back to article Devs write 'film my shag' sex app for Google Glass

It's difficult to imagine anyone wanting to get down and dirty with a partner who would willingly wear Google Glass. Yet one group of app developers is betting that Glassholes not only manage to get lucky, but also have a partner willing to film the whole sordid affair. The Sex With Glass app was created at a Wearable Tech …

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  1. Lamont Cranston

    This entire article is missing the "Joke Alert" icon.

    At least, I hope it is.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: This entire article is missing the "Joke Alert" icon.

      Sadly this is no joke, Google Glass was after all invented by a German

  2. zb

    Why?

    Why would a glasshole need a woman? Surely Glass provides all he needs.

    1. Canopus

      Re: Why?

      I most strongly agree... after all you end up having "sex with glass" not with your partner !

      1. Mike Smith
        Paris Hilton

        Re: Why?

        Nah - the next logical step will be to link it to the Internet of Thingies with the GoogleDoll (TM) that communicates with the Glass and responds to the voice commands. It might even respond to the sound of the Glasshole's panting with some appropriate noises.

        They'll need their own protocol though, as IP might be open to misinterpretation and trigger a reminder to refill the doll's bladder at an unfortunate moment.

        1. Richard 120

          Re: Why?

          Oh, that's absolutely brilliant! That even gives them an "avenue" to accidentally "slurp" more data.

          They can collect vast amounts of "DNA".

          Get my patent lawyers on the phone.

    2. This post has been deleted by a moderator

      1. moiety

        Re: Why?

        Woman - doubt it. Mirror - maybe if the mirror hasn't any standards.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Why?

        No no no. This article is about Glass users, not Apple users

    3. dssf

      Re: Why? How about a low-tech accessory for that Glass, hahahaha....?

      http://m.koreatimes.co.kr/pad/news/view.jsp?req_newsidx=150046

      En(d) joy!

  3. Eradicate all BB entrants

    Well thats the ......

    ...... virgin and gonzo porn demographic sorted.

    Time to start printing t-shirts with QR codes for lemonparty and blue waffle on them :)

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Well thats the ......

      What are you saying I don't even.

  4. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
    WTF?

    "We asked ourselves: 'How can we make sex more awesome with Google Glass?"

    You can't help but envisage this being said by someone with more knowledge of the theory (and theoretical research from certain mags/DVDs/websites) than actual practical "hands-on" knowledge?

    Aside from that, I'm unsure whether the article would merit more from a "Joke Alert" icon than the "WTF?" one, as the latter is equally appropriate to the thinking described...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "We asked ourselves: 'How can we make sex more awesome with Google Glass?"

      Who are we to judge what Google Glass users do by themselves....

  5. Faye B
    Paris Hilton

    Glass half full

    I assume this will provide single handed operation. There will definitely be a need for image stabilization. Could lead to a whole new social media platform - F**kbook or twatter.

    I foresee a rapid spurt of development around this app. Perhaps leading to the adoption of a new programming language C-men.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    But shirley

    Glassholes carry their partner around with them, they've only go to take their hand out of their pocket and they can re-live the whole experience all over again, although maybe not straight away.

  7. Stephen Gray

    "Simply swipe to a new perspective. And enjoy the new view. When you connect your phone, you can even see what it's like from any angle"

    Google Glass can bend light from behind an object so you can see it from another angle? Really? Or total bollox? You decide.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @Stephen Gray

      If a google glass user really did get the chance of a shag he'd probably invite all his friends round to watch otherwise they'd never believe him, hence multiple points of view. On the other hand, how many friends do google glass users have? More likely they buy five pairs and put the spare ones on mannequins.

      1. JDX Gold badge

        Re: @Stephen Gray

        Ah, nerds on an IT site making fun about how other IT nerds don't get sexy action.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @Stephen Gray

          But not all nerds are professional nerds some of us are nerds when we need to pay the rent others take it a bit too far.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: @Stephen Gray - @Chris W

            This needs to be written in big letters on the El Reg masthead.

        2. Eradicate all BB entrants

          @JDX

          Well we keep appearing on the planet so at least one of us is getting lucky enough to breed more.

          1. JDX Gold badge

            Re: @JDX

            If "nerd" was a gene then yes.

            Many IT folk are fairly normal, but the El Reg forum community is decidedly at the deep end.

            1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

              Re: @JDX

              Now is that the deep or the shallow end of the gene pool?

    2. Jolyon Smith
      Facepalm

      I think the idea they have in mind is to use the camera on your phone, routing the video feed to your Glass screen. Or just get a big mirror on the wall/ceiling, then you can BOTH(*) enjoy the different perspective(s) thus afforded.

      * - Ah, I see I made the mistake of projecting my personal experience of carnal pleasures, where-in the experience is a SHARED one.

  8. Bronek Kozicki Silver badge
    Coat

    this is so sad ...

    need to go, do not want to keep someone waiting

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: this is so sad ...

      Ah, so you're my date on chatroulette tonight

  9. Colin Millar
    Coffee/keyboard

    Oh god - I can't get rid of this image

    So i am going to share it with you

    Both partners wearing glass and sharing the view they are getting with each other in real time

    Barf

    1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Oh god - I can't get rid of this image

      Could be funny though, if the man gets to see the woman's glass view and see's that she's doing the online shopping, playing Candy Crush or something similar at the time too.

      1. DiViDeD Silver badge

        Re: Oh god - I can't get rid of this image

        "...she's doing the online shopping, playing Candy Crush.."

        o we now have a hi tech variant on the old 'If I'm asleep when you finish, pull my nightie down - it's cold'

        On the other hand, when a man is in the 'heat of the moment', imagining that he looks a little like a cross between a stallion and Brad Pitt, does he actually want to know what he *really* looks like?

        More to the point, does he want to be reminded of what he looked like in his glass replays?

    2. Rob

      Re: Oh god - I can't get rid of this image

      The film Strange Days springs to mind, 'nuff said.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

        Re: Oh god - I can't get rid of this image

        I am eagerly awaiting Google Squids.

        That movie was spot on on "current trends in cop behaviour" though.

  10. codejunky Silver badge

    But

    Remember to wipe it clean afterwards

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wear glasses (real ones)

    And most of the time I'm glad I can take them off. It's bad enough for my self esteem while it's happening, but to be able to see it clearly afterwards, wearing my real glasses, no thanks.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If you say so, it must be true

    "Footage is stored for on the cloud for five hours before being deleted forever."

    Hahaha... yea... hahaha...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re:Footage is stored for on the cloud for five hours

      Only five hours!

      That means the foreplay scenes will be deleted before I even finish! :-)

      Also - sort of reminds me of "Brainstorm" - the bit where the man is experiencing an looped orgasm.

      1. Evil Graham

        Re: Re:Footage is stored for on the cloud for five hours

        Exactly.

        Five hours, or forever. Depending on whether you've paid the inevitable hackers their fee.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Re:Footage is stored for on the cloud for five hours

        There was a report last week of an unfortunate woman who experienced a continuous orgasm that lasted so long she had to go to A&E, though they're not saying what the treatment was.

        1. DiViDeD Silver badge

          Re: Re:Footage is stored for on the cloud for five hours

          I have the perfect cure for female orgasm.

          apparently

          It's all right, I'm going

      3. Smarty Pants

        Re: Re:Footage is stored for on the cloud for five hours

        that's it I was desperately trying to remember that film

      4. Maryland, USA
        Thumb Up

        Brainstorm (Re: Re:Footage is stored for on the cloud for five hours)

        Exactly! Watch the 1983 trailer at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNiZP2G-nEM

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: If you say so, it must be true

      Don't think I've heard of a better attraction for hackers. Is someone really doing this to get maximum pen [ahem] testing of the cloud?

  13. hammarbtyp Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    The human condition

    This is somehow so sad, but at the same time so predicable.

    Has there ever been any invention that once created somehow has not thought hmmm how can I have sex with/on/in it

    Paris because I bet she will be buying one soon

    1. Turtle

      @ hammarbtyp

      "This is somehow so sad, but at the same time so predicable."

      That's all the comment that's necessary. It is not possible to upvote you enough.

    2. Terry Cloth

      Re: The human condition

      You do know what the first profitable application for the Daguerreotype was, don't you?

  14. Miguel Candeias Silver badge

    "It allows Glassholes to film their "entire night" of lovemaking, which may be a bit optimistic."

    I'm sure the batteries can last for whole 5 minutes...

  15. DJ 2
    Pint

    Automatic point scoring.

    I see little stars exploding in your view with "5pts" written on them..

    Bonus boost scores for position changes and variation.

    then your score is automatically posted to Google+ where nobody will see it.

    Of course your mates (if you had any) would down the pub, "Only 400pts last night! hehehe"

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: Automatic point scoring.

      One Up!

      mario_dogs_princess_loop.gif

  16. James 36
    Coat

    Optional

    I didn't see that one coming

  17. Derek Thomas

    iCondom

    Just a matter of time. Or has it already been done?

    1. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: iCondom

      Sorry rounded things is already patented.

  18. Idocrase

    So, from reading the comments, no-one seems to be aware at _all_ of the massive, pre-existing, cash-in-sweaty-hands market for EXACTLY this kind of thing?

    People pay money for porn (hard to believe but true), and there is demand for: POV sex (where the viewer can then imagine they are the ones ploughing the stretch-marked, disease riddled whore the production crew picked up that morning), and an equally massive, and arguably growing, market for amateur porn.

    Glass will bring the two together in one sweaty, sticky, groping, lube filled cojoining, which after a few months, will start to earn certain people a metric fuckton of money.

    Laugh at the 'glassholes' if you will, the people writing this app are going to make themselves a fortune from this, and technologies like it.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Presumably...

    The devs have access to the cloud footage so they can see what they are missing out on?

    Weirdos.

  20. Blofeld's Cat
    WTF?

    Hmm...

    Him: "OK ... Insert dowel (A) into hole (B) and secure with a screw (W) ... er ..."

    Her: "What?"

    Him: "No, wait ... that's Karja Soota an Ikea wardrobe ... I'll try the search again ..."

  21. VinceH Silver badge

    "We asked ourselves: 'How can we make sex more awesome with Google Glass?"

    Translation: We like amateur porn, and we wondered how we could get people to deliver it straight to us.

  22. The Vociferous Time Waster

    Mike Humphries

    So if your partner is wearing glass as well does that mean you can switch to her view and see your awful cum face?

  23. Mike123456

    No chance

    There is no way the internet gets a blow-by-blow account of my sex life..

    What would the NSA do with the knowledge?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No chance

      There is no way the internet gets a blow-by-blow account of my sex life..

      I see what you did there!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No chance

      They'd point and laugh, especially if its not very good. And then turn around and gleefully share it with the world via 4chan or some other such insane website.

      No seriously, considering that most of the analysts at the CSS, the Military's arm of NSA/CSS are 18 to 25, it kind of fits the bill. I manage and train a bunch of 'em, I know what the kids would get up to without adult supervision. Hell, I'm surprised that there have only been five publicized instances of IG, CI, and CID investigations about Analysts having Collectors intercept a target that happens to be their wife or girlfriend.

      And given that both Bradley Manning and Edward Snowden got fairly large data hauls off of SIPRnet and in Edward Snowden's case, SIPRnet and JWICS and/or NSAnet without being caught immediately means it theoretically isn't very difficult. Or at least wasn't. They do warn us that they're monitoring, but I've never heard of anyone getting caught that way until they open their mouths to someone outside of the COMINT mafia.

  24. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    WTF?

    Two things I never wear while having sex

    Socks and - guess what...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Two things I never wear while having sex

      underwear?

      1. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: Two things I never wear while having sex

        If you can keep your glasses on you aint doin it right.

        IIRC.

  25. dssf

    From any angle?

    Not ass long as the neck and connection points in the nethers have limited dimensions/extensibility?

    From any angle? I guess the angle of the dongle and dangle make all the difference.

    "... Completely new perspective"? How about "C*mpletely newd purr spec tive"? Surely it comes with haptic and forced feed back and feed front?

    Well, these vids would be a way to speed up the commute in the tube, hahahaha.

    How long before we see Graystone Industries spackled all over this? Will there be any digital eyedrops en(d)hancement as add-ons?

    Wait.. Zoe and Lacy are calling for me... I seen an Endfinity cymbal, and hear some digital whips cracking the digital air.....

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ah, more loverly Blackmail material

    Are these people employed by the NSA, by any chance?

    The Graystone ones were much better; this would often just be the wrong camera viewpoint for voyeuristic coverage.

  27. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    with apologies to Irvine Welsh

    You said when we embarked on this great adventure together, that lots of laughter was essential in a relationship.

    I agreed.

    You also made the point that a great deal of sex was of equal importance.

    Again, I agreed. Wholeheartedly.

    In fact I remember your exact words: laughter and sex are the barometers of a relationship. This was the statement you made, if I remember correctly.

    Don't get me wrong. I couldn't agree more. But no at the same time, ya fuckin cow.

  28. MrDamage
    Coat

    New genre of porn?

    Glass to mouth?

    ...I'll get my coat.

  29. Crisp Silver badge

    You want me to do what?

    Ok Glass, look up the wikihow article for that...

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Will the app cut out the first 5 minutes of the video where the glass-wearer inflates his partner?

  31. envmod

    improve my shag

    sod filming it, i want to see an augmented reality app that will make my partner look like megan fox.

  32. Martin
    Happy

    A variant on the old limerick...

    There was a young man called Menzies

    Whose kissing drove girls into frenzies:

    Till a virgin one night

    Crossed her legs in a fright

    And shattered his Google Glass lenses.

  33. Nick Pettefar

    ER

    Enhanced Reality! Think of it - you're shagging the mister/missus and yet it appears you are shagging a star/starlet(/sheep/robot/pumpkin/whatever). Of course you'd both be needing to wear them - fair's fair. Sign me (and my partner) up at once!

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Simply swipe to a new perspective" ???

    What?

    Change partners, like homescreens? Just swipe back and forth between them?

    What happens to the ones that are not selected at that moment, do the continue to run in the background?

  35. AbeSapian

    Tragic

    These people need to search EBAY for a life.

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