back to article BuzzGasm: 9 Incredible Things You Never Knew About PLIERS!

1: Pliers Hold Stuff Really, Really Tight Youth gripping his front teeth with a pair of pliers Wow, amazeballs. 2: They Can Also Cut Cables Pair of pliers cutting wire That is so multitaskingly cool. 3: Side-Cutters Are NOT Pliers A pair of side cutters No no no no no. 4: Neither Are Pincers A pair of pincers …

COMMENTS

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  1. james 68
    Coat

    gripping...

    slow news day huh?

    1. Def Silver badge
      IT Angle

      Re: gripping...

      10. You can't use pliers to regain precious seconds of your life that have been lost to reading garbage on the Internet.

      11. You can use pliers to cause extreme anguish to someone who writes garbage and posts it on the Internet.

      1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

        11.a. But only if you're in plier distance of them

        1. Phil W

          11.b. Alternatively within throwing distance if you just want to hit them in the head with pliers.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: gripping...

        You mean you've never used a pair of pliers to pull back the space time continuum and re-live a precious moment, you sad person.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: gripping...

        10a. You can, evidently, use pliers to force people to 'read garbage on the internet.' Or maybe the thing that ElReg held to your head was a gun, and not pliers?

      4. Tom 11

        Re: gripping...

        12. Pliers, when combined with Chaka Demus gain additional functionality of being able to twist as well as shout.

    2. Greg D

      Re: gripping...

      nope, just Friday!

      1. Def Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: gripping...

        nope, just Friday!

        Things that are written down discovered to be READABLE the FOLLOWING DAY!!!

        Be sure to read more on this absurd notion tomorrow...

  2. Aaiieeee
    Thumb Up

    Awesome article, thanks guys! Pretty amazing about never being 6ft away from pliers, I'll be on the look out from now on.

    1. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge
      Boffin

      Pretty amazing about never being 6ft away from pliers...

      They're a leading dark matter candidate.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @ Aaiieeee

        Doesn't mean you can always find them, see 5: Pliers Are Sociable. This means when you want them they are usually hidden under something else and you can't see them. No matter how many times you go over the same area, lifting things out of the way, until they want to be found, forget it.

        1. Ivan Headache

          Re: @ Aaiieeee

          Generally you will find them with the several 3-way 13A plug adaptors that the wife has put away so that you know where they are.

          1. wowfood

            Re: @ Aaiieeee

            I think the AC above is a pair of pliers in disguise.

        2. Steve the Cynic Silver badge

          Re: @ Aaiieeee

          "This means when you want them they are usually hidden under something else"

          Ah, so pliers are the cockroach of the toolbox then?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Yup, one is always in my backpack, under the disguise of "Stanley universal tool".

      Anonymous, so you can wonder if I am this fellow by the next desk ...

    3. John Hughes

      Pretty amazing about never being 6ft away from pliers,
      No so amazing to me - mine are in my pocket.

      Fumble, fumble.... BUGGER! ... of the other pair of trousers.

  3. Dan Price

    What did I just read?

    1. cyborg
      IT Angle

      A parody of BuzzFeed click-bait articles. Except this is not based off an arbitrary number of pictures of celebrities with minimal textual accompaniment it is instead an arbitrary number of pictures of pliers and almost pliers with minimal textual accompaniment.

      If you don't know what BuzzFeed is then good. No need to find out.

      1. Amorous Cowherder
        Thumb Up

        And with many thanks to you "cyborg" and the good people of The Reg, I'm glad I don't know and likely never will!

  4. Peter Gordon

    Not correct!

    Actually the Arapaho term for pliers is "chaka demas"

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Not correct!

      Very good. Award yourself beer.

    2. JaimieV

      Re: Not correct!

      Aha! But that's clearly two words! *claims internet pendant award*

      1. JimmyPage Silver badge
        Stop

        Aha! But that's clearly two words! *claims internet pendant award*

        Except the poster clearly stated "term" not "word". It's quite common for other languages to have to use more than one word for a direct translation of English, in much the same way as English sometimes has to use more than one word to express a foreign word. I give you "Schadenfreude", and take your pedant award.

        1. aawelj
          Coat

          Re: Aha! But that's clearly two words! *claims internet pendant award*

          Aha! I put down the little known English word "epicaricacy" meaning "Rejoicing at or derivation of pleasure from the misfortunes of others."( http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/epicaricacy ) and take the pedantry award myself!

          1. JimmyPage Silver badge
            Pint

            "epicaricacy"

            well played sir ! Please accept a pint with the award ;)

            1. Captain TickTock
              Pint

              Re: "epicaricacy"

              Ah, so that's our word for schadenfreude. Cheers!

              1. Nigel 11

                Re: "epicaricacy"

                So one can describe a person as epicaricacious ?

                1. Hollerith 1

                  Re: "epicaricacy"

                  And spit in his eye with the very word!

          2. Anonymous Dutch Coward

            Re: Epicaricacy

            Well played, sir!

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Aha! But that's clearly two words! *claims internet pendant award*

            If epicaricacy is an English word, so surely is Schadenfreude. Because epicaricacy is a compound Greek word*, even if one made up by one of those people who did that kind of thing in the 18th century, and Schadenfreude is a German word. Teutonic is closer to English than is Greek.

            *from epi, on or around, xara, joy or happiness, and kakos, evil or bad.

        2. Trygve Henriksen

          Re: Aha! But that's clearly two words! *claims internet pendant award*

          You must mean 'pedant', right?

          Because 'Internet loose hanging jewellery award' sounds like something awarded to people playing with glass beads and pretending they're jewellers...

        3. JaimieV

          Re: Aha! But that's clearly two words! *claims internet pendant award*

          @JimmyPage "Except the poster clearly stated "term" not "word"."

          The article, however, said "word". Good day to you, sir! *bows*

          (yes of course 'pendant' was intentional, what do you take me for!)

          1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

            Re: Aha! But that's clearly two words! *claims internet pendant award*

            (yes of course 'pendant' was intentional, what do you take me for!)

            I thnk you should all be less pedentic

        4. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Aha! But that's clearly two words! *claims internet pendant award*

          But...the English for Schadenfreude is Schadenfreude. Just like the English for bungalow is bungalow and the English for tour de force is tour de force.

          Inferior languages invent. Superior languages assimilate.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Aha! But that's clearly two words! *claims internet pendant award*

            But what's French for 'en suite' ?

      2. Robert Grant

        Re: Not correct!

        I wouldn't touch your internet "pendant" comment with a 6 foot plier...pole?

      3. Tim Worstal

        Re: Not correct!

        And how wonderful to see pendant being used correctly* here!

        * It's a long story involving me and Polly Toynbee but yes, the above usage is indeed correct.

      4. scrishton

        Re: Not correct!

        But pliers are inherantly plural anyway. You don't get a plier, they always come in pairs.

    3. AbelSoul
      Pint

      Re: "chaka demas"

      Bravo, sir!

      Post of the week by a country mile.

    4. Frankee Llonnygog

      Re: Not correct!

      It means "wingless iron eagle that bites metal splinters in its beak of steel"

      1. dkjd

        Re: Not correct!

        tooyo'oenoo'

        (http://www.colorado.edu/csilw/arapahoproject/language/dictionary/dic_frame2.html)

        1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

          Re: Re: Not correct!

          Excellent.

        2. Peter Gordon

          Re: Not correct!

          Ahh yes. I think "chaka demas" is a southern Arapaho variation.

        3. KA1AXY

          Re: Not correct!

          Word for today, right there!

      2. Pookietoo

        Re: Not correct!

        I thought it meant "nut rounder".

        1. Fink-Nottle

          Re: Not correct!

          I have it from a reliable authority that the Arapaho phrase is also used in the wilds of Borneo, the vineyards of Bordeaux and Eskimo.

          1. Gazman

            Re: Not correct!

            But only in relation to rhythm sticks

    5. Greg D
      Coat

      Re: Not correct!

      So the pop artist(s), Chaka Demas and Pliers, translates to Pliers and Pliers. Every day is a school day!!

  5. Chad H.

    Um, What?

    Someone below their article quota this week?

  6. jungle_jim

    Ow!

    My teeth hurt

  7. malle-herbert Silver badge
    WTF?

    Next weeks article :

    9 Incredible Things You Never Knew About Screwdrivers !

    1. phuzz Silver badge
      IT Angle

      Re: Next weeks article :

      One thing I can tell you, if you've just installed an HP blade enclosure and you're wondering where you're going to get a torx driver to screw it it. Don't fret! Just jam a Phillips head (ideally one that belongs to someone you don't like) in there and tighten away!

      1. Phil W

        Re: Next weeks article :

        Which screws are you talking about?

        For the smaller ones in the enclosure, components and blades you should find one tucked into the back of the enclosure somewhere I think. Not 100% sure, though the 1u - 4u Proliants definitely come with one.

        As far the Torx heads on the screws which hold the enclosure into the rack, they're thumbscrews. Surely finger tight is good enough there?

        As for using a Phillips head. No, you'll ruin it. Which is a shame even if it belongs to someone you don't like. As an alternative a suitably sized flat head screwdriver will fit across the inside of a Torx head and allow you to tighten it, albeit carefully. Some Torx heads even have extra groves outside the Torx area to allow you to use a large flat head.

        1. Captain DaFt

          Re: Next weeks article :

          "As far the Torx heads on the screws which hold the enclosure into the rack, they're thumbscrews"

          'Rack', 'Thumbscrews', So HP's part of the Spanish Inquisition?

          I wasn't expecting that!

          1. Trygve Henriksen

            Re: HP and Spanish inquisition...

            You've probably never worked with HPs servers...

            Trust me, they've all been designed to inflict pain on anyone who dares touch them.

        2. Amorous Cowherder
          Facepalm

          Re: Next weeks article :

          Tell me Phil W, does everyone at your office call you something along the lines of "Phil, Phil he's Mr Buzzkill"?!

  8. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge

    You've made me renew my subscription.

    I think we need a regular listyrical feature - nails should be coming into season soon. And nails mean nail guns!

    1. Andy Hards

      Re: You've made me renew my subscription.

      I think they're called Listicles acshully!

    2. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: You've made me renew my subscription.

      Hmmmm...

      1. JaimieV

        Re: You've made me renew my subscription.

        Lesticles?

  9. Phil W

    Additional plier query

    How is it that all the pliers I buy and keep in an air conditioned server room always manage to start going rusty in a matter of weeks?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Additional plier query

      Must be draper ones. They are really made out of compressed childs toys...

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Additional plier query

        They use unseasoned metal. Seasoning during the recycling process removes the moisture residue, which is 95% kiddy tears.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Additional plier query - unseasoned metal

          You probably jest, but metallurgical examination of inferior tools after they've broken reveals all kinds of stuff. Water-filled cracks in castings due to the attempt to speed up the process by dropping them in cold water instead of allowing them to cool isn't uncommon.

          Car manufacturers used to treat their crappy porous cast iron castings by immersing them in a solution of sodium silicate in water, which then was allowed to dry and blocked the pores. The weakness in the castings, of course, was unaffected.

          Maybe not 95% kiddy tears but certainly metallurgist misery.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Additional plier query

        Do they compress the child just so they can steal its toys. Seems a bit harsh.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Additional plier query

      Because your servers are crying.

  10. ISYS

    Pliers cause pain

    Accidentally pinching the web of skin between your thumb and index finger whilst using pliers hurts like a bastard!

    Before you ask - No I do not have webbed fingers.

    Also - if you are unfamiliar with the phrase 'hurts like a bastard', try pinching your skin with pliers and all will be revealed.

    1. Geoff Johnson

      Re: Pliers cause pain

      That reminds me of the EHT dance. Everyone knows the moves and the words but doesn't realize it. Then one day tinkering with a car, you get a shock from an EHT lead and the information comes magically to hand.

      The dance involves jumping up and down while slowly spinning around and violently shaking the shocked hand while trying to put it under the opposite armpit without stopping shaking it.

      The words (shouted in time with the jumps) are Bastard, Bastard, Bastard.

      Everyone I've ever seen shocked by an EHT lead has reacted exactly the same way.

      1. Vulch

        Re: Pliers cause pain

        The maintenance department at the ITV station I was employed by contemplated getting a calibrated mat so they could measure EHT voltage by how far their summer student jumped every time he got a shock...

      2. D@v3

        Re: EHT Dance

        In what might be a first for the Internet, I actually did LOL, out loud, and everything (it was the words in time with the dance what done it).

        getting funny looks now, must dash.

      3. Martin Budden
        Pint

        Re: Pliers cause pain

        Yes I too did a genuine officelol. Have a click and a virtual pint!

      4. DropBear Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: EHT Dance

        Heh heh heh. Nice try - mine's the diesel one...

  11. Big_Ted
    Pint

    You missed the obvious

    They are great at opening drinks tins etc when the tab breaks off or corned beef if you loose the key

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: You missed the obvious

      Ah - the classic internet spelling of "lose". Thanks for keeping tradition alive.

      1. Uffish

        Re: loose the key.

        That's loose as in "let loose the hounds of hell". There are nine things about corned beef keys you just wouldn't want to know.

    2. Frankee Llonnygog

      Re: You missed the obvious

      Hence the old proverb, "love and marriage goes together like corned-beef and pliers"

  12. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Boffin

    Missed opportunity here

    we could have had cladogram of pliers, with long nose, slip joint, round nose, circlip ....

    1. sandman

      Re: Missed opportunity here

      Have +5 internet points for the first time I've seen "cladogram" used outside a serious discussion of evolutionary biology :-)

      1. lawndart

        Re: Missed opportunity here

        There is pretty good evidence of pliers existing many millions of years in the past (grippy marks on bones, handle prints in clay etc.) but there is no known fossil example older than the early plierstocene; the species Inuria illegitimus.

        There is considerable debate on when the wire stripper first evolved and whether the centre ring with cutter blade is an entirely separate species to the one with the wire cutter built in to the handle end. Determining the point of evolutionary divergence is difficult particularly when considered along side the first appearance of the knurled nut gripping ring, as the KNGR may or not appear alongside both types.

        It's a fascinating subject.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Missed opportunity here

          I suspect the diversity may have arisen from evolutionary pressure due to predation by the larger and more dominant mole grips. In a direct fight, there's only one possible outcome.

  13. Cosmo

    Never 6ft away from pliers

    You are never 6ft away from a set of pliers...

    Unless you really need a set of pliers.

    1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      Re: Never 6ft away from pliers

      Being within 6ft of pliers is all very well. It's being able to reach the bastards after you're dropped them, for the second time, down a chute which you have to disassemble to retrieve them. Usually you'll require pliers to disassemble this chute...

      1. Nigel 11

        Re: Never 6ft away from pliers

        Indeed. Spanners are wider at both ends than the middle, so one can tie a long string to them. Adjustable wrenches usually have a hole in the handle for the same purpose. But pliers ....

        Why isn't the proverb "Pliers in the works" not "A spanner in the works"?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Never 6ft away from pliers

          Because, in the great days of trade union printing, if the lads were having a spot of bother negotiating a sudden attack of overtime due to the lead story being a hot one, implying that someone was going to want a lot of copies, someone might accidentally drop a spanner in the press machinery causing a pressing need to hand out lots of fivers to the lads. Pliers might cause the kind of damage that meant nobody got paid at all that night.

          People who curse their LaserJets just have no idea of their good fortune.

        2. Andy A

          Murphy's Law of Selective Gravitation

          A dropped pair of pliers will fall on the exact point where they will do most damage.

    2. cordwainer 1
      Boffin

      Re: Never 6ft away from pliers

      "You are never 6ft away from a set of pliers...Unless you really need a set of pliers.

      I have discovered a truly marvellous proof of this, which the comment box is too narrow to contain.

  14. TRT Silver badge

    They gave Darwin the idea for his evolution hypothesis...

    As they come with a variety of noses adapted to a specific tasks, e.g. a heavy duty crushing action, delicate retrieval from deep inaccessible locations, bent at a variety of angles etc.

    He quickly redrafted his paper and said he got the idea from watching finches, because that was more acceptable to his cousin (and later wife) than trying to explain what he was doing spending all his time in the garden shed.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The SOG paratool

    is excellent for pulling nose hairs.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: The SOG paratool

      I have to confirm that this is true.

  16. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

    Friday is early this week

    Soldering irons next week? The butane ones can be pretty sexy.

    1. JimmyPage Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Soldering irons next week?

      that'd descend into pure porn in a few pics. Soldering stations, wave baths, vacuum desoldering tools which look like a Star Trek hypo-spray.

      And we'd have to deal with USAians saying "sodder" :(

  17. deshepherd

    No mention of the "Giant flying pliers" that "menace West Bromwich" (hint, it's in the register)

    1. stucs201

      I thought those were actually side-cutters...

      1. TeeCee Gold badge
        Mushroom

        Don't stir it. That argument got quite heated last time around.

        1. Michael Thibault

          Did I miss something? Are you referring to a to-do about "dikes"?

  18. James Boag

    Please, Please

    Can we have these informative series of articles in A3 laminated poster format !

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Which reminds me..

    I need to buy the missus a mini Leatherman for her next birthday.

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Which reminds me..

      She doesn't like anything large in her toolbox?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Which reminds me..

        Nothing she can't handle with one hand no.

    2. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: Which reminds me..

      You mean this?

      http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Leathermans-Handbook-Larry-Townsend/dp/1881684199

      Quite an open-minded wife you have :)

    3. Amorous Cowherder

      Re: Which reminds me..

      Ahh a Mini Leatherman, many memories of good times at the dungeon in the company of my favourite dwarf!

  20. Oli 1

    Will you be making an 2015 Calendar of the best of these over the year?

    Best news i read all day!

    1. JimmyPage Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Calendar

      Well, if "Roundabouts of Redditch" can fly off the shelves ...

      Maybe El Reg/SPB is missing a trick here. I'm sure 12 glossy pics of LOHAN in various *ahem* "poses" with some cursory details of holidays in parts of the world you've never heard of, let alone care about, might prove lucrative.

      1. fruitoftheloon
        Thumb Up

        Re: Calendar

        I'd buy a couple, one for the study, one for the man-cave....

  21. hplasm Silver badge
    Coat

    A lot of moaning about this article...

    Must be from software 'engineers'...

  22. kmac499
    Headmaster

    I wish to complain

    A noticable drop in the editorial quality of this e-steamed organ..

    No mention of round nose , needle nose , circlip ,water pump pliers;

    and no discussion of the raging taxonomic arguments over "are crimps pliers"

    Harumph

    (Btw e-steamed is a proposed term for tech journalist post Pub)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I wish to complain

      Crimp pliers are for wimps, use your teeth man.

    2. Martin Budden
      Paris Hilton

      Re: I wish to complain

      Round-nose pliers are also excellent for crimping, which means you don't actually need crimps at all. Unless your wire stripper has inbuilt crimps, in which case it's handy having the stripper and crimp co-located.

      Icon is not crimps or pliers, but is...

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pliers Hold Stuff Really, Really Tight

    But not as tight as mole grips. Given a choice between pliers and mole grips, unless it's to cut cable, I'd go for the grips every time.

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Pliers Hold Stuff Really, Really Tight

      Interesting, but then I'd use side cutters to cut cables. Never really got on with mole grips. Needle-nose pliers are great though.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Pliers Hold Stuff Really, Really Tight

        True, always use the proper tool for the job. Have you noticed Spaniards (especially mothers-in-law) just use the first thing that comes to hand?

        Perservere with the mole grips, they are also excellent for holding bits of metal when welding.

        1. stucs201

          Re: cutting cables

          Pliers? Side-cutters? No.

          You want a decent pair of electricians scissors for that job.

          (Electricians scissors and molegrips are also great for opening things. My electricians scissors deal with those totally sealed hard plastic packages reasonably well. Molegrips are by far the best nutcrackers in existence (overkill for hazelnuts, but I'd not use anything else on a brazil)).

      2. <shakes head>

        Re: Pliers Hold Stuff Really, Really Tight

        needle nose mole grips

        1. hplasm Silver badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: needle nose mole grips

          Nothing better for those tricky star-nosed moles...

    2. Sandra Greer

      Mole grips

      I had to look this one up -- we call them Vise Grips generally in the US. They really are great, especially for inappropriate purposes like turning a nut for which you do not have the right size fixed wrench.

      1. Pirate Dave
        Pirate

        Re: Mole grips

        You mean visegrips can TURN a nut? Geez, I thought they were only useful for removing the corners from nuts... I must be doing it wrong...

      2. Nigel 11

        Re: Mole grips

        I had the reverse problem years ago when I thought "duck tape" was "duct tape" mis-typed. (Now, they sell Duck brand tape in the UK, and yes, duck tape works OK on ducts as well as a thousand other things)

      3. JimmyPage Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Vise grips

        So not only do you call them the wrong thing, you compound the error by spelling it wrong too ?

      4. Michael Thibault

        Re: Mole grips

        ... the use of which ensures that you'll never, ever be able to find "the right size fixed wrench" for that nut. Mole grips/Vise Grips are for manipulating things you intend to bury in the metal recycling in short order.

    3. Amorous Cowherder
      Happy

      Re: Pliers Hold Stuff Really, Really Tight

      You wimps!

      Never mind your weedy pliers and grips, there's nothing a bloody good pair of stilsons can't get undone!

    4. fruitoftheloon

      Re: Pliers Hold Stuff Really, Really Tight

      And of course for holding cylindrical objects [stop it...] you need a big pair of Stillsons

  24. Eponymous Cowherd

    Pliers, Wiring, No 2.

    All you ever need.......

    1. Alister Silver badge

      Re: Pliers, Wiring, No 2.

      I thought it was Screwdriver No.2 and Pliers, Wiring No.81.

      It was in my day...

      1. Darryl

        Re: Pliers, Wiring, No 2.

        1) Always use the right tool for the job

        2) A hammer is always the right tool for the job

        3) Any tool can be used as a hammer

        1. Nigel 11

          Re: Pliers, Wiring, No 2.

          3) Any tool can be used as a hammer

          aka a "Leyland hammer" from the same industry that gave us "Lucas, prince of darkness".

        2. PerlyKing
          Go

          Re: Always use the right tool for the job

          The way I heard it was:

          1) Always use the right tool for the job

          2) The bigger the better!

          This fits perfectly with hammers :-)

          1. BristolBachelor Gold badge

            Re: Always use the right tool for the job

            If you can't do it with a hammer, then you're not using a big enough hammer.

            From Dave who used to assemble satellites, before moving to French Giana to launch rockets.

  25. Kmallyon

    Waste of Time

    Funny, I thought I was reading Cracked or Buzzfeed for a second there, not a technical news arena.

    Suggest that the author take a pair of pliers and extract this "story" off of this site.

    1. Darryl

      Re: Waste of Time

      "This article wasted my time, so I'll go and waste more time in the comments section writing a comment about how my time was wasted."

      1. Vic

        Re: Waste of Time

        This article wasted my time, so I'll go and waste more time in the comments section writing a comment about how my time was wasted.

        This article wasted my time, so I'll create an account first and then go and waste more time in the comments section writing a comment about how my time was wasted.

        There, FTFY.

        Vic.

    2. fruitoftheloon

      Re: Waste of Time

      err no, I am pretty sure the URLthingyamabob says el reg....

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All you guys moaning

    It's called "satire." Go look it up.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I've got

    Two pairs of pliers and I'm thinking of buying another pair.

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: I've got

      Good call. I've got over a dozen pair of pliers, spread over two sheds. That way, I'm never more than *3ft* from a pair. I might get some more pliers, though. You can never have enough.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I've got

        More pliers, good excuse, if ever one was needed, for getting another shed..

        1. fruitoftheloon
          Happy

          Re: I've got

          Chris,

          actually I am putting the base down for shed #2 next week!

          Anyone in Devon got any spare hardcore? You can never find old bricks when you need them..

          J

          1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

            Re: Re: I've got

            Shed number two, eh? It's a big moment in any man's life when he evolves into a state of bisheddery.

            I have loads of rubble, but unless you can drive a flatbed truck across the Bay of Biscay, it's not much use to you.

            1. fruitoftheloon
              Pint

              Re: I've got

              Lester,

              thanks for the offer of your rubble, my humble Fiat Scudo van is actually lined with fiberglass ('twas previously owned by a vet), but methinks I will try and purloin some hardcore locally, and as Taffy is the basic 1.9d I doubt it would get far out of Plymouth harbour (yes, I bought it from a dealer in Taffs Well near Cardiff).

              BTW one also has six spirit levels, including a fantastic 'fat-max' (stupid branding, good tool) one that lives in my toolbag: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Stanley-043609-FatMax-Xtreme-Torpedo/dp/B002OPMN8G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394868144&sr=8-1&keywords=fat+max+spirit+level

              Many thanks!

              J.

              1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

                Re: Re: I've got

                That is an extremely plausible spirit level. Good job.

      2. Psmiffy
        Coat

        Re: I've got

        Where do you get yours from?

        The sup-pliers?

        I'll get my heavily laden coat

      3. Colin Millar
        Thumb Up

        Re: I've got

        You can never have too many knives pliers, his father had told him. Unless they're pointed thrown at you, and by people who don't like you much.

      4. fruitoftheloon

        Re: I've got

        Lester,

        that is all well and good, but how many spirit levels do you have across the estate?

        J.

        1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

          Re: Re: I've got

          Six. One long and one short for internal use (shelves, etc), one long and one short for external use (rugged bricklayer's type), plus a really long one (also bricklayer's level) and one with a tiltable bubble for putting up shelves at exactly 37 degs from horizontal to show the missus what happens when you bang on for weeks about "putting up that shelf in the bathroom you promised to do over Xmas".

    2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: I've got

      You think you've got problems? I've only got one pair of cheap needle nose pliers. And a cheap pair of sidecutters. I didn't even realise. This fascinating and in-depth investigation into the world of pliers has motivated me to rectify this situation.

  28. thomas k.
    Thumb Up

    cute bit of whimsy

    Well, I enjoyed it.

  29. DJV Silver badge
  30. Carl Zetie

    Needle nose pliers

    Needle nose pliers should not be used to remove nose hair. It's a complete misnomer.

    1. Ivan Headache

      Re: Needle nose pliers

      And the Needle-nardle-noo pliers are quite good for removing goons.

    2. Random Coolzip

      Re: complete misnomer

      ITYM complete mis-noser.

  31. myhandler

    I want to know why plumber's wrenches have been left out of the pitctures. Is there something unsavoury about them?

    1. Semtex451 Silver badge

      I wouldn't consider them Pliers, but a good idea for the next BuzzWonk

    2. Lyndon Hills 1

      yes. plumbers wenches on the other hand..

  32. Semtex451 Silver badge

    That BuzzGasm got me going. Now I lose a whole afternoon dribbling over RS, Farnell and Screwfix pages.

    Corrrr.

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge
      Gimp

      King Dick

      Psst!

      Want something a bit "harder"?

      <winks>

      http://www.lawson-his.co.uk/king-dick-super-2000-vde-combination-plier-c2153

      Say no more! Say no more!

  33. Jose Luis Martin Mas

    The giant pliers

    You forgot to mention the giant pliers of West Bromwich! http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/03/12/giant_pliers/

  34. druck
    Alien

    The Doctor

    Sonic pliers would have been so much more useful than a screwdriver.

  35. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    I must admit...

    I'd never even heard of Buzzzfeed until I read the comments on this article. After a quick glance I hope I never hear of it again.

    I must stay in more.

  36. Why Not?
    FAIL

    sorry incomplete

    no mention how the Kardassians or Bieber uses them.

    It was like a Daily mail article without the house price.

  37. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Is there a backstory to this that I missed?

    Sorry, totally puzzled.

  38. tempemeaty
    Pint

    Hammer Space

    Pliers lost the bid for naming rights to "Hammer Space"...they just didn't have the same impact...

    < rim shot >

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Coming soon

    Attenborough narrates: The Hidden Sex Life of Torx Tips.

  40. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    WIREDgasm

    How about a malfunctioning slideshow of radical pliers prototypes and a short, factually jumbled, description of why we should buy them?

  41. demaniak
    Trollface

    Wot

    What did I just read?

  42. mw22

    6ft no way.....

    looks around...

    Pliers 1ft away.

    Damn!

  43. Steve 34

    Plier art.

  44. Herby Silver badge

    Other uses...

    I got my wife a pair of needle nose pliers so she can remove the bones from the Salmon Fillets she cooks. This is a VERY good use.

    Sometimes you CAN use side cutters as pliers. It depends upon the material and how hard you grip it. In fact if your task is to turn a round object (that just happens to fit in the jaws of said side cutters) they may just be THE tool to use.

    Yes, I own several pliers. At times they mate and produce more. The gestation time usually is a trip to the delivery room (hardware store).

    1. fruitoftheloon
      Thumb Up

      Re: Other uses...

      Herby,

      darned right, swmbo was most impressed when I made a similar suggestion a number of years ago!

      j.

  45. WillbeIT
    Boffin

    Correction

    Point 8: That should read "You are never more than 16.0634 lg (Linguine, boiled at sea level) from a pair of pliers"

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Correction

      A fair point. We need to plug the BuzzGasm aggregator into the Reg Standards Converter. I'll get the lads onto it.

  46. Dick Pountain

    Injunction

    Actually we Arapahoe do have a word for pliers, but we call them "pincers"

  47. Jim 59

    Pliers

    They also appear on Google Streetview, in giant form

  48. jubtastic1

    Amusing, but lets not make a thing of it

    Reminds me of that blogfelch parody you did before you allowed comments, which incidentally, is the reason for my ridiculous username.

  49. Fiddler on the roof

    Bring your son to work day?

    Should really have logged off of the live server before going to the loo though I think.

  50. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Speaking for myself, since I pack both a Leatherman Wave *and* a Leatherman Crunch on my belt I'm never more than a couple of millimetres from a pair of pliers.

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Arapaho Strike Back !

    On behalf of the Arapaho nation - and citing the Berkeley English Arapaho dictionary. The Arapaho DID have a word for pliers : tooyo'óénoo' ni*

    (This can be roughly translated as "Another basic piece of kit culturally ignorant jornos in lack of inspiration on a slow Friday would falsely claim to be unknown to the arapaho people thus propagating the old white supremacy meme).

    Conversely I would like to point that western techie journalists don't have an English word for the Arapaho concept of paanóéno'níibei'eikúú3ei... which roughly describes self aggrandising beotians who think they are funny - but really aren't.

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: The Arapaho Strike Back !

      You wouldn't happen to know the Arapaho for "humourless sanctimonious commentard", would you?

      1. Colin Millar
        Joke

        Re: The Arapaho Strike Back !

        Easy-peasy - "anonymous coward" - which literally means "man with no soul, no balls and no sense of humour" the arapaho have a very highly developed sense of humour and tended to assume that all other humans did as well. It's one of the reasons they didn't do so well against the feds - they kept waiting for the punchline. This is also why joke icons are mandatory on all forums which might appear in the USA. The lack of a joke icon on a comment can lead to your country being invaded.

  52. Richard Altmann

    the reason to wear a belt

    Leatherman, MagLite

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: I've got

    a. A number of pairs of pliers, prime and exceeding 2^3

    b. A missus

    c. Experimental proof of incorrectness of Haines' Pliers' Propinquity Postulate in the form of a 6' radius pliers-free zone surrounding self... Wait! The unchecked hemisphere below my feet! (Whistles up Labrador Buried Object Tracer.) Will let you know outcome/upcome. Maybe there's a pair she hasn't put away for easy (gender-sensitive term) finding...

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