back to article Even better than the iThing: Apple's Cook is strictly pro Bono

Apple CEO Tim Cook will be joined on stage tonight by new allies including preposterous boy band U2. The rumours resurfaced despite apparent denials from the band's spokeswoman last week. The band, fronted by Bono, declined to comment further. Rumours in the Applesphere suggest the fruity firm will break out the Mayo to …

  1. Valeyard

    yep

    it would appear more than likely that Cupertino is planning some sort of attack on the music world

    Hence Bono, a warning shot to hurt music

    if that doesn't work music will be utterly destroyed by morrissey and bieber

  2. Khaptain Silver badge

    How appropriate

    U2 have brought out nothing original for quite some time either.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How appropriate

      Look on the bright side, every minute he's on stage with Apple is a minute he's not making boring records or preaching about something.

      I bet he wears his sunglasses indoors as well.

  3. Mtech25
    Meh

    My response to all of this is....

    MEH.

    Although I never liked Bono too preachy while having his Hat flown 1st class.

  4. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
    Joke

    They'll be watching you?

    which it hopes fanbois will use to track their every step, breath or heartbeat.

    Maybe they should have got The Police to reform for the event instead?

    1. AndrueC Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: They'll be watching you?

      Maybe they should have got The Police to reform for the event instead?

      Just so long as they don't start going on about Sue Lawley again :)

  5. Yugguy

    Bono Joke

    Bono at concert:"Every time I clap my hands an African baby dies."

    Bloke at back:"Stop fucking clapping then."

    I thank yow.

  6. a53

    I really hope

    that there is no iWatch, and instead, we get a total surprise. I miss the surprises, too many leaks.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I really hope

      Yes, it would be rather entertaining if they'd managed to throw a complete smokescreen and gone into home automation in a big way or something. It would be very entertaining to see all those journalists, analysts and other people that seem to feel the need to blow smoke totally on the back foot.

      Alas, we can but hope.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mayo is expected to show how Apple's new Health app could allow users to beam their data back to a medical centre, helping doctors keep abreast of their condition.

    Well, screw that - that would give them even more sensitive data than even Google has tried to squeeze out of me. No thanks.

    In our exclusive poll of fanbois, El Reg revealed that the most popular thought about what would be unveiled tonight was: "I'm sorry, you assumed I even care".

    If you cared enough to reach the bottom of this article, you may be one of the second largest cohort which believes Apple is about to unveil "two new phones, a watch, and unicorns for all".

    Is trolling allowed for journalists? It wasn't like you offered any other options..

    1. Semtex451 Silver badge
      Coat

      U2 is actually two unicorns...or ..or ...a submarine

      Wow ...some sort of.... iSub

      A jesusmobe to help you walk on water...

      Oh...oh I cant wait

    2. VinceH

      "Is trolling allowed for journalists? It wasn't like you offered any other options.."

      Quite. The only options were:

      • Two new phones, a watch, and unicorns for all
      • I'm sorry, you assumed I even care

      And the following three options were definitely not there, oh no, not at all, no siree (Siri?) no:

      • A new phone and watch, but we'll have to wait months for either
      • Just the phones. You waxed off all that wrist hair for nothing
      • Only one new iPhone. Everyone will grumble and then buy it anyway

  8. hammarbtyp Silver badge

    An Internet of people

    Mayo is expected to show how Apple's new Health app could allow users to beam their data back to a medical centre, helping doctors keep abreast of their condition.

    Presumably it will then be processed to prognostics algorithms and then beamed directly to your life assurance provider who will make the necessary adjustments in your policy

    1. Dan Paul

      Re: An Internet of people "and information that shouldn't be divulged to ANYONE"

      Exactly the reason why they (Apple) shouldn't be involved in the first place. Given all the recent security breaches, would YOU give your keys (SSN) to the Fox?

      We have a little thing called HIPAA here. Info about my health conditions is restricted to healthcare PROVIDERS (Doctors and Hospitals) not insurance companies through 3rd party monitoring software (Mayo).

      "Your iWatch just reported that you have had a heart attack. We are notifying your insurance company"

      What about Emergency Services?

      Oh we don't have an agreement with them, just Apple and your Insurance company"

  9. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Coat

    Shouldn't that be

    Throwing a 'Bonio'?

    Mines the one with an iPod touch Mk 2 in the pocket. No 'U2' allowed thank you very much.

  10. Wensleydale Cheese
    WTF?

    U2? Well that's dissuaded me from tuning into the big event

    I'll put some decent music on instead and read about the announcements tomorrow.

  11. Kristian Walsh

    Streaming services...

    This is a crowded market, and Apple didn't exactly buy a big-hitter either...

    The best quality streaming service at the moment, as far as I can see is Qobuz. Tons and tons of tracks, streaming at 44k PCM, and you can buy high-bitrate or raw PCM copies of the albums too (all without DRM, of course) at roughly the same price as iTunes charges for a compressed copy. Also, in a nice gesture to non-pop-music fans, you can opt to only stream their (large) classical catalogue for a lower price.

    If you don't want quality, Spotify and Pandora have enormous catalogues and lots of free options.. If you've got a WindowsPhone, Nokia also do a really, really good "Mix Radio" app for free if you buy one of their more expensive phones (or pay the small fee), you get unlimited streaming and can bring a small number of the playlists onto your phone for offline listening -- a really nice feature that I expect Apple are just about to invent, actually.

    So into this busy market, Apple's offer will possibly have a big catalogue ("possibly" because owning resale rights to music isn't the same as owning broadcast/streaming rights), and be limited to iOS. And... er?

  12. Frankee Llonnygog

    Cupertino, Mayo, Bono?

    Oh no.

  13. Ken Darling

    Bono...

    Total iCock.

    iBored before it's even iBegun.

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