back to article Teen girl arrested with 70-year-old man's four inch weapon inside her

A 19-year-old Tennessee girl cuffed earlier this week for allegedly driving with a suspended licence is in a spot more bother – after jail officers reportedly discovered a loaded .22 revolver in her vagina. Dallas Archer's police mugshot Pretty in pink: Dallas Archer's police mugshot Dallas Archer was pulled over in …

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  1. AbelSoul
    Pint

    Bravo!

    A return to El Reg headline excellence.

    Cheered me up just as Beer O'clock approaches.

    1. CmdrX3

      Re: Bravo!

      The headline was fine... I just find something very fishy about the article.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Bravo!

      "I know what you're thinking, punk. You're thinking "did he fire six shots or only five?" Now to tell you the truth I forgot myself in all this excitement. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and will blow you head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself a question: "Do I feel lucky? Well, do you punk?"

      1. Rick Brasche

        Re: Bravo!

        to be pendantic, the mini revolver mentioned only has a 5 round cylinder.

        So it's "did I fire 5 shots, or 4..." :)

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Bravo!

      I see a business opportunity here, overnight safe storage for personal items. Just like to Post Office, size and weight will determine the cost.

  2. Arnold Lieberman
    Coat

    Wasnt there a film about this?

    Snatch!

  3. Ralph B

    Loaded

    Was it cocked?

  4. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. ISYS

    Was it a Revulva?

    1. Bertie D'astard

      Or a Sex Pistol?

    2. PeterGriffin

      Genius :D

  6. frank ly Silver badge

    Maybe ..

    ... she couldn't afford a proper holster and forget that she was carrying it. Given enough time, you can get used to anything. (That doesn't let her off the stolen property rap of course).

    1. ian 22

      Re: Maybe ..

      A self-lubricating holster! (He said lubriciously).

    2. Marvin the Martian

      Re: Maybe ..

      She should have claimed it's an advanced self-defence-against-rape "booby"trap. Stand your ground and all that.

  7. Dick Emery

    Shooting blanks?

    This is a stick up and it's stuck up here!

    1. GitMeMyShootinIrons

      Re: Shooting blanks?

      Might get messy if it shoots it's load.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Defense strategy

    "but I didn't want to bring a weapon in to a penal facility, I just wanted to ride around town with the gun shoved up there. *you're* the ones who brought me to jail!"

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Defense strategy

      Yeah, but they do ask you if you're carrying anything prohibited prior to crossing that magical line. Of course, if you think you're not going to get cavity-searched...

  9. jason 7

    If this is the case...why do girls bother with handbags?

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      No idea, I'm a bloke. But I imagine trying to get a spiky hair brush, can of hair spray, mirror for doing eyes, etc, up there would be a tad uncomfortable!

      1. Goldmember

        "No idea, I'm a bloke. But I imagine trying to get a spiky hair brush, can of hair spray, mirror for doing eyes, etc, up there would be a tad uncomfortable!"

        And an entire pistol wouldn't be..?! Christ, I just gained a new level of respect (or fear) for the potential capabilities of my missus.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        > No idea, I'm a bloke.

        Well, lasses have double the carrying capacity, but we lads still can...

        on second thought, never mind.

      3. Steven Raith

        "No idea, I'm a bloke. But I imagine trying to get a spiky hair brush, can of hair spray, mirror for doing eyes, etc, up there would be a tad uncomfortable!"

        I'm sorry to say but Rule 34* has covered....pretty much all of those.

        Er, so I'm told.

        *cough*

        Steven R

        *do NOT google 'rule 34' from work. Ever. Unless you like being sacked.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          or...

          Have an ethernet port at your desk that is connected to the network outside of the firewall...

    2. Old Handle

      Outside a nudist beach, quickly retrieving items from this type of storage could be inconvenient. Plus some women may prefer larger weapons.

  10. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
    Joke

    Smuggled Inn?

    However, one disgusted local chap declared: "Mi nuh wan' dat deh phone fi use again, mi would dash it weh."

    Hang on - they had mobile phones in Jamaica Inn? Or did I mishear you?

  11. kmac499

    life imitating art

    Somethign similar in the opening scenes of the Danny Trejo masterpiece Machete;

    But I think that involved a mobile phone being retrieved.. (Presumably on silent vibrate.)

  12. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Feuer und Wasser kommt nicht zusammen...

    "ein Feuerwerk springt aus dem Schritt"

  13. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tracy Turnblad.

      That's where she keeps the artillery emplacement.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Tracy Turnblad.

        Austin: "Machine gun jubblies? How did I miss those, baby?"

        Vanessa: "Perhaps next time you should try foreplay."

        Austin: "Right..."

  14. Longrod_von_Hugendong
    WTF?

    She looks like...

    Someone to rush home to meet your parents.

    I know you are not supposed to judge a [ned|chav] by their look but holy crap.

    1. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

      Re: She looks like...

      When she last popped into the hairdresser's did they have a slinky sitting on the shelf?

      Or was it 8" rollers being as "everything's bigger in America" - including 'revolver holsters' it seems!

    2. Bill Fresher

      Re: She looks like...

      I think she's very pretty so shut your mouth.

  15. Infury8r

    Complementary comment ..........

    I actually first read that as "When The Smoking Gun told Souther exactly where his $200 piece had turned up, he exclaimed: 'Oh gash'." which again makes perfect sense in the context.

  16. NogginTheNog
    Facepalm

    I'm just impressed at her balls

    Not just a gun up her minge, but a LOADED one! Don't wanna think about if it had gone off.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Trollface

      Packing Some Heat

      But why would it go off?

      The NAA .22 Long Rifle is the most popular Mini-Revolver ever produced. With the many current accessories, it is versatile for many applications and is the standard by which other Mini-Revolvers are judged.

      Yes, I see.

      As with every NAA Mini-Revolver, the hammer need not rest on an empty chamber. Using the original half-way notch cylinder, the hammer may rest safely and securely without chance of accidental discharge.

      So that's ok. then.

      On the other hand, some unfriendly molecules may leak onto the mucuous membrane.

      Still, how DID she come up with that idea? Women these days...

  17. DrTechnical
    FAIL

    And I bet she didn't have a concealed carry permit either...

  18. Mark 85 Silver badge

    At least it wasn't a .357 Magnum

    <see title>

    1. hugo tyson
      Joke

      Re: At least it wasn't a .357 Magnum

      It would have melted by now....

  19. andreas koch
    Paris Hilton

    Am I really the first one

    thinking that Dallas Archer was not her real name?

    More likely it was Eskimo Nell.

    1. Brad Ackerman
      Facepalm

      Re: Am I really the first one

      Eskimo Nell would use a .454 Casull.

  20. Why Not?
    Joke

    They got her BANG to Rights?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It surprises me

    how many women have been reported to do this.

    Time for a radically different remake of the Magnificent Seven?

  22. Doozer
    FAIL

    Protection

    It reminds me of a line from The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

    (Bernadette says to Shirley)

    Now listen here, you mullet. Why don't you just light your tampon, and blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart!

    (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yLiGbJLWi8)

    I don't know what's worse, that I can remember the line or that I have watched the film...!

    Maybe someone told he she had to take some 'protection' with her so she didn't get up the duff.

  23. Peter X

    Hair!

    Dunno if anyone noticed, but she appears to have a sea anemone attached to her head!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      Re: Hair!

      With anemone like that, who needs friends?

  24. ecofeco Silver badge

    Loaded?!

    Darwin Award candidate right there.

    Came within a, er, hair of winning, too!

  25. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Sweet Shub-Niggurath's tentacular titties, how does that not hurt like hell?

    I've always been told (in no uncertain terms) that ladyparts are sensitive and requiring of special handling.

    No one mentioned 38 special or Saturday Night Special handling.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Bah!

      Drugs? Lots of drugs. Just a guess.

    2. Swarthy Silver badge

      Re: Bah!

      Have an upvote for "Sweet Shub-Niggurath's tentacular titties"

  26. Faux Science Slayer

    and you thought the carmel covered popcorn and peanut mix....

    "Cracker Jacks" was exclusive when they said "A surprise in every box"....

  27. Montreal Sean

    Silly American.

    That's not how you play Russian Roulette.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ROFL

    Re. Russian Roulette.

    In Soviet Russia, tampons apparently make passable bullet wound pluggers. Seriously!

    They are basically sterile and in an emergency can save lives.

    At least long enough to get to hospital, but they do act as effective plugs for massive blood loss and can possibly prevent air getting into the chest cavity as well (citation needed)...

    1. Scroticus Canis Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: ROFL

      Tampons were standard issue for bush patrol in the RLI (Rhodesian Light Infantry) back in the day. Normally need two for entry & exit holes.

      Paris? Well think about it.

      1. PatientOne

        Re: ROFL

        "Tampons were standard issue for bush patrol in the RLI (Rhodesian Light Infantry) back in the day. Normally need two for entry & exit holes."

        ???

        A tampon for the small entry wound, perhaps, but you'd need a large pad for the exit wound. Or a proper dressing. Or two. Or even three. Depends on what you were shot with and where.

  29. Andrew Tyler 1

    I don't think washing a steel gun in bleach is a good idea.

  30. Crisp Silver badge

    She is extremely pink!

    Are the authorities sure she's human?

    1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

      Re: She is extremely pink!

      I find your extreme homophobic remark disgusting!

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Double action, action.

    Quite a few little guns like that are 'double action only' and therefore dont have the pointy hammer bit sticking out the top. Far more comfortable. I'd imagine.

    1. Scroticus Canis Silver badge

      Re: Double action, action.

      No. This particular gun is single action only, need long trigger pull for double action mechanism. Hard to hold properly and require point blank use as they difficult to aim. Also have to remove cylinder to load it, no swing out mechanism.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    She has given a new, and quite obviously too literal meaning to the expression 'baby cannon'.

  33. TRT Silver badge

    She'll be getting 5 years

    hard labia.

  34. Jedit
    Terminator

    Thank God she's not a Terminator

    "12-gauge auto loader. .45 long slide with laser sighting. Phased plasma rifle in 40-twat range."

    "Hey ... you can't put that in there!"

    "Wrong."

    <BLAM>

  35. The elephant in the room

    With a suspicious camel toe

    she shot herself in the foot!

  36. hi_robb
    Paris Hilton

    Hmm

    Seems a bit gun hoe...

  37. Thomas_Kent

    Slinky?

    Does she have her hair wrapped around a Slinky?

    http://poof-slinky.com/product-category/slinky/

  38. razorfishsl

    admin@razorfishsolutions.com.hk

    Makes one wonder why the hell they bother with those bloody handbags….

  39. asiaseen

    If it went off

    would it be a shot in the dark?

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