway" immediately!

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Simple solutions ...

    Carry both a knife and a gun .. elementary, 3rd grader Yankees have that one covered .And some do carry bulletproof book bags too . Gunfight ? they're ready. Are YOU ? ;) God bless American paranoia !

    1. Alistair Silver badge

      Re: Simple solutions ...

      Simpler solution:

      Don't attend gunfight.

      Nuke from orbit.

      Proceed to evacuate the system. Sadly, I'm too close to the north end of the problem to implement said solution.

  14. Haku

    Can't decide wether to go the knife or gun route?

    Choose both, get a Knife Gun!

  15. i like crisps
    Terminator

    ROBOCOPOUT

    I wonder, does the botcop have a compartment in which is stored 'a throw down piece'. just in case its not a 'Righteous Kill'......Beep, he-had-a-gun, beep.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Guns for show knifes for a pro

    Guns for show knifes for a pro, but a big f**k off one, you know

  17. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
    Facepalm

    It's not even a robot.

    It's just a radio controlled toy. I grew up with proper SciFi and the robots were always intelligent to some degree or other and able to operate autonomously. These toys can't do anything without the human operator pushing a button or waggling his joystick. It hasn't even got the ability to follow a preprogrammed path, let alone make decisions based on it's surroundings. At least the military UAVs have a bit more smarts than that.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Missing the point of the article, most commentards are.

    It's really about why everyone shouldn't be allowed to own guns, when they are allowed to own knives ? Since it's hard to get real data on the topic, Ad hoc analysis is the probably the best option at hand.

    Having said that, in a true scientific study, the observer would collect anecdotal data in a neutral fashion without making up their mind beforehand.

    1. Ross K Silver badge

      Re: Missing the point of the article, most commentards are.

      It's really about why everyone shouldn't be allowed to own guns, when they are allowed to own knives ?

      Bad comparison. Knives have other uses, such as cutting a steak, buttering bread or as a makeshift screwdriver.

      A gun, on the other hand, is only useful for one thing...

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. The First Dave

        Re: Missing the point of the article, most commentards are.

        "A gun, on the other hand, is only useful for one thing..."

        The butt of a handgun is usually fairly useful as a hammer, if you have a nail that needs it; some models can be used to open a bottle of beer, the barrel is good for poking things that you don't want to touch...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Missing the point of the article, most commentards are.

          > some models can be used to open a bottle of beer

          I would never buy a model which can't open a beer bottle because getting drunk while holding a weapon is just sooo rad, goddammit!!

  19. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    " as the related stories at the side of this article will confirm."

    The most prominent sidebar story on my monitor is something about how some dunderhead perched on a rock in the middle of the Atlantic ocean and had the nerve to be surprised that half his stuff blew away in a storm one night.

    I suspect the automated page markup software is secretly undermining the author in an attempt to discredit him and get him replaced with an RSS feed.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not surprising

    As a martial artist with some weapons training, I will always put my money on the guy with a knife if the 2 people are less than 10 feet apart. At very close range (as people would be during an argument), a gun is nearly useless. A knife is very effective though.

    1. Richard Altmann

      Re: Not surprising

      Is that you, Hiro?

      Yours Truly

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019