back to article Chester Cathedral smites net in Wi-Fi SMUT OUTRAGE

Chester Cathedral has pulled the plug on its free Wi-Fi service after a fearless Chester Chronicle investigation revealed visitors could tap unhindered into online porn. The Chronicle cruised the city in search of hotspots and found that "shops, restaurants and cafes with free Wi-Fi were unwittingly allowing shoppers and …

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  1. foo_bar_baz

    Another technical fix for a social issue

    Would the idiotard journalist read a paper porn mag in the church cafe or the childrens' section of a bookshop? Or a laptop or mobile device using mobile Internet?

    Get off my Internet lawn.

    1. LarsG

      Re: Another technical fix for a social issue

      Bummer, now I have to find another wifi hotspot for my porn and coffee mornings.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Another technical fix for a social issue

      It's not often that my home city gets into the news, maybe that's why it was beaten in the UK City of Culture competition by Hull. Hull kept their wifi on!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Another technical fix for a social issue

        Not only do we keep our wifi on but we used a porn star in our application for the city of Culture application.

        http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/Hull-porn-star-finds-surprise-role-City-Culture/story-20246147-detail/story.html

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Another technical fix for a social issue

      If Internet porn had been available at the time, even the Three Wise Men would have checked it out, as for the Donkey..........

      1. Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face
        Headmaster

        Re: Another technical fix for a social issue

        There were three gifts, not necessarily about three wise men.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Boffin

          Re: Another technical fix for a social issue

          "There were three gifts, not necessarily about three wise men."

          I think you'll find the whole thing was made up about 100 years after whatever events actually happened (i.e., a normal jewish woman had a normal jewish baby in completely normal circumstances and about 30 years later it became a very successful jewish preacher who ran afoul of the local government and got strung/nailed up for his trouble).

          1. Myvekk

            Re: Another technical fix for a social issue

            "And then about 2000 years after one man got nailed to a tree, for saying how great it would be to be nice to each other for a change..."

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shocker

    In other news; intrepid reporter discovers that 100% of cars tested allow him to pick up prostitutes.

    1. DougS Silver badge

      Re: Shocker

      That's it, I've decided my kids will never be taught to drive!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Shocker

        Hear Hear and mine wont EVER venture into a church. Porn palaces as they are..

        Shocked I tell you...Shocked....

        1. FunkyEric
          Happy

          Re: Shocker

          No, it's OK. You can always fill your phone and/or laptop with porn before you leave home. Then you can watch it wherever you like without having to rely on the generosity of free wi-fi to facilitate such activities.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Shocker

      "In other news; intrepid reporter discovers that 100% of cars tested allow him to pick up prostitutes."

      You sir, win the Top Post of the Year award! Have a thumb!

    3. Martin Budden

      Re: Shocker

      Even Reliant Robins? That is surprising.

  3. Cliff

    I immediately thought of it as a bandwidth issue, not social

    People will watch other people copulating, it seems to be hard-wired. But as we deny our wiring it has to be discrete. Free WiFi allows the most discrete downloading of said Frankie Vaughan, so is bound to be used for such. Which puts bandwidth cost and pressure on the providers, as HD thrusting groins is lots of data. Worth banning on those grounds, TBH, can't say the social grounds make as much sense.

    1. heyrick Silver badge

      Re: I immediately thought of it as a bandwidth issue, not social

      Can't you just take a few seconds and play it in a loop? That ought to save bandwidth.

  4. Arachnoid

    speed

    Just restrict the access speef to a point where even youtube won't play.

    1. Havin_it

      Re: speef

      Er, do I want to know what "speef" is?

      /kinda...

      1. DiViDeD Silver badge

        Re: speef

        "Er, do I want to know what "speef" is?"

        Trust me, you don't. You REALLY don't.

        But if you must, imagine a cordwangle with a REALLY big flange. At the top, natch.

        1. Havin_it
          Childcatcher

          Re: speef

          For godsake let's keep natches out of this, things are bad enough already ...!

      2. Myvekk

        Re: speef

        Hint: what's right next to the "D"...

  5. Arachnoid
    Holmes

    speed

    Just restrict the access speef to a point where even youtube won't play.

  6. Ian Emery Silver badge
    Devil

    Pubeappocolypse

    Surely looking at a close-up of a gonorrhoea infected gash is more appealing than inspecting the contents of a McDodgy burger; COME ON McDs!!!!!

  7. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    Yawn

    Just change the DNS server to an opendns server that doesn't resolve porn. How stupid are these people?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Yawn

      Would that be the one that spams you with featured ad's instead of a 404 for mistyped URL's?

      The one when I was checking a content filter I proved utterly useless after 30 seconds (image searches resulted in about a 75% "success" rate)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Yawn

        Would that be the one that spams you with featured ad's instead of a 404 for mistyped URL's?

        Yup, not only that but because it responds with a web page rather than an error it meant that the "net lookup" command in my backup scripts was resolving to the OpenDNS web server rather than my backup server ... only discovered this when I did one of my periodic (but increasingly irregular since everything always seemed ok) scans of the backup logs to discover that my night backups for several weeks had been failing.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Yawn

          Sounds like you need to improve your backup scripts to detect failure and email you when there is an issue.

          The command used to do the backup or copy to the backup server must have failed, easy to add checks for the return status of each command and alert you if they fail rather than rely on luck.

          The DNS issue just highlights that your backup scripts rely on everything working rather than been written to expect failure.

      2. Suricou Raven

        Re: Yawn

        "Would that be the one that spams you with featured ad's instead of a 404 for mistyped URL's?"

        That would be the one used by Virgin Media. Just confirmed by going to 'aosfiawre.com' - it resolves to a fake IP, which in turn redirects my browser to... er, long address, but it's on advancedsearch2.virginmedia.com.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Yawn

          "That would be the one used by Virgin Media."

          So go to the config page and switch it off. I did so when it was introduced. IIRC it based on the account settings but that was a few years ago now. You might have it hunt it down in the bowels of the VM website.

          I get proper 404 errors.

    2. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Yawn

      >>Just change the DNS server to an opendns server that doesn't resolve porn. How stupid are these people?

      Why would you expect someone running a coffeeshop to know what DNS is, or have heard of OpenDNS?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Yawn

      "Just change the DNS server to an opendns server that doesn't resolve porn. How stupid are these people?"

      Really? Your questioning just how stupid the public are?

      iPhones and Twat/Fake not enough proof positive for you?

  8. Vimes

    Must be a slow news day at the newspaper. Obviously a journalist somewhere thought that they had to do something to justify their continued existence.

    1. Anonymous Blowhard

      More like justify their surfing porn in work time...

      1. lglethal Silver badge
        Joke

        Ahhh... I'm just doing some research, boss. Honest...

        1. Jamie Jones Silver badge

          Ahhh, with the mention of kids for extra brownie points, I think the reporter is angling for a job with the daily mail.

  9. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Turn the other cheek

    > The site could be viewed ... in Chester Cathedral cafe

    Sounds like a cheap and highly effective way to attract exactly the kind of people most in need of the church's "guidance" into their fold.

    Afterthought: or was this just a case of a reporter who got caught viewing smut at work and used the tired old excuse "it's for an article I'm writing" and then had to follow through?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What about the poor Bishop ?

    Where wil he get his fix ?

    OH wait, there are many youngsters visiting churh. So no issues there !

    1. Great Bu

      Re: What about the poor Bishop ?

      Hey ! The whole point of the article was to try and stop people bashing the bishop !

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Silly reporting

    Just stating the obvious (at least to anyone who thinks for a moment) and, as a bonus, letting many more people know about the existence of pornhub.com and where to access it from.

    The only issue of note is the apparent failure of the Cathedral's IT provider to provide the agreed filtering.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Meanwhile, my two sons (17 and 13) are unable to do their history research (Korean War and WWII) on school computers because both wars involved weapons and sites describing weapons are now banned by the schools web filter.

    1. VinceH Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      But they're only thinking of the children!

    2. Tim Jenkins

      That's most of the History curriculum b*ggered, then...

      Example from https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/national-curriculum-in-england-history-programmes-of-study/national-curriculum-in-england-history-programmes-of-study

      *the development of Church, state and society in Britain 1509-1745*

      Renaissance and Reformation in Europe

      the English Reformation and Counter-Reformation (Henry VIII to Mary I)

      the Elizabethan religious settlement and conflict with Catholics (including Scotland, Spain and Ireland)

      the first colony in America and first contact with India

      the causes and events of the civil wars throughout Britain

      the Interregnum (including Cromwell in Ireland)

      the Restoration, ‘Glorious Revolution’ and power of Parliament

      the Act of Union of 1707, the Hanoverian succession and the Jacobite rebellions of 1715 and 1745

      Try researching that lot with the filters for weaponry, racially insensitive language, political bias, religious intolerance and sexual misconduct switched on...

    3. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge

      A modest suggestion...

      ...Meanwhile, my two sons (17 and 13) are unable to do their history research (Korean War and WWII) on school computers because both wars involved weapons and sites describing weapons are now banned...

      Get them to write an essay with all paragraphs describing weapons or fighting-related issues redacted.

    4. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      You can't google "huge nazi/asian weapons" from School computers

  13. Alan 6

    On a side note

    I didn't know Waterstones had free wi-fi, that means I can go showrooming in there, find a good book and download it onto my Kindle without leaving the store...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: On a side note

      Feel free.

      Waterstones sell the Kindle in store and also get a cut from Amazon for books bought via their wifi.

  14. FartingHippo
    Alert

    Would nun porn be ok?

    Can't think of a more appropriate place to watch it.

    Or does the reformation mean that's even worse then normal porn?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      Re: Would nun porn be ok?

      That'd be for when you get nun at home then…

  15. freddyeggs

    Filter?

    My $250 draytek router has a "block sex related sites" check box that would pretty well block every porn site your average british churnalist (IQ ~90?) could think of (playboy.com, hustler.com ? that about it?) Can someone get this message across to the powers that be running any public wi-fi access point, before they get hordes of pathetic brain dead churnalists outing them across the country, for christ's sake???

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Holy Goatse

    Three Wise men, One cup?

  17. buyone

    Chester cathedral to start a campaign

    - no porn tube at Chester newspaper.

    Demonstrations outside offices not reported by the newspaper.

    Stripper-gram Nuns boycott journos knees up.

  18. Slik Fandango
    Childcatcher

    Local press - low cal content

    Used to work for a domain & hosting company as PR / Marketing Manager. We were a small company with initially a big local following, which developed nationally.

    One day got a call from the local rag, saying we were going to be front page! Great I thought, what I had been trying to do for ages! But unfortunately not for the reasons I wanted - someone had used us to host a 'Onion-like' website that had a clearly hoax ad for a local based paedophile. They wanted to slate us for allowing such bad things. In the end we contacted the websites owners and they moved to another host, the boss wanted to avoid negative local publicity as he was a well know business man! When it was in the paper it made them out to be the ones that stopped this evil in it's tracks.

    It just proved to me that the press will look for anything to get an angle and make out that they are the crusading ones sticking up for local issues, etc. Nope - just trying to keep their job!

  19. Spoobistle

    Torture porn?

    How about scantily clad blokes being nailed to crosses? Hope there's nothing like that in the cathedral!

  20. btrower

    Wrong people in charge

    The people making such a decision are technically illiterate. Why would they have any say in this? Thank goodness they don't have control over the phone system... wait a minute...

  21. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Draft

    Why didn't the Dean say something along the lines of "We expect that persons visit our cathedral either as worshippers or as tourists, and as either will respect its character. There will always be those, and you can now supply a name or two, who will not; we shall pray for them." A bit sanctimonious perhaps, but then you could call it fighting fire with fire.

  22. SVV Silver badge

    Twas all a prophecy explained in Job 21

    “Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

    and naked I will depart.

    The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;

    I am hoping that this wasn't referring to the author's state of dress and previous activities before arriving for and departing from a visit to the cathedral cafe, but it seems that the lord has definitely taken away what he had given.

  23. DiViDeD Silver badge

    You can access PORN? In a CATHEDRAL?

    She's Right!!

    I took a small suitcase full of grumble mags into Sydney Cathedral and found I could access EVERY ONE OF THEM with a simple flick (careful now!) of the catches.

    And these church people expect us to look up to them? How dare they? Close down all the churches I say, it's for the sake of the children after all.

    In other news, water still wet, pope still catholic,etc

  24. Potemkine Silver badge
    Flame

    Hypocrisy

    Wi-fi users could watch porn? So shocking!

    Why couldn't they surf on news websites instead, where they could see people killed, children dying of hunger or dismembered women in some war...

    It's weird how some societies are intolerant for everything related to sex, a natural activity required to perpetuate the species, and very tolerant for everything related to violence. Seeing boobies would be more disturbing that watching a body eviscerated by shrapnels...

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    fondling his slab on the tube

    I was on the tube the other night (late night...) and the bloke who was sat up further was watching his fondleslab intently...

    I thought he was catching up on a film or some TV, then I noticed in the reflection of the window, he was watching porn!

    If people want to watch it, they will.

  26. Jamie Jones Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Back in the days of public payphones...

    ... did institutions ever apply a block on inappropriate phone numbers?

    I expect not... But of course, all forms of smut didn't exist until the internet invented it.

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