back to article Welcome to Heathrow Terminal, er, Samsung Galaxy S5

Samsung has decided to allow its marketing department's imaginations to take flight, which has resulted in a rather crap plan to effectively rename Heathrow's Terminal Five. The mega airport terminal in London will feature signs that read "Terminal Samsung Galaxy S5" in a move a Sammy exec described as "one-off opportunity to …

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  1. Thomas Gray

    More tiring?

    I'd have thought "more tiresome" would be a better phrase.

    And what happens when the Galaxy S6 comes out?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: More tiring?

      Tiresome, tiring and too long. Like the bright spark who renamed Allerton station to "Liverpool South Parkway for John Lennon International Airport". By the time they have announced what the next station is it is long behind you.

    2. NeilPost Bronze badge

      Re: More tiring?

      Heathrow Terminal Galaxy S6 will probably have been built by then ;-)

  2. teapot9999

    Overkill

    If I see too many adverts for something I am more inclined to NOT buy it. Hopefully by the time I next use T5 all this Samsung stuff will have been removed.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Overkill

      You won't be able to get the usual full range of products from the food stores in there. No apples for a start.

  3. Bob H

    #fail

    I'm thinking of my poor wife's family that don't speak English, getting through airports is hard enough without Samsung confusing them!

    1. big_D Silver badge

      Re: #fail

      Luckily Heathrow doesn't know anything about the plans.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: #fail

        Not sure why Samsung would want to be associated with T5 anyway. What's their next move "Samsung sponsors the Auschwitz experience" ?

        Whose idea was it to build a terminal at the worlds busiest international airport, specifically for the worlds favourite airline (!) and have no transit passenger connection to the other terminals?

        We nearly missed a flight because it took an hour for my non-Eu colleague to get through immigration.

        Hint to UK border agency, 40 year old Canadian engineers with a Canadian passport and a business class ticket on an Air Canada flight to Canada leaving in 2hours are unlikely to be secret asylum seekers.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: #fail

          > Hint to UK border agency, 40 year old Canadian engineers with a Canadian passport and a business class ticket on an Air Canada flight to Canada leaving in 2hours are unlikely to be secret asylum seekers

          I don't blame them. If I saw 40 toddlers claiming to have an engineering degree I'd be asking questions myself.

  4. brooxta

    Now if only

    Virgin GALACTIC would take over the terminal. For real.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Blerghhh... makes me want to buy an iPhone.

  6. LaeMing Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Samsung and LG should get together

    and give out BB guns to everyone at terminal Samsung Galaxy S5

    1. moiety

      Re: Samsung and LG should get together

      Now that would be funny. For anyone not killed in the crossfire.

      Air passengers -due to all the wankery surrounding the process- are some of the most pissed-off people on Earth. Who would seriously want to associate their product with that state of mind?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Come the revolution,

    I swear, if you are in Marketing, you better run...

    1. Neil 23

      Re: Come the revolution,

      This isn't marketing, this is *spits* PR, a whole different level of uselessness down

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Come the revolution,

      Blackberry took over Euston last year and wrapped all the passages in 360° marketing material. It was like the black hole of Calcutta down there - they don't seem to realise that lighting levels etc are very carefully designed in during the building of these places. Heat build up being a significant factor in trying to keep the watts as low as possible.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Come the revolution,

        OK, it wasn't Blackberry that were a bunch of tossers, it was CBS Outdoor who do the tube's advertising thing. Clear now? Still a marketing f***up.

  8. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    This is straight

    out of the Fifth Element...

    1. Simon Buttress

      Re: This is straight

      You mean of course the Samsung Galaxy S-Fifth Element.....

  9. Extra spicey vindaloo
    Unhappy

    Landed recently at heathrow, walkways not working, escalators not escalating. and what seems like a 10 mile trek from the plane to border control.

    So to add to this, you can now mutter under your breath "Bloody Terminal Samsung Galaxy S5"

    Not the wisest choice I feel.

    1. veti Silver badge

      I haven't used it myself... but those of my friends who have, tell me that T5 is a whole different experience from the rest of Heathrow. That's why they've gone out of their way not to connect the two. T5 is for when they actually care what the travellers think, which is why it's reserved for BA - British airline profits from (relatively speaking) luxury treatment for its travellers, at the expense of everyone else.

      1. Retron

        That's reading way too much into it. T5 is for BA (and Iberia, part of IAG and the Oneworld alliance). The idea was to consolidate as many flights as possible from BA in order to make transfers that much easier. Unfortunately there's still some overspill - Gibraltar and Lisbon still go from T3 for example.

        It's the way Heathrow is going, btw - T2 is going to be for Star Alliance airlines when it opens, T4 is for SkyTeam airlines and so on.

  10. TRT Silver badge

    Wouldn't it be easier to rename the phone the Heathrow Terminal 5?

    1. TheOtherHobbes

      It'll never take off.

  11. EddieD

    Beware of awkward associations

    Just as T5 loses your bags, the SG5 loses your connections?

    One terrifying fact I heard (and it was on Radio 4 so it must be true), was that a new warship had automated it's munitions transport procedure to slash the number of crew needed "based on the baggage handling systems in Heathrow Terminal 5".

    1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: Beware of awkward associations

      Crew in Southampton, bombs in Baghdad?

      1. John G Imrie

        Re: Beware of awkward associations

        Rather that than the other way around.

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: Beware of awkward associations

          >Rather that than the other way around.

          You obviously haven't visited Southampton !

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Beware of awkward associations

        "Crew in Southampton, bombs in Baghdad?"

        No, if baggage handlers are involved it'll be crew in Southampton, bombs on eBay.

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Beware of awkward associations

          Bombs in Bombay?

          *taps microphone*

          Sgt. Pinback to bomb number 19. Bomb number 19, are you receiving me, over?

          1. Bloakey1

            Re: Beware of awkward associations

            "Bombs in Bombay?"

            <snip>

            Hello Mr TRT, Gupta speaking, how may I help you today? You are wanting bombs? Please can you answer some security questions Mr TRT.

            Ad Nauseum ...

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Beware of awkward associations

      Excessive packet loss?

    3. User McUser
      Coat

      I'm so worried

      One terrifying fact I heard (and it was on Radio 4 so it must be true), was that a new warship had automated it's munitions transport procedure to slash the number of crew needed "based on the baggage handling systems in Heathrow Terminal 5".

      Wow, now I'm *really* worried about the baggage retrieval system they've got at Heathrow...

      1. DuncanL

        Re: I'm so worried

        And I'm so worried about whether I should go on...

        Or whether I shouldn't just stop

  12. poohbear

    But today is 19 May not 1 April....

    1. tirk
      Joke

      But today is 19 May not 1 April....

      "British Airways apologise for the late arrival of that joke."

  13. Pete 2

    Link your brand with confusion and stress?

    One third of all traffic through Heathrow airport (in reality, probably only 1 sixth of passengers, as they count as a landing and a takeoff), we are told, are in transit. That is they catch a plane, change at Heathrow and fly off somewhere else. No tourism in the UK, no hotels, no spending money here (apart from getting mugged by the prices in the airport itself): just in - wait - out.

    So for these people all they want is to get off one plane and find out where to go to catch the next one. If their english ain't great, and the directions to the terminal for the flight out seem to indicate you'll be flying on some sort of smartphone, will that really instill confidence and ease, or will it be a WTF moment?

    Guilt by association is never a clever ploy. To constantly remind travellers of the terrible time they had, wandering around LHR trying to find their terminal, every time they see an advert for Samsung doesn't sound like great marketing. I wonder it it's really Apple who are paying for this renaming exercise? Could Sammy pay for the tax office to be renamed Her Majesty's Apple Revenue and Customs in retaliation.

  14. Brent Longborough
    FAIL

    Who uses Heathrow anyway?

    #Rathole

    #Meh

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

      Well considering the lack of alternatives for the non-leisure long haul destinations, unless you want to go via one of the european hubs first - quite a few people!!!

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

      72.3 Million people in 2013, that's who.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

      Who uses Heathrow anyway?

      Anyone that's already tried Roissy-CDG?

      1. Gotno iShit Wantno iShit

        Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

        And anyone who's tired of never seeing their baggage again after going through Schipol? I was there recently & saw a bag with two Zebra heads poking out the top and tagged 'Noah'.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

          To be fair those two had come via Heathrow first......

    5. MrXavia

      Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

      Anyone wanting a long haul flight with a decent airline?

      Sure it used to be REALLY crap, but T5 is not too bad, and T3 has been spruced up (still long bloody walks to the gates though.....)

      I actually don't mind T3 at heathrow, and since I've never had a good BA flight i'm sticking to flying Virgin for now.. (although with the delta merge I am concerned that quality will fall)

  15. Terry 6 Silver badge
    FAIL

    Just rolls naturally off the tongue....

    "Welcome to Heathrow Terminal, Samsung Galaxy S5. Share and Enjoy."

    Hmm.

    1. ukgnome

      Share and Enjoy

      Share and Enjoy

      Share and Enjoy

      Journey through life

      With a plastic boy

      Or Girl by your side

      Let your pal be your guide

      And when it breaks down

      Or starts to annoy

      Or grinds when it moves

      And gives you no joy

      Cos it's eaten your hat

      Or had sex with your cat

      Bled oil on your floor

      Or ripped off your door

      You get to the point

      You can't stand any more

      Bring it to us, we won't give a fig

      We'll tell you, 'Go stick your head in a pig'.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Share and Enjoy

        I think, if you're looking for a musical link to this story, this particular number might suit better.

      2. Elmer Phud

        Re: Share and Enjoy

        What?

        I don't understand!

        Where's the tea?

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Welcome to the 51st state

    Where everything is to be monetized

  17. Philippe

    Terminal?

    Where should we lay the flowers for the Terminal Galaxy S5?

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Terminal?

      Well, it's better than the Galaxy 4.

  18. Miss Config
    Meh

    Pick a Brand. ANY Brand.

    One way to retaliate is to call T5 by any brand name EXCEPT Samsung.

    Since Samsung's biggest competitor is Apple, people could call it the

    Terminal Apple iPad5 .

    But if you hate Apple, call it instead Terminal Lucozade5 .

    In fact the trick would be to call T5 after AS MANY brands as posible

    ( including your local butchers ).

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Pick a Brand. ANY Brand.

      Name it "Breath". And then get an artist to sketch it. Whilst whistling. Is the Monty Python reference doing anything for you?

  19. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    A long time ago...

    in Samsung Galaxy far, far away...

    1. DougS Silver badge

      Re: A long time ago...

      That's the nice thing about period pieces. No product placement!

      1. Bloakey1

        Re: A long time ago...

        "That's the nice thing about period pieces. No product placement!"

        Ehhh, what about those women parachuting and playing volley ball on the beach? As for product placement I think it is called an applicator and is like a giant straw although beer tastes rubbish when drunk through it.

  20. Unicornpiss Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    The icon says it all.

    Do we really need more marketing? If anything, this turns me off on buying anything Samsung.

    As an aside, I recently got an S5 and while it's a nice phone, the battery life and UI are both utterly dismal compared to my old Droid Razr Maxx.

  21. tony

    Terminal <whatever>

    I've also thought prefixing something with terminal as not too optimistic for it's chances.

    1. LaeMing Silver badge

      Re: Terminal <whatever>

      I'm going to build an airport with 12 terminals and name them "Terminal Aries" thru "Terminal Pices".

  22. LDS Silver badge

    Airports are becoming luna parks - allowing customers to travel is not their main aim

    Airport authorities are doing their best to transform them into some kind of luna park and get their revenues from any silly idea they can think of. Easing the life of passengers travelling is no longer the reason airport are built and managed.

    This idea is really silly, because passengner unware of what some incredibly stupid and arrogant people at Samsung planned, could easily get confused by this highly idiot mixture of needed informations and ads. I would force Samsung executives to walk around dressed like an S5 at least for six months, after approving something so silly. Let's see if looking idiot outside will make them less idiot inside.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Airports are becoming luna parks - allowing customers to travel is not their main aim

      To be fair Heathrow was never intended as an airport - it was just that the world's biggest perpetual building site attracted so many visitors that they had to put in some transport links and the only practical way to reach central Heathrow from London was to fly.

      1. pepper

        Re: Airports are becoming luna parks - allowing customers to travel is not their main aim

        Ah yes, the seven rings of hell.

        Some worthy readings: http://www.skygod.com/quotes/airports.html

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Airports are becoming luna parks - allowing customers to travel is not their main aim

        I seem to remember that Biggles and pals flew out of the civilian Heathrow airport in the late 1940s. There was a description of the tents that functioned as the terminal buildings.

        http://ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608021731225046999&pid=15.1

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: Airports are becoming luna parks - allowing customers to travel is not their main aim

          At least they had payphones and a postbox - luxury

  23. Elmer Phud

    Just another re-labelling

    Corporate re-naming

    "Here's a load of money - now you are my plaything and I have got a great bargain on advertising."

    The only thing left in London that our wonderful Mayor hasn't had re-labelled is City Hall, but, seeing as you never see him there without a Costa cup it's only a matter of time before it becomes Costa City Centre.

  24. Crazy Operations Guy Silver badge

    I wonder how many systems this will crash

    So are they changing the terminal ID on boarding passes as well? If they do it will cause all sorts of systems to crash from buffer overflows; but if they don't passengers are going to get very lost and confused when they are looking for Terminal 5 and can't find it.

  25. Crazy Operations Guy Silver badge

    Now I just need some money for my own renaming

    I would like to rename one of the terminals at LAX to

    'Terminal 09:F9:11:02:9D:74:E3:5B:D8:41:56:C5:63:56:88:C0' just to see how many aneurysms I can give MPAA executives...

  26. Velv Silver badge
    Joke

    Ha, you fell for it. Today is April 1st on the Chinese calendar.

  27. Steve Todd

    LG didn't hand out BB guns

    They launched helium filled balloons containing vouchers for free phones, and some of the crowd took matters into their own hands (and used their own BB guns) trying to get them. Ill advised maybe, but not reckless.

    It also seems that Samsung have been economical with the truth. All they have done is bought regular advertising space, not changed any of the official signs. Still tacky though.

  28. Gav

    "What about that hideous ArcelorMittal Orbit thing in the Olympic Park, named for the steel and mining company?"

    Why does this ugly Americanism appear in an article about London?

    It's named *after* the steel and mining company.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Named after would suggest it was some sort of monument in their memory - named for means they plonked down the money and we did it for them.

      It's the difference between Trafalgar Square and the new Thales square

      1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

        Thales Square?? Where is it? Is it off Raytheon Street?

      2. Ken Hagan Gold badge

        "Named after would suggest it was some sort of monument in their memory - named for means they plonked down the money and we did it for them."

        Makes sense (like gotten matching forgotten, and doubtless many other examples) but I've never heard anyone on my side of the pond use "named for".

        1. Gav

          "Named for" does not tell you the name, it just tells you how it came about it. So if a company want to pay you millions to name a structure "Fred", that would still be naming it *for* them. But if a company wants you to name to a structure with their name, then you are naming it *after* them.

          No-one thinks these things are named in memorial of a company. Things get named after companies either because they built it, they own it, or they paid for the privilege.

  29. Lallabalalla
    FAIL

    2 weeks?

    Because that's about how long the shine will last on the S5 before the next android must-have comes along. So desperate. So off-putting.

  30. Craigie

    Will it only accommodate 16 planes instead of the expected 32 or 64?

  31. Seanie Ryan

    If had a a flight booked from Terminal 5 now, I would deliberately miss the flight and claim compensation due to the fact that I could not find Terminal 5.

    anyway, what a terrible marketing move.

  32. Martijn Otto

    Will the terminal receive the same low build-quality as their devices usually do?

  33. TRT Silver badge

    Oh FFS...

    Got an earworm now.

  34. ForthIsNotDead

    If you don't like Heathrow T5...

    ...then Inverness has a lovely little airport.

    It's not exactly local though...

    1. Hollerith 1

      Re: If you don't like Heathrow T5...

      Aberdeen International. Compact, easy to get to, pleasant staff. Quite long transfer from any Heathrow terminal, though.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Dave Lawton

        Re: If you don't like Heathrow T5...

        Ah, Aberdeen, yes, unless it snows :)

  35. LeeAlexander

    Familiarity breeds comtempt

    As per title me thinks it could back fire!

  36. Michael Habel Silver badge

    "...Microsoft spraying graffiti all over New York? No? Well, we don't blame you."

    Neither does yahoo, or so it seems. According to your "Source" this only happened in Chcago, Los Angles, and San Fransisco. NOT New York.

  37. Jim Ettles 1
    Unhappy

    World's Worst Terminal?

    Captain Scott wrote "My god, this is a bloody awful place" about Antarctica because Heathrow and in particular Terminal 5 bad not been built then. Admittedly it comes as a shock to wind up there after departing Changi or Chep Lak Kok but the place has to be the pits by anyone's standards.

    Samsung must have rocks in their corporate heads.

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: World's Worst Terminal?

      "Samsung must have rocks in their corporate heads."

      Well, keep banging the rocks together then...

  38. Midnight

    Nice idea, one little problem.

    Now, if somebody accidentally breaks the glass in one of Terminal 5's windows, they have to replace the entire building.

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