back to article Apple's Hacker Princess really needs to stay away from Idaho cops

Apple has given a job to a "princess hacker" in a move that potentially opens the fruity firm up to police raids... that's if its new employee ever visits Idaho. Kristin Paget tweeted pictures of her Apple business card yesterday, which clearly showed her bizarre new job title. But Paget risks attracting the unwanted …

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  1. rcorrect

    because a US district court has ruled that anyone calling themselves a "hacker" forfeits their Fourth Amendment protection against unreasonable searches and property seizures.

    hack·er

    noun

    3. Computer Slang.

    a. a computer enthusiast.

    b. a microcomputer user who attempts to gain unauthorized access to proprietary computer systems.

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hacker?s=t

    judge

    noun

    1. Slang. a public officer authorized to hear and decide cases in a court but lacks common sense.

    1. Gray Ham
      Joke

      Not that sort of hacker ...

      ... no, your honour, I don't know anything about computers ... I'm just very bad at golf ...

      1. Myvekk

        Re: Not that sort of hacker ...

        Or an unskilled news reporter?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      So She was once a man called Chris? So I am assuming He had his nuts hacked off to become a She.

      Princess Hacker seems apt.

  2. Frankee Llonnygog

    In Idaho...

    If I call myself chairman, I'm legally obliged to let people sit on me

    If I call myself Colonel, people are permitted to tell me I sound like a nut

    If call myself Bill Gates, people can walk through me, but I can charge them a fee

    If my name is Jobs, people can do me

    1. Marshalltown

      Re: In Idaho...

      In Idaho, three quarters of the population are still puzzled by the absence of a dial on their cell phone.

      1. Jedit
        Coat

        Re: In Idaho...

        We don't want to know about Idaho. That sort of thing should be kept private.

        (I know, I know...)

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Back in the day

    (Yes, I'm old)

    To hack something was a positive thing. Usually to fix a driver, performance issue, or piece of code. A hacker was a term of endearment for a talented person who could fix things quickly. That term has been maligned over the years by mass media who don't know what the heck they're talking about and hacker is now a negative thing.

    Personally, if someone does a malicious thing with a computer, they are not hackers in my mind. They're simply criminals.

    For someone to take away your fourth amendment rights simply because of what you are called is a dangerous and slippery slope. Today it's hacker. Tomorrow, it could be democrat.

    America. Circling the drain since 2007.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: Back in the day

      Worse, they will simply remove the 4th amendment..

    2. Fatman Silver badge

      Re: Back in the day

      America. Circling the drain since 2007 September 11, 2001.

      1. LateNightLarry
        Pint

        Re: Back in the day

        Circling the drain since January 20, 2001...

        C'mon El Reg... where's my wine glass?

    3. Myvekk

      Re: Back in the day

      It's already Republican. Or was the IRS just ahead of the courts?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    With this name the only title appropriate for me at Apple would be CEO.

  5. This post has been deleted by its author

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "What snazzy name would you pick if you worked for Tim Cook and co, commentards?"

    Chief Hater.

  7. Jim Lewis

    Hammock compliance officer

  8. dssf

    Hacker v Cracker

    Hackers HACK, because they "get it", they take it apart.

    Crackers CRACK, because they inappropriately access systems they are not permitted to.

    That was how I was taught to distinguish the act and the terms. We were taught about "blackhats" and "whitehats".

    These idiotic, STUPID bureacrats are destroying the terminology and imperiling millions who LEGITIMATELY are hackers, but not crackers.

    WTF should anyone acknowledge the legitimacy of a district court or ruling if it cannot with better precision distinuguish UP FRONT the people it will prosecute, instead of fucking around with time-honored industry terminology.

    INT WTF. I support legitimate HACKERS, not illegitimate CRACKERS. I'm neither a "hacker" nor a "cracker" -- I cannot program or do anything dangerous or illegal with the code. Nor am I a lawyer, but, in this case, DOJ/State/Fed lega "experts" just do not "get" it. WAFS.

    Come after me. I DARE you -- I DOUBLE DARE you.

    Word to the wise of you justices -- go back to the sysadmin schools and ask the curriculum creators, the instructors, and the industry pros.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My Corporate Job Title

    Head Twunt.

    1. Euripides Pants Silver badge

      Re: My Corporate Job Title

      Best possible job title: HIM and other variations of this pronoun. Examples - "Oh no, it's HIM!" "Get to work, HE's coming!" "Don't sit there, that's HIS chair!"

      Or for the ladies, HER and other variations of this pronoun.

  10. cheveron

    Choose your own job title

    Janitor. Because I'm always cleaning up other people's messes.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Instead of "Princess"...

    Maybe Pontiff Hacker ...

    Courts can't touch a Pope.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Instead of "Princess"...

      Courts can't touch a Pope.

      But you risk having underlings who are a tad too enthusiastic about the whole "think of the children" idea.

    2. Kristian Walsh Silver badge

      Re: Instead of "Princess"...

      "Pontiff hacker"

      Ah, you'd only work on bridged networks?

      Apple's policy on titles was that you could have what you wanted on your business card as long as your boss approved it, and (when I was there) they usually did unless it was offensive (I had a fairly staid "Senior Software Engineer", but only because I had to get them at short notice, and couldn't think of anything clever). I can't remember many of the odd ones now, but there was definitely a "Network Test-Pilot", while a friend's card had him as "Chief Morale Officer".

  12. dssf

    "'What' ain't no WORD I ever heard of. Do they speak 'what' where you come from?"

    "You said you started this out with the 'best of intentions'.... WHAT does Marcellus Wallace look like?"

    "What?"

    "I said, 'What does Marcellus Wallace LOOK LIKE?'"

    "Well, he's Black."

    "Does he look like a bitch?"

    "What?"

    .... More 'whats'...

    "'What' ain't no WORD I ever heard of. Do they speak 'what' where you come from?"

    "EEEEGLISH, mothe**Eer! ENGLISH!"

    "What?"

    "Say 'WHAT' again! I DARE you. I DOUBLE-DARE you, mothe*&%#er!"

    Someone needs to play the Samuel L. Jackson Character to the Butch Character on the contemptuous use of "hacker" instead of "cracker". Well, that is, assuming the press hasn't screwed this up, again.

    OTOH, in the USA, the use of the term "cracker" doesn't go over very well politically, as historically, in contemptable US historical race relations, "cracker" long ago was a racially derogatory term slured at whites by blacks or others mistreated by or seriously disliking of certain or all of whites.

    So, for those of you outside of the USA and deprived of this criticial distinction, you may now be let in on why the USA mainstream PC, namby-pamby press is reticent to or wary of using the term "cracker", even though it was, in the context of computer programming, most likely coined by a USA Caucasian software developer or co-opted by one from another used not tied to race relations.

    And now, a measly, pliant, word-munging US district court is threatening to imperil developers the world over because of "minor semantics".

    Sheesh!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "'What' ain't no WORD I ever heard of. Do they speak 'what' where you come from?"

      Thanks for that explanation - never came across that before.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "'What' ain't no WORD I ever heard of. Do they speak 'what' where you come from?"

      *

      "What country are you from?"

      "What?"

      "What ain't no country I ever heard of, they speak english in what?"

      "What?!"

      "ENGLISH MOTHERF*CKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!"

      Apologies good sir, but if you quote a Tarantino, please quote it correctly.

  13. dssf

    Ahh, Frak!

    Ahh, Frak!

    I misnamed the character. It wasn't "Butch", to whom Julius was speaking. Also, lest the gov hounds mistake me for inciting insurrection or some planet-busting event, the stuff I posted in semi-discombobulation is to be taken in relative context to the lopsidededness of the implications of basic silencing of software developers.

    Besides, whatever happened to "innocent until proven guiltly" in the USA? Moreover, what gives the Court the right to unilaterally reassign the meaning of "hacker" to a term meant to fast track the discontinuation of legitimate, non-crime-involved hackers/developers from proudly, legitimately calling themselves 'hackers' should they choose to.

    In this case, I wholly back Apple if it goes to trial with $500M in laywers to stomp and squish this heinous piece of misguided legislations/judiciary wordplay, if indeed, again, the press has not misstated words in an attempt to currry vibrant news discussion in forums.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      An alternative approach?

      I think it may be more educational to call a black hat hacker a "judge". If we all adopt that standard, this specific judge may attract the disapproval of his peers for having been a total tool, and this may prove far more effective than yet again having to explain that a hacker is simply someone who enjoys exploring limits, usually of technology. All that explaining has produced zero results, so (as good hackers) we test a different approach.

      Let's try a few examples. Your software or website has been judged. A judge has damaged your corporation to the tune of $x millions. A judge is wanted in the US for judging into military computers etc. etc.

      You get the idea. Judge the language.

      Oh, you cannot tel the difference between a judge and a judge? That's easy. A judge who judges a website is a black hat judge. One that sits in a courtroom is a white hat judge. Even though many wear black hats.

      1. Myvekk

        Re: An alternative approach?

        Or at least a white wig judge?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Don't say "hacker", say "reverse engineering".

    'nuf said.

    1. dssf

      Reverse?

      Then, some legislator or DA will call it "Preverse", and then another will amend it to be "Perverse", and then, THEY will say, "nuf said", and we STILL will be on the perverse, loosing and losing end.

      Well, I'm thinking dark/too far ahead permaturely and prematurely, hehehehe...

  15. Kenneth Trueman

    Apple has a long and storied history of letting employees choose the titles they put on their business cards. This page from Folklore.org, a website run by some of the company's former employee who where there from the beginning, has one story:

    http://www.folklore.org/StoryView.py?project=Macintosh&story=Software_Wizard.txt&sortOrder=Sort%20by%20Date&detail=medium&search=business%20card

    There is also a rumoured story of one engineer who had the title CEO printed on his Apple business card.

    1. unitron
      Pint

      CEO

      Chief Easychair Occupier.

      Chips Enjoyment Officer

  16. PonsonbyDeVille

    Job title

    "My Corporate Job Title"

    Wanker

    Just make official what my colleagues have been saying for years, behind my back!

    1. Anomalous Cowturd
      Joke

      Re: Job title

      I used to describe myself as a Constantly Under-valued Networking Technologist.

      The other guys just used the acronym!

  17. Paul E

    Reality Distortion Field Generator Maintenance Supervisor

  18. henrydddd

    Since when does anyone, including hackers, forfeit their 4th amendment rights?

    1. lglethal Silver badge
      Go

      Please check out the linked article in the story. A guy had his rights forfeited without his knowledge because he called himself a hacker on his website.

      Hence this article...

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The obvious...

    Chief Cash-Pile Manager (answerable to no one)

    Where manager = spender.

    Next question:

    How many terahertz and petabytes can chipzilla squeeze into a nice unobtrusive wearable device for $100 billion? That leaves plenty of change still for Mars Bars and Guinness.

  20. unitron
    Headmaster

    hacker princess...

    ...is fairly straightforward, but "princess hacker" raises the question of how someone would go about hacking one.

    1. Spanners Silver badge

      Re: hacker princess...

      It seems that she has already hacked herself. She used to be a "prince hacker".

  21. Herby Silver badge
    Joke

    Title??

    God

    Oh, sorry, that one is already taken.

  22. Captain DaFt

    A title and a bit of prehistory

    My job title should be 'Mushroom', because I'm always kept in the dark and fed bullshit.

    As for misusing 'hacker', why doesn't everyone just call them what they were called back in the bad ol' days before internet? Phreaks.

    *Phreak: A phreak is someone who breaks into the telephone network illegally, typically to make free long-distance phone calls or to tap phone lines. The term is now sometimes used to include anyone who breaks or tries to break the security of any network.

    1. david 12 Bronze badge

      Re: A title and a bit of prehistory

      Or what they were called back in the bad ol' days before internet?

      Snoops. Or journalists.

  23. asdf Silver badge

    Idaho, land of Napoleon Dynamite

    The only way this ruling could affect her in any way is if it applies to Idaho airspace as well. The definition of flyover country is a state like Idaho.

  24. Martin Budden

    Code Monkey

    Pass the peanuts, please.

  25. RAMChYLD

    Otaking, King of Brains.

    Nuff said.

  26. JuanOffhue

    My current employer let me choose my own title, and I’d be pleased to have the same one at Apple: Minister of Propaganda.

  27. DropBear Silver badge
    Linux

    That's an easy one:

    "iDiot". There's not enough money in the world that could convince me to work for them, ever. Same goes for Microsoft.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    WOW, she's pretty!

    Another lost soul.

  29. Lis 0r
    FAIL

    Stay classy El Reg

    Because, of course, her previous name was a vital detail for this story...

    Oh, no, wait, it was just offensive sensationalism and troll bait.

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