back to article Google Helpout live vids: Helping you help us help ourselves, says web giant

Bottom-feeders beware! Google is now attempting to eat into "how to" websites with the launch of its latest service dubbed "Helpouts". Just last month, Google said it was toying with the idea of allowing big banner ads to run at the top of its search results pages. Now the ad giant is searching other corners of the web for …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ahhh Google

    The new Microsoft.....of course, when you click on how to fix your washing machine, all your "friends" you never heard of will be able to see this on Google+ that you never signed up to

  2. frank ly
    Coat

    What's the best way to do a Reverse Cowgirl?

    On my way now, no need to push.

    1. Havin_it

      Re: What's the best way to do a Reverse Cowgirl?

      >On my way now, no need to push.

      FAAAAAAAR TMI, dude.

  3. Michael Hawkes

    A few questions for Google

    What's the best way to protect my Gmail from NSA snooping?

    How can I remove all Google products from my Android phone?

    If 42 is the answer, what is the question?

    At what point did Google stop giving a s**t about the "Don't be evil" slogan?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A few questions for Google

      You mistake the product. This is not about getting answers from Google, this is about getting answers from other businesses, through a video chat service provided by Google.

  4. anatak

    nr 1 asked

    How to protect my privacy online ?

  5. The Indomitable Gall

    Experts like Rosetta Stone?!?

    I'm assuming the advice from Rosetta Stone would be how to successfully market your substandard dross and achieve a ridiculously high price for it. It definitely won't be advice on how to learn languages successfully....

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    doesn't matter

    I'll just have to add -helpouts to my default -fuck queries since Google Instant still sucks.

    While I'm ranting, why did google move the 'advanced search' link from a visible link at the bottom of the page to a hidden menu item? I don't care if there's a hotkey that opens it, i'll just re-open my bookmarked page. Dear google, can we please have a 'don't fucking guess' button, I don't want you to assume that I missspelled a word again. just return zero results for my mistakes.

    I wish today was over already.

    Aaargh.

    </rant>

  7. Tom 38 Silver badge

    Operation Evil Empire

    1) Build worlds best search engine

    2) Show ads next to search results

    3) Show ads next to other people's content, share revenue

    4) Make fortune

    5) Profile users actions so that you can extract more revenue from them

    6) Make a list of the sectors of other people's content that we share revenue with

    7) Expand in to the highest ranking sectors with well polished products, developed and funded by revenue from 2) and 3)

    8) Goto 6

  8. Jim 59

    Ahem... correction

    "...netizens ...will be offered a service from the Larry Page-run company that significantly sits alongside above a results page of publishers who already make their money from that market."

  9. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    Happy

    I wonder if it would be possible to make a service less useful than Yahoo Answers?

    Oh well, even if Google's offering is rubbish, if it knocks Yahoo's lack of Answers down the page a bit, it can't be all bad.

  10. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Come back Bling, all is forgiven(almost)

    Google --- See Icon.

  11. David Pollard

    I've met this before

    "You can share your computer screen ... we offer a full money back guarantee."

    There are some very nice Indian people who have been telephoning me from time to time to tell me about a virus that Microsoft services has detected on my computer. They seem to be saying much the same sort of thing.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    gmail

    Of course everybody will have to have a gmail account in the future for whatever service you will want to perform on the internet. And I thought Facebook was shite.

  13. cs94njw

    So you'll be offered help and advice which you'll need to pay for. Where will free help and advice appear in search results?

    If pushed down too far, does everyone need to rely on paid-for help?

    What happens if you copy that paid-for help somewhere else? Is it protected?

  14. ratfox Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Finally

    Google entering the most profitable business online… Private paying video chats!

    PH, if you get my drift…

  15. cracked
    Facepalm

    Help Out Google

    How should we best defend against unauthorised viewing of the personal data you have (stupidly) trusted us with?

    a) Remove SSL at the edge of our network, then spaff everything down some cables the government sponsorred telco let us use for free (no, we can't work out why, either ... Nice of them though, eh?)

    b) Do not do the above

    We will pay $3 to anyone uploading a short video message who can enlighten us

    (Note to Our Stakeholders: Expect a charge of several billion dollars to wipe 0.1% from your dividends, for the following quarter)

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    For the non-haters.

    Very nice app out...

    http://www.androidpolice.com/2013/11/05/new-app-google-helpouts-is-now-live-video-chat-with-experts-from-android-or-chrome/

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