back to article Vladimir PUTIN officially HARDER than CHUCK NORRIS

Russian prez Vladimir Putin has been awarded a taekwondo ninth-degree black belt, which means he's now officially toppled Chuck Norris from his muscle-bound position as the hardest man on the planet. The ninth-degree belt is as high as you can go in taekwondo. Norris is apparently an eighth-degree killing machine, but he's no …

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  1. Moktu

    Heresy! Burn him!

    1. Dave 62

      I read that as "bum him" :3

      He could have been such an icon, martial arts hero, doing the tiger conservation thing, fighting off bears, riding around topless.

      But he's a bigot and no one likes him.

      I do think it's about time that any organisation with any shred of social responsibility stand up to this.

      This means you IOC and F1 management .

      1. John H Woods Silver badge

        re: bum him

        I'm sure I'm not the only person who suspects the homophobia stems from the usual place -- repressed homosexuality.

        Ob. Chuck Norris Joke:

        The FORCE feels Chuck Norris

      2. MrDamage

        But he's a bigot and no one likes him.

        Whereas Chuckie just wants creationism taught as science in schools.

        Putin is a bigot, yet Chuck wants to indoctinate the minds of future generations into the desert dogma. In the long run, which will do more damage to either society?

        1. Lamont Cranston

          Re: which will do more damage to either society?

          Only one of them is running a country, unless I've missed a recent update to the Chuck Norris Facts?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No pals Putin

    Sad :(

    1. 's water music Silver badge

      Re: No pals Putin

      yup, protesting too much, much?

      some boy should just give him a kiss.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No pals Putin

        He should make friends with a certain other ronery dictator who claims to be the greatest badass on the planet.

  3. Andy Roid McUser

    Chuck Norris could whoop Putin blindfolded

    Chuck Norris was once bitten by a poisonous snake. after three days of excrutiating pain, the cobra died

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Chuck Norris could whoop Putin blindfolded

      Putin is a KGB trained killer, he probably has some of those fancy poisoned daggers in his shoes.

      1. ganymede io device

        Re: Chuck Norris could whoop Putin blindfolded

        "he probably has some of those fancy poisoned daggers in his shoes."

        That's okay. Taekwondo is a practised barefoot.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Chuck Norris could whoop Putin blindfolded @ ganymede io device

          They are very cunning shoes designed to look like bare feet.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Chuck Norris could whoop Putin blindfolded

        > Putin is a KGB trained killer,

        Ermm... no. Regardless of how often the Western media love to quote that snippet, he was just a relatively low-level operative. Essentially another bloody civil servant.

        Bush the Elder on the other hand was Director of the CIA and that never seemed to bother anyone. I suspect through sheer ignorance of the fact more than anything else.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Chuck Norris could whoop Putin blindfolded

          Come on, Putin even looks like they guy who gets killed by the poison shoes in "From Russia With Love"

          http://www.alexsegal.net/photo/KronsteenVsPutin.jpg

    2. MnM

      Re: Chuck Norris could whoop Putin blindfolded

      "Chuck Norris was once bitten by a poisonous snake. after three days of excrutiating pain, the cobra died"

      I think he might even have seen that punchline coming.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Chuck Norris could whoop Putin blindfolded

        Venomous snake. Poison is when you eat it.

    3. Lexxy
      Go

      Re: Chuck Norris could whoop Putin blindfolded

      Is that so?

      Well, Vladimir Putin has no CTRL key on his keyboard. He's always in control.

  4. Thomas 4

    That's nice.

    Substituting physical strength for say, compassion, empathy or mercy. Being strong doesn't mean you aren't an asshole.

  5. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Poor Chuck

    Front punch+reverse punch+side kick+spinning kick+step back+change legs -> beats roundhouse kick all the time ;-)

  6. EddieD

    Ah rubbish

    None are a match for the power of Ecky Thump.

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: Ah rubbish

      Llap Goch is the true ultimate martial art: http://www.llapgoch.org.uk/

      I propose a new standard measurement to gauge the force of a stare; the Putin Metre (PM) the rate at which a nervous diplomat will back off from a Putin stare with 10 PM/s being average that is about 22.5 MPH, a good sprint for most humans.

  7. Code Monkey

    So ... is this just some honourary title cos he's the President, or something genuine like Kim Jung Il's golf prowess?

  8. Eugene Crosser

    Please, please, Please let us see the match!

    goes to fetch popcorn

  9. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Joke

    Norris can't get the ninth-degree black belt

    ...because the ninth-degree black belt self-evaporated in fear of Norris.

  10. tsdadam

    Wrong Art - Chuck's 9th Dan too.

    Chuck earned his way in Tang Soo Do, not TKD. Sure, he got graded in TKD too, but TSD is what he's known for, and he's a 9th Dan in that.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Wrong Art - Chuck's 9th Dan too.

      Tsk. Friday afternoon journalism and it's not even noon. I suppose at least the Reg is better than if we commentards were writing.

      1. tsdadam

        Re: Wrong Art - Chuck's 9th Dan too.

        What can I say, I was a at a loose end while my coffee brewed :)

      2. Code Monkey
        Windows

        @Ledswinger "Friday afternoon journalism" - was Re: Wrong Art - Chuck's 9th Dan too.

        I'm all for Friday afternoon journalism. In fact I'd like it all week long.

        1. Evil Graham

          Re: @Ledswinger "Friday afternoon journalism" - was Wrong Art - Chuck's 9th Dan too.

          Why stop there? I want Friday afternoon all week long.

  11. Risky

    Nork

    Kim Jong-un will have to announce that a 10th degree belf has been invented especially for him

  12. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    What a lot of rubbish

    We have seen Chuck get totally pwnd by Bruce Lee.

    Putin = pussy (and not a cat, either)

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Equivalent of

    A UK Honary Degree

    piece of paper worth less with the ink on

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Staring?

    I thought the standard KGB method of method of extracting information was more physical (and possibly intimate) than that.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "I'm not sure if I deserve this."

    clearly a mistranslation, given the... ehm... circumstances. He certainly would have said:

    "I'm sure I deserve this."

  16. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    And yet...

    Neither hold a candle to the late, great Peter Cushing.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yeah, whatever...

    I'll bet he couldn't put a Rowntree's Fruit Pastille in his mouth without chewing.

  18. lunatik96

    New web game features chuck norris and Vlad the sad pooter.

    I can see it now, Vlad tries a sniper shot but chuck eats the bullet and spits it back at him. Kick punch, bam crunch. It would be as cheesy as the old Batman TV show.

  19. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Meh

    Bleah

    They're all at it. So-called world leaders trying to be all ruffty-tuffty, just end up looking pathetic.

  20. Euripides Pants Silver badge

    Technoviking could kick both their asses

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-ig2l83Fag

  21. Lapun Mankimasta

    Chuck? Chuck Norris? As in "Technicolour yawn"?

    You'd think his Mum would've chosen a more inspiring name for him.

  22. Jan 1
    Coat

    How many Norris' would a Putin Chuck if a ... I think you know where I am going with this.

  23. Soap Distant

    Does this mean an amendment to the Reg SI unit for force?

    SD

  24. EPurpl3

    Is he a cyborg or why do it read this on a so called "tech site"?

  25. SirDigalot

    Technoviking

    apparently a bit of a douche

    http://www.dailydot.com/news/technoviking-matthias-fritsch-lawsuit-ruling/

    but then again so is Norris and Putin too

    If you are apparently "as hard as nails" ( funny because when I am hammering them, the bloody things always seem to bend quite easily) you also have to be a bit of a stroppy a$$hat too.

  26. Angus Ireland
    Coat

    I'll just leave this here...

    Seems someone has been quick off the ball...

    http://vladfacts.com/

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