back to article Boeing, Cupertino to 'explore weaponisation of Apple technologies'

Boeing and Apple will work together to "weaponise" Apple technology, after the aerospace giant found aluminium-milling techniques developed by Apple to build the MacBook Air's case result in a stronger, more versatile aircraft wings than it is possible to create with its own manufacturing practices. “One of my team dropped …


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  1. stuff and nonesense

    Nice try!!

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge

      Indeed! And much better than the 3d printed BT Tower. Oh, hang on, maybe the BT Tower isn't a joke after all... ;-)

    2. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

      I thought Simon did wonderfully. I love April 1; it's a great chance to throw some ideas against the wall.

  2. Andy Taylor

    Good effort

    Sounds plausible, had me going until the bit about the $100 bet.

    1. Admiral Grace Hopper

      Re: Good effort

      I was fished in until they said that Apple had talked to El Reg.

    2. Wzrd1

      Re: Good effort

      You obviously have no experience in interpersonal dealings between corporate executives.

      It's the principle that counts, not the money.

      But then, one ponders the date. ;)


    So it's started then...

  4. frank ly Silver badge

    " ... bear fruit ..."

    You could have said 'take wing".

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Rolf Apilo?


    Next we'll have Cat6 trees as crops when the spaghetti fields need a rest ..

    1. Michael Thibault

      Re: Rolf Apilo?

      The headline alone largely gave it away: just the hint of Apple doing anything relative to weapons had me check the posting date... I tumbled to the anagram after I'd briefly knitted my brows and moved passed it, though.

    2. Martin Budden
      Thumb Up

      Re: Rolf Apilo?

      I thought "Rolf Apilo" was a nice touch.

    3. Wzrd1

      Re: Rolf Apilo?

      "Next we'll have Cat6 trees as crops when the spaghetti fields need a rest .."

      Now you're in trouble. Monsanto was working on both.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: Rolf Apilo?

        I thought it plausible for the first couple of sentences but only because Boeing have a 'secure' phone division. Then the penny dropped pretty quickly, but in fairness to the Reg I had already stumbled over a couple of other wind-ups this morning.

  6. Andrew Jones 2

    Sometimes... I think it might be better to just stay off the internet on April 1st. But I'm afraid I might miss some good jokes. HTC have a valiant effort with their Gluuv - but it's a little bit too over-the-top. Samsung have basically had the exact same idea - though with much less effort put into it. Google have already created a Pokemon catching game on Google Maps, Gmail Shelfie, Google Developer Console offering a way to bring back the physical unboxing joy when your users buy your digital app. Chrome on Android can translate webpages into pure emoji. So far (as usual) Google is winning. The emoji think is actually very very funny.

    1. Wzrd1

      It just turned midnight here, well, a half hour ago. I'm in the process of turning back into a pumpkin, which is a remarkable feat, as I am a pumpkin the rest of the time.

      Still, my goal in the morning is to write up a fine post on my US Constitutional right to drunkenness. It will involve the repeal of prohibition, hence, my right as one not confiscated by the government on a Constitutional basis, to be drunk.

      Said post will contain intentional logical and legal fallacies that Helen Keller would spot, be somewhat longwinded out of necessity of proving idiocy in a point and fall fatally upon the sword of reality, case law and history.

      Hopefully, it'll even be humorous to all readers.

      But, if not, my laser armed hawks will take care of them.

      BOFH Mk II.

  7. Adam 1 Silver badge

    This is just a cover story. We already know that the NSA already uses secret flaws to push iTunes into their unsuspecting victims PCs in Operation Killmenow.

  8. tempemeaty

    Some day?

    I would love to see things like in this article happen.

  9. skeptical i

    "I see you're trying to bomb a wedding party ..."

    Oh, wait, that'd be Boeing + Microsoft, nevvamind.

  10. Eddy Ito Silver badge

    You missed the bit about Apple suing Boeing for making an Android phone.

  11. aldolo

    even my ipad is broken

    broken at the first fall. doesn't seem so strong

    1. Wzrd1

      Re: even my ipad is broken

      You should see my macbook pro, with its extensive dents in the areas above the battery and hard drive.

      Interesting fact, reading spectacles slammed down over a macbook pro hard drive will result in hard drive failure. Something I learned three times.

      I've since learned to put them down more carefully in an emergency.

  12. DerekCurrie Bronze badge

    Coward Murder Machines vs Apple Ethics vs US And International Law

    [Diatribe withdrawn] I just noticed the clock had ticked into April 1st here in the USA. I'm very pleased this article is… [Spoilers withdrawn]

  13. fearnothing

    I'm more gullible than most posters here apparently - you had me on the hook right up until Steve Jobs' approval of "robotic justice".

    *lifts hat*

  14. Another User

    Aluminium gave it away

    I nearly fell for it but an American Company using the word 'Aluminium' instead of 'Aluminum' ?

    You need to try a little harder :-)

  15. Mahou Saru

    Well it would have been nice if Apple brought some of their innovation protection practices to the arms industry and everyone started suing each other to a stand still :p

  16. Mussie (Ed)

    Got Me

    Dam it i just told a co worker about this now i look the tool lol

  17. JDX Gold badge

    If you sharpened the edges on an iPad or MacBook Air, Oriza style (Stephen King reference) they could be quite formidable.

  18. KirstarK

    No not a nice try.

    The tone was all wrong

    But funny anyway. Hello april 1st

  19. bozoid

    You had me going for a couple of paragraphs, and then I realized it's already April on your side of the pond.

    Nice try!

  20. deedee

    Urmmh, what was the date/time stamp on this article? I thought it was masterful all the way through to the last few paras. I would have quit before you gave it all away. You are not supposed to have to explain the punchline.

  21. Ascylto


    But would Apple want 30% of the drones?

  22. Scroticus Canis
    Paris Hilton

    "An Apple spokesentity told The Reg..." ¿Que?

    With that in an El Reg article you know the bullshit horn is sounding . Apple providing info or responding to El Reg? Ha!

    Even Paris wouldn't fall for that one.

    PS: Oh bugger just seen Admiral Grace beat me to it, going to leave the post in anyway.

  23. This post has been deleted by its author

  24. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    "Speculative engineering"??

    Sounds like a new department at the Unseen University, right next to "Woolly Thinking" and "Cruel and Unusual Geography", or is it a new section of the Guild of Cunning Artificers?

  25. Graham Marsden

    "robotic justice from America to the world"

    Many a true word is spoken in jest...

    ... Fuck Yeah!

  26. McHack

    Bulletproof Apples

    You know you want them. An iPhone for your shirt pocket right in front of your heart, an iPad tucked under your jacket across your chest "just in case" in a bad neighborhood. Or a MacBook in a backpack for when running away from a loud noise.

    If they could keep the item from subsequently fragging you by explosion or incineration if a bullet or shrapnel would happen to pierce the housing then the battery, bonus.

  27. 0laf Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Nearly. Nearly had me until the end

  28. Philip Lewis

    This one is pretty funny :)

    Original danish here ...

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Been working late?

  30. Simon Harris Silver badge

    Weaponising apple products?

    But wouldn't something that has sharp corners be better for stabbing people?

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