back to article Apple's iPhone 6 can REVERSE BALDNESS (and cause it, too)

We've all suspected Apple's Jesus Phone can perform miracles, but few of us suspected it could perform the remarkable task of causing hairs to grow from bald men's heads. But now it has emerged that a number of bald men have claimed the new iPhone 6 Plus has ripped hairs from their fur-free noggins. Seeing as they don't appear …

  1. JDX Gold badge

    "It catches my scruff in the seam"

    I'm glad that referred to his beard.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: "It catches my scruff in the seam"

      Alternatively, if the aforementioned scruff had been of the "nasal capillary" variety...

      1. psychonaut

        Re: "It catches my scruff in the seam"

        is that like rimming? its so difficult to keep up these days

  2. M7S

    Automatic patent protection mechanism.

    It removes an obvious rounded corner.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Does it make other body parts grow?

    I'll take 4!

    1. psychonaut

      4 what? inches? i would aim a bit higher mate...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Windows

        show off!

    2. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge
      Coat

      Seems to be a common belief

      Nothing wrong with it if you feel you need it.

      I, OTOH, own an old, second-hand Samsung S5230.

  4. i like crisps

    YOU WOULD'VE THOUGHT THAT THE MOST COMMON 'TRAPPAGE'

    would have been Pubes! I think this 'hairs on head getting trapped' business is yet another cover up. Its all gone to cock since Mr Jobs died.

  5. frank ly Silver badge

    Marketing Opportunity !!

    If you wear 'fashion' glasses with those big chunky arms, you can tilt the phone slightly so the edge presses against the spectacles and keeps it away from your hair. (Not guarenteed if you have a bristly beard.)

    Any such spectacles for use with an iPhone would have to be stylish and very expensive. This may be why Karl Lagerfeld has become involved with Apple (at the recent Paris launch).

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Should have got a Samsung Note 4

    No way anything is getting stuck in that huge gap.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxgp4DNFdFM

    #gapgate

    1. PonchoD

      Re: Should have got a Samsung Note 4

      Nice try Mr Ive!

  7. Zot

    You're cutting your hair wrong!

    8¬ D

  8. Montreal Sean

    truly a serious problem!

    The problem is worse than reported!

    Yesterday I was standing in an elevator and the person next to me was talkking on their iPhone 6/Plus.

    When they walked out of the elevator they took some of my hair with them!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: truly a serious problem!

      I've experienced a different side effect. I was stuck in a lift with two recruitment consultants who were comparing their iPhone 6 and 6+. After four floors I suffered an inexplicable attack of Tourettes and told them to shut the f*ck up.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: truly a serious problem!

        Four floors?

        Upvoted for patience.

      2. W T Riker

        Re: truly a serious problem!

        Are you sure they weren't Pimps?

  9. Ralph B

    Before and After

    Surely we're missing a key piece of information here: Were these people bald before they got their iPhone 6?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Before and After

      oh no.. iPhones are too good for bald people

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Are we sure the hair was from their heads?

    nuff said

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You're holding it wrong

    Also, your hair is too thin.

    Sincerely,

    Apple.

  12. Camilla Smythe Silver badge

    Stiffness

    I would hazard a guess that these baldies if not truly bald actually have very short hair around their ears or a very short hair cut overall. As a result the hair is stiff and able to penetrate any gap in order to get caught and pulled out. Of course this does not detract from the fact that the problem did not exist before and therefore it is a design fault by Apple and they should be lambasted for it. I believe Mr Jobs had a short haircut so this would not have happened if he was still about. Could be time for a new style rubber bumper that covers the gap.

  13. W T Riker

    It's been pulling out the hairs on my ears, thus saving me from buying an "ear (and nose) hair trimmer". Thank you Apple for saving me from the embarrassment of using an ear hair trimmer.

  14. Truth4u

    Only 9 people have complained to Apple about bent phones

    (and lived)

    "What, this joker says some of his disgusting hair got caught in our baby, dispatch a swat team to his house and kill him immediately"

    The media in America is so well controlled by the corporations, that they literally COULD get away with this. I speculate that they are getting away with it. I don't have any proof, but that's just because they control the media and the politicians, so we're not gong to get proof anytime soon. But they done it.

    A normal reaction would be like "yeah some people don't get along with our phone but that's okay because we're not trying to own your soul or anything" but instead they have the sociopathic response of "everything we do is perfect and you must accept it, you will accept it, if you dont, you are sick in the head, freak!"

    1. tirk
      Coat

      Re: Only 9 people have complained to Apple about bent phones (and lived)

      The rounded corners on your phone are clearly hyperbol(a)e.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Garbage

    What rubbish you people at the Register write. How can anyone take any of your stories seriously?

  16. Buster
    Facepalm

    WHAT! ..............................people can use the iPhone to telephone people. Clearly the hair pulling feature is designed to discourage this sort of thing.

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