back to article Star Wars Episode VII: The Ancient Fear of, er, a cheese-tastic title?

The seventh instalment of the Star Wars movie franchise will be named “The Ancient Fear”, whisper anonymous sources, while more rumours gather over the final cast list for JJ Abrams' latest feature. Writer, director and producer JJ Abrams (top centre right) at the cast read-through of Star Wars Episode VII at Pinewood Studios …

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  1. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  2. Nick Ryan Silver badge

    Please no, not Zac Efron or any other largely talentless Disney "child star or teen-idol". And no ****ing time travel either - although I'll accept that there's a chance that an actor like Zac Efron might not ruin the film totally, adding time travel to it will.

    1. wolfetone Silver badge

      Disney own Star Wars now, it's their bitch. And as it's their bitch they will, unfortunately, do what they like with it. So queue all the child stars from their other films appearing in this.

      Not totally sure time travel would ruin Star Wars. But, you know, it could be worse.

      Ja Ja Binks could make a return, and no one wants that.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Ja Ja Binks could make a return, and no one wants that."

        Miley Cyrus as Re Re Binks, Jar Jar's great grandspawn.

      2. Justice

        That obviously depends if JJ's overuse of lensflare manages to burn his stalky little retinas out.

      3. Geoff Campbell
        Mushroom

        I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

        "Episode VII: Ja Ja Binks, The Musical."

        It would fit the Disney ethos perfectly, and open up a whole new audience. Perfect!

        GJC

    2. Tom 11

      @ Nick RE: Efron

      Obviously you've not seen him in recent titles where his character has actually got a proper brief rather than make the girlies squeal. Most stuff he's done in past 2 or 3 years where he is clearly trying to move away from this type-casting have been great. Watch 'The Paperboy' he's pretty damn good in that, and I for one am looking forward to seeing what he can do in Starwars!

  3. Dr_N Silver badge

    Not Red Harvest then?

    No obfuscating working title?

    1. OrsonX
      Happy

      Red October

      Standing by.

      1. Kane Silver badge
        Joke

        Simply Red

        Standing By

  4. Seanie Ryan

    can't wait to see Jar Jar Binks again. That crazy fool.

    :-)

    1. TitterYeNot

      @Seanie Ryan

      No! I know you were joking, but No! Just No!

      (Or for those of you that hate George Lucas and his blu-ray transfers, Nooooooooooo!)

      As a side note, am I the only one thinking the film title should be 'Star Wars Episode 6 1/2: The Smell of Fear'...

      1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

        Re: @Seanie Ryan

        As a side note, am I the only one thinking the film title should be 'Star Wars Episode 6 1/2: The Smell of Fear'...

        It should be "Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money"

        ...perhaps followed by "Spaceballs 3: The Search for Spaceballs 2"

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My worst fear about the new SW movie

    I want to go and see it and be surprised (and hopefully enjoy it!), but because of all the anticipation it's going to be discussed, dissected, leaked, pulled apart, trailed, marketed, and interviewed to death long before I finally get in front of a cinema screen to watch it.

    I need to find a way to AVOID all the coming hype for the next couple of years until it's released!

    1. Tom 13

      Re: My worst fear about the new SW movie

      You are off to a very, vary bad start.

    2. DropBear Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: My worst fear about the new SW movie

      ...a way to AVOID all the coming hype for the next couple of years...

      Taking up a pizza delivery job might help. As long as you don't mind the cold, that is...

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: My worst fear about the new SW movie

        > it's going to be discussed, dissected, leaked, pulled apart, trailed, marketed, and interviewed to death

        I liked Peter Jackson's sense of humour - during one of his 'Making of The Hobbit' video diaries, he opens a desk draw to reach for something, revealing a folder marked 'Star Wars Episode VII script'. Most internet pudits assumed it was a wind-up!

    3. Steven Roper

      Re: My worst fear about the new SW movie

      I need to find a way to AVOID all the coming hype for the next couple of years until it's released!

      That's not as hard as it seems. I've managed to shield myself very effectively from goss, hype, viral marketing and and even advertising for many years now. I've been able to watch Game of Thrones, for example, without falling victim to the spoiler trolls (well, I did get spoiled for the Season 1 shocker but that taught me to avoid all online discussions of the show thereafter.)

      Here's how you do it in 5 simple steps:

      1. If you have TV reception in your house, get rid of it. No TV. Ever. No matter what. Even if Vladimir Putin declares war on the whole of Europe and is about to nuke all England to ash - you don't watch TV. Same goes for radio reception - if you have a radio in your house, get rid of it. (If Putin decides to nuke England, you're better off dead anyway!)

      2. To keep in touch with he world and keep up with the news, set a few news sites of your choice on your browser's home tabs. Then you can pick and choose what news you want to be exposed to. (This way if Putin decides to nuke England you can still read about it online while avoiding any articles about Star Wars!)

      3. Download or stream whatever shows or movies you want to watch. If you look around, you can watch those shows without any adverts and at a time of your choosing. Same with any music you like listening to - you don't need to get it from the radio.

      4. If you haven't already, install the AdBlock Plus addon into your browser. This will shield you effectively from most internet advertising.

      5. Stay out of any forums, blogs, fansites, articles or social media pages relating to Star Wars (or anything else you want to shield yourself from. I avoid Game of Thrones sites for this reason.) If you really need to discuss it, pick just one forum (like this one!) and confine your explorations of Star Wars to it.

      If you follow these steps, you'll be surprised at how well you can shield yourself from the hype!

      1. Robert Grant

        Re: My worst fear about the new SW movie

        This certainly seems worth becoming a hermit for. Thanks!

  6. Message From A Self-Destructing Turnip

    Caption correction

    ....(clockwise from right) R2-D2, Harrison Ford,....... there FTFY

  7. EddieD

    After the phantom menace, never again for me..

    As title - I'll wait 3 months for the blu-ray

    1. veti Silver badge

      Re: After the phantom menace, never again for me..

      Seriously? Rather than spending a tenner to see it at a cinema and get it over with, you'll spend three times that to get it in a format that requires you to give it shelf space thereafter, no matter how gruesome it is?

      Oh well, de gustibus non est disputandum and all that...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @ veti

        Maybe he meant "As title - I'll wait 3 months for the blu-ray torrent!"

      2. D@v3

        Re: £30 for a blu-ray?

        maybe for the 'special limited directors second extra theatrical cut' but that will add another couple of months to the release date

      3. EddieD

        Re: After the phantom menace, never again for me..

        It's worth it so I can scream "THIS IS ABSOLUTE SHITE" at the top of my voice halfway through, and then phone all my friends, okay friend, and slag it off.

        Last time I did this at the flicks they took a rather dim view of things...

  8. theblackhand

    The Ancient Fear isn't that bad

    Particularly if the final release becomes known as "The Disney Disaster".

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Carl Adolf Zydow as a villain?

    That's almost a clichè.

  10. Mycho Silver badge

    One word missing

    In all the titles I've seen hinted at, I have not seen one mention of the word "Order"

    SW aficionados will know what I'm getting at.

  11. NoneSuch

    Can we have a little sanity here?

    There's nothing worse that hearing all about a film before it gets released. Movie critics who get special advance screenings (and free popcorn, snacks, and goody bags of swag) really tick me off when they release their reviews days before the film even opens. Here's a novel concept; How about you let me make up my own mind. Films the critics initially hated (Raiders of the Lost Ark, Predator, Happy Gilmore, and many more) went on to make billions in box office.

    All this speculation (this article only cites anonymous sources which could be the same twisted bloke with two email accounts) accomplishes nothing. Let them make the film (And all the others in the pipe - Avengers 2, for example) then let us see it and make up our own mind.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTc4zI_7-Ms

    1. Richard 81

      Re: Can we have a little sanity here?

      You know, it is possible to not read every article that appears on a news site, paper, or blog etc.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: Can we have a little sanity here?

        >really tick me off when they release their reviews days before the film even opens.

        Er, isn't it the reviewer's job to give an idea of whether a film is worth spending £10 and 2 hours on watching?

        Simply, there are not enough hours in the day for me to 'make up my own mind' about every film that is made from around the world.

        Generally, films that are withheld from critics by the studios before general release are dreadful.

  12. Justice

    Dunno why so many peeps dismiss Disney. They've done a stirling job on the Marvel franchise since they took over and the news that characters from the new animated series Star Wars: Rebels will be tying in with Episode VII just made me nerdgasm as much as Season 6 of Clone Wars.

    Yeah, it's for kids and I'm a big old 45 year old one.

    1. James Hughes 1

      Indeed - some of their recent animations have been very good - Tangled, Frozen (not as good as Tangled). And some other films that are pretty good.

      On the other hand, Mars Needs Moms.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Past of future history

    Nothing can be worse than the title of the new X-Men movie...

    1. jai

      Re: Past of future history

      Days of Future Past? But why is it so bad? the plot for the film comes from the story arc in the comics that had that same title. so the title for the film seems rather apt, telling you exactly which plotline from the comic it is adapting to the film.

      and considering the plot is all about the people in the future going back into the past to fix the errors made there and so save everyone from persecution in the future, it's not too bad. it's much along the lines of Back to the Future, as a grammatically convoluted title goes.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Past of future history

        Days of Future Past? Wasn't that an album by The Thompson Twins??

        Think I'll be giving that one a swerve then...

        1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

          Re: Past of future history

          Moody Blues...

          1. Zog_but_not_the_first Silver badge
            Happy

            Re: Past of future history

            X-men in white satin. Different.

    2. Brandon 2

      Re: Past of future history

      I could not agree more. I know it's comic book cannon, but the name is still awful.

  14. TRT Silver badge

    In the theme of other fantasy films...

    The Neverending Franchise?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Snore...

    Move over and make way for new stories / films... Same goes for the remake of "Point Break"...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Snore...

      ...and 'Lethal Weapon'

  16. Tom 7 Silver badge

    Luke SkyMobilityScooter

    and Han Slowly doesn't appeal somehow.

    1. Fibbles

      Re: Luke SkyMobilityScooter

      I'd agree about Luke but, if anything, Han Solo should simply get more roguish with age. How can that be a bad thing?

      1. kdh0009

        Re: Luke SkyMobilityScooter

        Not sure why the desire to bring back the oldies. To paraphrase Peter Griffin - "Hi, I'm Han Solo, Captain of the Millennium Falcon and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie."

  17. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    Ahhh that makes sense...

    The ancient... George Lucas. The fear... that he will direct it.

  18. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    That's "Puppeteen"!

    1. Busby

      Re: Bah!

      Sorry even on here a pun that bad deserves a downvote

      1. Stevie Silver badge

        Re: Downvote.

        So, not a Darths and Droids fan then?

  19. Snake Plissken

    Saying Disney will ruin Star Wars

    Is like saying another iceberg is going to dive down to hit the Titanic.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm not a big Star Wars fan, so I'm not personally offended, but damn, that *is* a crappily bland title.

    And yes, "A New Hope" *is* rubbish and bland too, but remember that was never the film's original title (which was simply "Star Wars" (*)) and was only slapped on for the post-Empire Strikes Back reissue. Even then, as far as I can tell (and from what I remember growing up) that name was never used in marketing- the film was still widely known as "Star Wars".

    It was only after the prequels came out that people started going on about it. I doubt the studio would ever have let the original film come out as "A New Hope" in the first place- it sounds like exactly what it was meant to be, an "episode" title, not a film name.

    (*) Which is also cheesey and generic, but at least fun-sounding.

  21. Banksy

    Ancient Fear

    What of s****ing yourself? That's an ancient fear.

  22. OrsonX
    Unhappy

    Episode VII: Crimes Against Art

    I know you can be tried for crimes against humanity (killing lots of people, being generally horrible, etc), but what about crimes agains art? Surely George Lucas can be indited for Episodes I to III? How long did he have to come up with the script? How wrong did he get it? Why didn't anybody stop him?! Like many of us I know the script for the original movies, the only line I remember from the new ones is "I'sa Jar Jar Binks!"

    No VII for me.

    1. cyrus

      Re: Episode VII: Crimes Against Art

      I can only watch the first two movies made. The rest made me shit my pants (and not in a good way). An Ancient Fear indeed. I will wait for its release on Netflix a month after it opens in theaters.

      1. Stevie Silver badge

        Re: Episode VII: Crimes Against Art

        I can absolutely watch the first few minutes of Return of the Jedi. The scene with Leia chained by the neck in scanty cozy is the very definition of high art. I believe in exposing myself to high art as often as I can get away with it.

  23. ecofeco Silver badge

    Abrams

    ^That's my biggest concern right there. ^

    It's either going to rock or be a flop. There won't be much in between.

  24. cheveron

    You are all missing the point.

    Whatever it is, at least it won't be a pointless remake of Empire.

  25. hokum

    Hope it's another turd like the recent trilogy...

    ...because then we might get more Red Letter Media reviews, the best thing to ever come out of Star Wars.

  26. Volker Hett
    Coat

    Let me think ...

    an ancient fear and Max von Sydow? Could it be SPECTRE?

    Mine's the one with the evil scientist badge.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Let me think ...

      Ahhh! Mr Binks. I've been expecting you.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Let me think ...

        "You's a expect-a me talkin' dey?"

        "No Mr Binks. I expect you to die!"

  27. Daniel Barnes

    Makes me think this trilogy will be based on the 'Jedi Academy' trilogy of books by Kevin J Anderson.

    In the first book an ancient Sith lord (Exar Kun) terrorises Lukes Jedi academy in spirit form.

  28. Rhiakath Flanders

    Disney's Star Wars - The Phantom Blot ( returns )...

    In a small cabin in the middle of the forest:

    Mickey-Wan Kenobi ( with traditional high-pitched voice ) - "Come, my padawans. Come, settle down and feel the Force. Let us practice. Let it flow through you..."

    Morty and Ferdie ( in a food fight with Goofy Binks ) - "In a minute, uncle..."

    Goofy Binks - "Yack Yack! Meesa thinks this all dirty! Food everywhe' ! A-Yack!"

    Mickey-Wan Kenobi breathes deeply, raises his hand slightly, and a broom starts to levitate. It starts sweeping the room of its own accord...

    Suddenly, he opens his eyes widely...

    Mickey-Wan Kenobi - "I feel a disturbance in the Force"...

    A door explodes... Shards everywhere, and smoke... Morty and Ferdie crawl behind Mickey, while Goofy stands stunned looking for some light, while his ears cover his eyes..

    Suddenly, a shadow takes shape in the smoke. Then suddenly there are three of them... All dressed in white plastic armor, with their blasters in their hands, the three elite beagle-troopers enter the room. Their names too horrendous to be pronounced, they are know throught the galaxy as 176-167, 176-671, and 176-176.

    They sweep the room with their blasters, screaming everyone to look down...

    Then, a new shadow takes form in the smoke....

    The Emperor himself appears before Kenobi, with his trusted right-hand Pete...

    Emperor Phantom Blot - "We finally meet, old guy... Last time we met, I was but a pupil... Now I am the master!!!!"

    Pete - "Uh, yeah! What he says!"

    The emperor raises his hand, does a slashing movement, and suddenly, the broom splits in two. And three... And they keep splitting until there's an army of brooms, all carrying buckets of water to clean up the place...

    A contageous tune starts sounding.. The brooms all start marching...

    Goofy keeps running around in circles, looking for the light ( while still having his eyes covered with his ears ), until he trips on a broom. The broom falls violently to the ground, letting his bucket full of water fly across the room, right into Pete, who , as a reflex to catch the bucket, drops his saber. The saber falls right into the Emperor's foot. The Emperor, in his pain, lashes out a large spread of Force Lightning that detonates the remaining thermal detonators in the storm-troopers belts...

    Everything is blown into oblivion...

    When the smoke and debris dissipates nothing is left of the brooms, beagle troopers, or the cabin.

    The emperor is nowhere to be found, and neither is Pete.

    Goofy Binks stands beneath a huge pile of hay while Mickey-Wan Kenobi is projecting a Force field to protect himself and his padawans...

    May this be the end of the Empire???

    ( My apologies if the names don't make sense, but I only knew the Portuguese names of the characters... I had to google for these )

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