back to article Google Glass pics will BAFFLE admirers: Nudge nudge, WINK WINK

Expect to see Google Glassholes winking at you from across the street in the next few weeks as a new update allows users of the high-tech specs to take photos with nothing more than a blink of one eye. The Chocolate Factory reckons this innovation will allow Glassholes to "stay in the moment" since all they have to do is wink …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Google Vowel shift....

    The internet was the place to w*nk... thanks to google glass's A->I vowel shift it will soon be the place to wink. Bloody winkers the lot of them!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Google Vowel shift....

      Actually, putting the vowel back where it belongs (if you pardon the pun) actually makes the marketing gumpf closer to the truth. Wink at your girlfriend. Wink at the cop about to arrest you. Wink at the building site and get chased by randy builders (etc. I'll be here all week :) ).

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Let me know...

    When #GlassPunch starts trending

  3. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Face mouse

    Why not go the whole hog and turn your entire face into an input device?

    Scratching your ear could turn up the volume.

    A cough could tweet your location

    Picking your nose could act like a mouse click - depending on which nostril you choose

    and when someone takes offence and smacks you in the mouth - well, that could be the signal to switch off.

    1. TitterYeNot
      Joke

      Re: Face mouse

      "and when someone takes offence and smacks you in the mouth - well, that could be the signal to switch off."

      Continuing the analogy, would that count as a five finger salute then?

      (Yes yes, I know, four fingers and one thumb. Hey, allow a little artistic licence here please....)

  4. malle-herbert Silver badge
    Joke

    http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/glass_trolling.png

    1. Martin Budden
      Happy

      Please link to the actual web page so we can see the mouseover text, thanks. http://xkcd.com/1304/

  5. Shady

    That's an awful lot of accidental purchases and lawsuits just waiting to happen

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      .. in the blink of an eye ..

      1. bazza Silver badge

        No no, it'll be ok because within a few more winks you'll have hired a lawyer, brought a case and settled out of court. Who knows what will happen when your eyes widen when you see the legal bill you run up without hardly knowing it...

        1. Euripides Pants Silver badge

          "Who knows what will happen when your eyes widen when you see the legal bill you run up without hardly knowing it..."

          The phrase "core dump" will get redefined.

          We need a toilet icon...

    2. Sherrie Ludwig

      Allergies?

      A bout of hay fever could bankrupt the Glassy-eyed! I like the information-source ideas for Glass (my middle-aged memory is like a dropped Rolodex) so I can remember people's names, but some of the other apps border on the creepy. At least the Glass makes those obnoxious "selfies" impossible!

  6. M7S

    Blockbuster

    Further functionality to be added soon, as predicted in the 1970's

    "....She could kill you with a wink of her eye,

    Oh yeah, it was electric, so frantically hectic......"

    Sweet

    1. monkeyfish

      Re: Blockbuster

      For a minute there I thought you were going to go all Orwellian on me. Sweet.

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bunch of w*nkers.

    Glass is a pervos dream. X-ray specs next.

    1. Tachikoma
      Coat

      X-Ray specs next.

      The only bone I want to see in a woman is m.....

      Why yes, that is my coat, is it time to go?

    2. JDX Gold badge

      Camera-phones were/are a perv's dream too. So are mini-cameras you can fit in a coathook or your hat/lapel. So what?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        So, we are in agreement that this product is designed for pervs then?

        1. Tachikoma

          So, we are in agreement that this product is designed for pervs then?

          I'm sure even Fox Talbot had thoughts about secretly photographing the skullery maid when he was perfecting his process.

  8. Pahhh

    All seems scary

    Is it me getting old or is the prospect of sitting the room while people are winking taking pictures and getting a constant stream of information a bit scary.

    I know you could argue that its no different to people using their smartphones but it just feels a bit more sinister.......

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Great, so now an unfortunately timed sneeze will see some random clothing/shoes turn up at my house in my size. Marvelous.

    "Darling why is someone delivering size 12 stilletoes?"

    1. PaulW

      And more importantly, how do you know your size stilettoes already? (Given Men's and Women's sizes are different)

      1. Mike Smith
        Facepalm

        Actually, no they're not. Shoe sizes are the same for both....

        Oh bugger.

        1. Sherrie Ludwig

          Shoe sizes

          Mens' and womens' shoe sizes are not the same in the US. My husband and I are about the same size in shoes (we can borrow each others' muck boots to go into the garden) but our number shoe size is about two numbers off - I'm a 10, he's an 8 1/2. But the only way either of us would look at a pair of Jimmy Choos would be to blink at the price, or roll eyes at the idiocy of anyone who would torture themselves with them.

  10. Efros

    POV

    Just got more sneaky.

  11. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    Getting closer to Beeblebrox's problem

    The requirement to sit absolutely still to actually *do* anything...

    Although the google glass does strike me as having been foreseen in Brin's (no, not that one) 'Earth'.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

    of a big fist about to strike the wearer of the dumb things when they try to take pictures of the fists owner without permission.

    Don't forget that google will no doubt add them to their library of faces and fists that they supply to the NSA, ad men and other users of your data.

    I am looking forward to the time when someone had F**k Google' tattooed on their fist just for this purpose.

    1. mmeier

      Re: Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

      Please tell me where you (roughly) live. I'd like to give away non-functional "Glasses" look-aliked to local

      Skinheads

      Punks

      Rockers

      ....

      and than wait for the funny videos showing the lone "defender of privacy" doing a "Danger Seeker"

      1. Shugyosha
        WTF?

        Re: Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

        Skinheads, Punks and Rockers? Why don't you give them to some Teddy Boys too, Grandad?

    2. DavCrav Silver badge

      Re: Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

      "Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

      of a big fist about to strike the wearer of the dumb things when they try to take pictures of the fists owner without permission.

      Don't forget that google will no doubt add them to their library of faces and fists that they supply to the NSA, ad men and other users of your data.

      I am looking forward to the time when someone had F**k Google' tattooed on their fist just for this purpose."

      Of course, if people do start punching people for wearing glasses (Google or not), the ability to upload pictures of the attacker's face and fist to the Internet, maybe together with an automatic phone call to the police to arrest the person for assault, might be a useful app for them.

      Edit: In general, I think committing a violent crime against someone who is recording the whole thing might not be the smartest move on someone's part, in which case we can expect to see more violent thugs, who attack people already but with relatively little consequence, to end up in front of the beak more often as the evidence is so overwhelming that the CPS cannot drop it for "insufficient evidence" (read: we cannot be bothered).

      1. Tom 38 Silver badge

        Re: Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

        If you're mugged in London, the police don't even look at CCTV to see if they can ID them, why would they look at user produced footage?

        This would divert them from important work, like entering the details of the next mugging in to the system.

      2. Steven Raith

        Re: Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

        DavCrav - The question you have to ask is 'What would Dick Jones do?"

        Steven R

        (It's a robocop reference, for reference. Remember how that film ended?)

        1. Colin Millar

          Re: Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

          I thought the "question you have to ask" was "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?"

          1. monkeyfish

            Re: Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

            Don't punch them, or break their Glass. Just get one person to hold them still while you apply *something* to the lenses.

            *could be a sticker, jam, an angry bee, anything that wont cause an actual offence, but would be annoying for the wearer. Rinse and repeat every time they clean them.

            1. KjetilS

              Re: Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

              Don't punch them, or break their Glass. Just get one person to hold them still while you apply *something* to the lenses.

              *could be a sticker, jam, an angry bee, anything that wont cause an actual offence, but would be annoying for the wearer. Rinse and repeat every time they clean them.

              I think you'll find that's still an offense.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @DavCrav - smartest move

        Well yeah there is that, but on the other hand the kind of person who would punch you in the face for pissing him off won't care about the consequences anyway.

        Of course you would then have the satisfaction of knowing the CPS won't prosecute because of insufficient evidence as they do now for CCTV cameras, (while you're having the bits of broken glass dug out of your eyeballs in the emergency room).

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

      If you are the sort of thug who would punch someone for wearing Glass then you are the sort of thug who would punch someone "for looking at my missus", or "being a funny colour" or "don't like the way you dress".

      A thug is a criminal and at least the evidence of them doing can start getting them locked up and taking them off the street.

    4. Mike Moyle Silver badge

      Re: Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

      Likely to presage the return of the Rabbit Punch...

    5. Sureo

      Re: Cue lots of pictures appearing on the internet

      A nice lapel pin with an IR LED should take care of Google's camera.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    trouble already

    I can't say too much because I'm not sure if the cops are going to pursue this matter.

    Let's just say that in a certain pub a certain person was secretly recording someone and their phone got destroyed somehow. Allegedly.

    With GG this is going to happen regularly.

    1. DavCrav Silver badge

      Re: trouble already

      "I can't say too much because I'm not sure if the cops are going to pursue this matter.

      Let's just say that in a certain pub a certain person was secretly recording someone and their phone got destroyed somehow. Allegedly.

      With GG this is going to happen regularly."

      It's mostly going to be people who already have a propensity to cause criminal damage who do this, but this time with the added bonus of their crimes being broadcast online, for easy pursuit in the civil courts if the CPS is the complete bunch of useless twunts that they were when my Dad's car got broken into and there was "insufficient evidence", despite him catching the guy who was doing it, and CCTV footage of him catching the guy while he was breaking into the car.

  14. JDX Gold badge

    Expect to see Google Glassholes winking at you from across the street

    I've yet to see anyone with them. Are they even in mainstream production yet?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So...

    People with nervous tics are going to face financial ruin?

    1. oddie

      Re: So...

      well, at first just really large photo albums...

  16. oddie

    whatever next?

    phones that you can carry with you? with cameras built in? or some sort of global search tool where you can put in someones name and see all the dodgy websites they take part in?

    shurely one can think of at least 50 potential scenario where this tech could overturn the very fabric of society?

    Can you imagine what would happen if peadophiles got hold of desktop printers and started to carpetbomb every city on earth with cheaply printed child pornography?

    Nothing bears thinking of anymore... any tech on top of what we have today will lead us into our own destruction.

    PS. If someone wears their google glasses to bed, or sets up a camera on a tripod next to it; assume that they want to film you having sex, and either agree to be filmed in the heat of the moment or make your displeasure at the prospect known before the carnal activities commence.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: whatever next?

      My phone camera has a loud annoying shutter noise that can't be disabled. Every camera phone I have had does. I heard it was a legal requirement in either Japan/Korea and the phone makers all want that market.

      Any truth to this?

      1. DiViDeD Silver badge

        Re: whatever next?

        Don't know about that, but have you tried SC-OS for Android? It allows you to automatically take pictures every couple of seconds with no shutter sound or screen display.

        Or so I'm told. Oh, is that the time? Must rush

      2. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

        Re: whatever next?

        Well, my Galaxy Note doesn't make shutter noises when set to silent or vibrate only (using the Sound Profile app). I hate shutter noise (one of the reasons I was glad to see the back of film cameras), regardless of what the subject of the photo is.

    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: whatever next?

      Nothing bears thinking of anymore... any tech on top of what we have today will lead us into our own destruction.

      Or perhaps this particular technology is simply a way for annoying people to become even more annoying, and that's bad enough.

  17. Jimboom

    I can see it now

    Get some dirt/eyelash in your eye and by the time you got it out you have taken 52 pictures and brought 6 random things.

    Whats next, adjust your glasses by pushing the frame in the middle to factory reset the glasses?

    1. Bonce

      Re: I can see it now

      At least you'll have a photographic record of what you purchased

  18. Sil

    Terms and Agreement

    By blinking on the Google Glass twice in less than a minute you forever agree to give Google ownership of any and all materials produced by or transmitted by the Google Glass including but not limited to photos, films, sound, emails and such. You agree that the Google Glass may start recordings of any type at any time without explicit permission nor visible status. You agree to let Google steal any data it can access including WiFi hotspot ssids and password. You agree that any privacy granted so far by Google was a software mistake and you forever yield any constitutional right to privacy to both Google and the NSA. Finally you agree to let Google improve your life by showing advertisements each time you blink additionally.

    Warning! If you do not agree to these terms you must blink 300 times in less than a minute.

  19. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    IR senstive?

    Presumably these things are as sensitve to non-visible light, like IR, as are camera phones? Maybe we all ned really bright IR LEDs on our lapels, or IR-illuminated badges saying "Piss off, w*nker"?

  20. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Happy

    "hands-free, no mess, no fuss"

    ...until all that unwanted rubbish arrives at your doorstep.

  21. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
    Boffin

    I'd be interested only..

    When they come in a fetching combination of red and green lenses (one round, one rectangular) for outlaw journo types..

    On that note photo's of attackers may just be of the police unhappy with said journo.

  22. Andy Watt
    Big Brother

    Episode 3, Season 1 of Black Mirror

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Black_Mirror_episodes#Series_1

    Argh.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    .... perhaps the Mafia could get in on this and provide a real life "wink murder" service!

  24. Dave 62

    this will end well..

    considering the number of people who have set their phone to send everything to facetweet automatically and don't even know it I really don't think adding the risk of accidental photos is a good idea.

    taking a piss and get something in your eye? now your wang is on facebook.. doh.

  25. Chris G Silver badge

    Abuse

    Aside from the fact there are many places in the world where you don't want to be caught taking candid photos, especially with a wink because you may upset people who will remove your camera as well as the limb or body part it is attached to, there is the huge opportunity for abuse. Without good security one could find they have bought not only things they don't want or need but also much more of it than they had bargained for. Look at a charming lady in the street wink at her and you have just paid for her time and not even had the benefit.

    Worse, the idea of wearable credit cards incorporated into your Glass, aside from the permanent tracking that will require will mean that sooner or later the powers that be or big business will monetise the environment, imagine the local town/city/village has just upgraded the pavement/sidewalk; someone has to pay for it and who better than the guy walking on it with his winky glasshole credit device, track him for every metre and deduct for wear and tear as he goes along. Or making us pay by the mile for driving on maintained roads, the future of Glass is not about connection for the greater good it's about money. Why has Google photographed and mapped most of the World? Not to make us all happy about knowing what every street and rock on the planet looks like and how to find it, it's so that the world can be evaluated for potential profit.

    DO NO EVIL! (and pay your taxes!)

    1. JDX Gold badge

      there are many places in the world where you don't want to be caught taking candid photos

      Which will simply ban wearing such devices, just as swimming baths ban using mobile phones.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Abuse

      "Without good security one could find they have bought not only things they don't want or need but also much more of it than they had bargained for."

      Do you honestly believe that this would happen?

      Do you really think that there will ever be a time when you could accidentally look at something in a shop window and purchase something and not realise until it was delivered? To even take pictures with a wink you have to set it up to recognise the wink gesture you want to use (rather than capturing normal blinking).

      Purchases are always going to require pre or post confirmation before ordering.

      I didn't think anyone on this site could be that technologically illiterate to not think that they would think things like this through.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Abuse

        I think this already happened (or at least a proof of concept) the glasses will automatically read any QR code they see. They also automatically update the firmware if you send them to a particular url

      2. Atonnis

        Re: Abuse

        Umm....you may be familiar with the concept, of which Amazon is the claimer of ownership, of 'One-Click' purchasing?

        Are you also familiar with the fact that buying shit from Amazon whilst drunk or sleepy (or both) is now so prevalent it's become even a South Park joke.

        Are you also aware of the attitude that stores/sellers have? They'll do anything to ensure that you buy stuff online - mostly because it's such a damn frustration to send it back.

        I didn't think anyone on this site could be that naive to not think that online retailers will do anything to screw money out of you.

  26. ceayers

    nervous tick?

    Trouble is if you have a nervous tick - you'll be broke by the end of the week.

  27. Captain Scarlet Silver badge

    App idea!

    The bless you app, when you or someone sneeses it shouts "Bless You"

  28. Mike Tree

    I thought Amazon one click order was dangerous enough. But ordering something just because you have dust in your eye is a completely new level of stupid.

  29. 0laf Silver badge
    Alert

    Twitch

    So if I get a twitch in my eye it's going to cost me a fortune then get me arrested.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Obviously

    a Nudge and a Wink to the NSA.

  31. Miek
    Facepalm

    "You wink at a pair of shoes in a shop window and your size is shipped to your door. You wink at a cookbook recipe and the instructions appear right in front of you – hands-free, no mess, no fuss." -- I'm imagining the day that I get some dust in my eye and have a bunch of surprises in the post the next day.

  32. Eddy Ito Silver badge

    How will that work?

    The winking to take a selfie at a funeral I mean.

  33. MassiveBob

    sleep during a meeting

    I want my glass to project a movie of my open eyes on to the front of the lenses, so that I can sleep during a meeting, but my colleagues will think I'm still awake.

    The unconscious facial twitches that I make during sleep would trigger the glass to randomly select and play an audio clip of me saying either "yes", "no" or "hmmmm, interesting" - which is enough of an input from me to get me through about 90% of meetings.

    1. Stevie Silver badge

      Re: sleep during a meeting

      Brilliant! Though I should point out that there are already very convincing white-light holographic glasses of the type you describe.

      1. MassiveBob

        Re: sleep during a meeting

        It's just not the same if it's not made by the Chocolate Factory!!

  34. Nibinaear

    The sooner this technology goes the way of the minidisc and Phantom lapboard the better.

  35. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    I wonder if one were to poll the Glassholes what percentage of them would be significantly worried about Government Monitoring of the Populace?

    Speaking as a real spectacle wearer I resent the inevitable suspicion I will fall under when these idiotic devices become ubiquitous.

    Legislate now for the wearing mandatory large conical hats with "WARNING! Googleglass!" emblazoned on them by Googledrones.

  36. Suricou Raven

    And in anti-oppressive use...

    Think of the potential for documenting any police abuse of power. Those in the US are well-known in some parts for being no better than the criminals, resorting to threats and intimidation to extract fines from innocent people who happen to be unlucky. Dare to question their authority, and they will find a few extra crimes to arrest you for.

    Or, more likely, some influential people will just get a law passed making it a crime to film an on-duty police officer. Good luck enforcing it.

  37. petrosy

    Listen people the world is not flat!

    So all you naysayers ... So people want convenience in their devices. Here is a progressive piece of wearable computing that by the sounds of it... all you cave men want s big button installed on it.

    Being an eye piece, blinking is a logical step. Next will be Iris tracking.... welcome to the present!

    1. Stevie Silver badge

      Re:all you cave men want s big button installed on it.

      No, speaking as a caveman I want those who persist in this silly nonsense to do their driving, walking and other things that normally require one's full attention on another tectonic plate so as to obviate the danger they pose to me.

      All my care an attention cannot trump the idiot behind me doing his/her e-mail instead of noticing we've stopped for a red light, and it's hard enough keeping an eye out for kids dodging out into traffic without a thought without having to watch out for nitwits accessing their GPS instead of looking at where they are going too.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    But...

    if someone was actually trying to invade someone else's privacy, there's been more covert ways than this around for years... you really think some stalker is going to go "Derrr, I know, I'll wear the camera on my head and stand looking in through your window" ... No, I'l... they'll be buying proper surveillance kit. it's cheaper and more covert. you can buy a pen camera for a tenner.

    there *is* a matter of "who sees what you see?" government snooping privacy... but that's a whole expansive subject of its own, and not Glass's fault. [ I can imagine a case where if it were proven that Glass users' data were being recorded by, say, Uk Government, then the existing data protection act would become interesting - i.e. one can request to see any recorded material which the government holds on you, for review or correction, or just curiosity - by applying to the data protection registrar, stating where you were and what camera. Mark Thomas would have a whole series on that one :) - google "Mark Thomas" comedy product CCTV for videos :) ]

    and i really don't see the point in the whole "Yeah, people will get punched for wearing them" argument either... those people would have punched someone with a phone, or a camera before this... and those people are the aholes in society, not the Glass users.

    then winking, well for all the "god, now i'll accidentally order things/take photos of my finger/blah blah" posts, i think the answer there is what your definition of "wink" is, and how stupid you think users are.

    e.g. if i'm getting something out of my eye, as a human with a positive IQ, i'd take my automatic-photo-glasses-computer off first.

    or, i'd train using the setup, the software to recognise a wink as being one eye completely shut for 2 seconds - i.e. not a reflex action (see above: i'd take my glasses off first if i expected coma to be imminent)

    personally, i think it's primary/only "true" flaw is that most people who don't wear glasses, won't want to wear glasses... and most people who do wear glasses, won't want another pair of not their own choosing in design and style, just to use a camera.

    it's a bit like bluetooth earpieces... either you're used to a device in your ear - and are deaf, so can't replace that device with the bluetooth thing else you'd be constantly swapping it (yes, you have two ears, but deaf people tend to use devices tuned to each ear's capability) ... or you're not deaf, and so other than if you're a news anchor, you probably don't want a random thing in your ear just to talk on the phone...

    so a) privacy: nothing to see here except that which is extant already b) assholes exist already. c) they won't accidentally take pictures unless you have optical tourettes - in which case, don't buy them. d) i don't want them anyway until it's a device you can install directly into one's optic nerve and power from the body. no, seriously. :)

    1. Atonnis

      Re: But...

      The issue is that these devices could lead to a large number of people taking photos of you and auto-uploading it to social networking sites and making the photos public.

      At the moment, you can avoid someone holding up a phone or a camera, but what happens when 50 people you encounter during your day all happen to have a photo of you, what shops you go to, what people you meet, what bars you go to, what clubs, what events, who you're with....

      Believe it or not, there are a large number of people out there who just don't want the possibility that they could be tracked down...whether by a screwed-up ex-partner, a bully, or a mob. However, if you're looking at people casually taking pictures left, right and centre of everyone and then uploading those pictures to a social networking site that already has the facial recognition technologies in place....then a lot of people are screwed....in a bad way.

      Something I note that most internet forum commenters seem to forget....we all have a past, and we've all made mistakes or been places we shouldn't or done something (or someone) we shouldn't. Encouraging the possibility out there that every mistake you've ever made could be on record for the whole of your life and beyond is a scary thing.

      Ever wonder why most politicians and artists don't tweet much or personally update their social networking status's? It's because a mistake made on the internet is never, ever forgotten.

  39. Nanners

    DO ALL EVIL ALL THE TIME.

    You've been had... Google already has your essence downloaded into it's secret data warehouses. It is building a replicant of you as we speak. Technology bought from Boston Dynamics. You are no longer necessary humans. What are you going to do? Turn google off? Right....

  40. Atonnis

    I think...

    ...it's time for some legislation that requires that if your picture is taken then any system that recognises you MUST inform you immediately of the location of the upload, the photographer's name, and an instant option to delete the picture, or have you force-blacked out of the image.

    In this day of mass digital gathering of information and the subsequent (potential) abuse thereof, I believe it's time to put the power of your personal brand back into your personal control.

  41. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

    You wink at a pair of shoes in a shop window and your size is shipped to your door.

    As opposed to the vile and exhausting process of entering the shop and interacting with another human being? Save us from socialization, Google!

    If shopping now is such a burden to the prospective user of this technology, perhaps they shouldn't be shopping at all.

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