back to article Anons: We milked Norks dry of missile secrets, now we'll spaff it online

Shadowy hacking collective Anonymous has claimed it will leak a huge cache of confidential documents from North Korea's missile programme. Although experts warned that the Norks were unlikely to store such sensitive data digitally, the hacktivists claimed to have purloined masses of secret military files. The Anons have vowed …

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  1. Tapeador
    Mushroom

    Er...

    So releasing documents which help instruct on how to build a nuke will somehow help world peace...?

    Shurely shome mishtake?

    1. Psyx
      Thumb Up

      Re: Er...

      No, but it will inflate some teenage egos.

    2. phuzz Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: Er...

      Any physics graduate can tell you how to build a nuke*, it's getting hold of the weapons grade U235 or Pu239 that's tricky.

      *well, gun-type weapons are dead easy, just smash two lumps of fissile material together.

      1. Matt Bryant Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: phuzz Re: Er...

        ".....just smash two lumps of fissile material together." Nope, you need an initiator as well to start the chain reaction, otherwise you just get a nasty radioactive fizz and no bang (wannabe superbaddies, see here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modulated_neutron_initiator).

        1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

          Re: phuzz Er...

          More likely the Word 97 document they found would read "It didn't work and went bang. Pretend it was a firework display to honour our glorious leader".

          One can't help but think of this as the little boy teasing the tiger. OK an old and fairly toothless starved tiger, but those can sometimes be the most lethal when cornered.

        2. FutureShock999

          Re: phuzz Er...

          You don't strictly need an initiator for a uranium fission bomb, but yes, you do for a plutonium. And uranium bombs benefit from one, certainly, with higher yields and greater reliability. There is even a clue in the article you linked : "A different initiator (code named ABNER) was used for the Little Boy uranium bomb. Its design was simpler and it contained less polonium. It was activated by the impact of the uranium projectile to the target. It was added to the design as an afterthought and was not essential for the weapon's function."

        3. Wzrd1

          Re: phuzz Er...

          "Nope, you need an initiator as well to start the chain reaction, otherwise you just get a nasty radioactive fizz and no bang..."

          Try reading your own references. No neutron initiator was needed for a basic gun type of nuclear warhead. The uranium did the trick quite nicely all by itself.

          From your own Wikipedia link: "A different initiator (code named ABNER) was used for the Little Boy uranium bomb. Its design was simpler and it contained less polonium. It was activated by the impact of the uranium projectile to the target. It was added to the design as an afterthought and was not essential for the weapon's function."

          That said, neutron sources aren't that expensive, many physics labs have some on hand. The math is quite well documented. A still fairly basic nuclear warhead isn't that difficult to make with that math and common physics lab equipment.

          Granted, it won't fit inside of a MIRV, it'll be expensive as all get out to build, but it's doable. Why, one could imagine that even Pakistan could make one.

          Oops, they already did.

    3. Amorous Cowherder
      Unhappy

      Re: Er...

      Threat to world peace? Nah, but I bet there are some IT techs and their managers in DPRK that are absolutely cacking bricks right now at the thought of spending the next 10 years down the salt mines!

      1. Potemkine Silver badge

        Re: Er...

        Add also their parents and their children, it's the tradition in NK. When one is sent to a concentration camp, the whole family joins in.

        1. Wzrd1

          Re: Er...

          "When one is sent to a concentration camp, the whole family joins in."

          Well, you know the saying. The family that pays together stays together.

          Or was that plays...

  2. Mike Richards

    Finally

    We'll learn what size milk bottle the North Koreans hold their rockets in.

    1. wowfood

      Re: Finally

      I heard they built their missiles using a fairy liquid bottle, some sticky back plastic, and an old cereal box.

      1. TeeCee Gold badge
        Happy

        Re: Finally

        Close.

        Actually they got hold of a fairy liquid bottle, some sticky back plastic and an old cereal box and started to stick 'em together. Then they reached under the workbench, pulled out an ICBM and said; "Here's one I prepared earlier.".

    2. ElNumbre
      Happy

      Re: Finally

      I thought they built their nukes out of digital assets in Adobe After Effects?

    3. Wzrd1

      Re: Finally

      Their budget went up?

      Previously, it was Coke bottles.

      As evidenced by their satellites crashing into the Pacific.

  3. Alfred

    "upcoming citizen's uprising"

    The upcoming citizens' uprising? These guys are phenomenally ignorant. I could imagine a military coup, but a citizens' uprising? Have any of them even _been_ to the DPRK?

  4. Titus Technophobe
    Thumb Up

    Anon call to revolution .......

    So now then, now then, anonymous tweet, post or somehow state on the Interwebs "Oh good people of North Korea, it is time to wake up. Soon you will experience a new culture, and your worthless leadership will be recognised by everyone. Come and join us!" . I am left wondering who in North Korea will see this statement?

    Quoting from a previous article on this very web site 'North Korea - ruled by ludicrous boy-king Kim Jong-un - is crippled by poverty; as a country has one of the worst records on human rights in the world; just one million telephones to its nearly 25 million people; no independent media; radios and TVs pre-tuned to government stations; no telephone directories; and all GSM cellular comms suspended since 2004.

    Just wondering?

    1. Don Jefe

      Re: Anon call to revolution .......

      They could have just yelled at them really loud and reached as many people.

  5. Shasta McNasty
    Alert

    Incoming!

    This could end very badly.

    If these documents contain information that shows NK have missile capacity beyond the estimates of the US, it could start an invasion/war.

    On the other hand, if it shows the opposite, Kim Jong-Un could go completely postal and attack with whatever he has got.

    1. DrXym Silver badge

      Re: Incoming!

      Somehow I doubt it.

    2. Gonebirdin
      Thumb Up

      Re: Incoming!

      A pointed stick

      1. TeeCee Gold badge
        Meh

        Re: Incoming!

        You can do a lot with a pointed stick. Ask Alexander the Great.......

        1. Anonymous Blowhard

          Re: Incoming!

          "You can do a lot with a pointed stick"

          But only if your opposition is not armed with anything substatially better than a pointed stick; ideally they should bea armed with fruit or dry grass.

          1. Gonebirdin
            Happy

            Re: Incoming!

            Citrus fruits can be particularly nasty if they get juice in your eyes...............

            and as for loganberries!!!

    3. Aldous
      Stop

      Re: Incoming!

      Not likely on either count:

      If WMD was a real reason to go to war then the NORKs would have been attacked years ago. After all they have atomic weaponry, the delivery system is academic. Syria is exactly the same situation with chemical weaponry and yet there is no appetite for something as easy as a no fly zone. The reason? too hard North Korea is hilly and sits right next to China, When UN forces pushed up to the border last time the Chinese flipped out and joined in en masse. They would not accept a US friendly state so close to the borders so will politely tell anyone contemplating an attack to back off.

      On the NORK side the various Kim Jongs have shown that they do not give a flying fsck about anyone but themselves. They are unlikely to pick a fight they know they will lose as it will cut off there Courvoiser/Cavier/Head. Instead they can just continue down the line of "Glorious leader scoffs at the lies of the imperialists" and "reeducate" anyone who disagrees.

      TLDR: Don't Panic

    4. Psyx
      FAIL

      Re: Incoming!

      "If these documents contain information that shows NK have missile capacity beyond the estimates of the US, it could start an invasion/war."

      No it won't, and no it won't.

    5. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Incoming!

      That would be every washing machine gone!

      Not ICBM but NICBWM

      1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
        Black Helicopters

        Re: Incoming!

        Just prey that the document doesn't say "The ICBM project failed, but on the bright side we just discovered a huge new oil reserve". Then we'd all be screwed.

    6. jonathanb Silver badge

      Re: Incoming!

      If it shows that he doesn't have missile capacity beyond the estimates of the US, it could start a war.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    These idiots do realise that...

    ..there are only five computers in North Korea?

    "I think there is a North Korean market for maybe five computers."

    - Kim Jong-un, Supreme leader of North Korea, 2019

  7. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Trollface

    Hacked by Emmanuel Goldstein LOL!

    I foresee a propganda effort.

  8. Mako

    I reckon the confidentail documents will reveal that Kim Jong Un has a huge collection of Button Moon VHS tapes.

    1. earl grey Silver badge
      Alert

      More likely it's Sailor Moon

      There there now....

  9. Anomalous Cowshed

    Anonymouse

    Could this be a case of the famous Anonymouse that roared?

  10. xperroni
    Trollface

    Double standards in 3, 2, 1?

    I wonder, if these documents are the real deal, will US government agencies not read them, on the grounds they were illegally obtained by rogue parties and hence should not have been made public?

    1. JimC

      Re: Double standards in 3, 2, 1?

      My dear chap, should the skiddies have actually managed to obtain genuine NK documents, what on earth makes you think that the US Government agencies would not have obtained them long before?

      Indeed one might suspect that the kiddies might have found it easier to source NK documents from US sources rather than NK ones...

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. xperroni
        Coat

        Re: Double standards in 3, 2, 1?

        My dear chap, should the skiddies have actually managed to obtain genuine NK documents, what on earth makes you think that the US Government agencies would not have obtained them long before?

        Why fair sir, of course America's undying commitment to state secrecy – that most cherished ideal, according to which the communications within and among government bodies should be protected from prying eyes – would prevent them from trying to acquire these documents themselves, though they might be tempted to give them a glance if they were already in the open...

        Or are you by any chance suggesting the US, which so harshly deals with anyone who so much as fiddles through their records in search of UFO reports, would fall so low as to spy on other countries? Surely not!

      3. Wzrd1

        Re: Double standards in 3, 2, 1?

        "Indeed one might suspect that the kiddies might have found it easier to source NK documents from US sources rather than NK ones..."

        Save that the US keeps such documents on a segregated network, hence not accessible to script kiddies.

        Said networks are only accessible to Privates and contractors with thumb drives. :/

  11. Nifty

    it will be interesting to see the V2 rocket plans republished

    1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

      Can't be them - the V2 worked and was quite effective and deadly...

      1. xperroni
        Boffin

        Can't be them - the V2 worked and was quite effective and deadly...

        It worked alright – but quite how effectively (and to whom's standards) is another matter. As Freeman Dyson put it, "… those of us who were seriously engaged in the war were very grateful to Wernher von Braun. We knew that each V-2 cost as much to produce as a high-performance fighter airplane. We knew that German forces on the fighting fronts were in desperate need of airplanes, and that the V-2 rockets were doing us no military damage. From our point of view, the V-2 program was almost as good as if Hitler had adopted a policy of unilateral disarmament."

        Or according to The Hive Mind:

        The V-2 consumed a third of Germany's fuel alcohol production and major portions of other critical technologies (...). The V-2 lacked a proximity fuse, so it could not be set for air burst; it buried itself in the target area before or just as the warhead detonated. This reduced its effectiveness. Furthermore, its early guidance systems were too primitive to hit specific targets and its costs were approximately equivalent to four-engined bombers, which were more accurate (though only in a relative sense), had longer ranges, carried many more warheads, and were reusable. *

        1. Wzrd1

          Or as von Braun said, "The rocket worked perfectly except for landing on the wrong planet."

          The missile wasn't much good as a military weapon, however a lot of folks needed to repair their roofs. And floors. And walls.

          Come to think of it, their foundations weren't in all that great shape after as well.

          As a terror weapon, it was fairly effective. As a military asset, it was a shot in the foot for the German military.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    I am so glad...

    ...I don't come from a country with an unelected head of state who lives a life of luxury and is worshipped by a public brainwashed by obsequious media coverage and huge state-orchestrated celebrations, a country that spies on its own citizens even move, a country that spends billions in can ill-afford on nuclear weapons and ballistic missiles, etc. etc.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Pint

      Re: I am so glad...

      Hehe - I see what you did there. You must be Canadian.

      1. Def Silver badge

        Re: I am so glad...

        More likely British. Canada doesn't have a nuclear arsenal.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I am so glad...

          @Def - "More likely British. Canada doesn't have a nuclear arsenal."

          --------------------------------------------------

          Thank you, Captain Obvious.

          We need a "whoosh" icon.

          1. drone2903

            Re: I am so glad...

            Yes we do. It is right here, in the back yard. It's called the US of A.

    2. MJI Silver badge

      Re: I am so glad...

      I now know how to deal with the Nork leaders.

      Send in our prime assett.

      Prince Phillip

      Could you imaging what he would say?

    3. Wzrd1

      Re: I am so glad...

      You got me thinking.

      Two nations had jubilees, each more than half a world apart.

      One is a diplomatic island.

      The other, an island in an ocean that we affectionately call Airstrip One.

  13. Phil Holden 1
    Unhappy

    "Oh good people of North Korea, it is time to wake up. Soon you will experience a new culture, and your worthless leadership will be recognised by everyone. Come and join us!"

    And exchange your admittedly flawed regime (possibly the last which is NOT controlled by the western markets) for the good old free market where we can at last assimilate you into the rest of the world. That way you can perform human rights abuses and no one will point the finger at you as naughty commies any more.

    LEAVE THOSE LITTLE NORKS ALONE, sob, sob....

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