back to article How to Poo on a Date wins odd book title of the year

Getting a date is hard enough to begin with. So what happens if cruel nature calls when things are just starting to get romantic? That's the question posed and answered by a tome titled How To Poo On A Date by Mats & Enzo, which has just won the 36th annual Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year. The book achieved 30 …

COMMENTS

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  1. proto-robbie
    Holmes

    if you really must defecate on fruit...

    ...you'd have a better chance of making out with a pineapple or grapefruit.

    1. Elmer Phud

      Re: if you really must defecate on fruit...

      That was my first thought - then it was 'how do you inform your potential lover you are in to scat?.

      After that is was whether you face the prospect of a new aquaintance with flappy bowels or a sphincter so tight you could used it as a pipe-vice.

      1. 's water music Silver badge

        Re: if you really must defecate on fruit...

        'how do you inform your potential lover you are in to scat?.

        Shoobie-doo-wapp... Ahhhhh!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: if you really must defecate on fruit...

          I'm a scat man!

          Bee ba ba ba da bo, ba ba ba da, ba da ba da bee ba ba ba da bo

  2. Longrod_von_Hugendong
    WTF?

    Thank God, that...

    now world peace, hunger and poverty problems are all sorted out people have time to write books on shit.

    1. James Hughes 1

      Re: Thank God, that...

      WTF right back at you.

      Now everyone, back to work, right now, on fixing world hunger. All of you. Yes, including you in the hospital at the back there.

    2. ItsNotMe
      Coat

      Re: Thank God, that...

      "Thank God, that...

      now world peace, hunger and poverty problems are all sorted out people have time to write shit books."

      There...fixed it for you.

      Mine's the one with the Kindle in the pocket.

  3. TitterYeNot
    Coat

    Not Hodder & Stoughton...

    How To Poo On A Date, soon to be followed by its exciting and informative sequel, 10 Things To Do If Your Date Doesn't Like You Pooing On Them.

    1. Erroneous Howard

      Re: Not Hodder & Stoughton...

      1) Run away?

    2. Captain Save-a-ho
      Coat

      Re: Not Hodder & Stoughton...

      I'm waiting for the Oolon Colluphid follow up: How does this God person poo anyway?

      1. Euripides Pants Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Not Hodder & Stoughton...

        "How does this God person poo anyway?"

        Didn't you ever wonder where comets come from?

  4. Ben Bonsall

    I'm glad the office has emptied out for lunch, as I've just made some very odd noises trying not to laugh at these comments. +1s for all!

    1. ISYS

      Wow

      I'm glad the office has emptied out for lunch

      You must work for the media.

      1. Ben Bonsall

        Re: Wow

        Nope. Mainland Europe. Lunch is important here.

        1. VinceH Silver badge

          Re: Wow

          "Emptied out" wasn't a pooing reference, then?

  5. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Devil

    Pooing on a date

    ...sounds quite a bit kinky to me.

  6. Dangermouse 1

    The Origin of the Feces - not so original

    Type O Negative got there first with their 1992 album. The first release even had a photo of Pete Steele's chocolate starfish on the cover.

  7. John Tserkezis

    How to poo on a date.

    Why do I get the feeling that the answer is quite short, but like some of my classmates used to do in high school - take a really short answer and turn it into a 25 page essay, making it look like you know what you're talking about.

    Clearly I'm not the "read the book to find out" type.

  8. Crisp Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    We’d have been disappointed to be number two.

    Ronald Hall owes me a new keyboard.

    1. 's water music Silver badge

      Re: We’d have been disappointed to be number two.

      I did wonder whether the whole book was written as a lead in to that punch line

  9. glen waverley

    Dr Sir Les Paterson may have prior art

    I seem to recall the cultural attache to the court of st james posing the question "what do you do if a bird shits on your windscreen?"

    To which the answer was along the lines of "You don't take her to the drive-in next time!"

    Somehow seems relevant to this topic.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    slightly disappoinrted that my copy of "How to avoid huge ships" is actually reprints of covers of diagram prize winners, rather than the actual book . does now mean I have a new must have book "The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America - A guide to field identification" and of course the seminal "Highlights in the history of Concrete".

  11. Bill Fresher

    How is getting a date difficult? I find that, if the lady is single, asking is usually all it takes.

  12. Squander Two

    A Freudian slap.

    > feeling the call of nature as you walk in the woods with your paramour

    I must admit I misread that first time round. I blame the context.

  13. Kubla Cant Silver badge
    WTF?

    Prion Press?

    Is it run by mad cows?

  14. thomas k.

    what do if you block her toilet with a monster mud-out.

    I seem to recall a movie with a scene like that, something with Ben Stiller, maybe.

  15. hi_robb

    Well

    I prefer this one.

    http://twitter.com/hi_robb/statuses/340863778637901825

    D

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wet fart while she was spooning worked for me...

    ... trying to slip out a quiet one failed horribly. We were camping in the bush (no pun intended); the resultant midnight drive back to running water and soap was mostly icy silence punctuated by choice invective from the offended party. Last I saw of her strangely.

    AC for obvious reasons.

    1. WalterAlter

      Re: Wet fart while she was spooning worked for me...

      "Poo" in the work's title equates to a loose choice of syntax, implying an open ended liquifaction of the goods. This must be a European connotation which includes various peripheral characteristics of flatulence, when, to keep more to cases, the Americanized "Poop" with its satisfying end pinch bilabial plosive, though not strictly onomatopoeic (more onomatoimagic one could surmise, as little umber "beginning-middle-end" torpedoes dance before the eyes), would amount to a more precise reference and pay appropriate homage to the tireless labors of the holy sphincter.

      1. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

        Re: Wet fart while she was spooning worked for me...

        Come back amanfrommars, all is forgiven.

  17. David Pollard
    Joke

    the person who nominates ... gets a bottle of semi-decent claret

    It's a neat trick that, to nominate the book themselves. When the accountant/taxman enquires about crates of claret appearing as expenses it's, "Oh yes. Prizes in our competitions. They generate quite a lot of publicity, you know... Just look at the press cuttings..."

  18. Tuesday Is Soylent Green Day

    Cleveland steamers first came to mind

    Then crap covered Phoenix dactylifera.

  19. Zot

    You can put on the shelf, along side...

    ...Britain's Crappiest Towns, and the History of Shit!

    It's real:

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/search?index=books&linkCode=qs&keywords=9780262621601

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