back to article IT bloke denies trying to shag sheep outside football ground

An IT worker has appeared in court accused of trying to have sex with a sheep outside football club Tottenham Hotspur's training ground in North London. Paul Lovell, of Magpie Close, Enfield, North London, faces a charge of indecent exposure under the Sexual Offences Act 2003 as well as a further charge of outraging public …

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  1. fridaynightsmoke
    Coat

    "Reports did not divulge how Lovell was caught."

    With his pants down, presumably.

  2. Parax

    Caught on CCTV

    It was on Ewetube.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: Caught on CCTV

      Ewe online, I reckon.

    2. dssf

      Re: Caught on CCTV Bhaaadddd bad bhhhaaadddd badd

      Ewwwe, how .... Baaaad

      Perhaps, end-descent exxsposure while attempting to spin a white web inside the white webb sheep caught a tension of with/due to a lot of

      Bhaaadddd

      bad

      bhhhaaadddd

      badd

      Bhaaadddd

      bad

      bhhhaaadddd

      badd

      Baaddd to da bohn.....

      talk about "ten ding sheep...

      Old buggerer....

    3. FSM

      Re: Caught on CCTV

      EwePorn?

  3. Jerky Jerk face

    Pauls obviously got a lot of lovell to give :D

    1. Rampant Spaniel

      and given the choice of spurs fans and sheep he made the logical choice!

  4. Arachnoid

    Was it a wool jumper?

    "who attended court wearing a brown suit and turquoise jumper"

    It always makes me wonder why people attending court are described by the clothes they wear

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Was it a wool jumper?

      "who attended court wearing a brown suit and turquoise jumper, was also charged with outraging public decency "

      Too right. Brown suit and turquoise jumper, eeew.

      1. Aggrajag

        Re: Was it a wool jumper?

        "Too right. Brown suit and turquoise jumper, ewe"

        Fixed that for you.

        1. lansalot

          Re: Was it a wool jumper?

          "Too right. Brown suit and turquoise jumper, ewe"

          Fixed that for ewe.

          Fixed that for ewe....

          1. dssf

            Re: Was it a wool jumper?

            Ewe... End deed

            maybe he wanted to "service" it and create something ab-bomb-end-nimal.

            Maybe he thought it safer to try something sheep-shape rather than stick his testy tube into a bird's beakerv

      2. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Re: Was it a wool jumper?

        "brown suit and turquoise jumper,"

        Damn, I was going to point this out, but............

        Outraging public decency indeed.

    2. sandman

      Re: Was it a wool jumper?

      It's the brown suit that's offensive - anyone wearing one is definitely guilty of something ;-)

      1. FuzzyTheBear

        Re: Was it a wool jumper?

        Anyone wearing a suit is suspect. Ever seen a honest lad in a suit ? no .. Politicians wear suits , bankers , lawyers , see a pattern here ? :)

    3. Rampant Spaniel

      Re: Was it a wool jumper?

      The jumper and suit combo deserves a second count of outraging public decency.

    4. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Was it a wool jumper?

      And wellies

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Was it a wool jumper? - "And wellies"

        Nah mate, their for the other end. (heavy Antipodean accent)

        AC because of the Sheep Station Mafia

  5. Elmer Phud
    Windows

    Football fan?

    Sure it's a sheep?

    Derby County supporter?

    1. Anonymous Coward 101

      Re: Football fan?

      Most probably an Aberdeen supporter.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Can you make a U turn

    No but I can make it's eyes water.

  7. Antonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Shiver me timbers

    >Whitewebbs Lane, north London, with Spurs' training facility in the foreground.

    AAaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgrhhrghgfrhgrghghrhgggggggggggggrhgr.... cheap rum and loose women 'ave rotted yer brain me young lubber. A plan has no foreground.

    1. gazthejourno (Written by Reg staff)

      Avast there!

      ... May many cobblers be laid upon yer forehead for correcting mine magical plan, that be nay such thing. Here be no admission that ye have an point, ye scurvy cur!

      (ye have an point)

    2. aawelj
      Pirate

      Re: Shiver me timbers

      Aye, me hearty, and ye may lay to that! Unless they play suspended in mid air? Several hundred feet up, from the look of it?

  8. Ketlan

    Ohmigod...

    'Ewe a Spurs fan, me hearty?'

    I've only just realised - it must be national pirate day. Again, already? Oh, God.....

    1. Martin Maloney
      Pirate

      Re: Ohmigod...

      Yes, it is:

      http://talklikeapirate.com/

      Martin

  9. Sceptic Tank
    IT Angle

    IT gets lonely.

    How much ram did he have?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: IT gets lonely.

      Altogether too much by the sound of things.

    2. dssf

      Re: IT gets lonely.

      He probably had a lack of ram due to being kicked by a rack of lamb....

      Reminds me of high school in Texas, maybe 7th or 8th grade:

      How does a cowboy f*3k a sheep?

      Oh, I don't know. How?

      Put the left leg in the left boot, right leg in the right boot, raise the sheep's front legs skyward, and walk to the edge of a cliff. The sheep will keep backing up trying to live.

      Some would respond with "Ewe", only to be met with, "Rightttt..."

      I wondered where some of these kids learned things....

  10. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Boffin

    IT bloke

    Sure, all very amusing and such (not sure the sheep was amused though). But why is it important information that Paul's an IT guy? Is it 'cause many of us are sexually a bit eccentric?

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: IT bloke

      it's just another of those ewephemisms.

    2. Scroticus Canis
      IT Angle

      Re: IT bloke

      Just getting the IT angle in there somewhere I would guess.

  11. An ominous cow herd

    Joke icon

    A IT guy asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him against a charge of bestiality.

    "I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow said, "but he's expensive and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I know another lawyer," he continued, "who' s not a great trial lawyer, but he's cheap and really knows how to pick a jury."

    The IT guy settled on the cheap attorney, but immediately had second thoughts when the key witness began his testimony. "I saw that man mount his sheep from behind," he said, "and when he was finished, I saw the sheep turn around and lick his pecker."

    The accused IT guy was devastated and had all but given up hope of acquittal, when a juror in overalls whispered to the fellow next to him, "You know, a good sheep will do that."

  12. John 156

    I don't think this is a suitable topic for the Register. However, my dad told me that when he was a village kid in Yorkshire, a farmworker was brought before the magistrate for having carnal knowledge of a sow; he was fined £5. After that the village kids used to follow him around making grunting noises.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I don't think this is a suitable topic for the Register.

      Still replied to it. (It's OK, I'm a complete hypocrite myself).

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "...a farmworker was brought before the magistrate for having carnal knowledge of a sow; he was fined £5."

      Ahhh... happy times. It's ten grand, public vilification in perpetuity and a couple of years of sodomy these days.

      Not suggesting there's anything wrong with a couple of years of sodomy of course...

  13. Richy Freeway

    How do you go about encouraging a sheep to perform a sexual act on you? Dinner, drinks and a movie?

    1. Steven Raith

      Quality, freshly mown grass and promise of a cuddle afterwards.

      Er, I'm told.

      *cough*

  14. gaz 7

    Just how...

    Do you encourage a sheep to perform a sexual act on a human?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Just how...

      Peanut butter works quite well.

      So I hear...

      AC for no particular reason.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Just how...

      Ewe whisper sheep nothings in its ear.

      Failing that it's not so much encourage as threaten, you take out a jar of mint sauce and when she opens her mouth in horror, well you can guess the rest.

    3. Andus McCoatover
      Coat

      Re: Just how...

      Well, 'welsh speed daters' seem to know

      http://tinyurl.com/q52h4ke

  15. Interim Project Manager
    Coat

    No wonder they baaed him from returning to the area

  16. Velv Silver badge
    Joke

    "attended court wearing a brown suit and turquoise jumper ... outraging public decency"

  17. Crisp Silver badge

    "trying to encourage a sheep to perform a sexual act on you"

    How would you...? I don't even...

  18. Henry Minute

    I suspect he works for Wellington IT Solutions. (If there is such an entity I apologize, I thought I made it up)

  19. thomas k.
    Coat

    Keep your Magpie Close ...

    but your sheep closer.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Do you know which IT firm Lovell works for? Email me and spill the beans. ®

    You dont think thats going a bit far?? Have a chuckle sure, but why the cyber bully angle??

    1. gazthejourno (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Do you know which IT firm Lovell works for? Email me and spill the beans. ®

      If he works for one of the big firms then that makes it slightly newsworthier to Reg readers. What are you more likely to read: "bloke accused of shagging sheep" or "BIG IT VENDOR bloke accused of shagging sheep" - subtext of the last part being, "did I ever work with this guy?"

      Of course, he's innocent until proven guilty and as he's opted for a jury trial at Crown court I wish him the best of luck in arguing his case. The evidential threshold needed to charge someone with a criminal offence is less than that needed to convict, remember.

      1. Daniele Procida

        Re: Do you know which IT firm Lovell works for? Email me and spill the beans. ®

        The request for further information seemed rather creepy to me. What do you plan to do, publish it so that his life can be made even more humiliating and miserable?

      2. Miek
        Linux

        Re: Do you know which IT firm Lovell works for? Email me and spill the beans. ®

        Other news sites are running their articles with a picture of the guy in his splendid turquoise jumper and brown suit. If you've worked with him, you might recognise him ....

        Deep Linked (my bad?) (YES!!!! -moderator)

        man in natty suit

        Nice jumper, shame about the woolly-willy-warmer.

        1. gazthejourno (Written by Reg staff)

          Re: Re: Do you know which IT firm Lovell works for? Email me and spill the beans. ®

          Pestis! Furcifer! Do you have ANY idea how much angst that caused, seeing that giant brown suit pop up and embugger the commentard-mangling system?!

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Do you know which IT firm Lovell works for? Email me and spill the beans. ®

        Of course I'd rather hear the name of the Welshwoman who knocked herself out with passion pants, but bizarrely she wasn't even prosecuted, and her name was covered up.

        So I was thinking of w*nking myself unconscious in my local Tesco, to test to see if

        a. My name isn't printed.

        b. The police don't even arrest me.

        c. The CPS don't charge me.

        d. I'm not sentenced and fined,

        This way it will prove that the Judiciary aren't all bigots.

    2. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: Do you know which IT firm Lovell works for? Email me and spill the beans. ®

      It might be Ewelet Packard

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Coat

        Re: Do you know which IT firm Lovell works for? Email me and spill the beans. ®

        Ewenysys surely?

        Already leaving...

      2. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

        Re: Do you know which IT firm Lovell works for? Email me and spill the beans. ® @ Khaptain

        Ewelet Pack-hard, shurely.

        Since I don't know the area of Borisstan in question, can anyone tell me what the likelihood is of coming across finding sheep on the street? Maybe the brown suited, turquoise jumpered accused is the victim here ...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Do you know which IT firm Lovell works for? Email me and spill the beans. ®

      Ahh your being over protective...lets face it, it's not like his email will be firstname.surname@companyname is it?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Do you know which IT firm Lovell works for? Email me and spill the beans. ®

        Get all the relevant profiles off linkedin then have a look in a couple of hours to see which one has gone. That's yer man, especially if he happenned to be Welsh.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sheep dip

    Lucky ewe!

  22. CCCP
    Paris Hilton

    Ewe spin me right round...

    ,,,baaaeeby right round like a record baby

    Paris because she can't sing either.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Political correctness

    In a post which was held for moderation (and which I've withdrawn) I commented that we who are condemned by place of birth to be Tottenham supporters may have an opprobrious nickname derived from a Hebrew word which gives its name to a German/Hebrew language variant (which gets chanted at opposing teams), but at least we don't interfere with sheep.

    I find it amusing that an entire article can be devoted to accusations of bestiality, but the excessive sensitivity of the Football Association (none of whom have ever behaved in a politically incorrect way, ever) and the Board of Deputies means that a rather harmless bit of football banter is now subject to moderation. Oh wey. They'll have to go round renaming Leo Rosten's great book "The joys of Germano-Hebraic".

    I guess I might not even be able to make a remark about the alleged perpetrator not being Jewish because, obviously, he's a farmer's goy?

    1. James Micallef Silver badge

      Re: Political correctness

      The FA are sodding idiots, and keep on proving it over and over again. Context matters - that's why black people are "allowed" to say N.... without giving offence, while if a white person says the same word it's scandalous. Spurs supporters singing that they're the Y army is not the same as anyone else using the Y word as a slur.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Political correctness @James Micallef

        Completely agree, though I must admit that my post was a complete overreaction.

  24. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    Nuttin' beats mutton

  25. YouStupidBoy

    Well it's nice that /someone/ thought of taking care of Bales sheep after he left.

  26. Arachnoid

    Buy it an iPhone?

    All the sheep already have i Phones,ipads and ipods so technology isnt going to save them.Maybe there should be a wellie embargo and whoever said no ewes is good news never talked to a ram.

  27. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Happy

    They forgot to mention...

    What drew attention to his activities was a group of farmers rolling around laughing.

    When questioned, one of them eventually gasped "2000 sheep in the field and he picks the ugly one!"

  28. Andus McCoatover

    Why does everyone assume it was a ewe???

    Just wondered...Nowt as queer as folk...

  29. 080

    In the country

    A few years ago a chap from west of here was caught "In flagrante delicto" with a particularly good looking sheep, apparently in that area is is social suicide to be caught with an ugly sheep, and was hauled up in front of the beak.

    The magistrate said "You have been a baad baad boy and you mutton do it again" and fined him £5

  30. David 45

    Beastly folk

    And I thought it was only the Welsh and Australians that indulged!

  31. Alan Esworthy
    Trollface

    You all assume a ewe when he might have fancied the wether.

  32. Martin Maloney
    Coat

    I'm wise to you folks

    You're trying to get my goat, aren't you?

  33. MrDamage

    Obligatory

    If you're havin trouble with you barnyard friends

    Youve got a thing for ewes

    Been countin sheep but you're not in bed

    Heres what you gotta do:

    Get out the barn stay off the farm!

    Go read a nursery rhyme.

    Don't ring 976-BAAA

    That kind of loves a crime! Hey,

    Dirty deeds, done with sheep!

    Dirty deeds. Little Bo Peep!

    Dirty deeds, done with sheep!

    Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep!

    Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep!

    My friend Larry has a little lamb

    Her fleece is white as snow.

    He keeps braggin bout her night and day

    Someone should tell him, No,

    Look at the flock they're all in shock!

    Here comes that mutton fan.

    Knock off the fleece Give them some peace.

    Don't be a barn door man! No.

    Dirty deeds, done with sheep!

    Dirty deeds. Little Bo Peep!

    Dirty deeds, done with sheep!

    Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep!

    Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep!

    Velcro gloves Knee pads Late-night dates

    Done with sheep!

    Warning signs Electric fences High Voltage!

    Done with sheep!

    Dirty deeds

    Don't tell em what Ive done to you!

    Done with sheep!

    Dirty deeds

    Dirty deeds

    Dirty deeds, done with sheep! Aaaargh!

    (Quiet, girls! I think the shepherds coming!)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCRE9qOgbug

  34. Scott Broukell
    Coat

    IT bloke / Sheep . . . .

    Maybe he was simply trying to locate the Ewe S B port ?

  35. MJI Silver badge

    Think a bit

    Charged not convicted.

    Very embarrasing for the chap concerned, should we make it worse for him?

    Oh and did the sheep enjoy it?

  36. Sheep!

    Did anyone else wonder....?

    How do you "encourage a sheep to perform a sexual act" on you exactly? was he plying it with chocolate? Did he roofie it? Had he taken it to a club, got it drunk and promised sincerely to respect it in the morning? WTF??

  37. Miss Lincolnshire

    This really surprised me.......

    Derby fans don't usually travel.

  38. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

    Two pages of comments ...

    ... and Matt Bryant hasn't made a "sheeple" comment!

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