back to article CRUNCH: 'Drunk' chap cuffed in high-speed car nookie prang rumpus

An Albuquerque man found himself on the wrong end of a cuffing on Monday after cops claimed he had been engaged in drunken rumpy-pumpy behind the wheel. Local police said he had jumped a red light, ploughed into another vehicle and then attempted to evade justice by hiding in a cactus bush. Police mugshot of Luis Briones …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Mikel
    Paris Hilton


    There are worse things to be convicted of than getting a bit on the way.

    Shame about the car though... and I hope the lass is OK.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Shagbag

      hope the lass is OK

      "but despite the fact she was 'bleeding heavily from the facial and head area', Briones tried to make good his escape"

      from the looks of his mugshot, she was probably some skanky 'ho' he picked up on a street corner.

      probably her bottle of vodka, as well.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Should have YouTubed it

      That would have been a truly viral vid!

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      It had been a Toyota he could have blamed the brakes...

  2. TechnicianJack
    IT Angle

    An interesting story, but what has this got to do with IT? Unless of course his Ford was one of those out of control cars you hear about being unable to stop, or his female companion was a cyborg.

    1. AbelSoul

      IT (Crowd) angle?

      He turned her on then (somewhat abruptly due to the prang) off again?

      1. TechnicianJack
        Thumb Up

        Re: IT (Crowd) angle?

        Ah, now I see the angle. It was cleverly hidden by the Register's Editors.

    2. Zaphod.Beeblebrox

      Bootnotes, lad, it's in Bootnotes - you know, that place where El Reg puts stuff that has sod-all to do with IT but generally is of interest to geeks or perhaps is just of a titillating nature, etc.

  3. GreggS


    trying to hide in a bush the source of his problems?

    1. Elmer Phud

      Re: Wasn't

      He felt lonely as the only prick on the pavement

  4. The First Dave Silver badge

    So the male was arrested, but not the female? From the description they were both equally involved.

    1. regadpellagru

      Good point, surely we hope for equal treatment across genders.

      Technically, the fact the lass was ejected (I surely hope she's now ok) quite possibly implies she was on him, thus we can surely imagine he was considered the (busy) driver, sat in the driver seat and belted, unlike her (passenger ?). Therefore, he's the only one being arrested.

      Surely, some very interesting talk, at the trial !

      "having sexual intercourse of some sort while driving", this one really made my day :-)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        I believe "road head" is the technical term.

        1. Spoonsinger

          I believe "road head" is the technical term...

          Secondary/High school viewings of the 'World According to Garp' should be made compulsory to show how that can go hideously wrong.

    2. theblackhand Silver badge

      Re: They were both equally involved

      My reading of the charge sheet was that the driver was arrested for "red light violation, leaving the scene of an accident, reckless/aggravated driving while under the influence, no insurance and refusing to obey a police officer" - no mention of "sexual intercourse of some sort" so maybe that wasn't illegal?

      Or it could just be part of the global feminist conspiracy to get the male population locked up allowing woman to rise up and take over the world.

    3. Steve Evans

      She wasn't driving. They've charged him with driving offences.

      I imagine they could charge her with indecent behaviour or something, but they're minor charges compared to his. Probably couldn't be bothered with the paperwork.

      As for refusing to give a blood sample, I imagine there wasn't much left to sample, they should have just collected it off the cactus!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        But surely if you are driving and your passenger flings themselves on you in order to have their wicked way, you are the victim there ?

    4. Don Jefe

      They might be able to charge her with failure to use a seat belt, possibly indecent exposure, but that's about it. Why you can get road head but not talk on the phone is a strange hole (ha) in the law, but I don't think anybody expects consistency from the law.

    5. sisk Silver badge

      She did nothing illegal. Nothing he did would have been illegal either (except for refusing to obey an officer) had he not been driving at the time.

      Though I've long been of the opinion that both parties contributing to 'road head' related accident should be charged with reckless endangerment the authorities seem to disagree with me. Seriously, if you can't keep it in your pant from point A to point B at least pull into a parking lot where you're not going to cause a wreck, especially if the reason you can't keep it in your pants has to do with alcohol.

  5. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    attempting to hide in a cactus?

    Presumably thought no-one would notice one more prick

    1. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge

      Re: attempting to hide in a cactus?

      How the hell do you hide in a cactus? While wearing nothing? There is not enough alcohol to dull that pain. I give him one ... thumb... up, though, for giving new meaning to the phrase, "Wham! Bam! Thank you, Ma'am!"

    2. Peter Simpson 1

      Re: attempting to hide in a cactus?

      ...and while naked at that. Points (sharp ones!) to the man for being so intoxicated that this appeared to be a Good Idea.

    3. Blofeld's Cat

      Re: attempting to hide in a cactus?

      Brings a whole new meaning to "prickly pair pear".

    4. Daniel B.

      Re: attempting to hide in a cactus?

      I'm guessing they catched him after hearing way too much screaming. Cactus and 'nads don't mix!

      1. pete 22

        Re: attempting to hide in a cactus?

        Maybe he was scratching an itch. Vigorously.

  6. ObSolutions, Inc

    Who had the wheels?

    "The other half of the beast with two backs and four wheels,..."

    Which half had the wheels? Or were they equally distributed? Inquiring minds need to know! For science, obviously.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Who had the wheels?

      I don't remember that particular episode of Chorlton and the Wheelies. But I'm sure with enough Googling I should be able to turn up something...

    2. Number6

      Re: Who had the wheels?

      Obviously not counting the spare. Or the steering wheel, or the flywheel...

  7. lee harvey osmond

    Yes, but what _precisely_ were they up to?

    I mean, after all, did he pull out without indicating?

  8. Richard Wharram

    What were they actually doing?

    I think Playmobil is required as I still don't get it.

    Was he sat in the driver's seat with the lady on his lap? Was she facing to the front or rear? Was he attempting to fill her petrol cap or the exhaust?



    1. ian 22
      Thumb Up

      Re: What were they actually doing?


      Playmobil or it didn't happen!

  9. nsld
    Paris Hilton

    Clearly devout catholics

    practicing an extreme form of the withdrawl method.

    1. ian 22

      Re: Clearly devout catholics

      This rises to a completely new level: the ejection method.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The sad reality of stupidness

    You just can't fix stupid.

  11. Stevie Silver badge


    Who gives a rat's rear end about this Luis and his stupid tart? What about the poor buggers in the car that was hit?

    Stevie's Luis Prediction: Uninsured, suspended driver's license.

    This is why you end up with nanny state laws. No one gives a f*ck if you crash your car because you had temporarily stunned your last remaining brain cell with alcohol while attempting behavior non-conducive to responsible road use with the vehicle in motion.

    They care that you walk away from the damage you inflict on others with your f*cktard antics.

    My only question is: why no tasing? It would have seemed like the perfect opportunity for target practice.

  12. Mike Richards

    What species of cactus?

    For his sake I hope it wasn't a jumping cholla with the detaching spines.

    Seconding the request for a Playmobil recreation. If it helps, New Mexico isn't *THAT* far (in astronomical terms) from Nevada which contains Area 51 where they're bound to be keeping Optimus Prime.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I hate driving through Albuquerque

    I hate driving through Albuquerque, and one of the reasons is that I40 is seriously overloaded, and all it takes is one asshole like this on I40 to totally bring it to a stop. Not SLOW - STOP. I've been stuck for 3 hours just trying to get to an exit, so I could take surface streets.

    Unless I am actually stopping IN ABQ, I try to either

    a) go through o-dark-early while all the locals are asleep

    b) go through o-dark-late and hope all the locals are going to sleep (and NOT on the road!)

    c) Avoid the whole mess and drop down to US60.

  14. Seanie Ryan


    "then jumped in a bush"

    surely that should have been followed by ', for the second time' ?

  15. darkmage0707077


    Guess they made a wrong turn. Now the doc has to ask her what's up.

  16. Martin Budden Bronze badge

    A ride without a happy ending.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What an idiot..

    .. he shouldnt have been drinking.

  18. Flakey

    Is this the first case of a woman prematurely ejecting?

  19. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Where's the IT angle?

    Where's the IT angle?

This topic is closed for new posts.

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019