back to article Men have LARGE APPENDAGES, are OXYGEN THIEVES: Science

Knobbly male hooters are much larger than women's diminutive noses because of lean muscle mass, a new study has uncovered. We learn from researchers at the University of Iowa that the snouts of blokes of European descent – even when taking into account men and women's relative sizes – are much bigger. This is apparently in …


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  1. Pete 2 Silver badge


    > males exhibit a disproportionate increase in nasal size

    So it's not because men tell more lies?

    1. Ralph B

      Re: Pinocchio

      > males exhibit a disproportionate increase in nasal size

      And it's not just proportionate to penis size ... ?

  2. vonRat

    "I'll thump him if he calls me Big-nose again."

    "Oh shut up, Big-nose."

    "I warned you...I really will slug you so hard..."

    "Listen, I'm only telling the have got a very big nose."

    "Your nose is going to be three foot wide across your face when I've finished with you."

    1. James Micallef Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      makes sense

      Asterix, Obelix and the rest of the gauls used up a LOT of energy in biffing romans about, and their noses were very... ahem... gallic

    2. LoopyChew

      Obvious: 'scuse me, is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?

      Meteorological: everybody take cover, she's going to blow!

      Fashionable: you know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, like... Wyoming.

      Personal: well, here we are, just the three of us.

      &c., &c.

      1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

        Haven't seen that film for ages - must find it!

  3. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    Knobbly male hooters are much larger than women's diminutive noses because of lean muscle mass, a new study has uncovered.

    Check your privilege!

    1. Thecowking

      User who's added to sudoers, but I'm running this in user mode.

  4. frank ly Silver badge


    If you wanted to get good air flow through a nose, you'd make (evolve) it to be short with wide nostrils.

    Is it possisble that the larger male nose is intended partly for sexual signalling. It sounds fanciful to modern minds, but consider prehistoric hunter-gatherers grouped together in the middle of winter. They'd be wrapped up in identical looking thick furs with long untidy hair and the only distinguishing features would be their grimy faces. Eyebrows, mouths and chins (in general) show sex related differences in appearance, so why not noses too?

    1. Eddy Ito Silver badge

      Re: Biomechanics?

      Noses serve other functions besides just raw air flow and three come readily to mind; heating, humidification and filtration. Much of these function is handled by the turbinates and mucosa which are, hopefully, in the less visible parts of the nose. While the nose does a good job, airlines and scuba systems pose particular problems to respiration in that airplanes tend to have very dry air leading to nasal discomfort and scuba systems typically require breathing through the mouth leading to increased dehydration and heat loss. This is magnified for technical divers breathing tri-mix as it contains helium which is an excellent thermal conductor.

  5. Sir Sham Cad


    Hmmm. I must have an enormous amount of lean muscle mass then 'cos my conk is huge

  6. wolfetone Silver badge

    What we really want to know...

    Is there a correlation between the size of a man's nose and the size of his private appendage?

    1. Haku

      Well you know what they say about men with big feet.

      Big shoes.

    2. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: What we really want to know...

      Yes, that's why I don't mind people calling me big nose..

  7. Natalie Gritpants

    I always breath through my mouth when needing large quantities of oxygen.

    1. Full Mental Jacket

      But then the air getting to your lungs has been neither filtered (nasal hair and mucous membranes) or warmed.

      1. Wzrd1

        "But then the air getting to your lungs has been neither filtered (nasal hair and mucous membranes) or warmed."

        Not quite accurate. It's *less* filtered. There still is the mucosa of the trachea and bronchial system. The same is true of heating as well.

        It's just far less effective and coarse objects, such as small insects, aren't filtered so well by one's mouth and trachea.

  8. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Wzrd1

      "Meanwhile there is still no cure for cancer."

      So, the *only* biological research that should ever be conducted is to cure cancer.

      Even if the scientist is a specialist in nothing whatsoever related to cancer.

      My, such a dim bulb lights your way in life!

  9. Faye B
    Paris Hilton


    Maybe men have bigger noses because over thousands of generations, women with small cute noses have been selected for breeding (i.e. are more attractive and so get married and have kids). Just saying, cause and effect?

    Paris as she is obviously a result of natural selection. ;-)

  10. Chris G Silver badge


    Noses and ears keep growing throughout your life, I am disappointed to say that this continuing growth is not reflected by any other appendages.

    1. DanceMan

      Re: Disparity

      Then perhaps you're not old enough to have noticed your feet getting bigger.

    2. Wzrd1

      Re: Disparity

      I wouldn't say that. Many, many men tend to develop a new appendage.

      Their midlife bulge.

      Apparently, it appears to have been selected for in order to better hold one's beer while sitting down to watch the game on television.

  11. John Smith 19 Gold badge

    Conversly I find women with sharp beaky little noses

    Tend to have sharp beaky little personalities to go with them.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wow what a huge sample group.

    And of course they took into account regional variations such as not doing the study in france or something.

  13. This post has been deleted by its author

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So it's not just because blokes find it funny to shove a grape up a nostril and then shoot it at someone?

  15. Scroticus Canis Silver badge

    Men have bigger hands to

    Men have bigger hands than women so the nostrils might just have been stretched to fit the probing finger!

    Men generally have about 20% more muscle mass than women of the same body mass, just the way it is. Naturally this excludes the steroid freaks, etc...

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