back to article Oklahoma woman cuffed with loaded .22 in pork holster

An Oklahoma woman busted on drugs and firearms charges earlier this week was found to have concealed a loaded .22 revolver in her vagina, the Smoking Gun reports. Christie Dawn Harris, 28, was cuffed in the early hours of Monday morning in Ada, some 120km souteast of Oklahoma City. Cops spotted her and Jennifer Delancy …

COMMENTS

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  1. Gert Leboski
    Thumb Up

    Pork holster.

    Brilliant. Lester, I salute you. :)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pork holster.

      Sounds like an entry from the Profanasaurus. Other delightful terms for Lady bits include: fish mitten, loosely packed kebab, furry vertical bicycle stand, growler, grotter, and c*ckwash. Not sure how many of those are going to make it into the Oxford English Dictionary though.

      1. Prof
        Coat

        Re: Pork holster.

        Probably not many! But there are still plenty to choose from, even if you pick a theme along the lines of Pork Holster. You can have these for free: Gammon Alley, Furburger, Cod Canyon, Oxo Orifice, Tuna Tunnel, Cod Crater, Sausage Wallet, and of course my favorite - Mc Flappy Meal

        World women's day tomorrow you say? I better be off now then

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Windows

          Re: Pork holster.

          Vertical bacon sandwich...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Hairy magnet

        is more appropriate perhaps

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pork holster.

      It's always reminded me more of sliced roast beef.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: sliced roast beef

        that's tomorrow's dinner sorted

    3. Richard 26

      Re: Pork holster.

      So there was some truth in the 'Processed Meat Linked To Early Death' story after all.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Fish holster

      Where is the tech in this?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Fish holster

        Only two things in the world smell like fish, and one of them's fish.

  2. Aaron Em
    Pint

    Smoking gun, eh?

    You'd think she would at least let it cool off first...

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Was the saftey catch on ?

    Or it would be the biggest wad she was ever shot with.

    Urggh did I really say that.

  4. Barry Dingle

    "gun located in suspect vagina"

    I'm sure it's on purpose they didn't phrase it "suspect's vagina".

  5. frank ly Silver badge

    When I try to think about what she did ....

    ... my brain screams and runs away.

  6. Blubster
    Coat

    Re: Pork holster.

    "I then retrieved from between Christie's buttock, two clear baggies containing a large amount of a crystal substance."

    Was it crack?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Was it crack?

      Being Oklahoma, likely not - it is more probable it was meth.

      So rather than crack crack, it was messy meth.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Windows

      Re: Pork holster.

      Yeah, new kind, kinda whiffy and brown, bum crack its called...

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    Here' Some REAL News: The PORK BOMBER

    http://www.cbc.ca/player/Shows/Shows/the+fifth+estate/ID/2308854708/

    1. Charles 9 Silver badge

      Re: Here' Some REAL News: The PORK BOMBER

      Okay, I get it, but what I was really looking for was a woman showing one can bring a bomb onto a plane or whatever via a dildo. Nothing short of a strip search (like what the jail was doing) would bring it out, and if the woman was sufficiently kinky, you wouldn't even know it in her step. As the only way to find it would be to stomp the US 4th Amendment to the ground (as a strip search without GOOD reason would be considered unreasonable--not to mention trending sexist and therefore discriminatory), this could get the security theater hawks to wring their hands and realize, "You'll lose. What'll it be? The dildo bomb or Big Brother?"

      1. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: Here' Some REAL News: The PORK BOMBER

        I seem to recall a device called a "charger" being mentioned a few times in Papillion.

        Whilst internally carried explosives haven't proven to do more than make a mess of the bomber when set off, there's nothing saying they have to be detonated internally once smuggled into the appropriate location.

  8. Frankee Llonnygog

    Bumper sticker

    "I'll give you my gun when you pry it from my ... "

    etc, etc

    1. LaeMing Silver badge
      Coat

      Is that a gun in your...

      ... ewwwwww!

  9. 100113.1537

    A revolver?

    See title

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A revolver?

      Yes, and that also addresses the "was the safety on" question (a small revolver like this is not likely to have a safety at all). Given the statement it had one spent and 3 live rounds, I'd assume it's a 4 shot revolver, which in .22 could be quite small (esp. if it is .22 short, rather than .22 long rifle, which is the more common round).

      1. Martin 15
        Alert

        Re: A revolver?

        A fairly tiny looking thing. But some sharp edges!

        http://www.theboxotruth.com/docs/bot26.htm

        1. Scotty
          Coat

          Re: A revolver?

          Access Denied : Weapons

          Great .... now my BOFH is gonna think im about to go postal :)

      2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

        Re: David A. Hagood (was Re: A revolver?)

        A .22 short revolver?

        You mean a hole punch?

      3. George Nacht

        Re: A revolver?

        That one spent shell is what bothers me most. Mind swirling in scenarios, one more cringeworthy than the other...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A revolver?

      A ReVulva?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A new spin on safe sex

    Bummer when you have to wear a Kevlar condom.

    Scary part if she comes first....

    1. tech-head (not Richard)
      Thumb Down

      Re: A new spin on safe sex

      Don't think it was a bummer, was it?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    female officer

    who found it musta worked for TSA before

  12. Herby Silver badge

    This adds creedence to why Texas doesn't drift off into the Gulf.

    Because "Oklahoma Sucks" (or similar words).

    This just proves the example. Thank again, "our bodies are our temples" might be more in mind here.

    Kinda sad the name as I just finished a ham sandwich a few moments ago (*SIGH*).

  13. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Leave it to the Register to print a story that can at once put me off both sex and violence!!!

    Screw the children, someone needs to think of the unpleasant images these stories plant in my already media-bombed mind!!

    1. An(other) Droid
      Thumb Up

      Re: Leave it to the Register to print a story that can at once put me off both sex and violence!!!

      I take it you haven't seen Machete...

      There was a demonstration of similar storage skills early into the movie, which had exactly the opposite effect than what you mentioned!

      1. Rukario
        Terminator

        Re: Leave it to the Register to print a story that can at once put me off both sex and violence!!!

        Or the Doctor Who episode Bad Wolf.

        Trinn-e: But that's a Compact Laser Deluxe.

        Zu-zana: Where were you hiding that?

        Jack Harkness: You really don't want to know.

        Trinn-e: Give me that accessory *BANG*

    2. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: Leave it to the Register to print a story that can at once put me off both sex and violence!!!

      "Screw the children,"

      Err, that is a statement and not a request?

      Under UK law that might be viewed as incitement.

  14. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
    Holmes

    She's lucky she got arrested...

    when a Darwin award was the obvious outcome.

    1. Silverburn

      Re: She's lucky she got arrested...

      Depends which way it was inserted. Though neither option could be described as comfortable if it did go off.

      However, given the wooden handle was visible in this case, then Darwin was definitely on standby.

  15. Winkypop Silver badge
    Flame

    Prisoner banged up

    Jailer gets to grip with the problem.

  16. southpacificpom
    Mushroom

    Only a complete cu__ would do a thing like this.

  17. Paul J Turner

    Safe sex...

    so long as it wasn't cocked.

  18. Gray Ham
    Unhappy

    Showing my age, I know ...

    .... but I instantly thought of "Eskimo Nell" ....

    "Then, Mexican Pete did leap to his feet

    To avenge his pal's affront,

    With a jarring jolt of his blue-nosed Colt,

    He rammed it up Nellie's c***.

    He rammed it hard to the trigger guard,

    Then fired two times three,

    But to his surprise, Nell closed her eyes

    And smiled in ecstasy."

  19. ElsieEffsee

    I'm surprised no one has thought of calling the hiding place a

    Gunt.

    Or is that too rude?!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Headmaster

      Re: I'm surprised no one has thought of calling the hiding place a

      I'm afraid "gunt" has already been taken. It refers to the flab overhanging and sometimes obscuring the nether regions on a particularly obese woman. From "gut" + "cunt".

  20. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge
    Joke

    Prison break

    Guard: "She shoved a pair of 38s in my face. And then she pulled a gun on me."

  21. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    Anyone wonder what happened to the spent round?

    Something tells me the reason why the suspect was so keen to ditch it was that somewhere there is a person with an additional hole in them.

    With such a small weapon you wouldn't run around with it unless it either had 3 rounds and an empty chamber or all 4 loaded.

    Unless you were in a tearing hurry to get somewhere. Or get away from somewhere.

    Might turn up in ER. Might turn up in the morgue.

  22. praos

    Tell me about pork barrel.

  23. mhenriday
    IT Angle

    Did I click on «The Smoking Gun» by mistake -

    or has there been a merger with the Reg which I managed to miss in the the media flow ?...

    Henri

  24. Cyrius1995
    WTF?

    I can't believe

    That no one has commented on the fact that she wasn't didn't have "carrying a concealed weapon" added to her arrest sheet!

  25. Lamont Cranston
    Coat

    A Loaded magazine?

    Didn't realise that was still in print.

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