back to article Feminist Software Foundation gets grumpy with GitHub … or does it?

A group called The Feminist Software Foundation has accused GitHub of misogyny after it disabled access to a repository containing its first effort: a feminist programming language called “C+=”. Pronounced either “C plus equality” or “see equality”, C+= has since found a home at bitbucket.org, where a manifesto declares it is …

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  1. Eddy Ito Silver badge

    "Instead, we have 0s and Os as our fundamental binary logic gates. They symbolise/-ize the varying, natural, and beautiful differences of the female vaginal opening."

    So I'm guessing the determination of 'true' and 'false' states of these "openings" will require some fuzzy logic.

    1. GrumpyOldBloke

      false means false!

      true is an uncertain state, conditional on the forward performance of worker threads.

      Exception reports are persistent and are distributed in resource pits across all data and executable stores. Throw, or share, statements are mandatory in all IO. There are no catch or finally statements. Liberal use of share statements is required to avoid process locks. Branching is performed using goto statements and is terminated with or else clauses. Code is verbose and bloat is considered beautiful. References to fuzzy logic are only appropriate where this=2x.

      1. Gwaptiva

        All correct except

        Throw, or share, statements are persondatory in all IO?

      2. Wize

        "false means false!"

        I would disagree on that point. Take the following conversation taking place between a husband and wife when she us upset.

        M: Is there anything wrong dear?

        F: NO!!!!!! <slams door>

        I'm sure the software will handle those logic levels.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Is there anyway society could invent something that would make these rebels without a clue go away.

      1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

        I'll wait to see how they do HEX...

        1. TheFatMan

          "I'll wait to see how they do HEX..."

          I think they'll use a cauldren.

      2. Pet Peeve

        It's a satire, Mr. Coward. And also, one with bait well designed to catch a certain family of asshats and twatwaffles, which I'm guessing you're one of.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: require some fuzzy logic.

      That's one hairy situation I don't want to be caught in.

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Paris Hilton

        Re: require some fuzzy logic.

        b̶o̶o̶l̶e̶a̶n̶ brazilian logic

        Paris - presumably, very proficient in the subject

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The 1's represent a closed state. They can transition to an open state using alcohol as one one the inputs.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I imagine that this would be ideal for writing automated systems for making the coffee, doing the housework, ironing, washing, etc. etc....

    6. Alan W. Rateliff, II
      Paris Hilton

      Seems about right. Often times my lady friend tells me "no" when "yes" is the real answer, vice versa, just a "whatever," or the answer is transitory. Many times my answer or "yes" or "no" is not the correct answer. Well, all the time, really.

  2. Gray Ham
    WTF?

    "the toxic Patriarchy that is inherent in and that permeates all current computer programming languages"

    Including Ada?

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      The fact that the Ada programming language has been named after a clearly oppressed member of the female side of humanity, cruelly exploited by patriarch Babbage and even today belittled as his "sidekick" and a "dilettante" is itself a sign of the oppression. In this case, males typically apply obfuscation to cover up subconscious guilt at the creation of a formulation and machinization of militaristic thought the use of which is the control of inherently chauvinistic killing machines. Do not be deceived!

      1. Gray Ham

        I stand corrected.

        But, shouldn't a feminist programming language be called C#^+?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        I want you all to call me Loretta.

    2. PassiveSmoking

      Or COBOL, the language Grace Hopper invented, for that matter?

      BTW, compilers were also invented by Grace Hopper, or at least she was responsible for some of the earliest practical ones.

      1. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

        Yeah, but at first, nobody believed that Amazing Grace had a working compiler. She had to fight like a caged rat to convince people. That makes all compilers symbolic of the oppressive patriarchy's refusal to place trust and faith in female professionals.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          It's because of the majority of females really do use the below female logic on us males and then use their vaginas to trick us into going along with their logic. So when a female comes a long who is really right and whom does not use her vagina in calculation, then we are very take back and cannot understand that they might actually be using male logic. ;p

          So females do have an uphill battle to fight if they want to be taken seriously in scientific circles. Unknown to it's host organism, the vagina will want to give birth. Hence after a certain age, any chance a female has to give birth is usually taken and again all male logic discarded and female logic used from that point on to control the male and trick him into supporting her and her child bearing vagina.

          (female login included from knarf's post as reference:)

          if (Im == "wrong")

          {

          Im = "right";

          throw new Wobbly;

          }

          (PS I'm actually very romantic, and see the beautiful balance between male and female, but I couldn't resist joining in on the satire.)

          1. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

            You seem to be positing a hypothetical scenario in which a man is not wrong. Such a scenario cannot exist.

  3. Charles Manning

    Chicks' logic

    Don't even try to understand it.

    1. cyborg

      Re: Chicks' logic

      I feel for the poor computers expected to implement such a langauge.

      1. Dissident Void

        Re: Chicks' logic

        Quantum superposition

      2. Charles Manning

        Re: Chicks' logic

        "I feel for the poor computers expected to implement such a langauge."

        It's easy. Do anything. You're going to be wrong anyway.

    2. knarf

      Re: Chicks' logic

      if (Im == "wrong")

      {

      Im = "right";

      throw new Wobbly;

      }

  4. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    An unsolvable decision problem

    Feminism is a self-satire of know-nothing princesses trying to cook up up an inedible mix of both victimization and juvenile omnipotence fantasies at the same time, porked up with freudian jargon and if need be random words of marxist cant.

    As was the case of Sokal's hoax about postmodernist thinking, it is à priori undecidable whether anything coming from that corner is serious or not.

    1. disgruntled yank Silver badge

      Re: An unsolvable decision problem

      Clearly, then, juvenile omniscience fantasies are to be preferred. And really, do you believe that you have _ever_ met an unsolvable decision problem?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: An unsolvable decision problem

        A cat?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Happy

          Re: An unsolvable decision problem

          Cats typify the superposition problem both deciding that they want to be fussed and not all at the same time.

      2. Irony Deficient

        Re: An unsolvable decision problem

        disgruntled yank, here’s one that I’ve met:

        When is the single best point of time to eat bacon?

        1. Red Bren
          Happy

          Re: An unsolvable decision problem

          When is the single best point of time to eat bacon?

          Now!

          That was too easy...

          1. Alan W. Rateliff, II
            Paris Hilton

            Re: An unsolvable decision problem

            Bah! I don't need to eat the bacon, I just need the drippings!

        2. unitron

          Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but...

          "When is the single best point of time to eat bacon?"

          ...I'd say after it's been cooked rather than before.

          At least for what we in the U.S. call bacon.

        3. Wize

          Re: An unsolvable decision problem

          If you are a Narwhal, it would be midnight.

    2. Jamie Jones Silver badge

      Re: An unsolvable decision problem

      "As was the case of Sokal's hoax about postmodernist thinking, it is à priori undecidable whether anything coming from that corner is serious or not."

      Yep. It's a sad indictment on the situation (and I'm talking generally - I haven't viewed the link) where the 'loony feminists' can't be told apart from spoofs - The 'Poe law' of feminism. The sincere loony fringe only succeed in hampering the legitimate cause.

    3. TheOtherHobbes

      Re: An unsolvable decision problem

      "an inedible mix of both victimization and juvenile omnipotence fantasies at the same time"

      Luckily this makes it completely different to libertarianism.

      (It's not as if they're not both subclasses of the same root class, now is it?)

      C+= is hilarious. The phallocracy is trembling in its sportswear and dinner jackets.

  5. solo

    The dilemna of AI solved

    The ultimate problem of AI seems to be WHY and HOW to react in situations in conflict of human interactions.

    This language seems to be solving both of them having exit() and bool+ with uncertain results.

  6. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

    Clarke was right

    Any sufficiently advanced 'ism is indistinguishable from satire

    1. Mycho Silver badge

      Re: Clarke was right

      Actually that was Poe.

    2. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Clarke was right

      Maybe, but this is definitely a piss-take, and it has missed its target a bit. Basically, Arielle Schlesinger isn't the stereotype of a militant bra-burner, more the stereotype of someone neck deep in academia (though with some formal feminist vocabularly).

      The problem is that she hasn't worded her idea very clearly, since she has used words and phrases that only make sense to someone with experience of both programming and social studies. It seems that her use of dense jargon stems from her trying to NOT pin down her (at this stage, rightly) fuzzy concept, because her post was merely a request for ideas and input - she has a whiff of a hunch, and has chosen to calmly smell the air instead of barking up the first tree she sees. Unfortunately, her attempt to not over-define her idea has largely served to narrow the range of people who understand her request.

      She has since accepted this constructive criticism on her thread, and has promised to re-write her post soon for a broader audience.

      That said, I'm not sure why she chose to use words like 'feminist' as a place-holder for the sort of yet-specified programming approaches she hopes to one-day demonstrate... its probably a result of her background and how she came to approach her idea, but to the uninitiated it can read as 'feminism = illogical'. I suspect that really she is trying to think about idea that human concepts and information are 'filtered' (by the act of programming) before computers will deal with them.

      Nobody thought to instruct HAL "Don't kill any humans", since they didn't think it was necessary (though Susan Calvin* might). HAL only attempted to do what was 'asked' of 'him' to the best of 'his' abilities.

      *Clarke gives her a mention in 3001: Final Odyssey, but in 2001 she was only 19 years old, so would have been unlikely to have contributed to that ill-fated mission to Jupiter.

      1. Sandra Greer

        Read the blog - quite interesting

        There is a lot of academic jargon, of course, which is the way computer science and everything else has gone for the last 30 years or so.

        http://www.hastac.org/blogs/ari-schlesinger/2013/11/26/feminism-and-programming-languages

  7. Captain DaFt

    I'm with the Fems!

    To unseat such deeply embedded patriarchy, you've got to pound hard, and thrust deep to get to the root of the problem, if you want to lick it!

    We've got to stand tall, get a firm grip on the situation, and be on the ball to bring this to a satisfying climax!

    Just one quibble... "0" and "O"?

    Surely it should be "0" and "*" if they want more people behind them, right?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "0" and "*"

      2 goes into 1 HOW many times?!!! O_o

  8. MrDamage

    Patriarchal Code

    10 if exist "feminist" goto fridge fetch sammich

    20 shuddup, the footy's on the telly

    1. LaeMing
      Childcatcher

      Re: Patriarchal Code

      spawn(lots of sons).

      daughter_processesses -> market

  9. LaeMing
    Happy

    I've always thought it quite natural

    that 0 comes* before 1.

    *No pun intended but having put it there, I'm leaving it!

    1. sam bo

      Re: I've always thought it quite natural

      It might be natural, but I would still think it is a relatively rare event in the natural world - regarding your unintended pun , not the obvious numerate reference.

  10. Don Jefe

    If this isn't satire, then they're doing their cause a tremendous disservice. They're reinforcing the idea that women not only can't cope in a competitive business environment but they can't even use the tools that make the business function.

    If they're serious, this is taking the whole 'I'm not having sex with you because you didn't say hello when you came in the door last Thuesday' mentality of perfection, an all or nothing attitude to an environment where nothing is ever perfect. They're reinforcing the idea that women can't deal with reality and should stay at home where they're safe. They're giving live ammunition to every narrow minded creep on the planet. Dumbasses, if I were a feminist I would raise a big ruckus about this.

    1. larryk78

      If you were a feminist...

      You would have remembered to say hello when you came in the door last Thuesday.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    cue self-satirising brogrammers.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pussy Power FAIL

    The first big problem with this FemSF (sorry, the FSF acronym was already taken by an oppressive male with a bushy beard) is that += doesn't mean what Les Femmes de l'Ordinateur think it means. += is not equality - -- that would be the == operator. += is the assignment operator, of a very specific kind: self-assignment. Given that - as represented by the logo of this movement - += is followed by nothing [ C+= ], it is also a syntax error. It will be flagged as such by any male, inflexible, testosterone-drunk, oppressive, closed-minded, boorish and insensitive compiler.

    1. Rande Knight

      Re: Pussy Power FAIL

      "Given that - as represented by the logo of this movement - += is followed by nothing [ C+= ], it is also a syntax error. It will be flagged as such by any male, inflexible, testosterone-drunk, oppressive, closed-minded, boorish and insensitive compiler."

      Actually, I think it could be a useful concept in functional/lazy evaluation languages.

      [C+=] makes C an indeterminate number that is greater than variable C was previously.

      So (C==D) would return true if D was in the set/range of numbers symbolized by C.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Pussy Power FAIL

        '[C+=] makes C an indeterminate number that is greater than variable C was previously.'

        O rly?

        C+= -5;

  13. NorthernCoder
    Coat

    Man pages

    Naturally, the "Man pages" will be renamed "Woman pages".

    Mine's the one with the Fredrika Bremer biography in the pocket.

    1. Colin Brett
      Coat

      Re: Man pages

      "history" has been completely rewritten, and is now called "herstory".

      The "touch" command has been removed from the standard distribution due to its inappropriate use by high-level managers.

      Brought to you by the People's Committee for Democratically Organizing the System (PC-DOS).

      Colin

      1. Matt Piechota

        Re: Man pages

        "The "touch" command has been removed from the standard distribution due to its inappropriate use by high-level managers."

        Are you going to leave finger(1) in?

    2. sam bo

      Re: Man pages

      Actually, I think it's "wimmin" - apparently they don't like the "man" in "woman" - so to speak ;-)

    3. Nightkiller

      Re: Man pages

      If I am not mistaken, Man is short for manual which has its roots in manuensis - by hand - to which I offer only the index finger of my right one to this gibberish.

      1. Rukario

        Re: Man pages

        I offer the finger next to that (no not the thumb).

  14. Ralph B

    Wrong Tools

    I can find no dictionary definition to support my claim, but I don't think I've ever heard "git" being used to describe a woman. In my experience, it's always used to describe a stupid and/or miserable old man.

    This suggests to me that a new feminist source control system might be needed - say, "hag" - together with a new feminist project hosting service - say "haghub.com". (That domain appears to be already "registered and parked with Crazy Domains". So, there's hope.)

    1. Captain DaFt

      Re: Wrong Tools

      Well 'haghub' sounds a bit harsh. How about 'Gitbint'?

      1. Natalie Gritpants

        Re: Wrong Tools

        github for some, bitchhub for others, www.bitchhub.com is availiable (for about 30 seconds)

    2. T. F. M. Reader Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Wrong Tools

      Does not BitBucket use hg? Sorry, just could not resist...

  15. ratfox Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    It's called COBOL!

    Jokes aside, isn't it true that the first algorithm was invented by a woman (Ada Lovelace), and also the first compiler (Grace Hopper)?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Named my dog Ada. Was looking for a subtle geek name for her.

  16. Pete 2 Silver badge

    C the point?

    > By point 12 it's hard to take things seriously

    Bzzzzt! (“Forced program termination is not allowed ... " not exactly pro-choice, is it?)

    Failure is on the cards by point #4 (Hence, the language should be English-based) - there's inclusiveness for you

    and by point #10: a program rolls for a 40% chance of ... 40% of being ... and 40% of executing by a ... it seems to be suggesting that in the feminist world things have a 120% chance of doing something.

    Although the chance of this language being for real is much closer to 0 than to 120%

    P.S. At the time of writing (07:50 UK time, the Bitbucket repository has become unavailable. Maybe it's gone on maternity leave? Leaving all the other languages to pick up its work, for no extra rewards.

  17. T. F. M. Reader Silver badge
    Joke

    C+= ?

    It looks like they are trying to add something (to see?). Not clear what, though...

  18. This post has been deleted by its author

  19. Big John Silver badge
    Go

    Inspiring text

    I'm reading the docs, and it's comedy gold!

    http://feministsoftwarefoundation.org/C-plus-Equality/repository/Fri%2013%20Dec%202013%2003:38:14%20PM%20PST/README.md

    Selected gems:

    Primitive variable types are not defined on declaration. Instead, the variable is free to choose its own type when it is utilised/-ized. This preserves the variable's right to self-identify as any datatype it feels that it is.

    Booleans** are __banned__ for imposing a binary view of true and false. **C+=** operates paralogically and transcends the trappings of Patriarchal binary logic. **No means no, and yes could mean no as well. Stop raping women. Instead of **Booleans** we now have **Boolean+**, or **_bool+_** for short, which has three states: *true, false, and maybe*. The number of states may go up as intersectionality of the moment calls for such a need.

    Line terminators should not be used. Programmers get to select their own 'line decorator' to use in lieu of a line terminator. This is of course open to interpretation and can be eschewed altogether as a badge of solidarity for differently abled programmers.

    In C+=, you don't write to a file. Dictating to the poor files what sort of information they must store is Patriarchal. Instead, The \<fileIO> library brings in the functions pleaseWrite() and pleaseTellMe(). They both have a chance to return "no", and if so all other calls to the same file are automatically passed over because as we all know, once a file says no to being written, you must always respect that.

    Sweet.

  20. JDX Gold badge

    Does it work?

    Did anyone try it out?

    1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

      Re: Does it work?

      The interpreter compiles but I can't seem to make it interpret much of anything, surprisingly enough.

    2. Darryl

      Re: Does it work?

      Not unless you tell it what a great job it's doing and how much you respect it first.

      1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

        Re: Does it work?

        $inherpret hellofeminists.Xe --howWasYourDay

        I don't feel like it, try again later

        ERROR: RAPE

        And I thought I was being kind and sensitive. Must've seen me coming

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Satire

    I looked at this a couple of days ago (via slashdot, I think) and it seemed obvious to me that it was a satirical follow-through from the article by Arielle Schlesinger, which itself seems to be serious.

    Quite amusing, I thought.

    I must admit that I found the concept put forward by Arielle Schlesinger to be intriguing, and I would like to see how her efforts pan out.

    1. Lottie

      Re: Satire

      I agree. I figured it was very much tongue in cheek* and playing** on the more outlandish stereotypes*** of feminist theory.

      *which isn't to devalue the contribution of those with neither tongues or cheeks. Solidarity with oral differenced peoples!

      **this isnt a dig at anyone without the ability to play games. Solidarity with our non imaginitive sisters!

      ***Stereo- or left/ right is a binary outlook. Solidarity with all shades of the spacial aural spectrum!

    2. Rukario

      Re: Satire

      From Arielle Schlesinger to El Reg via 4chan.

      This is the cancer that is killing /b/.

  22. poopypants

    This is obviously satire

    written by men. The fact that many here can't see that is a reflection of the literal mindedness of the Asperger Syndrome* suffering male readership of this enormously popular publication.

    *in good company:

    Al Gore, 1948-, former US Vice President and presidential candidate

    Bill Gates, 1955-, Entrepreneur and philanthropist. A key player in the personal computer revolution.

    Bob Dylan, 1941-, US singer-songwriter

    Charles Dickinson, 1951, US Writer

    John Nash, 1928-, US mathematician (portrayed by Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind, USA 2001)

    Joseph Erber, 1985-, young English composer/musician who has Asperger's Syndrome, subject of a BBC TV documentary

    Kevin Mitnick, 1963-, US "hacker"

    Michael Palin, 1943-, English comedian and presenter

    Oliver Sacks, 1933-, UK/US neurologist, author of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Awakenings

    Robin Williams, 1951-, US Actor

    etc...

    1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: This is obviously satire written by men.

      Because women are obviously not capable of satire? Insensitive misogynist jerk.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: This is obviously satire

      How many of these people with alleged Aspergers were formally diagnosed, how many are self-"diagnosed" (*) and how many are the subject of random speculation from others of varying expertise on the subject (**)?

      This blog post suggests that such lists may be highly questionable:-

      http://justnotsaid.blogspot.co.uk/2011/12/famous-people-with-aspergers-syndrome.html

      Back to the subject though, I do agree that this alleged language- or rather, the ludicrous rationale that goes along with it- is so obviously over the top and parodic that it can't be taken as anything other than satire.

      (*) i.e. Like every second poster on Slashdot

      (**) i.e. Down to and including random people who don't have a clue posting on Internet forums.

      1. Don Dumb

        Re: This is obviously satire

        Yep, you're right to question that lineup.

        Michael Palin suffers with Aspergers? Only someone who hasn't ever seen or heard him or his work would say that. I'd be amazed.

    3. disgruntled yank Silver badge

      Re: This is obviously satire

      I used to say that I longed to see the day that "Asperger's Syndrome" would join "penis envy" on the recycling bin of embarrassing old psychiatric diagnoses. Well, according to the DSM V, that day is here. You may not be able to make eye contact or read emotions, it is true; but it is also true that your psychiatrist or psychologist cannot put down AS as the syndrome you're treated for--the code is gone, and the insurance companies won't cough up.

      Was Nash ever diagnosed with AS? My impression is that he was flat-out schizophrenic.

    4. Israeli Womynist
      Stop

      Re: This is obviously satire

      What is your problem misogynistic scum?

      FRIENDLY FEMINIST REMINDER:

      1) Womyn are as capable (if not more) to make satire than men.

      2) It is offensive and TRIGGERING your usage of "Asperger Syndrome".

      3) THIS IS REAL!! This is real programming language done and supported by womyn! You are just a part of a group trying to work in the deterioration in effort regarding the program!!

      Again, this is real. Over-privileged scum such as HIM (I'm pretty sure you are a fat anti-Semitic virgin) are part of a group defaming this effort. I have being in other feminist approved forums (I have a list, only sharing womyn) and have encountered these people!! This is real! This is happening!!

      My grandmother was working in feminist literature during the 1930's, however it is scum like HIM that ridiculed her, persecuted her, and eventually MURDERED her on the death camps. She was one of the first ones to die because she was a feminist and a Jew!!

      Sorry I have written too much, but HIS anti-progressive behavior and speak TRIGGERED me!! This is something I don't usually share, but over-privileged scum just pissed me off!! The world would be in ruin if it wasn't for my people which fought for womyn's right!! I cannot believe the amount of Anti-Semitism which still exists today in the UK. I love the country, I love you guys... but you have to do something about the Anti-Semites which are still out there!!

      This program is the real thing, this program will make things better.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brogrammers

    A student thinks about how a feminist programming language might look. Perhaps it won't be particularly useful or essential research, but that is what academia is for and it can bring out useful questions.

    But a bunch of brogrammers decide that this is TERRIBLE and must be SHOT DOWN so start making rape jokes.

    There's satire, and then there's just being a bunch of dicks.

    1. DavCrav Silver badge

      Re: Brogrammers

      "A student thinks about how a feminist programming language might look. Perhaps it won't be particularly useful or essential research, but that is what academia is for and it can bring out useful questions."

      That's just the thing. It isn't useful thought that programming languages are mysogyinst. It sounds stupid, looks stupid and is stupid. Every time a 'femininst' comes out with some insane idea* it just makes the movement look less serious and less important, the same way as the standard remark "oh, so all other crimes have been solved" when the police arrest someone for making 'threatening' remarks about Robin Hood Airport.

      * e.g., rockets and missiles are penis shaped because of men trying to pierce things, rather than keeping the hot bits away from the bits that go bang/contain humans, or that fluid mechanics is unsolved but rigid dynamics is solved because mathematicians are male and don't care about fluids -- both of these are true stories and beliefs held by people with academic positions.

      1. solo

        Re: Brogrammers

        Being screwed as the last attempt to be taken seriously?

        We must respect this humility and pass it around, even if just for fun.

    2. Nigel 11

      Re: Brogrammers

      There's satire, and then there's just being a bunch of dicks

      Indeed, and this isn't even a patch on Intercal

      " It is a well-known and oft-demonstrated fact that a person whose work is incomprehensible is held in high esteem. For example, if one were to state that the simplest way to store a value of 65536 in a 32-bit INTERCAL variable is:

      DO :1 <- #0¢#256

      any sensible programmer would say that that was absurd. Since this is indeed the simplest method, the programmer would be made to look foolish in front of his boss, who would of course happened to turn up, as bosses are wont to do. The effect would be no less devastating for the programmer having been correct.

    3. Anonymous C0ward

      Re: Brogrammers

      What is a "brogrammer" as distinct from anything else? There are arseholes in every profession, some are men and some are women.

  24. Caff

    qubits

    So a feminist language must be interpreted not compiled and must be functional instead of OO.

    Seems like it would be perfect for quantum computing.

    It is only the elites who offer us the non-choice of 0 or 1, all hail the mother qubit!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: qubits

      Damn it, you got there first! Have an up vote.

      (AC @ 10:10)

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Quantum computing?

    Actually, I think there might be something to be said for a language implementing a womans logic. I'm not convinced it will work properly on conventional hardware. But in quantum computing where a value can simultaneously be both true and false, using a circular form to indicate true states and another circular form to indicate false states could be the future.

    Unfortunately, this could end my logic based programming career. In the past I have had the misfortune to argue with a woman and I must say, the part that went "Well if you don't know why I'm angry then I'm not going to tell you!", still baffles me.

    1. Nigel 11
      Coat

      Re: Quantum computing?

      I can't help observing that to get a Fermion back into the same state it started in, you have to rotate it through not 360 degrees but 720 degrees. Are Fermions female? Discuss.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Quantum computing?

      "...the part that went \"Well if you don't know why I'm angry then I'm not going to tell you!\", still baffles me."

      This is one of the basic communication difference between male and female: direct and indirect; verbal and non-verbal. If you don't understand that, then you'll have a hard time with women. It's kind of interesting how we (men) are expected to understand that.

  26. Katie Saucey
    Thumb Up

    The .Xe files

    /* brainfuck.Xe -- a Brainfuck interpreter that obeys feminist logic

    * and is free of any cisgendered, male, heteronormative, white or any

    * other oppressive bias.

    *

    * We have taken great care in ensuring that the logic of this interpreter

    * complies with the emotional sensibilities of women, PoC, otherkin and all

    * minorities.

    */

    \http://feministsoftwarefoundation.org/C-plus-Equality/repository/Sun%2015%20Dec%202013%2002:52:04%20AM%20PST/brainfuck.Xe

    I'm quite sure my giggling quota has just been met for the year.

    1. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

      Re: The .Xe files

      > I'm quite sure my giggling quota has just been met for the year.

      Well don't look at the .gitignore then...

  27. DrXym Silver badge

    The sad part is,

    This sort of thing actually happens. Look up atheism+. What does the + stand for? For rabidly militant feminism with a side salad of equally unhinged LBGT activism. All tacked onto the lack of belief in god. They're co-opting one movement in order to further another.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    On a slightly more serious note I did once meet someone who worked in the Sun documentation group who was constantly fighting against engineers using the terms "master" and "slave" in their documentaion. Think she was on a losing battle though

    1. Nigel 11

      fighting against engineers using the terms "master" and "slave" in their documentaion

      I'm intrigued to know what she suggested as an alternative. IMO the terms are spot on, and may even amount to an implicit ethical warning for some (far?) future date, that there's a major problem should "slave" software ever approach the threshold for sentience.

      "Producer" and "Consumer" are also used, but differently: this terminology suggests that the consumer side is not incapable of taking decisions. And of course, it's also politically loaded!

      1. Tom 38 Silver badge

        fighting against engineers using the terms "master" and "slave" in their documentaion

        But we don't call the HA service checking them "overseer", we call it "heartbeat". Because we love shitty Sunday night ITV dramas.

      2. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

        "I'm intrigued to know what she suggested as an alternative."

        "Mistress" and "Gimp"?

      3. Sander van der Wal
        Trollface

        Why worry about the slaves becoming sentient? Software being used to being Master is the one to worry about.

    2. Langalf

      I personally prefer "overlord" and "minion', but that won't work for a feminist language. "Overlady?"

    3. Robert Brockway

      The master/slave terminology have been dropped from OpenLDAP. Now they are producers and consumers.

  29. MrXavia

    Very funny! I almost thought it was serious for a few seconds..

    Feminists in the 21st century.. What do they want? didn't they win all their battles in the last century? (at least in the UK?)

    1. Lottie

      Assuming there was total parity and an end to any issues regarding gender int he UK, an intersctionalist would still fight for global equality. The idea that in the UK things are fine (which is another argument all together, but there are massive issues regarding gender inequality, 21st century britain) then the battle is won and feminism should go away is akin to saying that worrying about clean water in the rest of the world is pointless as we have it here.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    4Chan

    It appears to have originated on 4Chan: http://boards.4chan.org/g/res/38889406

  31. Stephen Channell
    Go

    Clearly a joke... otherise it would be O+ or Grace !

    Seriously though there is a need for feminist paradigms in programming language design, especially now that computers are so much faster, and algorithms need to be parallel/cooperative to get more done. Characteristics of a “Grace” language would include:

    Agent oriented, pervasive multi-tasking.. agent decides when it runs.

    Relationship is the fundamental abstraction. All agents interact through bidirectional relationships that define privileges through an agent’s lifecycle & relationships can change.

    No information hiding and no delegating behaviour to a base class, exceptions guard access, relationships are viewable.

    Every action can cause exception because legality is subject to type of relationship and every exception must be handled.

    Agents cannot be killed, but you can ask them to stop.

    Inversion-of-control is invasive.

  32. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    C+=

    See-plus-eh?

  33. DropBear Silver badge
    Joke

    So would forking a program written in C+=

    ...incur regular monthly payments of alimony then, I expect...?

    1. Darryl

      Re: So would forking a program written in C+=

      Ain't gonna be no forking around here, you misogynistic pig.

  34. Hollerith 1

    Boys, boys...

    This sort of po-faced satire was in all the feminist publications I read as a grrrl, and they were pretty funny. This current example is, to me, a hoot: it sends up the deadly-earnest dear old feminist mentality while making a few good points. I've enjoyed seeing the foamy-mouth types lured out of their lairs by this. It added to my laugh of the day.

  35. faibistes

    Pretty much everybody knows it's a prank at this point.

  36. Hero Protagonist

    Should've named it Shirley

    As in "Shirley you're joking!"

  37. Trollslayer Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Well done

    You have shown that some women can be as asinine as some men.

  38. Simon Harris Silver badge
    Coat

    throw and catch....

    Will be missing from a feminist language because everybody knows girls can't.

    (runs away and hides...)

  39. Tromos

    Chauvinist pig wants to know...

    ...will the byte storage be big-boobian or little-boobian?

  40. Pahhh

    Guess they wont like processes that...

    Guess they wont like it when the parent spawns a child , until the child isnt required anymore, then the parent can kill the child. Sometimes killing a child fails and it turns into a zombie.

  41. Oninoshiko

    How is this not in bootnotes?

    It was a good laugh. (better then anything that WAS actually in bootnotes)

  42. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

    The code is now hosted on google, as bitbucket seemingly didn't like the joke either. Also, new vid on the webpage...

  43. Neil Alexander

    Imagine working with a programming language

    ... that needs to constantly talk about it's feelings.

  44. Paul J Turner

    Under no circumstances should the language be compiled

    It should be Miss Interpreted instead.

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Now it's really serious..you otherwise tin foil man

    They are being booted from everywhere: "Now hosted on Gitorious, as GitHub, BitBucket, and Google all prove to be too misogynistic to support a feminist programming language."

    After booting comes start screen.

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