back to article DON’T add me to your social network, I have NO IDEA who you are

Norbert Spankmonkey has invited you to connect. Oh dear, not another one of these mystery invitations. Who the heck is Norbert Spankmonkey? Did we exchange emails perhaps, or cross swords recently on a forum? Could I have met him at that conference earlier in the week, the one at the casino that ended with free drinks? I …

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  1. nobby

    lastname incorrect

    my last name is not spankmonkey

    thank you.

    1. VinceH Silver badge

      Re: lastname incorrect

      I can see Alistair's mistake. It's obviously Spunkmonkey.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: lastname incorrect

        I thought it's usually Spunkmankey...

        As and when I can muster the enthusiasm. <sigh>

    2. famulla

      Re: lastname incorrect

      AND WHAT DO WE DO??? Hawks and entire GOPer supporters, right after spitting all over the only POW of the abandoned long ago missions and those sent to accomplish so quickly after 9/11 are screaming about their want to go back into Iraq. Once again No Mention As To The Results From Those War Drums Beating: i.e. the people served Responsibility the Veterans Administration!! Both wars yet to be paid for and they want more 'free wars', as long as others, the real 1%, serve in them!!! Not the 1% that reap the profits from!!!

      Senate Passes VA Reform Bill - June 2014

      February 27, 2014 - Senate Blocks Dem Bill Boosting Vets' Benefits

      “Why in 2009 were we still using paper?” VA Assistant Secretary Tommy Sowers “When we came in, there was no plan to change that; we’ve been operating on a six month wait for over a decade.” 27 March 2013

      5/28/14

      - Vietnam veterans call Richard Burr (minority leader on the Senate Veterans Affairs Committee) ‘insulting’ ""The Vietnam Veterans for America is slamming Sen. Richard Burr in a new letter, saying his comments about veterans service organizations were “insulting” and “ugly.”""

      Rep Millier (R-FL)- House Veterans Affairs Committee Chairman: "But Miller is vowing to find the billions needed to pay for it — which could pose a challenge." "“We’ll pay for it. We’ve got to pay for it,” he said on Wednesday evening. “We’ll have to find a way.”"

      Sen. Jeff Sessions, R-Ala., said the Senate bill created "an unlimited entitlement program" for veterans and voted against it.

      Just three lawmakers — all Republican senators — voted against the veterans measures. In addition to Sessions, Republican Sens. Bob Corker of Tennessee and Ron Johnson of Wisconsin voted no.

      Sen Ron Johnsons Pathetic Excuse for Voting NO: "Johnson blamed Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) for rushing "a different bill onto the floor of the Senate without even an estimate of costs." "

      Here's your answer Miller and Sessions as to that 'unlimited entitlement program':

      "If military action is worth our troops’ blood, it should be worth our treasure, too" "not just in the abstract, but in the form of a specific ante by every American." -Andrew Rosenthal 10 Feb. 2013

      All above and their party ideology long to privatize, the peoples served responsibility, the VA for corporate profit off the peoples treasury, they'll then finally stop obstructing VA budgets and be able to legislate extra fee's and more for those corporate entities as they bring along all the problems, never mentioned, in the cash rich to fix already but don't untill made public, private sector! While they quickly rubber stamped the abandoning of the missions and those sent after 9/11 and All war costs, including no bid private contracts, building a

      private merc army that morphed into another intelligence gathering agency ot regulated, no over site and now no known budget costs for, rubber stamped, off the books till executive administrations changed and all borrowed with two tax cuts, still. Along with all the other bushco want policies, rubber stamped and not funded!!

      The Country that 'Talks the Talk' but rarely 'Walks the Walk'!! Patriotism Posers who loves the free wars and ignore any sacrifice as to the long term results from! Long ignoring the many issues of Veterans, throw a few million

      every now and then for studies they already know the results they want, especially as a result of our wars. Them representatives leading that ignoring while attacking the under funded VA, decades now and wars from, they control the purse strings of the Country! While political ideologues on conservative side made comfortable livings writing and speak on issues like PTS denying it exists and still do. Like Sally Satel, M.D.. Resident scholar at the Conservative American Enterprise Institute still reaping in and still denying. Then there's Agent Orange, Gulf War Syndrome and so many more

  2. John Miles

    I wonder if today will be

    Invite Alistair Dabbs into your social network day and whether we'll see a Register Doodle to celebrate it.

    1. Milen

      Re: I wonder if today will be

      Won't get a better excuse than this article. Then again, I'm guessing today everyone gets denied.

      1. Gordon 10 Silver badge

        Re: I wonder if today will be

        Love the *cough* *cough* at the bottom.

        1. Jack's_Rage

          Re: I wonder if today will be

          I was thinking the same, I don't have a link account cause it seems a bit like a circle jerk of fake endorsements, but I imagine Mr. Dabbs may get a couple invites today.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Devil

            Re: I wonder if today will be

            Damn, and I unlinked my linkedin account this week because my boss 'suggested' that I really should accept his invitation. I had to be honest (after all, he's my boss) and say that the only reason I had one was that I was looking for a job, which he gave me.

            Otherwise, I'd join the semi-washed masses of commentards, and send him an invite.

          2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

            Re: I wonder if today will be

            I don't have a link account cause it seems a bit like a circle jerk of fake endorsements

            Oh lord yes. And LI pumps it by prompting people to endorse one another; I'm sure a lot of people just click through the damn things.

            I created an LI account some years ago when I got an invite from a friend who was looking for a job; figured it might help him out a bit. (He wasn't out of work for long.) Since then I've accepted invitations from people I know in person or have at least had substantial phone conversations with. Everyone else I ignore, as I do those damned endorsements.

            I do subscribe to daily updates from a few LI groups and there are generally a few items of interest each week. (You learn to recognize the ninnies who just repost links to StumbleUpon and other aggrevator aggregator sites.) But Usenet it ain't.

    2. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

      Re: I wonder if today will be

      I had to. Even before I finished the article. I adore Mr Dabbs' writing, and respect him an enormous amount...but alas, I am at heart an internet troll.

      Sorry Dabbsy, I just couldn't control the troll.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Evil Auditor Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: I wonder if today will be

        Trevor Pott, isn't there an inner troll living in all of us? The commentards' common ground...

      3. John Gamble
        Happy

        Re: I wonder if today will be

        "I had to. Even before I finished the article."

        Hmm, you mean I could send invites to both Dabbsy and Pottsy1?

        ...nah, I have more self-control than that.

        ---

        1. Sorry about that2.

        2. Not really though.

    3. Fair Dinkum
      Thumb Up

      Re: I wonder if today will be

      Was wondering about that myself.

      Lovely piece, Alistair, as always. Tad but caustic, but thats ok - robotic requests piss me off too.

  3. Owain 1
    Pint

    Pharrt

    just sums it all up nicely.

    I agree with everything you say. As a nobody, I'm assuming most of the random connection attempts I get are hacked accounts wanting to spam me with something. My wife insisted we get a facebook page for our holiday cottage. We have one. Some of our friends have have liked it. Nobody has ever enquired about a booking through it. Waste of time. Plenty of traffic through google and our website.

    1. Adrian 4 Silver badge

      Re: Pharrt

      Underappreciated article at the guardian :

      http://www.theguardian.com/media/2014/jun/07/mind-your-manners-guide-social-media

      Though it's way too nice about LinkedIn

      " LinkedIn is a group of dead-eyed, sharp-elbowed junior executives in the bar of an airport Novotel at 2am after a conference, slapping themselves on the back while scanning their peers for signs of weakness."

      1. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Re: Pharrt

        I used to visit Linked-iin after I cut adrift from Local Authority employment to try to keep in touch with current thinking in my main line of work (literacy difficulties). But soon realised that it was mostly inhabited by a bunch of self-serving snake-oil sellers that were not actually aware of or even interested in any kind of thinking other than the one that would support their own business-; teaching phonic skills mechanically. (It's easy to design and market - and has a superficial logic to it that is attractive to anyone not thinking too deeply).

        The last thing they were interested in was anything that suggested life couldn't be tidily packaged and marketted.

        It was never a social network for professionals, as far as I could see, looking at other bits. It was all bluster and bullshitting. - Mostly aimed at other bull-shitters.

        After that all Linked-in emails went straight to the junk folder.

  4. Mage Silver badge

    Simple

    Delete all your Linkedin content

    Create temporarily working email account

    Rename name and email

    Confirm email change received by temp account

    Delete Linkedin

    Delete Temp email account

    Problem solved.

    Repeat with Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Tumblr etc as often as required.

    An IRC channel. private skype texts, email and giving some people an FTP account on my "unlimited" hosting plan, and a couple of my own hosted CMS/Blogs with comments and "sign up" disabled is enough for me I have decided.

    The Advertisers can stick to regular web advertising, Radio, TV, Billboards, papers etc, though when I am world dictator most of it will be banned and $1M fine per lie. The adverts seem to actually tell you nothing truthful about the product.

    All these social networking sites only exist to exploit you. They have no user value at all.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Simple

      >All these social networking sites only exist to exploit you. They have no user value at all.

      They keep the drones happy.

      1. Death Boffin
        Coat

        Re: Simple

        "Don't go, the drones need you."

    2. Jack's_Rage

      Re: Simple

      There is one reason I have Facebook, event planning. Most everyone I want to invite or be invited by has it. Seems to me if used in this manner and no information is offered it is at least less harmful and useful at the same time.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Coat

        Re: Simple

        re: event planning.

        Except that the baddy at twinkedbookinspace can now corner all of you at once, instead of having to drive all over creation.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Simple

        > There is one reason I have Facebook, event planning. Most everyone I want to invite or be invited by has it

        And even moster¹ of them have an email account and/or a mobile phone. Just send a fucking email.

        I am on the receiving end of someone who uses Farcebook for "event planning" as you say (or rather for changing the schedule of an otherwise regular event). Of course, I have no Farcefuckingbook so he's got to fucking text me (and a bunch of others) anyway. :-/

        ¹ Pardon the mangling.

    3. Richard Tobin

      Re: Simple

      I've never had an account with Linkedin, but I still receive endless requests (all from people I have never heard of). I configured procmail to bounce all mail from linkedin.com with "unknown user", but it hasn't helped.

    4. Mitoo Bobsworth

      Re: Simple

      I made the mistake (some years ago) of not paying 100% attention while signing up to Linkedin at the behest of several friends, only to discover that, during the process, it had hoovered the entire content of my contacts app - family, friends, medical & service providers - everyone. Never again.

      1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        Re: Simple

        it had hoovered the entire content of my contacts app

        It is possible to prevent LI from doing this, at least if you only interact with it through the web site. (I wouldn't trust an LI app for a second.) But they do try to sneak it past you, and it is a tupping liberty.

        I have accounts on LI and Facebook to make my friends happy. Since I very rarely do anything with those accounts, they cost me very little (in opportunity costs, cognitive load, privacy1, etc) and they spare me from complaints about my lack of LI, Facebook, and Twitter3 targets. That said targets are actually sinks doesn't seem to bother them.

        1Since I post here and elsewhere online using my real name2, and have over the years mentioned any number of details that could be used to ferret out plenty of information about my life, the small exposure of merely possessing those accounts isn't an issue for me.

        2Though it's a relatively common name. There's no shortage of "Michael Wojcik"s around, some discernibly more famous than even I am.

        3I have never "tweeted", but somehow amassed a few dozen "followers" anyway. They bask in the glory of my silence. No such luck for you lot.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tell me about it

    You make some sarcastic remark about paranoid Americans and the NSA on a linkedin article and the next thing you know you get some security analyst for the South Carolina State Guard wanting to be your friend.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tell me about it

      Ah... you got it all wrong. Just say you work for a defence contractor and you will suddenly be inundated by top model looking chinese "students" wanting to "link in" with you and share good time in england while improving their language skills....

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Tell me about it

        "improving their language skills...."

        Combination of spies and language skills just begs a

        "You always were a cunning linguist James"

        Although why they turned MoneyPenny into a slut I'll never know ;)

      2. Nuke
        Unhappy

        Re: Tell me about it

        AC wrote :- " say you work for a defence contractor and you will suddenly be inundated by top model looking chinese "students" wanting to "link in" with you and share good time in england .."

        Having worked as a defence contractor, I have never had that luck.

    2. Danny 14 Silver badge

      Re: Tell me about it

      adding things like nuke the president does the same. It pings you on all sorts of radars.

      1. Cipher
        Joke

        Re: Tell me about it

        danny14:

        You have been selected to participate in Re-Education Camp.

        Signed,

        Your Digital Overlord

        :-)

      2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        Re: Tell me about it

        adding things like nuke the president does the same

        My fortune(1)-style random signature-line database for Usenet had this little tweak, which I composed sometime after the Infamous Fraction of 2001:

        Distracted by the sounds of Anthrax, I crashed my bin laden with goods into the bush.

        I thought that achieved decent spook-bait density.

  6. Milen

    Just friend and unfriend

    Just friend them and then unfriend them. They won't notice anything anyway, since they just got friended by 500+ people like them.

    What is more annoying and weird is all the random birthday wishes I get on LinkedIn from people who I've never met, that happen to do business with the company where I work. I have no clue how they got my birthday. Does LinkedIn tell them to do that?

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Just friend and unfriend

      Can't you change your birthday, let's say every fortnight? See what happens...

    2. Ben Tasker Silver badge

      Re: Just friend and unfriend

      Yes, it'll also tell them to congratulate you every year for having been in the job for n years

      1. The First Dave Silver badge

        Re: Just friend and unfriend

        And better still, it will continue to do so, even after you have had their account closed, what with them being dead and all...

  7. Bob Wheeler
    Pint

    "nutters with an unhealthy fixation for Friday-afternoon El Reg columnists"

    I take excpetion to that remark.

    My Doctor's tell me that my fixation is no unhealthy. Honest.

    Is it time for my meds yet nurse?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "nutters with an unhealthy fixation for Friday-afternoon El Reg columnists"

      >my fixation is no unhealthy

      Maybe not but talking with a scottish accent is

      1. Steven Raith
        Mushroom

        Re: "nutters with an unhealthy fixation for Friday-afternoon El Reg columnists"

        "Maybe not but talking with a scottish accent is"

        ...why dae ye no just take a sook o' mah stroop ya softy southern* shandy drinking bast.

        Steven "John O Groats**" Raith

        *Anyone south of Inverness, as it happens.

        **Thrumster, Wick and Thurso actually, but same difference.

      2. Irongut

        Re: Chris W

        Ho! Cunto! Shut it!

        1. Steven Raith

          Re: Chris W

          Irongut - I just had to use a series of colourful euphemisms to explain to a client why I was choking down a guffaw when I was supposed to confirming a printer was working on a remote site.

          Nice one cunto!

          Steven "cheucter spoonjab" R

      3. Mage Silver badge

        Re: " talking with a scottish accent is unhealthy?"

        Kin yer mammy so?

        ... Stitch that!

  8. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Devil

    Yes yes, Dabbsy, but can't we connect through twitlinkebook 'cause I regularly read your column and I buy souls. Not convinced yet?

    The most annoying ones are the persistent. Every couple of months they send a new invitation, incapable of realising that I do not want to be linked to thick fucking morons. Probably the kind of that wouldn't even get it when I tattooed it to their foreheads with a pickaxe.

    1. Bob Wheeler
      Trollface

      @ Evil Auditor

      Didn't your mother ever tell you to "play nice" with those poor unfortant souls?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: @ Evil Auditor

        "Unfortant "

        Is that a rather splendid portmanteau of 'unfortunate' and 'unimportant'?

        1. Bob Wheeler
          Pint

          Re: @ Evil Auditor

          In retrospect, both would work, and you make my piss poor spelling sound more exciting.

          Have a beer on me.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Pint

      ha...oh, beat me to it...

      I still think I like my combination better than yours.

  9. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Few are called - fewer are called back

    > I am not normally so dismissive

    It sounds to me like you are the height of diligence.

    My usual (read: only) strategy with all of these requests is to delete them out of hand - with no further thought, or guilt. The only exceptions being if I have met the individual, in person recently. And that there is a picture or hint of a cat, baby or obvious product anywhere in the material they sent me regarding the invitation.

    So long as I actually know the person I will consider adding, friending or whatever other -ing is in vogue.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Few are called - fewer are called back

      My brother tells me that there is a procedure for dealing with Facebook friend requests: If they're female, you click yes, quickly go to their page and have a look round for interesting photographs. Then quickly un-friend before they can look at any of your stuff.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Few are called - fewer are called back

        "My brother tells me that there is a procedure for dealing with Facebook friend requests:"

        My procedure for dealing with FB friend requests was to delete the account that SWMBO set up in my name without asking me.

        Anybody struggling with the cost of air-conditioning should simply set up an FB account in somebody else's name. This will reliably cause a frigid atmosphere that endures for many days.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Few are called - fewer are called back

      So long as I actually know the person I will consider adding

      For me it's easier. I have professional obligation to remain discreet, and on top of that I am already adverse on riding on someone else's glory. Nothing is IMHO more lame than referring to the high end friends you have. This means I actually do the reverse: as long as the person who wants to connect serves to pollute the information someone can mine from LinkedIn I'm game (insofar thatbthey're still decent people, of course). But clients as well as suppliers are not in my contacts lists, nor is the data on LinkedIn about me any longer than it has to be. Oh, and any supplier that tries to do this after we had an initial chat automatically adds itself to the list of people we don't want to deal with - I just threw out a PR agency for exactly that because they clearly were not listening to what we told them. Easy.

      The article lists one particular nuisance: Hank Waggenburger III wants to connect with you via Buttplugg! - been there. The problem here is that such an invite is the result of the app mining someone's contacts, in other words, my details exist in the originator's records somewhere. In that context I absolutely LOATH LinkedIn's persisten attempts to get me to give them access to my email provider to mine my address book. Excuse me? You're a US company, LinkedIn, so there is no flaming chance you will ever be allowed even close to my personal details, ever. Even if you *cough* "promise" not to store the password you want from me (honestly, do people fall for that?).

      The obvious question is why I still have a LinkedIn profile, and the answer is simple: it stops someone else from pretending to be me. It also creates a nice route for deception - worth every penny I'm not paying them...

  10. phil 27

    b*stards

    How many of you b*stards out there in el regoland have sent Alistar a linked in request after seeing this article :D

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: b*stards

      I can't begin to describe the tsunami of invitations piling into my LinkedIn account today...

      1. Chozo
        Devil

        Re: b*stards

        Look out for the invite from my mother, she's got a thing for Ralph Fiennes.

        1. Peter2 Silver badge

          Re: b*stards

          I have to admit, I was somewhat tempted to send Alistair a friend request halfway through the article.

          However, I don't knowingly have a linkedin account, and linkedin emails in general pissed me off so much that I blocked their IP's on our network firewall about a year ago, so it wouldn't be fair for me to do that to someone else.

      2. Mage Silver badge

        Re: b*stards

        I would have, except I can't seem to find my log in details any more.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: b*stards

      I'm very, very tempted, but he's only just back from his recent ill health (welcome back, sir! You know the rascals were recycling your old stuff in your absence - did you get paid twice?).

      1. Alistair Dabbs

        Re: b*stards

        I was dreading having to compensate everyone for their lost time in being forced, yes FORCED, to read my old copy a second time AND for making them write a new comment.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Pint

          Re: b*stards

          "to read my old copy a second time AND for making them write a new comment"

          Ahh, that was a fine exchange of views. But at least the Reg republished some good'uns, of yours, meaning that you wouldn't owe us for our wasted time.

          But why need I make a NEW comment? What's sauce for the goose, sir! If when the Reg republished your articles, they also reposted all the old comments then they'd save all us commentards no end of time. Employers could then pay you for the improved productivity, and you in turn could let us have a small cut, but this time for our NOT reading of the republished article? Obviously payments would be limited to those who read the original article, but didn't read the republished version - as you can see, this has all been carefully thought through.

      2. Fair Dinkum

        Re: b*stards

        Get better soon, Mr Ledswinger. All the best.

    3. Fair Dinkum

      Re: b*stards

      Methinks I shall do just that.

      After all, we are his thereg pals, arnt we?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Hank Waggenburger III wants to connect with you via Buttplugg!"

    I was literally crying at my desk when I read this, cue concerned looks from colleagues as I tried to stifle my laughter! Absolutely superb!

    1. Steven Raith

      I lost a mouthful of hula hoops to that one, too.

      Nice!

    2. ginger_tosser
      Thumb Up

      I tried to stifle my laughter but inadvertently ended up with a load of snot on my keyboard.

      (Wiped off prior to type this message I might add.)

    3. Hank Waggenburger III

      hmph!

      I fail to see what you find so amusing. Perhaps you would care to share it with the rest of the class?

      --

      Connect with me on ButtPlugg!

      1. hplasm Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: hmph!

        'Connect with me on ButtPlugg!'

        Now I have a new sig...

      2. Ken Hagan Gold badge

        Re: hmph!

        Sadly for those of you thinking of setting up a new social network, www.buttplugg.com is already taken.

        1. Havin_it
          Pint

          Re: hmph!

          Fast work there, Ken!

      3. cordwainer 1
        Thumb Up

        Re: hmph!

        Bra VO!

      4. Montreal Sean

        Re: hmph!

        I'd much prefer you connect with me on cockring.

        "Cockring, the close circle helping you grow your business."

    4. Spiceworks Holly

      Hank Waggenburger

      Yep, Mountain Dew, straight through the nose.

  12. Martijn Otto

    Invite sent

    I would like to add you to my professional network.

  13. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    Stalkers, eh?

    > Fresh Dabbs article

    > 15 comments about one second after

    Are people have Nagios hardwired to look for Dabbs on Friday mornings?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Stalkers, eh?

      Nope, we do this because he asked us to join his cynical network !!!!

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Exciting job opportunities

    "When I ask friends and colleagues, they tell me “Sure, I’ve had some jobs through LinkedIn” before knitting their brows, looking at the ceiling and adding vaguely “I think it was a few years ago…”"

    I've had job offers, but sometimes they're a bit random. Best was an offer of a 6-month contract in Barrow-in-Furness because I've worked on submarine cable systems in the past.

  15. OllieW
    Devil

    hacking?

    A post that finally made me want to contribute!

    It turns out that if you've forgotton your password, one of the options for password resetting, is to have Facebook send a message to 3-5 of your friends, and then you can contact them directly and obtaining the links from those 3-5 friends lets you back into your account.

    Unless, of course, you've got 3-5 'friends' that are fake profiles owned by a single malicious individual, who can then gain access to your account, by sending the reset links to them.

    Caveat : To make this work, you have to pre-define who these 'trusted friends' are ahead of time and so we're not all at instant risk of being hacked by our false friends, but it's something to be aware of.

    Helpful reading: https://www.facebook.com/help/215543298568604

    And https://www.facebook.com/help/119897751441086

    I'm not sure if $socialnetwork has the same unlocking methods, but you might want to review your friends lists.

  16. Franco Silver badge

    This article definitely had me smiling. I'm an IT contractor and the number of recruitment consultants who cannot comprehend my not having a profile on Linkedin or any other social networking website is truly staggering.

    I was once asked in an interview what I was trying to hide about my past, as my online footprint was very small for someone in my industry.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I got challenged about that an an interview as well.

      I patiently explained that advertising to all and sundry that I have designed networks for banks would make my on-line life a lot more dangerous since my PC may have information tucked away in little nooks that could be considered 'confidential' so to speak :) He hadn't thought of that.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Even more fun if you have a dork who professes to being CLAS certified or having clearance anywhere north of BC. Well done, idiot. Now, which part of the OSA do you need help with? And you're definitely sure you're capable of handling anything more confidential than a press release?

        Duh.

  17. Esme

    It's a proper Friday now..

    Yaay! Welcome back, Dabbsy, and I hope you're over that nasty cough soon. And thanks for the laughs. You have been missed. :-}

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: It's a proper Friday now..

      It was a "proper Friday" last Friday too but not many readers noticed. Thank you for hanging in there while I languished in bed.

  18. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Good article

    I must be getting old - I must have looked like a Daily Mail reader getting their breakfast fix of bigotry and hate reading that article. I agreed with almost every word.

    My current bugbear is "news" sites (well, local news) where you *have* to sign in with Facebook to be able to comment on articles. It would be interesting to see if there's an objective measure of the quality of comments on such sites, when compared to the internet as a whole. I'd be curious on the IQ of a bunch of self-selecting commentards.

    btw is it just me, or does Dabbsy look like an IT version of Will Self ?

    (I will be very upset if I don't get a pithy reply. I may have to unfriend Mr. Dabbs ...)

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: Good article

      Given my modest height, I suppose I could be a Will Self mini-me.

      1. Steve Button

        Re: Good article

        I always thought Daniel Craig. I'm sure if I ever bump into the real Dabbsy, one of us will be disappointed. Well, at least one of us.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Good article

          I'm sure if I ever bump into the real Dabbsy, one of us will be disappointed. Well, at least one of us..

          I have, you won't - so it all depends on you now. Ah, the pressure, the pressure.

  19. Phil W

    Revenge

    An alternative approach on LinkedIn is to simply accept the connection request, but then endorsement bomb their profile.

    For the uninitiated, on LinkedIn you can add an endorsement to someones profile to confirm that they have the skills they claim to have.

    However you can also endorse them for skills they don't already have listed. I am not certain whether these still get publicly displayed without their consent but they did used to. This of course allows you to endorse someone as having skills in "Being a complete pillock" and any other negative skills of your choice.

    1. auburnman

      Re: Revenge

      You could do that with positive skills they don't have as well, with designs on finding the perfect set of buzzwords to cram into a 'skillset' that will leave them permanently fending off recruitment sharks and thus both getting a taste of their own medicine and having no time to continue spamming friend requests.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Revenge

      However you can also endorse them for skills they don't already have listed. I am not certain whether these still get publicly displayed without their consent but they did used to. This of course allows you to endorse someone as having skills in "Being a complete pillock" and any other negative skills of your choice.

      Ooooh - perfect. Make a Friday even better, because now I know what I'll be doing over the weekend.. (evil grin)

    3. JetSetJim Silver badge

      Re: Revenge

      The receiver of a new endorsement has to accept them - one of my ex-colleagues jokingly added "eating cakes" to my skill-set which, while true, wasn't necessarily something I'd stick on my online CV.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Joke

        Re: Revenge

        So, did you get any job offers from bakeries to be a taste tester?

        Heck, even I could do that for a living...

  20. Packet

    couldnt agree more - it's like the writer of this article is channeling my inner thoughts (not stalking)

  21. theblackhand

    LinkedIn

    Dear Mr Dabbs

    I would like to connect you.

    Based on your description of being "sweaty and shouty, slurring my jokes as I swirled my double JDs and leered into my conference colleagues’ faces", I think you would provide the perfect alibi for my public behaviour.

    In return, I would be able to provide the same for you.

    I look forward to your acceptance

  22. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Pint

    Swirling JDs??

    Jack Daniels? Was there no whisky available? (sorry, couldnae resist!!)

    Of course, after a couple few people appreciate the difference, but mine's a single malt whisky any time (Islay or Speyside, depending on my mood), but that may be my Scottish forebears whispering in my ears (or just random voices in my head, of course)

    Fancy connecting over drinks, anyone? Loads more fun than LinkedIn

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: Swirling JDs??

      I've had a bit of a Scotch overdose over the past year. I'm now sampling the watered-down stuff from the US and Ireland that doesn't give me heartburn.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Swirling JDs??

        I'm now sampling the watered-down stuff from the US

        Use their beer. That's basically bad quality water..

        1. JimmyPage Silver badge
          Stop

          US Beer

          hold off, I cry foul !. Yes, the run of the mill stuff is like making love in a canoe. But then the same could be said of a lot of big brand "UK" beers.

          When it comes to decent small-volume craft beers, the US is a shining light.

        2. Mark 85 Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Swirling JDs??

          Obligatory MP joke:

          "Light beer is like making love in a canoe. Both are fucking close to water."

          I'll go quietly now.

        3. Fair Dinkum

          Re: Swirling JDs??

          Gosh, I remember absentmindedly grabbing a glass of ice "water"and drinking from it while waiting for the beer when in New York couple of years ago. Boy.

          Try Bud Light! Basically water, but it doesn't taste like chlorine like their "water" does.

          PS where I'm from, they used to add chlorine to swimming pool waters way back when I was a kid.

          Galaxy cafe in NY, it suddenly catapulted me into being like 8 years old, quite a trip.

      2. Phil W

        Re: Swirling JDs??

        I'm often of the opinion that if you've tried Scotch and not liked it, you simply haven't found the right one for you, the variety is extensive.

        I personally find very peaty whisky hard to stomach.

        Given your description of it giving you heartburn, may I suggest you try Balvenie Doublewood or Signature should the opportunity present itself, very light on the palette and may suit you better.

        (Also stepping away from Scotch but still whisky is the Welsh whisky, Penderyn Madeira, also a pleasant tipple).

        1. launcap Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: Swirling JDs??

          >I'm often of the opinion that if you've tried Scotch and not liked it, you simply

          >haven't found the right one for you, the variety is extensive.

          I discovered the English Whisky Company recently. They have an array of really quite nice whiskies (slightly elevated prices though!).

          Chapter 7 whisky from EWC. True manna in a glass. Main issue is that it seems to evaporate from the glass really, really quickly!

          1. Alistair Dabbs

            Re: Swirling JDs??

            Agree about the English Whisky Company. Tried some at a London and Partners event, and it was very nice.

        2. Franco Silver badge

          Re: Swirling JDs??

          Doublewood may well be my favourite malt, and it's very reasonably priced too.

          Also recommend several of the Bruichladdich malts. Rocks and The Laddie 10 are both very nice, and not peaty, despite being Islay malts. Caol Ila 12yo unpeated is lovely too.

          1. Muscleguy Silver badge

            Re: Swirling JDs??

            I use the unpeated Caol as a winter aperitif whisky. It needs a decent dollop of water to open it up, but once you have my tasting notes would be 'honeyed melon'. A very, very, nice dram.

        3. JetSetJim Silver badge

          Re: Swirling JDs??

          Thumbs up for the Balvenie - the first whisky I could actually stomach, a remarkably smooth and pleasant beverage.

      3. Semtex451 Silver badge
        Alert

        Re: Swirling JDs??

        Watered-down stuff from the US and .........Ireland?!?

        You intended to provoke 2 entire nations of Linkedin users?

  23. Roger Greenwood

    Surely the only legitimate reason . . .

    . . . for joining such networks is to claim your favourite username. After that direct all mail to null and be bothered no more. After all, you never know what may be useful in the future.

    My kids tell me facebook is dead already (they haven't quite reached Linkedin). Bit harsh maybe, but kids are fickle. Good job for the investors that another batch of innocent kids will be along in a minute.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Surely the only legitimate reason . . .

      "Good job for the investors that another batch of innocent kids will be along in a minute."

      The younger ones only want to do what the older ones are doing. So they will not want to join Facebook once they perceive that is not the current fad. Judging by fashions and music - Facebook could probably be recycled again in about 30 years.

  24. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Happy

    Couldn't resist adding "Improbable Research" to my list of skills. Well, I do have 3 papers in Annals of Improbable Research to my "credit"

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
      Coat

      Lucky you aren't an alien then, otherwise you would have been credited with..wait for it...

      3 papers in the Annals of Improbable Research on Improper Anal Probing.

      No need for my coat, I just jumped out the window.

  25. Stretch

    Inherent risk of your chosen profession it would seem. Perhaps you need a Nom de Plume?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I'm not sure he'll like to be called "Feather" - doesn't fit.

      (if you don't get this you'll need more beer)

  26. Nigel 13

    ...

    Like

  27. Peter Galbavy
    FAIL

    2a - Miserly Recruitment Scum

    You missed the raft of morons who want to talk to you about a new role but are too stupid and/or mean to pay for the "InMail" feature so can't email you directly. The few that do it right I send back a polite but firm e-mail to encouraging them to read all the way to the end of my profile where it reads "go away".

  28. ladylaff

    At least you're a man

    I get unsolicited invitations on Skype every day from 'retired Generals' and other alleged military personnel who like my picture and think that might be a basis to connect. Yahright...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: At least you're a man

      Why would you assume that only one such as yourself is receiving invatations from them?

      As a slightly bent male with decidedly gay acquaintences, I used to get the occasional 'just in case' type of request rather often.

  29. Decade
    Thumb Down

    LinkedIn spams without informed consent

    Many people don't intend to send email bombs, but there's something they do on LinkedIn that makes mass emails go out from it.

    LinkedIn does not respect people, but it doesn't have any content that I find important. That's why I'll never sign up for LinkedIn.

  30. Smiles
    Trollface

    Just checking....

    But we've all sent him an invite saying:

    "I read your article in The Register and feel we have a lot in common. Can we be friends? Please? "

    Right?

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    LinkedIn can block domains from receiving their mail

    LinkedIn were sending me endless requests to various users at a domain I own which used to belong to a company. I asked them to stop and they said I'd have to take it up with the senders. I told them the mails are coming from LinkedIn so LinkedIn need to deal with this. They then said I could block the receiving address and gave me a link. I told them I have no idea what addresses have previously been engaged and so cannot block them pre-emptively and, besides, why is this my job?

    I asked them to simply block the entire domain from receiving any more of their mails and they told me twice they cannot do this. They said if I have a list of addresses they will block them all. So I told them that the email format for this company was four letters @ domain (this is true), so can they please block aaaa@ ... zzzz@ and let me know once all 456,976 addresses have been blocked.

    They replied a few days later to say they'd now blocked the domain.

    This. http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/only-way-to-leave-linkedin-is-to-destroy-linkedin-hq-2013072977316

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Screw you all

    I'm going to start my own social network. With blackjack. And hookers....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Screw you all

      I'm going to start my own social network. With blackjack. And hookers....

      That's every Friday night at my house.

      Except without the blackjack.

      Or the hookers.

  33. Jamie Jones Silver badge
    Joke

    "But Twitter’s cute premise of 140 characters, while strangely compelling and often entertaining, makes it singularly inappropriate for anything of substance."

    Have you thought of trying 'yo' instead?

    1. Lyndon Hills 1

      best post I've read all day

      Yo

      1. Jamie Jones Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: best post I've read all day

        Yo back!

        You know, if El Reg had a 'Yo' icon, we'd be able to post comments without having to type anything!

        1. JetSetJim Silver badge

          Re: best post I've read all day

          Or install a new, all encompassing keyboard on your phone. Who needs more than one key?

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Billy 'No Mates' here

    You won't find me on the Internet (with my real name that is). This is by design.

    Far too many people put far too much information about themselves on the internet.

    There are also far too many Social Network Addicts out there.

    One was evident a month or so back as I got on a flight to South America.

    A family was travelling together. One son and a teenage daughter who really had it in for her parents when she found out that their flight wouldn't have mobile internet so she could keep in touch with her friends while they were on an 11 hour flight.

    The father had a nice smile on his face when he said to me '11 hours of peace'.

    Is this the way we really want our future to be shaped? Instant communication giving instant gratification even if the content of the communication is mostly utter garbage.

    I prefer to remain AC thank you very much. There is a such a thing as too much communication. A few people need to remember the WWII saying, 'Careless Talk Costs Lives'.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Billy 'No Mates' here

      You won't find me on the Internet (with my real name that is).

      You could also try what a friend of mine did, which was to change his legal name every so often - it was hard work knowing what his current name was if I hadn't seen him for a while. He suddenly disappeared a couple of years ago, and is rumoured to have adopted a completely new identity in another country. He must have been getting *really* annoyed with those Facebook and LinkedIn emails I guess.

    2. Dave Bell

      Re: Billy 'No Mates' here

      Be like Dad, keep Mum.

    3. Fair Dinkum

      Re: Billy 'No Mates' here

      Loose lips sink ships.

      Nuff sed.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Billy 'No Mates' here

      'You won't find me on the Internet (with my real name that is). This is by design.'

      Similar story here, but with the proviso that you *can* find me in Google's index, but only by putting in a fairly specific set of search terms which anyone who knows me would (eventually) get.

      I'm not very good at keeping in touch with people, so I leave them with at least a smallish chance of finding me via Google (page 14 of results for a wide search, page 2 for a fairly specific search), but as to the rest of humanity...fsck them.

      I've a FB account in the name of a scatalogically sounding greek chappie..as I only ever access that via Tor, good luck tracking it back to me that way, but again, as the name is a bit of an in joke, people who know me from when and where that particular joke was 'in' will know who it is nearly automatically, and yes, it's Billy's brother, Johnny no mates..

      I've done my best to keep a very low profile online for the past couple of decades, the three usual monickers I use, well, one leads you to an eastern european radio ham (not by design..it was the last password I used on the old DEC-20 and in the intervening decades that particular combination of alphanumerics has become someone's callsign..and he uses it quite a lot online, so more noise for my signal), the second to an obscure obsolete analog IC, and the third one, which used to be quite unique, has been adopted by quite a number of RPG nerd types out there, so there's quite a lot of noise covering what's left of my tiny online signal attached to that one (from the old days, pre FB and similar nonsense, pre WWW mainly, when talk monicker@machine.somewhere was the easiest way to contact me, I avoided IRC etc as well back then (as now) log files? I think not...).

      My family are under strict instructions not to post anything about me or put any pictures featuring my handsome visage (hah) anywhere, unfortunately there are a number of pictures of me online which I have no control over, so there is an odd chance that someone *might* find me via a side channel that way.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Billy 'No Mates' here

      > A few people need to remember the WWII saying, 'Careless Talk Costs Lives'.

      You don't need to go back to WWII for that. I have last seen confirmation of that in 2005 (IDF soldiers posting about their units movements).

  35. Thrud61
    Thumb Up

    Great ariticle

    I have to admit linkedin is a pain, I waste stupid amounts of time trying to find out who the person making me an invite is or if I should know them, without actually looking at their profile directly so they don't see me looking and think I may be interested in them. I want a generic f. off button on all social media.

    1. JetSetJim Silver badge

      Re: Great ariticle

      IIRC you can set your profile such that when you visit someone else it just says "a linkedin member" viewed them. I think it requires you to be not searchable to enable this, plus I'm not sure how that plays with the paid premium membership that allows you to see everyone who viewed you, but it's a start...

      1. Number6

        Re: Great ariticle

        I'm not sure how that plays with the paid premium membership that allows you to see everyone who viewed you

        I assume that LinkedIn will sell anything if someone will give them money for it, so I assume the person paying will get to see the full details even if I (as the freetard) have asked LinkedIn not to.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Great ariticle

        > IIRC you can set your profile such that when you visit someone

        Surely you can just fucking log off, use a private browsing window, or simply not be signed up to that wretched thing in the first place?

  36. Owen Geddes

    Collaboration - really?

    So bored of getting messages from companies/people wanting to connect because they want to collaborate with us/me.

    Receiving a collaboration request is always exciting - how do they want to work together? What will the project look like? They have a customer in mind already?

    The reality is they are ALWAYS someone who is actually trying to sell. Why, why, oh why do people pretend to want to collaborate when they are trying to sell you their services.

  37. earl grey Silver badge
    Meh

    Watered down?

    Please tell me you take your medicine neat and don't use ice or water pollutants....

  38. Irongut

    You think LinkedIn invites are annoyiong?

    I get regular emails inviting me to friend people on LinkedIn, Facebook, etc and I'm not even on any of these services! Some of these invites come from people who know I'm not on any social network. WTF?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: You think LinkedIn invites are annoyiong?

      Some of these invites come from people who know I'm not on any social network.

      That's because most of them are on antisocial networks. Social networks would not help people spam you..

  39. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    “Fuck off and die” button

    I'd even consider signing up to Faecebook just to use that.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: “Fuck off and die” button

      +1 for the shit reference

    2. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: “Fuck off and die” button

      LIKE!

  40. GrumpyOldMan

    Alistair - I like your articles. We have so much in common, can I be your friend? No seriously. I love this one - sums up so much of what I try to tell my kids but they are in their early 20s and late teens and I'm just a parent so what the heck do I know? I have a LinkedIn account that is probably 18 months out of date, fed up with anonymous invites and just bin them, don't do farcebook or twatter, get labeled a philistine and dinosaur but I'm - probably like you - one of those who remebers blissfully the days before the internet and the fun that was.

    1. Fair Dinkum

      USENET was great. Grumpy old fart myself I guess.

      Eternal September..

  41. tony2heads
    Joke

    I really like your FOAD button for facebook -so will you be my friend?

  42. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge
  43. Graham 25

    Good article ....

    Remember to choose the Ignore option, but to keep the mouse in the same place and you get the option to report as spam. If they do it enough, they lose their messaging privileges :)

  44. Number6

    I use Facebook for social contacts, LinkedIn for work-related stuff. There are very few people I have on both.

    Perhaps I should sign up to ButtPlugg and refer all the scammers and marketdroids to connect to me on that one.

  45. SoaG

    Addressbooks

    My experience with social media invites from technically-disinclined friends and relatives is they've unwittingly authorized the site to spam not just everyone in their address book, but everyone who's been CC'd by a 3rd party in any saved email, or any address in their sent folder.

    As for business Twitter, it's useful for announcements in a less spammy way than email. Odds are clients don't visit a business website except when they want something. So information there is only ever seen by those who already have cash in hand or a complaint. Title of themed sale announcement/new product line/etc. + shortened URL if they want details should easily fit in 140 characters.

  46. Liam2

    Excuse 5: The family.

    "Don't you know me? I'm your great-uncle's best friend's wife who lives 18 hours away!"

  47. Barry Rueger Silver badge

    Great article!

    Lord yes, those endless and unstoppable LinkedIn emails!

    a) Have a LinkedIn profile. May look at it once or twice a year to make sure nothing is significantly outdated. I don't know what actual use it's ever been to me, but as long as I keep unsubbing every time LinkedIn emails me it seems to be pretty low maintenance, and not likely to hurt me.

    b) Have a Facebook page for our business, for sole purpose of providing an easy way to share pictures and videos of clients' dogs that we walk. Good for that, but not much else. We get business by word of mouth, not social media.

    c) Deleted my whole personal Facebook account a year or so back and created a new one with a fake name and no details of any sort. Please don't tell Google or Facebook. Allowed me to silently lose about 100+ "Friends" who had already been blocked anyways, and invite a small handful of family and genuine "friends." Signal to Noise much improved!

    d) No, I will not give you my cel phone number as a security measure.

    e) And sure as hell NO!!!! I will NOT give you access to my e-mail contact list. By far the most evil thing ever invented.

    f) Yelp? Seriously? Has anyone ever actually got business from them? Or trusted the reviews?

  48. cordwainer 1
    Happy

    This potential lawsuit against LinkedIn might make some of you smile...

    "Judge OKs Suit Against LinkedIn Over Marketing Emails...U.S. District Judge Lucy Koh said the professional networking site went too far by sending repeated emails that seemed to come from users..."

    Interestingly, the mainstream US media are thus far almost completely silent on this :-)

    Fairly decent article at:

    http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/business/2014/06/16/judge-linkedin-must-face-customer-lawsuit-concerning-email-addresses.html

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: This potential lawsuit against LinkedIn might make some of you smile...

      Been smiling at that for a wee while, and been involved in some of the discussion on the LI forums about the email contact harvesting side of things.

      Me, I'm pretty careful about being sure where I type in any password (although it is concieveable that I made a mistake at some time), and am absolutely certain I never gave LI my password at any point - had I seen a "use your google profile to sign in" I would've gone elsewhere. Call me paranoid but, well, I'm paranoid!.

      Yet somehow LI was able to get and go through my email. I am wondering if I ever signed into both in the same browser session, with JS turned on for both (must've been one of my low-sanity days!). It was constantly suggesting people from my email contacts.

      Checked both LI and Gmail settings as per all the forums/docs etc. Nothing anywhere to suggest I'd ever given LI permission to use my gmail contacts. After a change of gmail password, it stopped.

      LI now only gets visited through a VM that sits behind Whonix (which I must update, haven't used it in a couple of months).

      Oh, and I log in to gmail's webmail every time I see an email from LI and mark it as "spam" - hopefully if others start to do the same LI will be automatically blacklisted globally and will die out.

  49. cyberelf

    The uses of LinkedIn ..

    "My views on LinkedIn have been expressed in this column before: it’s a handy online CV of sorts"

    It's also useful to see who is looking up their details, after ye looked up their details, and also 'people also viewed' and 'people similar to' ..

  50. Michael Hoffmann

    Oh, come now...

    ... surely I can't be the only one who thinks that of all the idiotic social networks out there, at least LinkedIn has (or had) some claim to utility, namely professional in kind.

    I *have* gotten jobs through LinkedIn, as recruiters down here all use it quite intensively (and arguably make up the majority of my connections). My current one in fact: both through recruiters finding me and getting me interviews, as well as potential employers checking out your profile. One before that, too, come to think of it.

    Otherwise my connections are old colleagues across the world who I stay in touch with through LI, as a don't use Farcebook or Twatter.

    That said, I joined LI when it was still fewer than 100K people - now they're what? 280 million?! What used to be fairly qualified connection requests has turned into an endless stream of, it has to be said, Indians/Pakistanis/SriLankans randomly spamming you, desperately hoping to snag a job and a visa out of you.

  51. chivo243 Silver badge
    Pint

    Reg Forums are as close as I get

    Title says it all, this is as social as I get... I have no social website accounts. I guess I am part of this dark net that is being bandied about here on the Reg. I really have no time for much more, life and work seem to take most of my time, and happy for it!

    I’d rather drink a beer than spend time on a social network, please join me!

  52. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    researchgate

    LinkedIn is nothing compared to Researchgate (interesting edit war in wikipedia, if you want another example of how idiotic that website is). It doesn't wait for users to send invites, it sends them itself (with a reminder every 5 days on average for several months).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: researchgate

      Guess what, that site actually exists, and Wackypedia has as one of the founders one "Horst Fickenscher".

      Tell me that's not a real name, please.

  53. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Devil

      Google Plus

      First read that as Google Pus, and found it quite appropriate.

  54. Terry 6 Silver badge

    Nuff said.

    "Personally, I would derive much more satisfaction if Facebook introduced a “Fuck off and die” button ".

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Nuff said.

      "Personally, I would derive much more satisfaction if Facebook introduced a “Fuck off and die” button ".

      That already exists. It's in the pulldown menu in top right hand corner, labelled "log out".

  55. razorfishsl

    It's not rocket science, just a simple fishing expedition

    It is a way for them to gain access to your contacts and personal information.

    Which they then traverse to extend their network before selling the info.

    Just don't fall for it….

  56. Sokolik
    Stop

    One reason I ditched "social" media

    The other was Mark Zuckerberg (sp?)

  57. Richie 1

    Call me paranoid

    but it seems like a good a idea to add a few strangers that you don't know as LinkedIn contacts in order to obfuscate your true network.

  58. ortunk
    Mushroom

    well it's good for getting a US/UK visa

    when you apply for a visa, the first thing they do to reject you is look you up online, .ı heard countless jerks being turned down with the same sentence "sorry we can't confirm information on your application via viable sources" meaning couldn't look you up on linkedin/facebook/gmail etc... get a name.surname@gmail.com account and a linked in profile with references from a few PHBs and voila 10 years visa4all....

    PS. of course don't start mailing about jihad to ISIS before getting your visa

  59. bitten
    Coat

    Losers

    Stumbled on this paranoiacs cave, no social accounts either, but common every decent human I know has one.

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: Losers

      That's a definition of "decent" of which I was not previously aware.

  60. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    LinkedIn

    95% of the users are attention whores, mediocre recruiters and sales people. It might be a very moderate guesstimate actually. The forums there are best: So many utterly clueless people throwing questions and observations out there, just to be the top "influencers".

    It's better to stay in touch with workmates, customers and other people that matter for work than, say, Facebook. But unless I know somebody in person or they include something very special in their contact request / InMail / whathaveyou... Ignore/delete works well.

  61. Shannon Jacobs
    Holmes

    Bug me and get squashed

    I know it's the Reg, but can't you think of ANY constructive solution? I know it's the Reg, so I feel like I'm wasting the keystrokes, but maybe you want to be a hero and maybe the Reg has more credibility than I've noticed, so here's the obvious solution:

    Users should have the option to post a 'greeting' message to people who want to have a link. Of course everyone might be a little different, but I can make it more clear with the concrete example of what mine would say (if only I could):

    (1) If you are an old friend, then I'm interested in hearing what you've been up to. However, my memory isn't so great these days, so please include enough data to convince me you really are you. (2) If you have some legitimate reason to get in touch with me, make it EXTREMELY clear, but beware the next case. (3) If you are ANY kind of spammer and you are bothering me, then I will do everything I can to nuke your account and your business model and put you in jail, too.

    Unfortunately, to make (3) really work, then the SMS in question would need to get sincere about fighting spammers, and so far I haven't noticed any SMS or even any email service that is so serious. The spammers' business models certainly are vulnerable, but "Live and let spam" is the basic model of the google of EVIL and all of their friends. (That's actually a different topic, but evidently no one has the guts to offer customer-pull advertising (auctioning off the customers' LIMITED time) as an option to advertiser-driven-push advertising.)

  62. Zap

    You just don't get it.

    Alistair

    I used to think the way you do until the day I got it.

    Really what you are saying is you do not know how to use these new facilities.

    I will not be friending you or wasting my time telling you how you can exploit social media as I am busy and I always make sure I have a receptive audience.

    If you want to email me I will give you an old fashioned thing called a telephone number and I can help you "get it".

    The other part of your article deals mostly with the abuse and it is your settings that enable this.

  63. Yugguy

    The Fuck Off and Die button

    Words can't describe how much I wish that was feedback option.

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