back to article Actually, there is an Arapaho word for 'pliers'

The Vulture Central backroom boys are running around like headless chickens following the revelation that our new BuzzGasm feed is not functioning to the high standards of factual accuracy our demanding readers expect. For those of you not familiar with BuzzGasm, the El Reg Strategy Boutique describes it as "an automated …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Journalistic Integrity

    I, for one, applaud The Register for owning up to a journalistic failing. The never-ending quest for accurate reporting was certainly shown in this public admission of falsehood being presented as fact.

    As it stands, I do hope that the appropriate sanctions have been applied to Mr Haines. May I suggest an in depth study of the rise of the paper clip? If that isn't considered enough of a punishment, how about the rise and fall of Clippy?

    I feel that some form of punishment should be applied to ensure that the Intertubes continue to reflect the truth, dignity and above all, integrity, currently upheld across the Interweb.

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Journalistic Integrity

      I'm rather glumly looking at a box of paper-clips as we speak.

      1. CADmonkey

        Re: Journalistic Integrity

        Don't be glum! The paper clip is an all time engineering design classic. There are more patent applications for an 'improved paper fastening device' than anything else.

        Curiously, the Arapaho word for Patent Troll also happens to be tooyo'oenoo'.

        1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

          Re: Re: Journalistic Integrity

          I'm trying to keep my chin up, but paper-clips simply don't inspire in the way pliers do. I am currently trying to get an Arapaho translation for "stuff this for a lark, it's pub o'clock".

          1. JimmyPage Silver badge

            Mission creep ?

            Surely someone with your experience could broaden your brief to include drawing pins, staples, and by inclusion various tapes ? Meaning you get to play with parcel tape guns and staple guns ? That's the rest of the day sorted.

            1. launcap Silver badge
              Terminator

              Re: Mission creep ?

              >Meaning you get to play with parcel tape guns and staple guns

              Hmm.. staple guns..

              <Drifts off into memory, winces..>

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Journalistic Integrity

            Attaboy! A proper old-school hack. 9:00AM = Pub-O'Clock

          3. Bradley Hardleigh-Hadderchance
            Joke

            paper-clips simply don't inspire in the way pliers do

            So says 'Mad' Lester Haines.

            (Friend and close associate of the terrible twins - Potts and Orlowski.)

            Hard to torture someone with a paper clip.

            Then again.

            If they've annoyed you enough. OUCH!

            Best not think about it. Do unto others and all that..

        2. Elmer Phud
          Boffin

          Re: Journalistic Integrity

          "The paper clip is an all time engineering design classic. "

          But will there be a need for paperclips once everyone has got rid of optical drives?

          1. Menelaus-uk

            Re: Journalistic Integrity

            They are handy for releasing the SIM card trays on modern fangled smart phones.

            Maybe an article on other uses for paper clips?

            1. Dave 126 Silver badge

              Re: Journalistic Integrity

              >Maybe an article on other uses for paper clips?

              Resetting / restoring routers?

              It's worth noting that some of the advanced uses for a paper clip require the intervention of a pair of pliers.

              If you need to hold some papers together and can't find a paper clip, you can use a pair of pliers and an elastic band to achieve the same. The pliers will double as a paper weight. An additional bonus is that they won't jam the sheet feeder in a multi-page photocopier.

              1. Dave 126 Silver badge

                Paper clip Vs Pliers

                Another situation in which I have used pliers instead of a paper clip:

                Needing to restore a router to factory settings, I used a pair of pliers to 'nibble' a larger hole in the plastic casing so that the reset microswitch could be accessed with a screwdriver.

              2. WylieCoyoteUK
                Stop

                Re: Journalistic Integrity

                Having in the past removed a pair of pliers from a document feeder, I can attest that they will in fact jam one.

                As will school exercise books, rivets, dead mice and wasps (all things I have removed from photocopiers).

                Is there an Arapaho word for photocopier?

                1. Dave 126 Silver badge

                  Re: Journalistic Integrity

                  >Having in the past removed a pair of pliers from a document feeder, I can attest that they will in fact jam one.

                  I can see how that happened. After all, photocopiers have a sticker on them telling people to remove paperclips from their papers, but Xerox et al have neglected to place 'No Pliers' stickers on their machines.

            2. yourpastcatchingupwithyou
              Go

              Re: Journalistic Integrity

              Uses for paper clips was a list we had to make at some seminar I went to with my father many years ago. I was the only one in the room who said you could use a paper clip to short circuit and bypass a security system (specifically a DELL laptop if IIRC).

              Can we PLEASE make a new list? Security system short circuits aside.

            3. Champ

              Re: Journalistic Integrity

              > They (paperclips) are handy for releasing the SIM card trays on modern fangled smart phones.

              Not on my phone (Nexus 5). Or maybe I have particularly heavy gauge paperclips, because the diameter is too great to fit in the little SIM-tray-eject doofus hole.

      2. Benchops

        > I'm rather glumly looking at a box of paper-clips as we speak.

        I think you're writing a letter!

    2. phuzz Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Journalistic Integrity

      Another use for a paperclip:

      Should you need to use an ATX power supply without a motherboard, you can jump start one by shorting pin 16 (which usually has a green wire) to earth (any of the black wires).

      A bent paper clip is perfect for this, leaving you free to test your watercooling pump, or use a fan as a vacuum cleaner without having to power up the entire computer.

      >>> needs a McGuyver icon.

  2. Mystic Megabyte Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Is there an Arapaho word for this?

    When working in any confined space why is the tool that I need behind me?

    And how the hell did it get there when I only just put it down?

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

      There's no word in any language for that. Similarly, there's no term to describe the process by which a screwdriver, when placed momentarily out of view in a sealed room, with no means of escape, can disappear forever from the face of the planet.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

        "Similarly, there's no term to describe the process by which a screwdriver, when placed momentarily out of view in a sealed room, with no means of escape, can disappear forever from the face of the planet."

        Actually, I think you will find there is: 'Magic'

        1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

          Re: Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

          I don't believe in magic. There's an identifiable process at work here, even it has extradimensional properties beyond current scientific understanding.

          1. Blofeld's Cat
            Pint

            Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

            Clarke's third law states that "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

            Take brewing for example...

            1. Don Dumb
              Alien

              Obligatory Pratchett quote

              Clarke's third law states that "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

              Ah, Yes but "Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology" - Pratchett

          2. Elmer Phud

            Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

            "even it has extradimensional properties beyond current scientific understanding."

            It's about bloody time you 'knowalls' admitted that science can't tell you everything.

            It is the Beginning of your Journey in to Light.

            (caps are obligatory)

          3. Phil W

            Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

            "I don't believe in magic. There's an identifiable process at work here, even it has extradimensional properties beyond current scientific understanding."

            It's clear to any right thinking individual that screwdrivers and other tools that go missing are not really tools at all, but are the protrusions into our dimension of hyper-intellegent pan-dimensional beings.

        2. Werner McGoole
          Devil

          Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

          While attempting to put up a fence the other day I was mystified by where my hammer had gone. It was there the previous day. All the other tools were still there, but the hammer (a vital tool, obviously) was nowhere to be seen. Now I'm well aware of the behaviour of tools, so I naturally assumed it would turn up when I picked up the spirit level, or turned over the concrete-mixing tub, or whatever. But no, there was no hammer to be found anywhere. So the day passed with little fence-putting-up being done in between searches for the hammer and much cursing.

          Come 5pm, and the wife returns home and sneaks into the garage clutching a hammer. "I hope you didn't need this today, I just borrowed it to put up a picture at work... ". There is no Arapaho for my thoughts at that point.

      2. Elmer Phud

        Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

        " Similarly, there's no term to describe the process by which a screwdriver, when placed momentarily out of view in a sealed room, with no means of escape, can disappear forever from the face of the planet."

        Maybe not a name -- but there is a Goddess.:

        "The minor goddess of Things That Stick in Drawers, Anoia is praised by rattling a drawer and crying "How can it close on the damned thing but not open with it? Who bought this? Do we ever use it?" As she says, sooner or later every curse is a prayer. She also eats corkscrews and is responsible for Things Down The Backs of Sofas, and is considering moving into stuck zips. The Maccalariat family of Ankh-Morpork have been Anoians for five generations. She is not part of the number of gods praised at the Temple of Small Gods, but instead has a freelance priestess who also serves for various other minor deities. Thud! refers to a painting of Anoia Rising From The Cutlery."

        Since this was posted on Wiki she (sorry) She has also diversified as more people have found they are actually follower after all..

      3. Mage Silver badge

        Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

        Also pens are sentient and escape via wormholes to a Sanctuary planet.

        1. Simon Harris Silver badge

          Sanctuary planet...

          I've never heard my workmates' desks called that before!

      4. Sarah Balfour

        Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

        I'm sure Mr. Prattchett must have coined one; and, if he hasn't, he'll probably do so soon (Alzheimer's permitting…)

      5. Gene Cash Silver badge

        Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

        ISS story about pliers:

        One of the astronauts was explaining that it was incredibly difficult to find things, even though the ISS is a relatively small contained volume and you KNOW they're in there somewhere. He put a pair of pliers on the table - "now your brain is instinctively expecting it to be like that, in a sensible spot on a table, so you can look at it and instantly go, ah! there's my pliers!"

        He held the pliers in the air at a wacky angle "however, if they're floating in zero-gee like this, at some wacky angle, your brain won't quickly recognize them, even though they're only a meter away. very frustrating."

        Well, I thought it was a cool story, bro.

      6. thx1138v2

        Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

        Silly you. Those screw drivers do not disappear forever. They morph into those single socks found in the dryer which I hope everyone knows are the larval stage of wire coat hangers. It's true because C3P0 said so. Or was it Marvin? Anyway, the next time you're missing a screw driver look in the dryer and if you find no single sock check the closet for a wire coat hanger.

        RE language: vegetarian - Hopi Indian word for bad hunter.

        1. Fogcat

          Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

          "It's true because C3P0 said so. Or was it Marvin?"

          I think it was Hugo Rune.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

      >And how the hell did it get there when I only just put it down

      All tools have legs. You can guarantee that of the time spent on any job, 95% will be looking for tools you've just put down.

    3. Ugotta B. Kiddingme Silver badge

      Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

      No, but there is a pertinent corollary to Murphy's Law. To wit:

      "Any dropped tool will roll to the most inaccessible corner of the shop - often striking your toes on the way down."

  3. DropBear Silver badge
    Joke

    Linguistics is such a fascinating subject...

    For instance, it has been speculated that in yet another dialect, the South-Arapaho "Chaka Demus" is actually pronounced "Chaka Khan", which offers a fascinating insight into the suspected origin of the well known "KHAAAAAAAAAN!" exclamation - clearly a result of a pliers-related skin pinch...

  4. Elmer Phud

    Nelson

    "It didn't take our beloved commentards long to point out that pliers are called tooyo'oenoo' in Northern Arapaho. This brilliantly translates as "they bite", which they certainly do."

    In light of the recent discovery that there is, indeed, a suitable word in Arapahoe can I just say

    "HA HA!"

    1. Arthur Jackson

      Re: Nelson

      Minnehaha shirley?

    2. JEDIDIAH
      Linux

      Re: Nelson

      Arapaho might not even be a completely dead language. So new words might get added to it even now. It happens with less obscure languages so why not Arapaho too?

      There may even be an Arapaho term for "plasma conduit".

  5. ukgnome
    Coat

    @Lester

    You don't believe in magic?

    Then how do you explain the mystical properties of Psychic Sally?

    *the one with ....i'm seeing an old man beginning with S or it might be P and he's in my pocket!

  6. qwertyuiop
    Devil

    Don't blame the server!

    "...while we take the tooyo'oenoo' to the BuzzGasm server."

    Surely it would be more appropriate to take the tooyo'oenoo' to Mr Haines?

  7. Scott Broukell
    Meh

    Shouldn't that be

    nenee toyóób or nenee ko'oot - just saying.

  8. NBCanuck
    Coat

    ...but do they come in 'sonic'?

    Sorry....suffering from Doctor Who withdrawal.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    moth balls

    When I were a lad at school, if you were naughty and 'got done', a certain geography teacher would make you write a descriptive essay entitled 'The Interior of a Ping-Pong Ball'. Of course, once you handed it in, said geography would tear it up in front of you without reading it.

    It sounds like it could be incredibly boring and soul destroying but was said to be remarkably good at nurturing creative writing skills. It obviously didn't work on me.

    1. JimmyPage Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: moth balls

      reminds of Jack Dees suggestion that wicker basket making is to keep mentally ill patients busy. One room makes a load of wicker baskets which are then taken to the next room to be dismantled ....

  10. stucs201

    Hold a chicken in the air

    All this mention of Arapaho has unfortunately reminded me of the old Spitting Image Chicken Song ("learn to speak Arapaho"). Can Lester please stick a deck-chair up his nose as punishment for this?

    Although the line "Then extract your wisdom teeth" does bring us back to the subject of pliers...

  11. earl grey Silver badge
    Happy

    but side-cutters are STILL pliers

    Side-cutting pliers, but still pliers.

    Not much different from long-nose or needle-nose pliers; with or without cutter.

    Slip-joint pliers, locking pliers, lineman pliers, fence pliers, they're all good.

    1. launcap Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: but side-cutters are STILL pliers

      Burn the heretic!

  12. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Anonymous Blowhard

      Re: Heresy ?

      What do you use your pliers for?

      Bending paperclips.

    2. Hungry Sean
      Pint

      Regular pliers not doing it for you?

      Don't open wide enough to grip the things you need gripped?

      Don't have crushing vise-like power?

      Not heavy enough to serve as a hammer?

      Sounds like you need some channel locks!

      El-reg, can we get a tools icon?

      1. WylieCoyoteUK
        Coat

        Re: Regular pliers not doing it for you?

        "El-reg, can we get a tools icon?"

        I think we have enough tools in the comments section as it is.

  13. IR

    Chaka Demusen Pliers

    The confusion arises due to Chaka Demus being a settlement in southern Arapahoe territory which made pliers with a squeaky grip, hence the term Chaka Demusen Pliers to describe this type. They are on record as making a horrendous noise.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All tools are sensitive to concentration

    You can be absolutely certain that screwdriver you used to take the cover off was in your right hand and placed on the right. Once you start giving the board a close visual, and all your concentration a rift in space-time occurs and the tool translates to another place. You dismiss it as perhaps I wasn`t paying attention? But that is what really happens.

  15. cortland

    What ARE pliers? Where does the word come form?

    Word Origin & History

    pliers

    1568, formed from ply (n.). Fr. cognate plieur meant "folder."

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Pliers

    All is now explicated*. We say they fold; the Arapaho say they bite, take your pick.

    * via Latin "plicare"

    Verrrrry interesting!

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