back to article Is it a BIRD? Is it a plane? Right first time – and she's in SPANDEX

In a pop-up shop in Shoreditch, two rubber-clad hotties are snogging in front of a small audience of pretty PR people. It might sound like an average Saturday night for the racier denizens of this uber-hip part of London but it is, in fact, a tenuous marketing ploy for the Huawei Ascend P2, a flash new smartphone from the world' …

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  1. Dr_N Silver badge

    This is Kick-Ass!

    Literally.

    1. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: This is Kick-Ass!

      More like Captain Amazing from Mystery Men given the corporate tie-in.

    2. sisk Silver badge
      Holmes

      Re: This is Kick-Ass!

      Phoenix Jones was actually one of the inspirations for Kick Ass. He was one of the first to don a costume and go fight crime in real life, along with a healthy chunk of the rest of the Rain City Defenders. He's been in national headlines several times. I think the last time was when he lost his day job after his first arrest and subsequent unmasking.

      Personally I question his sanity, along with the rest of the people taking inspiration from Batman in the last few years.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: This is Kick-Ass! really?

      They look so far from reality they must have been released from an asylum by accident.

      Still I really want what they are smoking!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Couldn't even get arrested looking like that

    Call that decent street ware - Pah!

    http://www.centralsomersetgazette.co.uk/Woman-dressed-vagina-stops-street-fight-penis-man/story-19328715-detail/story.html

    1. Robert E A Harvey

      Central somerset?

      To be fair, the comment under the story by adgec is a work of genius.

    2. J.G.Harston Silver badge

      Re: Couldn't even get arrested looking like that

      Human anatomy fail, she's dressed as a vulva, not a vagina.

    3. Pascal
      IT Angle

      Re: Couldn't even get arrested looking like that

      The Reg needs to write an article about this event, this would make the most entertaining headline.

  3. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    WTF?

    Proof that advertising types do way too much Columbian marching powder?

    Allegedly.

    But seriously WTF??

    1. gerryg
      Headmaster

      Re: Proof that advertising types do way too much Columbian marching powder?

      Did you mean one of many places in the USA or one of the South American sources of coca?

  4. Cliff

    Well that was a gamble

    These things look great at the planning stage to execs who are promised loads of free press, and often come out cringeworthy once on the ground.

    1. S4qFBxkFFg
      Facepalm

      Re: Well that was a gamble

      I think it still looks great!

      Still, wouldn't make me any more likely to buy Huawei... (Oops - did I just prove your point there?)

      1. Cliff

        Re: Well that was a gamble

        Just seen today's Sun - double spread pseudo-article about real-life superheroes featuring these two.

        Guess it works, and just tech hacks who report it wryly

  5. Chairo

    Huawei is going down the same path as HTC

    Hey Huawei, where is the promised jelly bean upgrade for my G615? It was promised for March, wasn't it?

    And yes, I know, there is a beta I could install - but somehow I expected more from you than a green banana.

    Pity, I had some hopes you would do better, but it seems you are going down the same path than HTC. Or does this mean you are still early in your learning curve?

    It would be much cooler to give a good support for your products, than to hire actors in kinky suits for your press conferences, you know...

    1. garden-snail
      Go

      Re: Huawei is going down the same path as HTC

      At least Huawei officially support bootloader unlocking for many models via a form on their website. If you can't get the official update you're waiting for, there may be an unofficial one that will meet your needs.

      I don't know about the G615, but my G300 is currently running (the Jelly Bean-powered) CyanogenMod 10.1. For a £100 phone, its capabilities are pretty amazing!

    2. Chairo
      Meh

      Re: Huawei is going down the same path as HTC

      Turns out, that Huawei finally published the promised update. It came out just one day before I let out my anger above.

      OK, so it was 5 months late, but better late than never, right?

      Now it would be nice to get some El Reg review about the new P6. We already know about the kinky suits, now show us some kinky smartphone!

  6. monkeyfish

    Peter Tangen

    A photographer called Peter, who mysteriously takes photos of superheroes just as the action kicks off...? Now, that's ringing some bells somewhere, has anyone checked to see who he really is?

    Bootnote: Purple Rain can fight MY crime any time she wants, nudge nudge, wink wi.. Oh, yes, that is my coat, thank-you.

    1. Steven Raith

      Re: Peter Tangen

      "Purple Rain can fight MY crime any time she wants, nudge nudge, wink wi.."

      Unless that crime is sexual harrassment, yes?

      :-)

      On topic, however, what a load of turgid pish. Huawiaeueue (I was going to misspell it anyway, lets face it) need to find a better PR company. This just makes them look stupid and childish.

      Steven R

  7. Nigel Whitfield.

    Crimson Fist ?

    Snigger. I wonder what his super power is. Collapsible hands?

    1. dogged
      Childcatcher

      Re: Crimson Fist ?

      He may be a tribute to He Man and Masters of the Universe, which as I recall was a children's cartoon featuring Ram Man and Fisto.

      What the hell were they thinking?!?

  8. Frankee Llonnygog

    I guess the theory is ...

    ... less politically correct males, seeing her walking down the street, will shout "Huawei!".

    I guess the marketing department has decided to target the niche that is naffnesss.

    1. proto-robbie
      Pint

      Re: I guess the theory is ...

      Particularly in Newcassel, yeh nah.

  9. bob, mon!

    I'm confused...

    Is there a "Seattle" in England, or is there some Washington-State, USA connection here?

    1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

      There's "Settle"

      So it must be a misprint. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Settle

      "its name being the Angle word for settlement"

      1. Soruk
        Joke

        Re: There's "Settle"

        You're right.

        I vaguely recall there was a documentary film made about the flooding that happened quite some time back that badly affected the farming community there. "Sheepless in Settle", I believe it was called.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: I'm confused...

      Well, I was in New York yesterday, Washington today, and tomorrow I'll be visiting Toronto and may well stop off at Philadelphia on the way home. All in the UK, all withing 30 miles of Newcastle. *upon Tyne. In the UK of GB)

      1. Cliff

        Re: I'm confused...

        Much labelling in the new world was a case of copy/paste by whoever got there first.

  10. Miek
    Coat

    "bullet-proof and stab-proof costume" -- Did he get a new one after he was stabbed then ?

    1. JulianB
      FAIL

      presumably

      he had to, as he'd superglued the original to himself...

  11. ZanzibarRastapopulous

    "anything that doesn’t remote detonate, so a grenade launcher’s fine too"

    Err... All my grenade launchers do their detonating remotely.

    1. Mike Brown

      Re: "anything that doesn’t remote detonate, so a grenade launcher’s fine too"

      Clearly. Unless your typing that message with your nose?

    2. Ace Rimmer
      Headmaster

      Re: "anything that doesn’t remote detonate, so a grenade launcher’s fine too"

      Technically they explode on impact (which could just as easily be between your feet if you're being clumsy) rather than being detonated remotely.

      1. Remy Redert

        Re: "anything that doesn’t remote detonate, so a grenade launcher’s fine too"

        I think you'll find that as a safety feature, grenades out of a grenade launcher will not doing any detonating between your feet (Or for that matter, anywhere within 10 to 20 meters from the point of launch).

        For some reason they thought that was a really useful safety feature for a weapon they were going to hand to army grunts.

  12. Gene Cash Silver badge
    Gimp

    "armoured codpiece"

    Hell of a lot better than a non-armoured codpiece!

  13. Anomalous Cowshed

    What exactly is a crook?

    Are these two superheroes a kind of promotional arm for the city council or the police of Seattle? The article suggests that they spend at least part of their time harassing people who smoke joints in public places.

    1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

      That's nothin'

      Superman won't let you smoke -tobacco-. He beat up this guy called Nick O'Teen, who was, I dunno, handing out free cigarettes, to teens. Or something.

  14. Billy7766

    Oh the irony

    I think it's important, when considering Haweui as a choice for anything from phones to suspiciously Cisco-like newtork routers to heavy duty PSTN back bones that they are, basically, the Chinese military with a billing dept. - it's best to assume that your every move, action and bodily function will be analysed for the greater glory of the PRC.....superheros are of course optional

    1. Anomalous Cowturd
      Trollface

      Re: Oh the irony

      it's best to assume that your every move, action and bodily function will be analysed for the greater glory of the PRC.....

      As opposed to the NSA or GCHQ?

      Just encrypt everything. Always!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Oh the irony

        I encrypted the number I dialled. Couldn't get through for some reason...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All goes to show that phones are being marketed like some sort of "extension" for in-adequates.

    Honestly, they're just communication tools, not the other sort of tool.

  16. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    In Seattle you can legally pack a grenade launcher?

    Seattle is the best place on the face of the Earth. It's official.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "the Chinese state-linked mobile phone manufacturer"

    In light of other ElReg articles today, is there a consistent editorial policy on manufacturer descriptions, and will we now also see suitable warnings on, eg, Microsoft, the state-linked chair aviation manufacturer, Google, the state-linked purveyor of cocoa-based delectables, or Yahoo, the state-linked abuser of gratuitous exclamation marks?

  18. Andy 97

    Torture Garden must be hosting a party this weekend or something.

  19. Brian Miller

    "Our laws are dumb," Phoenix says.

    "You can carry a sword that’s less than two and a half feet long, so you could walk about with a short broadsword, and you can also have anything that doesn’t remote detonate, so a grenade launcher’s fine too."

    But you can't get the grenades! So what's the point of the launcher?? And good Lord, why *would* you want something that *doesn't* remotely detonate? Phoenix Jones isn't taken seriously here. From the Seattle Times: "Jones, who calls himself the “guardian of Seattle,” was criticized by police when he responded to violence at last year’s May Day by hosing down protesters with pepper spray."

  20. Tom 7 Silver badge

    Purple Rain?

    is that Golden Rain's little sister?

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Purple Reign

    "...prompted by her own experiences at the hands of an abusive partner."

    Which one the Phoenix or the Ashes? :D

  22. cyborg

    SHUT UP CRIME!

    In other words if you get a chance watch "Super" - it's funny with drama and just shows up that you must seriously be insane to do this for real.

  23. J.G.Harston Silver badge

    Weather-inappropriate clothing

    Either he is sweltering hot in that, or she is freezing cold.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Terrorist attack"

    Only American media can be make somene that dumb.

  25. Rich Daley
    Facepalm

    When did El Reg become a lads' mag?

    Just because this is a marketing campaign doesn't mean writing a sexist, lecherous piece of sleaze is acceptable from a publication that is aimed at the IT profession as a whole.

    Reading things like this reminds me why our industry has so few female professionals.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Both sport cameras in the chestplates of their uniforms, so they can livestream the action, and have GPS built into their suits. Phoenix is the muscle of the pair, with a $10,000 dollar shield which he claims stops bullets and grenades, as well as a fire-proof, bullet-proof and stab-proof costume. Purple uses her brain, studying crime maps and statistics to work out how best to catch the crooks."

    Umm, someone might be willing to test that suit with him in it now. Nothing is bullet-proof per se, bullet resistant yes. You may need a bigger gun though. I'm sure a 20mm AP round will make quick work of that shield, the front of his costume, him, the back of the costume and still have plenty of energy left to go quite a distance before hitting something else for it to go through.

    I wonder he has tested that suit against a 50 caliber.

    1. fajensen Silver badge
      Pint

      The low-tech AP-stuff: The crossbow, the rapier and the warhammer should leave a lasting impression too!

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That is so not spandex.

    Just felt the need to point that out.

  28. Mephistro Silver badge
    WTF?

    WTF???

    Protesters=terrorists? This guy is dumber than a bag of hammers. And the cops who allowed him to attack the protesters should be fired at the very least.

  29. OzBob

    I'd always wondered

    what happened to the girl from Aqua and Mr T from the A-Team. Now I know, they now sell computers.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    which one is purple, again?

    maybe its not clear

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