back to article Nipper rolls up at nursery with 48 wraps of HEROIN

A New Jersey dad was arrested earlier this week after staff at his two-year-old kid's daycare centre reportedly found the nipper was carrying 48 paper envelopes* of heroin stuffed in his jacket. A worker at the centre in Paterson, some 30km west of New York, alerted cops to the discovery on Monday. Officers, having determined …

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  1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    Nap time

    All the staff wanted was a bit of peace and quiet now and then . . .

  2. TRT Silver badge

    No Tommy...

    Show & tell today was the might MORPHING power rangers...

    1. frank ly Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: No Tommy...

      But I thought you said DIAMORPHINE power rangers

    2. Phil W

      Re: No Tommy...

      I believe it is in fact "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" with an implied apostrophe at the end of "Morphin".

      Given that it is an abbreviation it is possible, albeit unlikely, that "Morphin" is really short for Morphine.

      EDIT: since originally writing this, Google has told me that in fact in Malaysia the "Mighty Morphin" was censored out of the title due to being to close to Morphine. Not sure if it's true or not.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No Tommy...

      mighty morph and evil chas.

  3. Joey

    ...and the technology angle is...?

    1. Ivan Headache

      Envelopes.

      1. theblackhand

        Technology angle?

        Yup - the boot note was fascinating and has crossed off my "one thing I need to learn today" task.

        What? You think I manage to tell boring stories without any research?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The police used a computer to type in his charge form.

    3. Phil W

      ...and the technology angle is...?

      102 degress or appox 1.78 radians.

  4. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Joke

    Parents never listen

    He said he wanted a kite, he didn't want to be high as a kite.

  5. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    *Glassine, to be precise,

    So, philateley will also get you to the slammer

    1. Stanislaw
      Coat

      Re: *Glassine, to be precise,

      On the contrary - philately with get you nowhere.

      1. The Jon
        Coat

        Re: *Glassine, to be precise,

        So glassine is like paper but is not paper. Therefore is imitation the highest form of philately?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Coat

        Re: *Glassine, to be precise,

        Agreed, sooner they stamp out this scourge the better...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    police did note that there was "no indication the child was aware the drugs were in his jacket"

    Lucky the child was not at high school where under US "zero tolerance" rules not being aware of the drugs being in the jacket would unlikely to have been a defence and he'd have been automatically expelled from the school.

    I spent a few years in the US in the late 90s and every 3-6 months there'd be a story in the paper about a teenager somewhere who was on track to get a top university place who'd had their prospects ruined when they'd been found to have inadvertently brought a knife on to school premises - couple of case I remember: One where mum had borrowed school backpack for family picnic over weekend and left a bread knife in it and a second where boy had driven to school in pickup truck he'd been using to help his gran move house and turned out a knife had fallen out of a box and was lying in the back of the truck. In first case boy reported knife immediately to teacher when he saw it and in second school security guard saw knife and reported it. "Zero tolerance" rules meant in both cases student was automatically expelled.

    1. Graham Marsden
      Facepalm

      "Zero Tolerance" == "Zero Sense"

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Zero tolerance

        "Even so, bankers have been much more harshly treated for infringements in the US than they have in the UK."

        True, some of them have had their bonuses reduced by a few cents.

      2. Uffish
        Pint

        Re: Pelagians

        That is such a perfect explanation for one of the USA's oddities that it can't be true but nevertheless it gets an upvote from me.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "I spent a few years in the US in the late 90s and every 3-6 months there'd be a story in the paper about a teenager somewhere who was on track to get a top university place who'd had their prospects ruined when they'd been found to have inadvertently brought a knife on to school premises "

      Yep, lucky we don't have that over here. I lost track of the number of times I ended up accidentally taking a knife to school, which the teacher noticed.

      "Is that your knife boy??"

      "WHOOOPS, sorry sir, silly me. It fell out of a box I was using to help my gran move house, and transport her knife collection, then I accidentally brought it into school with me in my pickup truck, that I park at school, in case I need to transport some barrels home from school"

      "That's the second time this week! On your way, don't let it happen again"

      "Thanks teach"

      1. Mike Smith
        Facepalm

        Oh Gawd, do I feel old today

        Back in the 1970s, I regularly carried a pocket knife everywhere, including at school. So did a lot of my mates. No-one, teachers included, gave a monkey's.

        How the fuck did we get to a state where a tool that has a variety of perfectly legitimate uses is now seen as a menace? I'm beginning to think that Western society in general has passed its sell-by date.

        1. Bloakey1

          Re: Oh Gawd, do I feel old today

          "Back in the 1970s, I regularly carried a pocket knife everywhere, including at school. So did a lot of my mates. No-one, teachers included, gave a monkey's"

          <snip>

          I can't agree with you more. I used to go round and get one at the post office they were de rigeur for us to fart about with. We could also get interesting daggers with plastic antler style handles and guns galore.

          Oh the joy of it.

          I live in a country where knives are still acceptable and I can go out and buy a pistol (up to 7.65) or rifle tomorrow. In the UK I can't even take my beloved Opinel out on a long walk.

          Bahhhh humbug.

        2. Charles Manning

          Them sane old days

          I too was at schol in the 1960s and seventies.

          Around 1970 (primary school) we made "letter openers" during woodwork class. These had 6 inch blades which were sharpened to a fine point and would be considered an offensive weapon today. Nobody batted an eyelid.

          Pretty much all the boys, and some of the girls, carried knives. The teachers would borrow them from the kids to cut string or whatever it they had left their own at home. If a knife was blunt, some teachers would help you sharpen them.

          Around 1973, our class teacher decided to have some battle re-enactment for history. Almost all the boys brought air rifles to school. A few didn't have them so girls borrowed air rifles from their brothers.

          In 1979, my last year at school, the class went away for a 3 day "history field trip". The teacher said there were likely to be some hunting opportunities. Those that had firearms were encouraged to bring them. I could not go, but I brought my .22 rifle and about 200 rounds of ammo to school to lend to some mates.

          No lock downs, no therapy sessions and nobody got hurt.

    4. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
      Pirate

      Do they also expel all cookery students?

      1. Bassey

        > Do they also expel all cookery students?

        They're American. Learning how to open a packet of "Mac'n'Cheese" doesn't require a knife.

        1. Irony Deficient

          knife requirements

          Bassey, I fear that you might be confusing us with our northern/eastern neighbour’s unparalleled love of Kraft Dinner. Zero tolerance policies can also be observed on their side of the border.

        2. Charles Manning

          "Mac'n'Cheese

          Ooh, fancy Scottish food!

  7. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    85 wraps.

    Probably not for personal use then.

    1. Thomas 4

      Re: 85 wraps.

      "I hope you brought enough for everybody."

  8. smudge Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Changed days

    When we had bring-and-buy sales at school, my Mum used to bake some cakes* for me to take in.

    *The flour-butter-egg-sugar-fruit kind of cake, OK?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      48 Wraps, Young?

      At least you had the courtesy to bring enough for everybody, boy.

  9. Frankee Llonnygog

    Pity

    I was expecting a story about the HMV pooch's fall from grace

  10. silent_count

    Poor dad!

    It must have been terribly disappointing for the father to discover that his son has chosen to become a drug dealer. I mean, we try to teach our youngsters right from wrong. Oh well. I suppose these things can happen even to the best of parents.

  11. Steve Knox
    Trollface

    Young is pretty certainly off the "New Jersey Father of the Year" nominations list

    You haven't been to New Jersey, then, I take it...

  12. Matt Morgan

    Heroin must be cheap

    Back in my day NOBODY could afford day care AND heroin.

  13. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    no indication the child was aware the drugs were in his jacket

    The old "but those drugs were just resting in my pocket" defence. Now where have I heard that one before?

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