back to article ... time machine. Iranian Dr Who claims he invented a ...

Not content with letting North Korea get all the “we're sooooo bad” headlines this week, fellow rogue nation Iran has let it be known one of its resident boffins has invented a time machine. And then deleted the story in state-run media that brought the world news of the gadget. The “time machine” in question wasn't of the “ …

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  1. Rombizio
    Joke

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

    Oh boy.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    ......

    1. James Micallef Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

      Does Iran have a different date for April Fool's Day?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

      I *knew* you'd say that. Whe I win the lottery tonight, you'll see who is laughing.

  2. Esskay
    Facepalm

    Surely at some point

    The person writing must have sat back, looked at the story and thought "maybe I need to tone it down *just* a little"...

  3. Katie Saucey
    Coffee/keyboard

    Wow

    Seems legit. I wonder how many people will go for the "well since I've shown you the future, we've changed the future! therefor I wasn't wrong with my stock predictions...etc" explanation, or if his device told him that within 6 months there's a 98% chance he'll be finally meeting Allah.

  4. This post has been deleted by a moderator

    1. Osmosis Jones
      FAIL

      Re: If they had a time machine...

      that's a bit much...

      also, note:

      1. The time machine only looks forward and so would be useless for your suggestion.

      2. You don't need a time machine to look back, especially given Islam was one of the most well documented historical religious movements.

      3. Your aspersion is incorrect. Islam may produce a moral framework that is antithetical to your worldview but it does produce a stunningly sophisticated framework - very far from a "crock of shit"

      4. It is considered a social faux pas to vent one's seething hatred when discussing a light hearted matter.

      1. Thorne

        Re: If they had a time machine...

        "Your aspersion is incorrect. Islam may produce a moral framework that is antithetical to your worldview but it does produce a stunningly sophisticated framework - very far from a "crock of shit""

        No all religions are a crock of shit. It's there to make the rich feel better about screwing the poor and the poor feel better about getting screwed meanwhile the religion itself makes a fortune selling forgiveness...

        1. Neoc

          Re: If they had a time machine...

          ..So you consider it (dare I say it) an Opiate for the Masses?

          1. Simon Harris Silver badge

            Re: If they had a time machine...

            @Neoc

            I shall be setting up a church devoted to the Afghan poppy fields...

            ... Its services will be 'Masses for the opiate'

            1. JDX Gold badge

              Re: If they had a time machine...

              It's nice you can tell what their time-machine would show them without having a time-machine yourself, or an advanced academic background in history.

            2. Neoc
              Thumb Up

              Re: If they had a time machine...

              Ooohhhh... nicely played, sir. Have an upvote!

        2. DragonLord

          Re: If they had a time machine...

          I was under the impression that a Religion was usually setup in a time when most people didn't have the education to understand the world and the whys and wherefores for a lot of the restrictions that educated smart people tried to foist on them. Thus the educated smart people attributed their arguments to the local god, surrounded them it a bit of ritual, and became very powerful off of the back of it, because it worked, and it worked well.

          So hardly a crock of shit. Much less relevant today? Maybe.

          1. oldcoder

            no, thats called shamanism.

            But it works quite well - lasted well over 50,000 years...

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: If they had a time machine...

          Ahem...

          The article helpfully informs us in best DailyFail speak that Iran is a "rogue nation". If one examines those countries that have been "rogue nations" in the past, then one notes that one thing they have in common (apart from a Greek chorus in the western media slandering them at every opportunity) is that they (often in accordance with Islam) forbid compound interest on money.

          The role of compound interest as a cause of poverty in the West is heavily documented.

          But who am I, a mere AC, to question the function of finger-pointing hate propaganda? It is as endemic to British media as the vigorous defence of Imaginary Property.

          It's just how our fellow citizens in the Fourth Estate get to help their fellow man...

          PS: One especially admires the repeated use of the phrase "state-run media" to hammer home just what rogues the Iranians are.

          1. Avatar of They Silver badge
            FAIL

            Re: If they had a time machine...

            Eh? Rogue state because they don't tow the line with the UN and general world consensus, usually related to hte UN's need to ensure anything nuclear is for peaveful purposes. Which require investigations that are not hindered.. The fact 'Iran' and 'Iraq' are Muslim nations, have very wierd views of the world and hate the yanks is a conicidence.

            Its got chuff-all to do with compound interest. And the NORK have nothing to do with Islam. But please in your obvious "Pro islamic" agenda / view how can North Korea be slanted as an islamic state?

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              @Avatar of They, Re: If they had a time machine...

              "general world consensus" = "what all right-thinking people believe." If they don't believe it, clearly they are not One Of Us. How dare they?

              The whole Iranian nuclear threat thing is a lie. Do some proper research wrt Iran's compliance.

              I didn't mention North Korea, and I said "often" which is not synonymous with "always". As for your mentioning it, see my comment on "general world consensus". But one nation I will add is Libya, who had no compound interest until recently. Apparently the first thing that happened once the 'rebels' had won was the opening of a new central bank...

              As for "pro-Islamic", actually I'm pro-human. But don't sweat it. You've got lots of people on your side, and that's what counts, yes? Critical mass of opinion conveniently removes the requirement to think for yourself.

            2. cortland
              Headmaster

              Re: If they had a time machine...

              TOE

              Towing a line gets you no pull.

          2. Stevie Silver badge

            Re: If they had a time machine...

            So it's *compound interest* that makes Iran a rogue state? Not that whole alternating between "There was no Holocaust" and "There WAS a Holocaust, but the Jews were complicit in it" thing?

            Right. Got it.

            Ooh, and of course if one "follows the money" (which in this case involves actually following the money) one ends up at Jewish usury in the middle ages as the cause of the banking system. I see where you are going with this.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: If they had a time machine...

              That's a hell of a logical leap there Stevie - Straight from central banks to an implied accusation of antisemitism? That's a seriously poor way of closing down an argument.

              The people who control the banks don't care about Judaism or any other religion, other than the fact that religions are a handy way to control people and have them fight amongst themselves.

              The few remaining countries on the planet that don't have a central bank in the BIS club just happen to be a 1-1 match with the list of "rogue states", including Iran, Syria and North Korea. Libya didn't have a central bank in the big club until very soon after the invasion.

              Of course there's always more than one reason for war (and the sanctions and propaganda that lead up to it), but control over the central bank is a big one, as well as control of resources and strategic territory.

          3. ThomH Silver badge

            Re: If they had a time machine...

            Here's what else all the rogue nations have in common: they know that man didn't really land on the moon, that Jackie shot JFK, that the Titanic was an insurance scam, that Prince Philip crashed Diana's car, that September the 11th was designed to give the US more oil, that Tesla shot Archduke Ferdinand, that Hitler invented the CAT scanner, that Castro really had over seventeen legs and that Roswell caused the middle ages.

        4. This post has been deleted by a moderator

          1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

            Re: Eadon

            To generalise that, they discourage curiosity and critical thought, and encourage ignorance and unthinking subservience to authority.

        5. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

          Re: If they had a time machine...

          Islam may produce a moral framework that is antithetical to your worldview but it does produce a stunningly sophisticated framework - very far from a "crock of shit"

          No all religions are a crock of shit.

          Perhaps - I try to avoid investment in non-testable hypotheses myself. But you have a defective enthymeme there: Your argument is only valid if the sophistication of a moral framework is predicated on the shittiness of the intellectual foundation endorsing that framework. No doubt it's possible to argue that such is the case (paging Sam Harris...), but it's not prima facie. Indeed, depending on the metric for "sophistication", it's probably much easier to argue to the contrary - regardless of what one thinks of the quality or validity of said framework.

          This is, unfortunately, a kind of sloppy, non-critical thinking which is perhaps just as bad in its own way as a reliance on recourse to supernatural explanation: religion is bad, so any intellectual product connected to religion is bad. But in fact what the history of ideas teaches us is that good ideas (for some value of "good") arise in conjunction with bad ideas; there is no process, in general, for disarticulating the two in the process of their generation. What we do have, now, are epistemological protocols that let us filter out certain categories of bad ideas, in effect improving the signal-to-noise ratio. The most notable of these, of course, are scientific methodologies such as formal consistency, blind experimentation, and the reproducibility requirement.

      2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

        Re: If they had a time machine...

        > especially given Islam was one of the most well documented historical religious movements.

        Islam, like Judaism and Christianity, is a faith, and I personally have no problem with faith, even when I don't share it.

        Unfortunately most faiths get surrounded by religion which, as the original poster eloquently noted, is universally a crock of shit, usually created by opportunists to obtain personal power and profit.

      3. Nazar
        Pint

        Re: If they had a time machine...

        >especially given Islam was one of the most well documented historical religious movements.

        I have to disagree as many sources suggest that Mohammed and the first couple Khalifs and even Mecca were all fictitious as accounts of these historic figures and places are very uncommon outside of Islamic oral traditions. Traditions, I might add, that many Islamic scholars disagree over.

        An example is that the first non-Islamic historic reference to Mohammed is found on a Jerusalem coin, minted in ~ 720CE, almost 90 years after Mohammed died in 632CE.

        Consider that Jerusalem was held by the Byzantine Empire (ex Romans + Greeks) before capture by Arabs (or Islamic forces led by the first Khalifa as the oral tradition tells it) in 637CE, there are very little accounts from Greek/Roman/Byzantine bloggers of organised Islamic traditions at the time (i.e. there are no recorded accounts visible Islamic traditions like communal Friday prayers etc).

        Okay, so they didn't blog back then but historical bureaucratic documents were produced by Jerusalem's governors, tax collectors, Greek merchants and scribes... none of which attribute Islamic behaviours to the conquering Arabs.

        Pint, as I am a Real Ale enjoying apostate.

        1. tonysmith

          Re: If they had a time machine...

          @nazar

          Erm, not sure what your ale has been spiked with but Mohammad, the first few caliphas AND mecca (a well know trade and cultural centre point even before Islam) are all fictitious? And I thought the story of the Iranian claiming to have built a time machine was far fetched. Though the fact that you got 7 up votes seems a little worrying.

          But I guess in your world cities like Basra, Koofa and others build during the second Calipha. Important battles such as the battle of Yarmouk (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Yarmouk) are all either fictious or the works of a band of desert arabs with no central leadership who just decided on a structure conquest of land around their own patch?

          Then a bit down the line they decided to append a religion to what they did - you know, just to explain themselves?

          Nuts.

          @Phil O'Sophical

          "Unfortunately most faiths get surrounded by religion which, as the original poster eloquently noted, is universally a crock of shit, usually created by opportunists to obtain personal power and profit."

          From my understand neither Mohammad nor his family ended up very rich or powerful. Mohammad died with very little food left for his family and what wealth he had went to the state treaurary because under Islamic law (and this may be true for other Abrahamic religions) Prophets do not leave inheritance.

          He also didn't appoint any of his family to lead after him and the leadership went to different families after him...so not much power or profit there.

        2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

          Re: If they had a time machine...

          An example is that the first non-Islamic historic reference to Mohammed is found on a Jerusalem coin, minted in ~ 720CE, almost 90 years after Mohammed died in 632CE.

          That's not correct. There are 7th-century non-Islamic references to Mohammed, such as the note in BL Add. 14,461. See the Wikipedia page Historicity of Muhammad for more information and pertinent links.

          Of course that's hardly conclusive, but the evidence is substantially better than what you suggest. Whether it's "one of the most well documented historical religious movements", as the OP claimed, is still debatable.

    2. Winkypop Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: If they had a time machine...

      Rather then be rude and single out one particular group, I'd be less specific:

      They could look back and see that religion was a made up crock of shit....

    3. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      Re: If they had a time machine...

      At which point they'd surely have destroyed the machine.

      Slight correction though:

      "They could look back and see that religion was a made up crock of shit...."

      1. wowfood

        Re: If they had a time machine...

        Or they would look back, their gaze would fall on god and their faces would implode.

    4. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: If they had a time machine...

      >They could look back and see that their religion was a made up crock...

      What have you got against Zoroastrianism?

  5. Steven Roper

    Muad'Dib has arrived!

    As the great Frank Herbert pointed out, the ability to see the future collapses the future to the observed state, so it seems that Iran finally has their Kwisatz Haderach.

    Next up, Muad'Dib's Jihad establishes the One True Faith over the entire world, locking in the future he and his Iranian compatriots have forseen, until his son Leto II arrives to free us all with his Golden Path.

    And even far Gangishree isnt far enough... anyone want to join the Scattering with me?

    1. DrTechnical

      Re: Muad'Dib has arrived!

      Excellent Post!

    2. cortland

      Re: Muad'Dib has arrived!

      <p>

      But he has (ick) ~worms~!</p>

  6. Robert E A Harvey

    Skegness got there first!

    Havn't we seen this before? Sounds like Zoltar!

    http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f185/quadrophan/zoltar.jpg

    1. ThomH Silver badge

      Re: Skegness got there first!

      Iran wishes it were big?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Interesting

    They must think the recent test of downing drones with a laser was science fiction so they had to make up their own cool story. Anyone in the war market knows that laser and its follow-on products are going to change warfare forever. It took to the count of 3 for the surface of the drone to get hot enough to start burning even with air rushing across the surface. I don't know how you say Holy Shit in Persian, but every Iranian general uttered it when they saw those videos. Beams of light instead of bullets to the mid evil mind is the far-fetched equivalent of a time machine. So, I guess we're even now. Ohp, except one is real and I'll leave it up to the readers to decide which one.

    1. P. Lee Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: Interesting

      LASERs: all fun and games until someone makes their drone shiny.

      1. Steve Brooks

        Re: Interesting

        As pointed out by a famous science ficiton writer, if you have a green laser painting something green wil result in less absorption of energy. Now what colour where the US lasers? Ah yes infared, when you come up with infrared paint let Iran know will you?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Interesting

          Not a problem. Lots of things are reflective in the IR range. Just because you want to reflect IR, doesn't mean you need to be non-reflective to other wavelengths. There's a device called a hot mirror in every digital camera that reflects IR light. Also, astronomers have been using mirrors to reflect all kinds of wavelengths for ages. So, reflecting IR isn't a problem.

          What may be a problem for the Laser weapons people is the retroreflector. I'd love to see a weapons grade laser fired at a retroreflector.

          1. Graham Dawson

            Re: Interesting

            No reflective surface is 100% efficient. All it'll do is slow down the effect. Maybe sufficiently to prevent damage, maybe not, but I'd be tempted to say maybe not given that a laser can have its wattage upped with relative ease.

      2. Hein-Pieter van Braam
        Pirate

        Re: Interesting

        On the other hand: Your drones will be very shiny, I think that is a problem, no matter what wavelength they are shiny in. Haven't we just spent the last 60 years or so trying to make our flying military gear NOT shiny to microwaves? :)

      3. DrTechnical

        Re: Interesting

        It better be really really really shiny, a la Larry Niven's Stasis Generator field, or it will be vapor after a very little while...

        1. NomNomNom

          Re: Interesting

          Lasers will be far more expensive than the drones. Send in 100 drones. Lasers are going to have trouble shooting down an entire swarm, especially low flying swarms.

  8. southpacificpom

    Apple will no doubt be suing the Iranian doctor as "Time Machine" is a trademark of theirs.

    1. NomNomNom

      Apple are already suing Iran for infringing the trademark of Apple's new running machine

  9. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

    If you know any really gullable governments

    I have a machine that detects secret messages to terrorists hidden in Al Jazeera broadcasts. It could be modified to detect secret messages to US agents hidden in Fox news

  10. Two Posts
    Terminator

    A FanEloi writes...

    I have a time machine that works as well as this Iranian device, it is much smaller, spherical and made of quartz.

    I will admit this device is a little expensive to run as the touch interface is powered by silver and for some reason only I am able to see the results.

    Perhaps El Reg could set up a psychic projects bureau and have a regular column of future predictions from this device, it has to be worth it if only to generate click bait articles on future Apple products.

    (Terminator for the time travel reference)

  11. Dazed and Confused Silver badge

    Re: pledging to set up its own Arabic,..

    Sounds suspicious, in my experience call an Iranian Arabic results in a reaction that make calling the Librarian a monkey look mild in comparison.

    1. The Librarian

      Re: pledging to set up its own Arabic,..

      Ook?

      1. tonysmith

        Re: pledging to set up its own Arabic,..

        Iranians are Persians, not Arabs. The two groups don't like each other - at least on a political level. So saying that they'll set up an Arabic version of xyz may cause issues.

  12. Throatwobbler Mangrove
    Holmes

    Are you suggesting that the entire Iranian military-theological-industrial complex is in fact a massive exercise in Scifi LARPing?

    (Holmes, because Steampunk)

  13. Khaptain Silver badge

    Looking into the past

    Has anyone considerd that looking into the past would be just as exciting.... think about it .

    1. BeerTokens
      Go

      Re: Looking into the past

      You just need a mirror in space pointing at the area you want to watch in the past.

      Times and distance are all relative!

      Imagine watching the GP live four hours after it happened.

      You could just time shift on your PVR but where's the fun in that.

      1. This post has been deleted by a moderator

        1. BeerTokens
          Pint

          Re: Looking into the past

          I said it would work not that it was a good idea...

          The mirror would only ever be able to show you events from the time (or close to the time) it was placed. Furthermore you would only be able to watch events at a specific time lapse. So if you needed to check whether the ball had crossed the line or not you would need to wait until that event was beamed back from the mirror.

          All of this can be done with a video camera, and those guys at hawkeye don't have to worry about their jobs just yet!

          In fact there are so many weaknesses with this idea that it would take to long to list them all! But this does not mean it wouldn't work just that are better ways to get the desired outcome!.

          Beer because it's Friday and time for frivolous ideas.

    2. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  14. Putters
    Windows

    Professor Pinero ?

    The process sounds remarkably like that of Mr Heinlein's 1939 creation ...

    Wiki : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life-Line

    1. DrTechnical

      Re: Professor Pinero ?

      See also Arthur C Clark's, "The Light of Other Days". One of the best Time Viewer stories ever!

  15. Jonathon Desmond
    Mushroom

    Iranians == Persians != Arabs

    "Dazed and Confused" is correct. The Iranians are Persians, not Arabs (although some Arabs do, of course, live there), and they speak Persian (Farsi), not Arabic.

    Ever call a Kiwi an Aussie? Well, multiply that reaction by about 10 megatons. For example, the Iranian Government refuses overfly rights to airlines who refer to "The Persian Gulf" as "The Arabian Gulf" in their on-board systems.

    However, 'Wired' refers to Iran claiming to set up it's own *Islamist* version of Google Earth, which sounds more accurate.

  16. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Stop this faggotry worthwith

    "fellow rogue nation Iran"

    Iran is declared "rogue" in "the West"'s"Press Declarations Meant For Useful Idiots because the far-right government of Israel thinks it needs to perpetually play the nation scheduled for holocaustation and buys political influence via brown envelopes from the military superpower one continent away. There are also quite a few oil-related interests as in "who will be the next regional power", Saudi Arabia, Iran or US?

    Otherwise it would be about as "rogue" as Pakistan. Quite a lot less actually.

    1. Alister Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: Stop this faggotry worthwith

      Umm... Forthwith, Shirley?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Stop this faggotry worthwith

      Why is it that I suspect that some of Iran's bad press amongst the masses across the Atlantic is due simply to it being only 1 letter away from Iraq?

      They'd reduce the US public's support of an Israeli attack on them overnight if they changed their name to Saudi Irania.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Stop this faggotry worthwith

        "Why is it that I suspect that some of Iran's bad press amongst the masses across the Atlantic is due simply to it being only 1 letter away from Iraq?"

        Not The Nine O'Clock News, Rowan Atkinson shows the Iran/Iraq map, swapping the two countries arms and finally the last letter of each name!

    3. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      Re: Stop this faggotry worthwith

      "Stop this faggotry"?

      Iran's already trying pretty hard.

  17. Steady Eddy
    Joke

    I bought a time machine next week

    It's not very good. They don't make them like they will do.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Gone quiet

    'Seeing the future' = 'Divination'. Smells like the work of the Devil to me. Perhaps he thought better of it.

    Or perhaps he's gone quiet because no matter how far forward he looked he could never find a time when the whole world was embracing the One True Religion.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Published a week late

    if they really had a time machine they would have submitted the story a week earlier to hit 1st a bit more accurately. I think this sat on someone's desk for too long before making it into print...

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My time machine can see into the future too, the only problem is the time it takes to generate the image is directly related to how far forward you want to look, the ratio is approximately 1:1.

  21. Neil B
    Facepalm

    From the first Iraq invasion, when Iraq released footage of a beaming Sadam patting the heads of western hostages he was using as human shields, I am continually amazed at how infantile these dictatorships' efforts at propaganda look from a western point of view. The Photoshops and laughable rhetoric coming out of Korea in the last few months have done nothing to change my mind.

  22. trashbat
    Thumb Up

    Great news

    This could take them as far forward as 1987.

  23. Arachnoid
    Facepalm

    So the column was pulled from the papers oy vey iz mir.....you would have thought he would have seen that coming .

  24. Potemkine Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Iran? Arabic??

    I thought Iran was mostly persian, not arabic...

    1. cortland
      Pint

      Re: Iran? Arabic?? GUM Arabic?

      <p>

      One man's mead is another man's persian, er, poisson. Right?.</p>

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sounds utmost unlikely

    The kind of machine they're talking about would require an up time of the required 5-8 years and be able to encode sequences of subatomic particles where the sequences at most go back in time at a fraction of a second in any one instance (and keep doing this while maintaining the integrity of the data it is trying to send back to its earlier self). The protocols for achieving this without causing collisions with data being sent back from the machine's future self are going to be interesting.

    I'm sure a lot of secret research has been done into creating such an oracle but I'm deeply sceptical about it ever being achieved (a one shot, early warning system in the event of a sudden, looming catastrophe, perhaps)?

  26. Schultz

    I got one of those machines at home...

    but it can't predict the social stuff, only what day it'll be somewhere in the future.

    Where can I collect my reward?

  27. John H Woods Silver badge
    Boffin

    Time machine:

    Please select:

    My wealth / income places me in

    a) the top 1%

    b) the remaining 99%

    Five year forecast:

    a) things will get better for you

    b) things will get worse for you

    Thank you for using my time machine.

  28. Arachnoid

    Thank you for using my time machine.

    Maybe its just a redesigned electronic magic 8 ball for Kim to make decisions with

    Will NK Launch a nuke against the US or Japan?

    ● It is certain

    ● It is decidedly so

    ● Without a doubt

    ● Yes – definitely

    ● You may rely on it

    ● As I see it, yes

    ● Most likely

    ● Outlook good

    ● Yes

    ● Signs point to yes

    ● Reply hazy, try again

    ● Ask again later

    ● Better not tell you now

    ● Cannot predict now

    ● Concentrate and ask again

    ● Don't count on it

    ● My reply is no

    ● My sources say no

    ● Outlook not so good

    ● Very doubtful

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Thank you for using my time machine.

      Really spooky that CSS/HTML on here shows "Reply hazy..." in the exact spot the hazy faded lettering starts!

  29. Paul 75

    I'd like to know how they prove...

    ...it is accurate to 98% when things in the future have not happened yet :)

    1. Growly Snuffle Bunny
      WTF?

      98% ?

      If it's a time-machine then surely it would be 100% accurate?

      1. Ken 16 Silver badge
        Alien

        Re: 98% ?

        or at least should be able to get most of the blueprints for a future time machine which is.

  30. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

    It's a bloody horoscope machine.

    We saw a palm-reading machine in an amusement arcade in the 1970s. I think my Dad and I had a go on it. We each got a small neatly pre-printed card with our fortune told on it, as well as the card numbers 28 and 29 - or something like that - they hadn't shuffled the deck, they apparently just came out in number order.

    So, the West does already have this technology.

    Fortune-telling is considered naughty in Christianity and in bible Judaism because I suppose you're supposed to get the future told to you by God's authorised prophet. Islam in the present time is a non-prophet religion and iN some Islamic thought God has already decided what the future will be, but I don't know if it is considered to be legitimately available. For that matter, weather forecasting comes to mind. Jesus said something about that and he seemed to think it was O.K. but doesn't tell you when the Second Coming is.

    1. Anonymous Blowhard

      Re: It's a bloody horoscope machine.

      "For that matter, weather forecasting comes to mind. Jesus said something about that and he seemed to think it was O.K. but doesn't tell you when the Second Coming is."

      Or if it will rain in Swindon next Tuesday.

      1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

        Swindon?

        I don't know if there's a particular problem with Swindon's weather, but, try http://www.metoffice.gov.uk/public/weather/forecast/

        Seems to be the goods (for the United Kingdom).

  31. BorkedAgain
    Meh

    Meh.

    If they'd pulled the story before it was published I'd have been impressed.

    1. David Pollard
      Boffin

      Re: Meh.

      A bit of the past always tunnels through.

  32. This post has been deleted by its author

  33. sam_leivers

    I have something similar that lets me see 7 years into the future. It's a pair of glasses which give me 2020 vision! :)

    1. Red Bren

      @sam_leivers

      Can you get the cricket scores? I want to know who wins the 20202020...

  34. Moonshine
    Happy

    "It's the size of a PC"

    Does it actually need to be? I've started a Raspberry PI project for this already.

  35. Cameron Colley

    You' re just seeing future echos.

    So we know that the time machine has "will have going to have happened" happened but it hasn't yet happened happened.

    1. Amorous Cowherder
      Happy

      Re: You' re just seeing future echos.

      "So what is it?"

  36. Bill Fresher

    Error

    Sounds like they might have made a sign error. Probably wiped the story once they realised they were looking 5 years back in time rather than 5 years forward.

    Oh well. Good effort.

  37. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Cost/Benefit Analysis

    ...Iran spent just $US400,000 or $500,000...the USA, the story says has spent 50 years...[and]...about $10bn ...

    I feel compelled to mock the cost overruns on both the Iranian and US projects. I have a proven and competitive product that will get the job done at least as well. Get 'em while they're hot!

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Only 5 years?

    Surely if you cracked time travel you've not got a time limit, if you hadn't it is however a reasonable amount of time to make reasonable guesses about the future that sound plausible.

    This subject always makes me think of this cartoon:

    http://www.xkcd.com/716

    Explains the blinding headaches and unexplained bumps on the head I keep getting!

    1. jubtastic1

      Re: Only 5 years?

      I think you read that comic wrong, note the bloody baseball bat in the last frame and hover text.

  39. jai

    Paycheck

    Sounds like he did a Ben Affleck - built a time machine, then looked into the future, found that the future is a disaster as a result of the time machine itself, so then gave himself the tools to destroy the time machine, thereby saving humanity, but also giving himself a winning lottery ticket in the process.

    that's the only logical explaination for why the news of the discovery so suddenly vanished, isn't it?

  40. El Andy

    So the Persians have a time machine eh? Does it involve the Sands of Time by any chance?

  41. This post has been deleted by a moderator

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Saddo training

      Yep we DB people are and you know what, that's why we get paid a darn sight more money, get the fast cars and the leggy blondes(*) while you support desk people have to listen to whingers and their failed passwords and call us saddos!

      ( (*) two of those items on that list are not gauranteed! )

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Muslims have had a time machine for a long time, its called Islam. Wherever its brought it instantly transforms everyone back to the 6th century.

  43. Jan Boonen

    Israel has a time machine on the nucleair bomb of Iran though

    Wel, a very bad one, it is predicting for more then two decades that Iran will have a nucleair bomb in the next 6 or 9 months or two year, it depends on who knows what, but the predictions keep coming, and the media keeps believing it. Ha Ha Ha Ha indeed.

  44. Trustme

    Apparently all the news is NOT fit to print....

    The story got pulled because every possible future they looked at ended with "We're screwed"...

  45. Rob Crawford

    Questions questions

    If it works (why am I saying if ?) then they can quite easily speculate on the financial markets and within a short period buy the entire world

    Also if they can only see 5 years into the future then they could view a output of time machine which is placed 5 years in the future thereby having a 10 year view (repeat process ad nauseum)

    Alternatively they could look into the future and see how to build a better time machine.

    Personally I am glad that I have typed less shite here than the Iranians managed with the original story

  46. Ken 16 Silver badge
    Trollface

    Why bother to post the details in the first place?

    Since they could see they were going to take them down later?

  47. Fink-Nottle
    Facepalm

    Oooh, my aching brain.

    'Iranian scientist Ali Razeghi doesn't pop up in search engine results. But Ali Razeghi does ...'

  48. The_Regulator
    Mushroom

    The Infidels Will Pay Thanks To My Time Machine!!

    I will go to the future and see what they do then I will blow themmmmmmm!!!

    ahaha, they need to move the iranian terrorizers to south korea and move the south koreans somewhere else then let the north koreans and iranians fight it out for dominance of the worlds dumbest states!!

    Nukeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shame on you El Reg.

    Talk about propaganda.

    Anyone reading that page can clearly see it's talking about a system which does stats analysis, and which according to the 'inventor' has shown itself to be 98% accurate in the predictions it makes.

    I wonder if a British company used the term "time machine" to describe something that had actually nothing to do with travelling through time, whether this would have been reported in this way? Or maybe an American company... maybe I should go and look up how you all took the news that Apple were calling their backup solution "time machine"?

    This article appears to have no other purpose than to allow people to take the piss out of Iran, which would be fair enough, but by making up the thing you're taking the piss of them about, all you're really doing is taking the piss out of your site and members.

  50. John Savard Silver badge

    Weather

    This is Iran, where they banned weather forecasts on the TV, because only God can see the future. So it is the last place I would have expected a story like this to come from. Russia is full of silly-season stories like this, on the other hand.

  51. cortland

    The problem

    <p>

    with a time machine of the sort claimed here is that it takes so much work that by the time you get the info -- you're THERE.</p>

    <p>

    Tick Tock Hollyhock, etc.</p>

    <p>

    &nbsp;</p>

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