back to article Comrade! If you dare f$%^ing swear on the internet, WE'LL SHOOT

Websites publishing profanities will either have to delete the offending material within 24 hours or be hauled offline - so says a new amendment to a law aimed at – what else? – protecting children. Another attack on Blighty's freedom of speech? Not this time. Instead, Yelena Mizulina - head of the Russian State Duma's …

COMMENTS

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  1. streaky Silver badge

    Sometimes I think they do this on purpose just to make everybody else look sane. David Cameron need some political cover? Oh that's cool we'll ban swearing because obviously there's never going to be a dissenting opinion because everybody is scared of spending their life in a Siberian Gulag for even bringing the subject up - as if we're supposed to consider DC sane by comparison.

    Not saying that's the way it is, but it's certainly how it feels. Banning swearing on the net? Guess we can finally get something done about these fucking mouthy Russian Dota 2 kids?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Perhaps politicians don't really have any idea how to look after children. Perhaps nannies, governesses, boarding schools, etc take care of all that stuff?

      Dear politicians,

      You should probably keep your young-uns from wandering unattended into homes, schools, building sites, pubs, Tourette's clinics, prisons, brothels, crack dens, confessionals, "the internet", etc., for many and varied reasons. The possibility of encountering naughty words being one (probably the least) of those reasons. If, for some reason, you won't do this then I suggest that social services urgently transfer your young-uns to the care of someone who will.

      Should you feel inclined to persist with your drive to censor the internet under the guise of childproofing the whole world, I suggest you begin by childproofing the whole real world before turning to censorship of the virtual stuff. As we all know, but apparently you don't, the real world is actually dangerous and corrupting to children, it would also be a hell of a lot easier to childproof than a nebulous, stateless sea of 0s and 1s.

      If all this mindless noise is really just about trying to stop us getting around the d-notice you issued against that photo of you with your knob in the homeless trannie (as we all *know* it is), then you should 'fess up cos you're making yourselves look extra stupid. (On top of sleazy, corrupt, self-serving and all the other crap)

      Sincerely,

      One of the plebs.

  2. Arthur 1

    Dear Ms. Mizulina

    Kindly fuck off.

    Yours,

    Fuck You

    1. James Hughes 1

      Re: Dear Ms. Mizulina

      Well done Arthur. Excellent grammar and phrasing there, top notch use of the English language to refute the promoted premise. You've gone some way to proving their point with your rather tasteless counter argument.

      Perhaps you should have spent more time in English classes rather than swearing at your teachers.

      1. Mephistro Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Dear Ms. Mizulina (@ James Hughes 1)

        'Form' also carries information. And after all the brouhaha we've been seeing lately regarding concepts like Freedom, Privacy, Censorship, Snooping and the like, it's no wonder some fellow commentards despair when reading news like this and, in a moment of weakness, resort to foul language. I'm well known myself for having behaved in a similar manner on occassions.

        On a side note: This lass Mizzulina looks to me like Louella Parsons reincarnation on steroids. Who, in the FSM's name, chose/elected/supported her for her role at the Committee for Family, Women, and Children?

        And regarding the honorable Chairman of the Moscow Regional Bar Association, Professor Sergei Smirnov...

        These Russian baristas are really brilliant! And they choose their chairmen based on his surname!* ;^)

        *Note: They don't choose them for their brains, as is made obvious by his declaration. “Obscene language offends both children and adults”.

        When I was a young child, I don't remember being offended by foul language, except for brief moments, that were usually followed by bursts of laughter and sometimes even some note-taking. And everyone else seemed to be doing more or less the same. The tricky part for children was knowing when and where they could and couldn't use profanity. A little bit more difficult than potty training. And it also needs, you know... training.

        1. Fatman Silver badge

          RE: This lass Mizzulina looks to me like Louella Parsons reincarnation on steroids.

          Actually, I thought she was Rosa Klebb in From Russia With Love

          (Rosa Klebb portrayed by Lotte Lenya: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0502322/?ref_=tt_cl_t4 )

          1. Jess
            Joke

            Re: RE: This lass Mizzulina looks to me like Louella Parsons reincarnation on steroids.

            All the Russian women I know (both in real life and online) are attractive, most stunningly so. (Including a LASER scientist, to whom I pointed out that all the spy stories with a beautiful Russian scientist, who usually helped the hero of course, obviously were true.)

            So this leads to some possibilities.

            Is this woman embittered because she doesn't look stunning and therefore wants to stop other people's fun?

            Or do Russian women suddenly transform when they become babushki? (Boy, was Kate Bush wrong about that word).

            I don't know any Russian women over 50. It isn't at all unusual for Russian women to marry men 20 years old. A large proportion of Russian men die before retirement age. It would make sense.

    2. Michael 28
      Thumb Up

      Re: Dear Ms. Mizulina

      Concise, direct. All the hallmarks of good technical writing... well done!

  3. silent_count

    The Committee for Men

    On behalf of the Committee for Men, I propose the following: henceforth 50% of the internet shall be dedicated to porn, 30% to swearing , and the remaining 20% to porn and swearing. Any website owner failing to strictly adhere to this law shall be forced to attend every meeting of the committee for family, women and children (guaranteed to be a bundle of laughs).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The Committee for Men

      Might I humbly suggest:

      30% porn

      20% swearing

      50% porn and swearing

    2. Robert Grant
      Stop

      Re: The Committee for Men

      Free speech issues aside for a minute, this is definitely the committee for aging teenage boys.

  4. Steen Hive

    What about MY kids?

    I really want to protect them from seeing something as scarring as that offensive blowhard's fizzog on camera.

  5. Mycho Silver badge

    My prediction

    Russian websites will simply offer geolocation-based filtering that will replace all swearwords with her name.

  6. TeeCee Gold badge

    Ah. Russia.

    That would be the place where "FSB" doesn't mean "Fuck, Shit, Bollocks", right?

    That explains a lot.

    1. lglethal Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Ah. Russia.

      Actually I'd guess that if you're ever on the receiving end of a visit from the FSB, you probably are thinking Fuck, Shit, Bollocks...

  7. Nigel Brown

    Does the BBC

    know that Mo Slater is moonlighting as a Russian minister?

  8. Sir Barry

    Gosh.

    That is all.

    Carry on...

  9. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Childcatcher

    TOTC

    Keep this women away from policy?

    Again the internet was built by and for adults

    Does the world not have enough child and profanity filters?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: TOTC

      @John Smith 19

      "Again the internet was built by and for adults"

      Totally agree.

      Also totally agree with my primary school teacher who told me that it wasn't grownup to swear.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: TOTC

        <<<Also totally agree with my primary school teacher who told me that it wasn't grownup to swear.

        >>>

        As a general rule I must say that I agree completely with your, and and your primary school teachers's sentiments. However sometimes it is absolutey fucking essential.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @ John Smith

      Keep this men away from the computer.

      This men is not intelligent enough to understand the concept of singular and plural, amongst many other similar basic principles that he fails to grasp.

  10. frank ly Silver badge

    In my small part of the world .......

    .....it's the kids who shock and offend me with their swearing. Can they be fitted with filters?

  11. Chairo
    Facepalm

    Good luck on this one

    Cleaning the web from bad language is kind of a first step in protecting the children - the other few million steps afterwards will be much harder, though.

    The only way this could work is to take all Russian blogs offline - which might actually be the real intention behind this initiative...

    1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

      Re: Good luck on this one

      First define 'bad language'

      1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
        Big Brother

        Re: Good luck on this one

        First define 'bad language'

        That's simply everything that offends the ruling party.

        1. Chairo
          Big Brother

          Re: Good luck on this one

          First define 'bad language'

          That's simply everything that offends the ruling party.

          to be more precise - that definition is up to the ruling party...

      2. Michael Habel Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Good luck on this one

        Ask a your nearest grammar nazi.

        1. Darryl

          Re: Good luck on this one

          Actually the definition of Bad Language is more like whatever offends the loudest lobbyist

  12. Khaptain Silver badge

    What is wrong with the children ?

    If the children need so much protection it must be because the government got things wrong in the first place.

    If that is the case, then the govenrnment should be changed because they are the ones that are in need of protect, from themselves.

  13. factor

    Vodka ban?

    Banning vodka too I presume? The leading cause of Russian profanity & nudity.

  14. wowfood
    Trollface

    WEEEEEELL

    Ms. Mizulinas a bitch!

    She's a big fat bitch!

    She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!

    She's a stupid bitch!

    If there ever was a bitch!

    She's a bitch to all the boys and girls!

    On Monday she's a bitch,

    On Tuesday she's a bitch,

    On Wednesday thru Saturday she's a bitch!

    Then on Sunday just to be different,

    She's a super king kamehameha bi-atch!

    (Come on you all know the words!)

    Have you ever met my friend Ms. Mizulina,

    She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!

    She's a mean old bitch,

    And she has stupid hair!

    She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch

    Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!

    She's a stupid bitch! (Woo!)

    Ms. Mizulina’s a bitch

    And she's such a dirty bitch!(Hey!)

    Talk to kids around the world.

    It might go a little bit something like this...

    [Sung in 4 different languages by other children]

    Have you ever met my friend Ms. Mizulina,

    She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!

    She's a mean old bitch,

    And she has stupid hair!

    She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,

    Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!

    She's a stupid bitch!

    Ms. Mizulina's a bitch,

    And she's such a dirty bitch!

    I reeeally mean it,

    Ms. Mizulina,

    she's a big fat, fuckin' bitch!

    Big, old, fat, fuckin' bitch!

    Ms. Mizulinaaaaaaaa!

    Yeahhhhh, Chaaaaa!

    1. Mephistro Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: WEEEEEELL (@ wowfood)

      "...Aw... fuck!"

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    i think we should ban all kids from the internet and not let them use scissors or lighters as well. for their own protection.

    1. wowfood

      It's also dangerous for them to be outside, think of all those pedos out there, for their own safety, children should not be allowed out in public, especially supermarkets, since it's so easy for them to get seperated from their parents, and also definately swimming pools. Not only could they drown (by my hand) but think of all the pedos looking at kids in speedos (can't spell speedo without peedo)

      The more I think about it the more I like this law. No more screaming children throwing tantrums in the supermarket, no more little brats screaming while I'm trying to eat in a resteraunt (read KFC) no more little shits diving in the deep end of the pool while i'm trying to swim laps.... I mean, think of how safe they'll be at home >.>

      Then again 90% of all accidents occur at home. So it isn't safe there either. What we need is some kind of child safety camp (read concentration camp) to keep them safe... from themselves.

      1. Chairo
        Happy

        @wowfood

        What we need is some kind of child safety camp (read concentration camp) to keep them safe... from themselves.

        I think that one has already been invented. It is called Kindergarden.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "What we need is some kind of child safety camp (read concentration camp) to keep them safe... from themselves."

        The short-lived science fiction TV series "Space: Above and Beyond" had the right idea... children were grown in tanks (like giant test-tubes) and not released upon the world until they were 18!

  16. Pete 2 Silver badge

    What the fork?

    The problem with banning specific words is that there are so many near homophones that would be impractical to ban. Until anyone in power comes up with the ability to ban context rather than content schemes like this will always be flawed.

    Of course, when people realise that there are many, many acceptable words and phrases ("taking the mick", being a fine example) in everyday use that have exactly the same meaning as "nastier" equivalents and that by using the sanitised versions they are committing the very offences they are so outraged about - just with different words, what will they do then? Somehow I doubt they will recognise their own hypocrisy: they'll probably just make it illegal to point out how inconsistent all these rules are.

    1. Martin H Watson

      Re: What the fork?

      I think you mean synonyms. A homophone is a word that is pronounced the same as another word but differs in meaning.

      1. Captain TickTock
        Coat

        Re: What the fork?

        Homophones are on the rise in Russia

        Da, comrade, I'll get my coat

        1. andy 45

          Re: What the fork?

          I Hope you're not being Homophonic.

          1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: What the fork?

            "A homophone is a word that is pronounced the same as another word but differs in meaning."

            What, like 'cock'?

            1. MikeLG
              Thumb Up

              Re: What the fork?

              Hehehe, nearly blew my tea out my nose when I read this...

  17. Martin H Watson

    I'm totally fed up with swearing ...

    I'm sick of reading posts that start OMG or WTF or dude or Jeez. While I accept that it does the service of giving me an advance warning that the subsequent content will be semi-literate, I can still live without it.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: I'm totally fed up with swearing ...

      Quick get Martin off of the web and into that Kindegarten immediately. He might actually be suffering ffrom an immediate strain of SwearWordsOntheWeb.......

      He came to El Reg and expected "nice"...... OMFG, WTF......Faint, swoon, fetch me some water..... We have a believer..

      Nah, but seriously Martin, most of the Web does not contain profanity and you are free to browse only the content that you desire, simples really. There are lots of nice Christian websites, some might even be orientated towards IT. If not why not start some up...

      1. Martin H Watson

        Re: I'm totally fed up with swearing ...

        Khaptain, I'm quite prepared for it here On El Reg but look at current comments On CNN after a report on a 'friend'who have away a GI's dog while he was on active service. The comments are pitiful, whoever was in the right. If aliens landed and saw how we use the web they'd leave for another 10,000 years.

        1. Khaptain Silver badge

          Re: I'm totally fed up with swearing ...

          "If aliens landed and saw how we use the web they'd leave for another 10,000 years."

          It's true that the web does have its "DailyFail" side of things..... I suppose at the end of the day it probably is quite representive of society. ( That's a depressing thought and it's only Monday)

        2. GSV Slightly Perturbed

          Re: I'm totally fed up with swearing ...

          [Broadcast Eclear, sent 1375116777.8]

          xGSV Slightly Perturbed

          oBOFH Reg Readers

          "If aliens landed and saw how we use the web they'd leave for another 10,000 years."

          Oh, we're quite entertained, I assure you. Disturbed also, like watching a millennia-long episode of Jeremy Kyle.

          Quite an amazing planet, really.

          1. Rukario
            Alien

            Re: I'm totally fed up with swearing ...

            > Quite an amazing planet, really.

            But harmless. Well, mostly harmless.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'm totally fed up with swearing ...

      > I'm sick of reading posts that start OMG or WTF or dude or Jeez.

      Almost as annoying as 'simples'.

      > subsequent content will be semi-literate

      Quite right. Swearing has lost it's ability to shock. It has become the verbal equivalent of a neck-tattoo; a marker of a lack of intelligence or good sense.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I'm totally fed up with swearing ...

        To fuckin' right. Those dipshits wat swear all the time is fuckin' stupid innit.

    3. Anonymous Dutch Coward
      Facepalm

      Re: I'm totally fed up with swearing ...

      Ehm, that's not fucking swearing now, is it? It's using euphemisms to almost swear.

      Jeez.

  18. Sooty

    segregation

    all the recent crud that has been spouted abont the net, suggests we should move towards segregation of the internet, set up a separate kiddynet, with no porn, no swearing, etc and let them loose.

    Then leave the existing net as-is for adults. Provide some simple way of selecting which net you want to access, so your kids only get acess to kiddynet, and you can access the grown up net in all it's perverse glory.

    1. Black Rat
      Childcatcher

      Re: segregation

      Ummm from personal experience.. It's mainly the 'innocent' kids swearing & posting porn.

  19. Thomas 4

    This is horrific

    "On the protection of children from information harmful to their health and development"

    I know that Russia actively persecutes LGBT folks and I'd be willing to bet that sites that offer guidance, support and above all *understanding* to LGBT folks is going to fall within this category.

    Fuck Russia.

  20. mad_dr

    Blimey - and I Rosa Klebb was just a stereotypical representation of a 'Soviet Comrade'! Separated at birth more like.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_Klebb

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This'll work.

    I never learned to swear before I used the internet.

  22. Don Jefe
    Meh

    Vaginas, Scrotums and Economic Instability

    This is what happens when the big weeping vaginas get any kind of traction. You do one thing to shut them up and they keep pushing for more until everyone is forcibly anally penetrated by the 'moral' standards of a few.

    I would like to know if there is a link between economic instability in a country and the prevelance of moral crusaders. Anecdotally, it seems that there may be. The louder the voices of the 'morally superior' sphincters, the worse the economic climate seems to be.

    Country bursting at the seams with anti-paedos? You are headed toward recession. Anti-abortion people marching everywhere? You've got rising unemployment. Anti-prostitution drives causing traffic snarls? You've got a serious trade imbalance.

  23. moiety

    Where do these fucking people keep coming from?

  24. breakfast

    Can anyone provide a useful guide to Russian swearwords, ideally with pronunciation advice and a bit of context? you know, just so we know what to avoid.

    1. Irony Deficient

      aiding and abetting

      No.

    2. Rukario
  25. This post has been deleted by its author

  26. Ted Treen
    WTF?

    Дерьмо

    Какое a нагрузки шариков.

  27. Gil Grissum

    Hmmm

    The snoopy betch needs to get a fucking life and get ever herself. She'd have more luck outlawing Gangsta Rap than with this.

    1. Fink-Nottle
      FAIL

      Re: Hmmm

      > betch

      In a thread filled with swear words, that is a piss-poor effort ...

      1. wowfood

        Re: Hmmm

        I always say, if they're putting so much effort into banning all this swearing and porn you're concious of, why aren't they banning the stuff that affects kids subconciously.

        You turn on the radio and are treated to lyrics along the lines of "I want to have sex, ooh touch my body" or words of a similar sort from *insert current female popstars name here*

        I walk through town and there are girls as young as 6-7 singing about how they want to be touched, dressing up in booty shorts and crop tops because it's the current 'style'. Why aren't we banning this smut? I'm actually being serious here. Porn is aimed at adults, only adults should view it. This pop music is aimed at kids / tweens and has a far bigger effect because they're exposed constantly.

        (examples taking the piss out of this are the stupid spoiled whore episode of south park, and where stewie is trying to write a pop song "What's another word for intercourse")

      2. Mephistro Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: Hmmm

        I read somewhere, long ago, that women are like the seas,

        but this Yelena Mizulina looks more like a beach.

        <rimshot>

  28. bag o' spanners
    Devil

    Titularity

    I always giggled when national radio djs played London Elektricity's "Cum Dancing". But then, I'm immature beyond my years.

  29. bag o' spanners
    Pint

    On a more sober note (hic!), I'm pretty sure that there's a rhyming slang in most countries that could be used to annoy the berks who want to impose their prim and prissy moral codes upon the great unwashed.

  30. Florida1920 Silver badge
    Alert

    Al Gore called. He wants his Internet back.

  31. Rukario
    WTF?

    Ban "mat"? No one would understand anything!

    It's more than just swearwords, the Russians have elevated swearing to become virtually its own dialect.

  32. heyrick Silver badge

    That self-obsessed little busybody really needs to look at the average comments on YouTube. Her brain will explode Cronenberg style (fuck-yeah!), and then the world can carry on being a fucking joke without pissants attempting to dump their shitty old-fashioned morality on the rest of the world.

    No, seriously... Some people swear. They think it makes them look hard, though it usually makes them look kind of stupid. Some people don't swear. Some people make a big fucking deal about how they don't swear. And some people swear for ironic effect. And...?

  33. arrbee

    Its just a convenient way to justify blocking sites you don't like; once you've got this kind of law accepted then people will assume that if they can't see a web site that it contains 'bad stuff'.

    The approach to these things is always incremental, one slice at a time; while such a proposal would be laughed at in the UK today, lets see how it goes down when our current & proposed laws have gone through 2 or 3 more iterations over the next 5 or 6 years ( I assume the election will be irrelevant in this context ).

  34. JustWondering
    Unhappy

    Ms Mizery

    I'll bet she's no fun in a parked car, either.

  35. MJI Silver badge

    A Yank CAN be as bad

    A game I play, on the forums, a new person posted that they wanted to play the game but there was too much swearing. He asked for the next game to have all swearing removed.

    He hated curse words, but did not mind the shooting, the gouging of eyes, the bloodshed ect.

    Lets just say he had the piss ripped out of him. Especaily when when he said that he routed his interent via a clean feed system. He was also anti porn and nudity.

    Why did he want to play a shooting game?

  36. Ace Rimmer

    Thought police alert....

    “A ban on its use is not an infringement of human rights. This is a direction towards a civilized lifestyle.”

    Not really grasping this whole "Human rights" concept is she, not to mention WHO'S version of "civilized lifestyle" are we talking, because her's has no more right to be enforced in law than yours or mine...

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