It's Friday, and...it's not Friday? Oh yes it is. In this universe, today is Friday...the 42nd.
After several millennia of global dominance, the human species is still uncertain about the motivations of those chickens that choose to cross the road. But last Monday, officers from the Portland Police Department got the opportunity to tackle this most insoluble of philosophical problems after a plucky clucker ventured into …
Ok, I still don't see how the chicken also meant to die. If it were a modern joke I'd understand given the amount of traffic and speeds it travels but when the joke appears to have originated, 1847, the invention of the automobile was still nearly 40 years distant and Lincoln wouldn't be elected for over a decade so crossing a road should have been trivial unless there happened to be a horse carriage at full gallop coming through. This whole chicken suicide sounds like some sort of new-age codswallop to me.
Years ago on holiday, on a remote country road, my Dad's car hit a chicken just as we passed a small cottage. Feathers everywhere, indeed, and an irate old country woman ranting "You've kilt ma chicken". It took a fresh £5 note (it was a while ago) to pacify her, but for ages afterward my Dad was convinced that she spent her days sitting behind the hedge with a bag of dead chickens, thowing them out in front of passing tourists...
Years ago on holiday, on a remote country road, my Dad's car hit a chicken just as we passed a small cottage
Mate of mine hit a chicken with his sidecar rig. Presenting it to the farmer's wife, uttering apologies, she replied laconically "Oh, that's chicken soup tonight then."
I suppose it depends on the size of the bird. A largish one could do a lot of damage to your car if you hit it at speed. Though it would almost certainly go under the vehicle - unless it took flight at the last second and hit your windscreen.
Though I do agree: anyone who puts their own life (and that of their passengers and other motorists) at risk by slowing / stopping on a motorway, simply to "save" some wildlife shouldn't be a driver.
suppose it depends on the size of the bird. A largish one could do a lot of damage to your car if you hit it at speed. Though it would almost certainly go under the vehicle - unless it took flight at the last second and hit your windscreen.
I had this happen about 30 years ago with a pigeon. The beast decided to land on the road just ahead of me so I had no chance to break. The stupid bird decided to take flight when my car was almost on top of it - and thus ended up minced in the engine compartment when it encountered the cooling fan on its way up (in those days they were still permanently driven by the fan belt). I cannot tell you what a mess it was under the hood, and to this day I don't know how the fan managed to stay intact.
It took some serious jet cleaning and scrubbing to clear it - bird fluids and bits sure stick to hot surfaces...
quote: "Try hitting one on a motorcycle, then... Not to be recommended."
I ducked behind the touring screen, so just got spattered with bits rather than taking one to the head. Front of the bike also held up fine, but it did take some time to clean the bits off though, given they had plenty of time to dry up on the remainder of the journey :(
Try hitting one on a motorcycle, then... Not to be recommended.
I don't know about pigeons, but I once saw a guy take a pheasant to the chest on a motorcycle. The bird won. It knocked him clean off the back of the bike and wandered off into some tall grass while he was testing how much protection leathers give against road rash (quite a bit, apparently, but not so much against bruises and broken arms).
Somewhat humorously, the bike continued down the road for about a quarter mile before it realized it had lost its rider and laid down in the ditch to wait for him.
"Though I do agree: anyone who puts their own life (and that of their passengers and other motorists) at risk by slowing / stopping on a motorway, simply to "save" some wildlife shouldn't be a driver."
I suppose your policy position is okay for small fowl and poultry, but have you considered the ramifications of not stopping vis-à-vis moose?
Recent case in the news in Quebec of a woman who stopped on the highway for some ducks which resulted in the death of two following motorcyclists: she was convicted and sentenced and was just given leave to appeal.
Precisely illustrates your point.
which resulted in the death of two following motorcyclists
That's not solely her fault (and I am a motorcyclist). Following too close so that you don't have time to react to a vehicle suddenly stopping, then brake or swerve to avoid collision is noone else's fault but the person who's following too close. Sure, on a motorway it's usually a steady flow of traffic in more or less the same direction, but anything can happen to disrupt that, and it behooves anyone (not just motorcyclists, BTW) to be aware of that.
What, in any case, is the number of ducks you can safely mow down without stopping, and at what speed? Had one taken flight and hit the windscreen, chances are she would have slammed the brakes, with quite likely the same (or worse) outcome. What if it had been a goose or swan instead of a duck? The average driver would brake, doesn't matter if that's before or after hitting it. A deer? Moose? What if she'd had an engine failure? Or a truck slightly ahead suddenly blowing tyre shrapnel in the direction of her car? Just a number of reasons why not keeping distance can be rather unhealthy.
It's a chicken, not a buffalo. It'll move sooner rather than later (case in point, it moved before the cops got there).
I've been stopped by fowl before (geese in fact), it takes them a leisurely 30 seconds to waddle off and let you move again.
Calling the cops for that is about as useful as calling them when Facebook is down.
My father taught me to never swerve for dogs because doing so you are likely to kill yourself or someone else in another vehicle.
A tourist here recently swerved for a rabbit and put his whole family in hospital.
P.S. The only dog that I've hit survived the impact.
Paris wouldn't swerve for a dog ----------->
Yep, but the key to possums is to hit em with the back wheel so the mess sprays out behind you, rather than under the vehicle. Even more fun on the gravel back roads.
Cue the mandatory rally ad
On the other hand, Aussies learn early to swerve round wombats, which are pretty much indestructible mobile traffic islands...
"Aussies learn early to swerve round wombats, which are pretty much indestructible mobile traffic islands..."
Most Aussies learn.
I've seen the aftermath of a Holden that hit a wombat at around the tonne. It punched the passenger side upright through the fender and tore the hub clean off. The skid and scrape marks were about 300m long. Its a miracle the thing didn't roll over. That was on an old tank like HQ, not a fall-apart-if-you-look-at-it-funny Commodore.
To add insult to injury, the driver had walked all the way back and found the bloodied mound of brown fur was still breathing so he walked back to the car get something to finish it off with and by the time he'd got back to the scene the bugger had wandered off into the bush never to be seen again.
We picked the poor bastard up about an hour later.
quote: "My father taught me to never swerve for dogs because doing so you are likely to kill yourself or someone else in another vehicle."
In the UK you are required by law to stop and give details if you hit a dog, so I would need to stop anyway. May as well attempt avoidance if you believe you can do so safely.
I would however agree that there is no cause to unnecessarily endanger yourself or your passengers, if you do not believe you can perform an avoidance manoeuvre safely.
A quantum chicken would have both crossed the road and not crossed the road therefore eliminating the need for crossing at all as it would be on both sides at once and on neither side. There was no sign of it when the police arrived because of the observer effect, as as any fule kno.
Chickens are, in my view underestimated. Particularly fallacious is the view that chickens are towards the lower end of the food chain, eaten by foxes, Colonel Sanders, and just about everything in between. Chickens are, in fact ninja style, relentless, ruthless killers. If any small creature gets into their pen, they immediately attack, viciously kill and eat it. Insects, small mamals, the lot. One partucularly revolting memory was one of our rather small pet chickens eating a large, still live and struggling frog, head first, the frogs legs kicking wildly. They are decended from Velociraptors. Remeber this and treat them with the respect they deserve. Give them the chance, and they'll kill you and everyone you care about. You've been warned.
Chickens are indeed ruthless killers, in the days when I kept horses, I also had a fair few chickens wandering around, On the odd occasion when opening a feed bin and finding a mouse, if I was able to catch the little bugger and splat it the chickens would go mental with each other trying to get the most meat.Also if a mouse was daft enough to show up in their pen they would fight each other enough to the point the mouse could escape,
Their beaks are quite wicked and designed for cutting meat although they are omnivores. On the other hand genius is not a requirement for elevated status in the pecking order and like Jake I have mowed the odd chicken, I borrowed a Kubota out front mower , it had a 60" wide cutting deck with three large cutters, while I was topping the field my wife decided to let the chucks free range for a bit. One of the larger birds came ambling up the field then suddenly made a bee(chicken)line for the front of the machine and disappeared into it, I swear about three times as much gore and feathers came out the side chute compared to the amount of bird that went into it.
I also managed to strim a hen with a heavy duty strimmer, it took all the feathers off one wing but the bird survived and didn't seem too bothered by the experience.
For anyone who fancies keeping a couple of chickens I can recommend Wyandottes, the eggs are usually large, brown and often double yolkers. You can easily get 200 eggs a year from one of these hens.
Road sense is poor though.
I moved from the UK to Oregon recently and that was one of the very first things I learned (my Oregonian in-laws explained it to me, prompted by my cry of OH JEEZ WHAT IS THAT SMELL GAAAAAAAK)
We brought our dog over from the UK and he has no awareness of such things. Any day now he'll bounce on a skunk or coyote expecting it to play with him.
Also, not surprised this happened in Portland. The place is delightfully - although I must admit, a trifle self-consciously - weird. Would I swerve to avoid a skunk? Certainly. A hipster? Hmm, let me get back to you on that one...
- Did the alleged chicken actually visit both sides of the alleged road?
- What was this chicken's name? What color, race, age, weight, sex, and social security number was it?
- Which road was it trying to cross and when?
- Who saw it happen? Are they reliable witnesses?
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