back to article Wearable tech for HORNY COWS: Biz slurps £3m for bovine arousal detectors

A firm which designs wearable tech for cows is celebrating after raising more than £3m to help fund its global expansion. Silent Herdsman has been handed the golden bull by a group of investors including Scottish Equity Partners, Albion Ventures and the Scottish Investment Bank. Its technology uses a "decision-support …

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  1. frank ly

    Moo'er

    Will GCHQ/NSA have backdoor access so they can keep our herds safe from terrorists?

    1. Ole Juul

      Re: Moo'er

      They'll certainly be doing penetration testing.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Moo'er

      The insemination process isn't going to work too well with "backdoor access"...

  2. jake Silver badge

    Whatever.

    My small herd of Belted Galloways seems to figure out when to eat, drink & fuck all by themselves. Same for the sheep, goats, hogs, rabbits and fowl.

    Good meat comes from non-stressed critters with access to quality rations. Adding unneeded technology to what comes naturally is contraindicated.

    Unless you want quantity, not quality.

  3. Knoydart
    Megaphone

    I wonder how they connect the cows - fttp fibre to the paddock or is it white (milk) space spectrum?

    Megaphone cause that's a bull horn right?

    1. Knoydart
      Coat

      4G udders

      Actually missed at trick, it must be a Cellsite On Wheels for optimum bovine connectivity surely?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    And it might save your Herd from the Jello Bovine Botherers...

    Unfortunately the Link, story and associated TV news clip are probably NSFW http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/367589/Reid-Fontaine-was-covered-in-jelly-while-having-sex-with-a-cow

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Spelling? Automation?

    "Now we can pin point the exact time for insemination with Silent Herdsman," wrote Steve Brown of Burton Overy, Leicestershire.

    "Silent Herdsman detects and highlights the right time for the artificial insemination process," ejaculated Wallace Magowan of Bangor , Northern Ireland.

    Shouldn't those be "Burton Ovary, Leicestershire" and "Bangher, Northern Ireland"?

    With IoT, the "herdsman" doesn't even need to pay attention. Amazon will send a drone and knock Elsie up on automated GPS/GLONASS/Galileo/Beidou mobe signal-- if your credit card is good--, no need to risk oneself in the nether regions with a long pointy straw thing. (don't carry the IoT bit around with you between cows without disabling the autoinseminate feature, or your life could get a bit more interesting)

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