back to article Women-only town seeks men

A Brazilian town populated solely by "extremely attractive" women is looking for obedient and well-behaved men to come and, erm, romance them. The 600 women of Noiva do Cordeiro are feeling amorous, but there are simply no chaps about to court them. So they have issued a call for eligible males who think they're man enough to …

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  1. corestore

    I'd better start taking my vitamins...

    1. LarsG

      The contract

      Chapter 5, paragraph 8, section 234.96

      It is compulsory to have sex with me at least 22 times a week.

      Chapter 5, paragraph 8, section 234.97

      It is compulsory to satisfy my every deviant need.

      Chapter 5, paragraph 8, section 234.98

      It is compulsory to bring me to an orgasm 98% of the time.

      Chapter 5, paragraph 8, section 234.99

      Alcohol will be strictly forbidden.

      Come on, they'll never find anyone with these onerous contract conditions will they.

      1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

        Re: The contract

        Bring to an orgasm 98% of the time? It's a typo.

        Five sigma confidence to qualify, no less.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The contract

          @ Vladimir Plouzhnikov, 69 will give 98, kid.

        2. Greg Jebb

          Re: The contract

          9-8% of the time. Done!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Simple solution

      There are parts of India where there is a significant discrepancy between the number of male babies 'born' 120 to female babies 'born' 100.

      In a number of areas the ratio is even worse.

      Instead of advertising in Brazil they should be relaxing immigration policy for the Indian subcontinent.

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. king of foo

    cannibalism

    I'm waiting for the mass graves and special cookery books to be uncovered...

    This sounds a lot like the start of a b movie...

    1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

      Re: cannibalism

      They should be careful then.

      With the first drop of my blood in their veins their faces might convulse in vulgar pains...

      1. frank ly Silver badge

        Re: cannibalism

        Maybe death by snu-snu if you're well behaved?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Snu snu

          Well done for the reference to snu-snu, didn't know anyone else watched that highly acclaimed tech program Futurama.

        2. chivo243 Silver badge

          Re: cannibalism

          too funny... they must be Amazon women in the Mood....

      2. Captain Hogwash Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: cannibalism

        Mortal pains!

        1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

          Re: cannibalism

          First time I ever read those lyrics it said "vulgar", must have been a misprint - not unexpected from a samizdat leaflet back in good old USSR, but it's "vulgar" for me ever since :-)

    2. sandman

      Re: cannibalism

      Plus 10 internet points for a truly obscure musical reference ;-)

    3. Mike Moyle Silver badge

      Re: cannibalism

      But the important question is:

      Guacamole or clam dip?

  3. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Windows

    The branch-off into frankly bizarre constructions has gone too far.

    Sounds like a mashup of the anarcho-collectivist commune that King Arthur encountered while searching for the Holy Grail, and the Castle of Anthrax.

    Not sure whether viable.

    1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

      Re: The branch-off into frankly bizarre constructions has gone too far.

      "Castle of Anthrax"

      And after the spanking . . .

      1. Mycho Silver badge

        Re: The branch-off into frankly bizarre constructions has gone too far.

        Read the terms. They're the ones doing the spanking.

        1. Bryan Maguire

          Re: The branch-off into frankly bizarre constructions has gone too far.

          you make that sound like a bad thing.

  4. Mr C
    Paris Hilton

    this sounds like a "you won a $1M dollar, just sign here" deal

    if its too good to be true it probably is.

    Agree with the "start of a b movie" comment above :P

    but no loss from getting a bucket with ice to cool down some

    1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

      Re: this sounds like a "you won a $1M dollar, just sign here" deal

      I'd go there for a holiday. Just to check it out, you know. But I don't think I'll get the permission from me wife...

    2. VinceH Silver badge

      Re: this sounds like a "you won a $1M dollar, just sign here" deal

      "Agree with the "start of a b movie" comment above :P"

      Or the start of a classic Carry On Caper!

      1. Martin-73 Silver badge

        Re: this sounds like a "you won a $1M dollar, just sign here" deal

        Ah yes, "I'm getting to the end of my tether with this"

        "you're lucky, I can't even feel mine"

  5. ratfox Silver badge

    Did Gabriel García Márquez know about this town?

    Sounds like one of his novels. Doesn't end well either.

    1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

      Re: Did Gabriel García Márquez know about this town?

      I'm thinking of the women's group that follow Dionisio Vivo around in Louis de Berniere's 'Coca' trilogy.

      I'll have to ask the missus - she's a Carioca.

  6. stu 4

    Amazonian Women

    not a single mention of em....

    I've seen alt.binaries.amazon-women.admirers.... no thanks.

    1. Irony Deficient

      Re: Amazonian Women

      stu 4, Noiva do Cordeiro is in Minas Gerais, about 100 km from Belo Horizonte — it’s nowhere near the Amazon.

  7. Charles Manning

    spiders

    No doubt lots of spiders to kill.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: spiders

      I was also interested by the idea that women without men live in harmony. All I can say is that this hasn't been my experience.

      1. James Micallef Silver badge

        Re: spiders

        "the idea that women without men..."

        It's clear from one of the quotes that the women do not live without men, just that the men there are either married or closely related.

        "...live in harmony"

        In a small closed community, there is going to be more resentment under the surface than is apparent because of the necessity to keep good relations with people you depend on. Not sure whether this would be more the case with all-women (or all-men), or whether it's not gender-specific at all.

        Adding a few eligible bachelors to a community with a lot of single women could increase that (accusations of 'you're stealing my boyfriend' etc), especially if their stated aim is marriage i.e. exclusivity. On the other hand, there might be just the right proportion that women learn to live together without jealousy, 'sharing' the men among them, or else getting nothing at all - A bit like 'The Moon is a Harsh Mistress', but with genders reversed

        1. Craigness

          Re: spiders

          @james the men are only allowed in on the weekends. Probably to plough the fields, put petrol in the cars, open some jars and give the ladies some d--k.

          "Quite a few years ago, I had the pleasure of watching the Dutch version of Survivor (Expeditie Robinson) with my feminist roommate. That particular season would have two islands, one populated by men and one populated by women"

          You can tell this is going to be good: http://www.returnofkings.com/32053/this-accidental-experiment-shows-the-superiority-of-patriarchy

          Didn't Camille Paglia recently say that if it was left to women we'd still be in mud huts?

          1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: spiders

            "Didn't Camille Paglia recently say that if it was left to women we'd still be in mud huts?"

            Very tidy and well-decorated mud huts though.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: spiders

            You can tell this is going to be good: http://www.returnofkings.com/32053/this-accidental-experiment-shows-the-superiority-of-patriarchy

            I wonder what the outcome would have been if the women involved had been given survival training - the issue isn't just organisational, it's also having the skills. Having said that, it's been my experience that it's easier to organise men because they're quicker to focus on a common goal, but that could be confirmation bias. Personally I believe a mix is best.

            As for the original topic, I suspect they will wish soon that they hadn't advertised as every idiot on the planet is going to descend on them..

            1. Craigness

              Re: spiders

              @AC "survival training"? What's wrong with "survival figuring it out for yourself"?

              --

              Michaelangelo would have been good at decorating mud huts.

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: spiders

              >as every idiot on the planet is going to descend on them..

              Wouldn't that leave them thinking that they're plan is working? Confused.

        2. Nuke
          Meh

          @James Micallef - Re: spiders

          Wrote :- "Adding a few eligible bachelors to a community with a lot of single women"

          No chance of that. After this story the place is going to be overwhelmed with men.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: spiders

        I was also interested by the idea that women without men live in harmony. All I can say is that this hasn't been my experience.

        That has always been my problem with the "72 virgins" idea...

  8. Scott Pedigo
    Gimp

    Send Frank Miller

    Did this remind anyone else of Sin City? I say, send Frank Miller there for inspiration.

    Naughty mask, because, that's what the men are going to be forced to wear.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Felines

    I bet the place is full of cats and it is a lynchable offence to leave the toilet seat up.

    Just checking travel plans on rome2rio and picking up some catnip now...

  10. Captain DaFt

    Yeah, right.

    >rolls eyes<

  11. John Deeb

    cult in need of advertising

    From The Mirror: The whole town came together recently to help buy a huge widescreen TV for our community centre so we can all watch soap operas together. "And there's always time to stop and gossip, try on each other's clothes and do each other's hair and nails."

    They do not really advertise, ehmmm, the romancing part, do they now? Their first catch should be an advertisement guru to create more illusions about wild romances and complex triangles. I mean the article does say they "share everything". Until the snake in paradise enters I suppose: the village will become soaked in blood when jealousy rears its ugly head.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Early retirement destination list

    Far North of Scotland now down to Number 2.

    New entry at Number 1.

    1. Fluffy Bunny
      Joke

      Re: Early retirement destination list

      "Far North of Scotland now down to Number 2".... er try 42.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Darling

    I'm going to be a bit late back

  14. Anomalous Cowshed

    Beware, O horny IT types!

    Bear in mind carefully these clues, as you pack your bags full of condoms and head out to meet the sirens of Brazil's lost city of Amazons for the orgy of the century!

    First: the town was founded in 1891

    Second: everyone is a cousin

    Third: you'll have to do WHAT WE SAY

    In your dreams, you recline on a couch as a bevy of naked nymphs feed you grapes, play harps and lyres, and massage your sore aches (to put it in polite wording).

    In reality...

    Oy, come here, you! Yeah, no. 67538. You're assigned to baba Samba y Futebol. She's not had a man in over 80 years, because...well, because...as we said, we're all cousins here and it can result in certain, er, unique physical and mental attributes. You'll see when you get there. She lives in Casa de los Tarantulas e Crocodylos, at the edge of the village, so called because, er, well...there's lots of them around. Your duties include having sex 10 times a day, filleting and cooking the tarantulas, feeding the crocodiles and cleaning your owner'slove's dentures and the rest of the home. Get moving!!!

    1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      Re: Beware, O horny IT types!

      Casa de los Tarantulas e Crocodylos

      I think I've just found a name for my holiday home. Now to deal with the small matter of not owning a holiday home...

    2. Lapun Mankimasta

      Re: Beware, O horny IT types!

      Casa de los Tarantulas e Crocodylos

      should read:

      Casa dos Tarantulos e Crocodylos

      It is Portuguese-speaking Brazil, after all. De los is Spanish, which you'll speak when you cross the border to the south or the west or the north - you can try crossing the eastern border, but that depends on how long you can hold your breath, I'm afraid ... :)

    3. Nuke
      Coffee/keyboard

      @Anomalous Cowshed - Re: Beware, O horny IT types!

      Wrote:- "You're assigned to baba Samba y Futebol. She's not had a man in over 80 years"

      New keyboard from you please.

  15. MyffyW Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    What more warning do you need.

    Calm down boys. You should know better than to trust your hearts to Amazon. It's only a matter of time before Jeff Bezos will corner that market too.

  16. Paddy B

    Did you read this?

    Read this article http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/08/25/unacceptable_behaviour_at_tech_events/ just before this one.

    They don't sit too well together.

    1. LucreLout Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Did you read this?

      Sure they do - both are attempts by women to make men conform to their behavioural standards.

    2. gazthejourno (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Did you read this?

      Have you read beyond the headlines?

    3. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

      Re: Did you read this?

      And you joined just to post this comment?

      Wow.

  17. elmo

    This topic

    Is worthless without pictures! (of the women in question)

    1. Simon Harris Silver badge
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Telegraph pictures

        If you look carefully, the second picture has a man standing in the background. He looks .. tired..

        :)

    2. Fatman Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: This topic

      Might these suffice? (WARNING NSFW and definitely NSAW (Not Safe Around Women)).

      http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/jfeKEq56fKc/0.jpg

      http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/chybMnfbih0/0.jpg

      I was looking for the one of that Brazilian soccer player who has such a 'perfect ass', but I can't find it.

  18. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

    Looking for week-end slaves really

    Apparently some of the women there are married but the husbands have to work out of town all week and are allowed in town only on the week-end. There <u>are</u> chaps interested in a wife and family, but this kind of family? Not too sure. That's a college fratboy kind of family life, and I doubt the townies and fratboys would be a good match, not least because I doubt the hubbies are supposed to have sex while away from home (all week, every week, for life)

  19. Simon Harris Silver badge
    Flame

    123 years...

    ... and they're still waiting for someone to light the barbecue.

    (runs away and hides from my Brazilian girlfriend who's good at lighting barbecues).

  20. Ginolard

    Whipcrack sound

    "But first they need to agree to do what we say and live according to our rules."

    Aaaaaand, I'm out.

    1. GrumpyOldBloke

      Re: Whipcrack sound

      That is not the fun bit. Living as an all female community (most of the time) their cycles may have synced. You wouldn't want to be the token male within weapons range that week! Such a community might even need to advertise for males from time to time in order to replace the poor souls who didn't make it.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Whipcrack sound

        You wouldn't want to be the token male within weapons range that week!

        I didn't laugh so much as howl at that. You're right, that is actually a scientifically established fact.

  21. hazzamon

    Interviews are taking place in Rio de Janeiro...

    ...and the end of the queue is currently in Buenos Aires.

  22. Lapun Mankimasta

    April 1st months ago/next year

    Meet the new boss, same as the old boss

    Just looked at my passport - no, wasn't born yesterday.

  23. Al fazed
    FAIL

    Not sure this is such a good idea

    since they have bought a wide screen TV for the community centre so that they can watch soap operas, so there'll be no Top Gear for a start. Not to mention what it might actually be like being told what to do every day by a fucking TV Zombie ................

    I may be desperate for a shag, but I am still not biting as I am concienciously avoiding being seduced by a feminine Hitler ...........

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not sure this is such a good idea

      I may be desperate for a shag, but I am still not biting as I am concienciously avoiding being seduced by a feminine Hitler

      You have a tech inclination and know about the Net (or you wouldn't come here) - surely you know there are plenty of men who'd *pay* for that? I suspect they won't be short of applicants.

  24. Lapun Mankimasta

    "Sons are sent away when they reach 18 and no other men are permitted to live in the town"

    sounds very much like any number of matriarchal mammal species ...

  25. croc

    I've just checked my calendar. It is not April, or late March... Better start brushing up on my Portuguese.

  26. Splodger

    <Marvin voice>

    Backward jungle hell-hole populated by in-bred, desperate screechy women?

    ...Sounds ghastly.

    </Marvin voice>

    Had just one of those in my life in the past, can't see much appeal in a whole town full.

  27. MatsSvensson

    So I noticed it doesn't say anywhere that they are human females?

  28. earl grey Silver badge
    Trollface

    herds ????

    I think i see the problem here..

  29. Sheep!

    I'd go but given there are only 600 of them it wouldn't be fair leaving none for the other men.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Do they have high speed internet?

    Do they have high speed internet? And do I have to speak Portuguese?

    1. Irony Deficient

      Re: Do they have high speed internet?

      Anonymous Coward, given the village’s rural location, define “high speed”. Learning Portuguese might help, even if you choose not to speak it. (Who knows — your not saying a word might be a plus for somebody there.) Once you’ve picked up some Portuguese, you could look for a documentary named Noivas do Cordeiro (a play on the village’s name) to learn more about the people there. The sentence Todos trabalham, todos comem o que plantam should provide a dose of reality.

  31. Don Constance

    "But first they need to agree to do what we say and live according to our rules."

    You will of course never be allowed to know what those rules are until after you have been judged to have contravened them ;-)

    1. ecofeco Silver badge

      Too bad I can't upvote this a few thousand times.

  32. Eddy Ito Silver badge

    Just when you think you know El Reg. They give you a headline like that and it isn't about an understaffed server farm in Rio without air conditioning.

  33. Greg J Preece

    Men are shit.

    Men are shit.

    Men are shit.

    Men are shit.

    Men are shit.

    Hey men, wanna come live with us? Why not?

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What week is it best not to visit?

  35. Hud Dunlap
    IT Angle

    Let me be the first

    IT angle?

    1. Steve Hillier

      Re: Let me be the first

      Fem-puter: After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death...

      [everyone gasps]

      Fem-puter: By snoo-snoo!

      Fry, Captain Zapp Brannigan, Bender: Yeah! Woo-hoo!

  36. Marketing Hack Silver badge

    I'd need to check out the town library first....

    If the first book I see is "To Serve Man", I'm running for the hills.

  37. This post has been deleted by its author

  38. Frank N. Stein

    How many of you chaps are lining up to ditch your own lives to go and be with a bunch of hot feminist Brazilian babes? :-) Think I'll just pass on that.

  39. Matthew Taylor

    Summer is a comin' in...

    Where's Edward Woodward when you need him?

  40. Rick Brasche

    Wicker Man Redux?

    Nic Cage and the bees think this could be a trap.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Harmony??

    You're kidding, right? Have you SEEN how women interact with each other? They may not be violent, but the fairer sex can do far more damage with the rumor mill than most guys can do with a fist.

    1. Andrew Jones 2

      Re: Harmony??

      I was thinking something similar,

      I was thinking that they way they deal with "crime" is probably to gang up and emotionally torture the offender until she either flees town or kills herself.

      I imagine this town of "hot" girls will probably be something like the mean girls in highschool.

  42. chivo243 Silver badge

    C'mon, say it with me!

    Eyes down dink!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cmwl3-D62XE

  43. Nick Pettefar

    From the Telegraph:

    "Elida Dayse, who organises visits to the area, said: “It looks as if the majority of the population are women, but it’s partly because the men leave during the week to work in the city.” However, some of the town’s women fear that an influx of men could destroy their distinctive way of life."

    So basically there are a lot of single women but not exclusively, no work, it's poor and it's miles from anywhere. Surely there are better prospects elsewhere for a young man?

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The whole News is a sham.

    Try google translator for this:

    http://noticias.uol.com.br/ultimas-noticias/bbc/2014/08/29/cidade-de-beldades-desmente-boato-internacional-de-campanha-por-homens.htm

    Shame on you, El Reg. BBC Brasil site unmasked the fake news. And you fell for it without checking sources.

    1. sisk Silver badge

      Re: The whole News is a sham.

      I rather thought it might be a hoax. It just sounded way too much like that Swedish 'city of lesbians' rumor that had the men of south east Asia so excited a few years back.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The whole News is a sham.

        Well, you fixed it for me. I was looking for the word 'hoax' on some dark corner of my mind.

  45. Bradley Hardleigh-Hadderchance
    Alert

    If it sounds too good to be true..

    Alright, dig it

    Cold coolin' at a bar and I'm lookin' for some action

    But like Mike Jagger said, 'I Can't Get No Satisfaction'

    The girls are all around but none of them wanna get with me

    My threads are fresh and I'm lookin' def, yo, what's up with L O C?

    The girls all jockin' at the other end of the bar

    Havin' drinks with some no-name chump

    When they know that I'm the star

    So, I got up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina

    I asked the guy, why you so fly? He said, Funky Cold Medina

    Funky Cold Medina

    This brother told me a secret on how to get more chicks

    Put a little Medina in your glass and the girls'll come real quick

    It's better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac

    A couple of sips of this love potion and she'll be on your lap

    So, I gave some to my dog when he began to beg

    Then he licked his bowl and he looked at me

    And did the wild thing on my leg

    He used to scratch and bite me before he was much, much meaner

    But now all the poodles run to my house for the Funky Cold Medina

    You know what I'm sayin'?

    I got every dog in my neighborhood breakin' down' my door

    I got Spuds McKenzie, Alex from Stroh's

    They won't leave my dog alone with that Medina, pal

    I went up to this girl, she said, Hi, my name is Sheena

    I thought she'd be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina

    She said, I'd like a drink, I said, Ehm, ok, I'll go get it

    Then a couple sips, she cold licked her lips

    And I knew that she was with it

    So, I took her to my crib and everything went well as planned

    But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man

    So, I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener

    You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina

    You know, ain't no plans with a man

    This is the 80's and I'm down with the ladies

    Break it down

    Back in the saddle, lookin' for a little affection

    I took a shot as a contestant on 'The Love Connection'

    The audience voted and you know they picked a winner

    I took my date to the Hilton for Medina and some dinner

    She had a few drinks, I'm thinkin' soon what I'll be gettin'

    Instead she started talkin' 'bout plans for our weddin'

    I said, wait, slow down, love, not so fast, says, I'll be seein' ya

    That's why I found you don't play around with the Funky Cold Medina

    Ya know what I'm sayin'

    That Medina's a monster, y'all

    -----------------------------------

    TL;DR - Sheena was a man!

  46. CaptainBanjax
    FAIL

    Hah...bossed about by women.

    Now that I'm back from taking out the trash and the dishwasher is unpacked the wife has said I can tell you bossy women are for saps.

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