back to article North Korean citizens told: Socialist haircuts are a thing... go get some

The North Korean government has issued haircut guidance for its citizens and chosen 28 hairstyles it deems "appropriate" for members of the single-party state. According to the WantChina Times, photos of the 28 haircuts recommended by the totalitarian regime (pictured below) have been issued to salons around the country. The …

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  1. Magani
    Linux

    I wish!

    As a member of the follically challenged fraternity, any of the styles would be to die for, thank you.

    Penguins 'cost they don't need no steenkin' haircuts.

    1. Magani

      Re: I wish!

      'cost = 'cos

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I wish!

      Quite - what happens if you are bald? :)

      1. BorkedAgain

        Re: I wish!

        Follicular re-education camp.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I wish!

        "Quite - what happens if you are bald? :)"

        Unless you particularly enjoy being publicly ridiculed, you're probably rather less likely to be visiting a "hair saloon" any time soon, given the lack of hair, which is presumably somewhat of a prerequisite for such an establishment, and therefore unlikely to face this particular issue.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Joke

        Re: I wish!

        Due to the lack of food, once you no longer have enough hair to conform to the mandated hair styles, you will be taken out, shot, and fed to the pigs - if there are any left.

        "Joke Alert" cos some people have too many German genes.

    3. Homer 1
      Big Brother

      Re: I wish!

      Consider yourself blessed, my smooth-noggined comrade. Baldies are manly men with testosterone fuelled, manly shaped appendages. Not at all like them fluffy-haired quasi-male-oriented fakers.

      The mops on those so-called socialist, OTOH, look decidedly conservative to me, in a Hilary Clinton sort of a way. Although, arguably, Hilary Clinton is also a testosterone-fuelled manly man with a manly shaped appendage, so maybe it's a wig.

      I mean just look at Ms. Big Hair at No6! That has to be the most conservative hairdo I ever saw. And Mr. Top Centre looks like a Faux News anchor, for Goat's sake. Heck, they all look like they're lined up for inspection at a Tea Party rally (lapsang souchong, naturally).

      This won't do at all.

      Everyone knows that socialists have greasy, perfectly straight, long hair all the way down to their arse. This was enacted into law in the 1970s, and ratified by 57 countries under the International Treaty of Socialist Haircuts (although North Korea abstained on the grounds that they weren't invited to the signing ceremony).

      Pfft.

      1. Ted Treen
        Coat

        Re: I wish! (Homer 1 - 14:07)

        "... Baldies are manly men with testosterone fuelled, manly shaped appendages..."

        ---according to a rumour (unverified) spread by baldies.

        1. Steven Roper
          Coat

          Re: I wish! (Homer 1 - 14:07)

          Grass does not grow on a busy street, nor hair on a smart man's head.

          1. Local G

            Re: I wish! (Homer 1 - 14:07)

            nor moss on a rolling stone

          2. Michael Dunn

            Re: I wish! (Homer 1 - 14:07)

            Grass does not grow on a busy street, nor hair on a smart man's head.

            Alternatively, you don't thatch an empty barn!

        2. Martin Budden Bronze badge
          Happy

          Re: I wish! (Homer 1 - 14:07)

          "... Baldies are manly men with testosterone fuelled, manly shaped appendages..."

          'tis true. Men lose their hair root by root.

  2. LinkOfHyrule
    Happy

    Who said the 1979 Autumn/Winter version of the Freeman's catalogue wasn't still setting the trends! Just look at those mugshots!

    1. Anomalous Cowturd
      Joke

      That bloke, top right...

      Looks like he's plotting something really nasty...

      Like a paisley shirt.

  3. SuperTim
    Big Brother

    Kim Jong Un doesn't appear to sport one of the mandated haircuts. Socialism appears to only be for the masses in NK.

    1. Rampant Spaniel

      Exactly, and why is the leadership focusing on haircuts and nuclear weapons when there is a slightly larger problem of most of the populous starving to death. I hate this kind of BS, I can understand them feeling the need for security and even leaving aside any disputes over the validity of communism, haircuts should not be something their government is wasting time on. When you can feed your people, maybe then you can consider mandating haircuts, but to be fair there's still a hell of a lot of things higher up the list.

      1. SuperTim

        *Peoples Democratic Republic

        That sounds like the most open government type possible, Surely a simple national vote will allow the people to change what haircuts make it to the top 10, like an "x-factor" for hair, if you will. They could use their smartphones or vote via their interactive plasma TV's. I suspect that we have only heard what the Daily Mail wants us to hear! All this Nuclear talk is a smokescreen to prevent Simon Cowell from going to NK and taking over.

      2. Psyx
        Go

        "haircuts should not be something their government is wasting time on."

        Quite. Don't they have an all-pervasive celebrity and consumerism-obsessed mass-media whose job it is to tell them what haircuts to have and what to wear, instead?

      3. Christian Berger

        @Rampant Spaniel

        "Exactly, and why is the leadership focusing on haircuts and nuclear weapons when there is a slightly larger problem of most of the populous starving to death."

        That can be said about most governments. Why are governments talking about stricter copyright enforcement or (anti-) terror laws, when there are slightly larger problems of education and, in the case of some countries, most of the populous starving to death.

        Governments very seldom actually solve problems. That's because if you are rational you will agree with most of your peers and never stand out rising to power, and most government positions are filled with people who don't have problems.

      4. boltar Silver badge
        Flame

        "Exactly, and why is the leadership focusing on haircuts and nuclear weapons when there is a slightly larger problem of most of the populous starving to death. "

        Its all about control. If you tell people how to live their lives right down to the smallest detail it crushes their self esteem and will and they become little more than robots with whom you can do what you like. This is the reality of the socialist dream - in theory a system of equality , in reality a system to turn individuals into nothing more than lobotomised identikit "workers" who worship Orwells Big Brother. Or else.

        1. Psyx
          Stop

          "This is the reality of the socialist dream - in theory a system of equality , in reality a system to turn individuals into nothing more than lobotomised identikit "workers" who worship Orwells Big Brother. Or else."

          No it's not.

          North Korea is not Socialist in any meaningful way.

          I know it's fashionable over the other side of the pond to label any unpleasant totalitarian government as 'Socialist' and use it interchangeably with the words 'Communist' and 'scum', but that's not what Socialism actually is.

          1. boltar Silver badge
            Thumb Down

            @psyx

            "North Korea is not Socialist in any meaningful way."

            What , just like Cuba isn't? Or venezuala? Or a dozen other left wing governments who's views are nothing more than a front to control people? Socialism is all about control whether its the intolerance of liberal left in the UK to any dissent against their absurd views or a dictatorship in the 3rd world. "We defend the right to hold any viewpoint - so long as we agree with it." should be the motto of all lefties.

            1. Psyx
              FAIL

              Re: @psyx

              "Socialism is all about control whether its the intolerance of liberal left in the UK to any dissent against their absurd views or a dictatorship in the 3rd world. "We defend the right to hold any viewpoint - so long as we agree with it." should be the motto of all lefties."

              Bwahahaha.

              See: You're just using the words 'Liberal' and 'Socialist' to label anything that you don't politically agree with, in the same way that many people on the other side of the fence use 'Fascist' to describe Conservative and Right-leaning politics that *they* don't agree with. It's just a stupid piece of propaganda and thought control that's ultimately divisive.

              ""We defend the right to hold any viewpoint - so long as we agree with it." should be the motto of all lefties."

              Bollocks. I might as well argue that anyone Rightist stamps around in jackboots, taking money from poor people.

              1. boltar Silver badge
                Thumb Down

                Re: @psyx

                """We defend the right to hold any viewpoint - so long as we agree with it." should be the motto of all lefties."

                "Bollocks. I might as well argue that anyone Rightist stamps around in jackboots, taking money from poor people."

                When was the last time your saw a right wing pressure group trying to prevent a guest speaker at a university from speaking? Happens all the bloody time with the left - as soon as there's something or someone they don't like its get out the placards time and lets cause trouble, democracy be damned. Yet they'll quite happily suck up to some terrorism supporting mullah paying a visit simply because of the my enemy is your enemy rule. Anything to stick it to the man. Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe them.

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: @boltar

                  "When was the last time your saw a right wing pressure group trying to prevent a guest speaker at a university from speaking?"

                  That's a good point. Right wing pressure groups are generally no bother at all. Like those lovely gentlemen from the EDL, just protesting all peaceful like.

                2. Psyx
                  Boffin

                  Re: @psyx

                  "When was the last time your saw a right wing pressure group trying to..."

                  There's plenty of right-wing groups making unsavoury protests and supporting unsavoury characters.

                  However, it's an inherent truth that right-wing pressure groups generally try to enforce their whim more by less publicly visible means, such as lobbying and throwing large amounts of money at the problem. Frankly, as much as I get annoyed by protesters wandering the streets, I'd rather policy be influenced by such means than I would see it sorted out by a brown-paper envelope and a handshake in a back room.

                  "its get out the placards time and lets cause trouble, democracy be damned."

                  Umm... protest and the right to gather is a cornerstone of democracy. It doesn't matter what your politics are, if you are pro-democratic, you should be supporting their right to whine.

                  "Yet they'll quite happily suck up to some terrorism supporting mullah paying a visit simply because of the my enemy is your enemy rule. Anything to stick it to the man. Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe them."

                  Bollocks. Again. Why the hell are you assuming that everyone who doesn't politically agrees with you supports terrorists. That's just idiotic. I don't agree with your politics, but I'll draw short of saying that you support violent right-wing extremists.

                3. asdf Silver badge

                  Re: @psyx

                  >When was the last time your saw a right wing pressure group trying to prevent a guest speaker at a university from speaking?

                  No they are too busy obtaining ANFO to blow up an abortion clinic to deal with lefty things like peaceful protest. Also in general they don't believe in public secular universities (too full of brainwashing lefties profs) so the whole idea of anybody being able to speak they don't approve before hand goes against their nature. And if they really wanted to muzzle someone even at a public uni they would just have the Koch brothers talk to the regents and get the talk suddenly cancelled.

                4. Daniel B.
                  Facepalm

                  @boltar

                  "When was the last time your saw a right wing pressure group trying to prevent a guest speaker at a university from speaking?"

                  Leon, Guanajuato, Mexico, Tec de Monterrey Campus León circa 2001? 2002? A teacher brought over a guest speaker explaining how the Guadalupe Virgin was actually made up by the Catholic Church using an Aztec goddess as a base model. Most of the people left the auditorium and the ultrarightist religious nutjob organizations *demanded* an apology from said teacher for daring to bring such blasphemous people to talk. And that's just the one case I know about; I'm pretty sure there are a lot of those cases in that particular Mexican state.

                  Extremes are extremes. They happen on both sides.

                5. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: @psyx

                  boltar, are just trolling?

                  There is a generally a huge difference between the right wing speakers who get protested and the left wing speakers who don't. Show me the left wing speakers who could be accused of hate speech.

              2. Ted Treen
                Pint

                Re: @psyx (13:18)

                "I might as well argue that anyone Rightist stamps around in jackboots, taking money from poor people."

                Of course we wouldn't - they don't have any to take. We'd take it from the middle/upper middle classes.

                1. Psyx
                  Thumb Up

                  Re: @psyx (13:18)

                  "Of course we wouldn't - they don't have any to take. We'd take it from the middle/upper middle classes."

                  Ah yes, those phantom 'middle classes' that the government cons people into believing that they're part of.

                2. Uffish

                  "I know my place".

                  Don't evade the issue, you know you can always get a bit from even the poorest if you shake them hard enough.

              3. Michael Dunn
                Joke

                Re: @psyx

                Bollocks. I might as well argue that anyone Rightist stamps around in jackboots, taking money from poor people.

                They're called Traffic Wardens!

          2. andy mcandy
            Trollface

            Not socialist..

            Yes but...you have to agree in the UK the average Labour voter is a communist bastard in disguise.

            1. Bill B
              Mushroom

              Re: Not socialist..

              @andy mcandy "...the average Labour voter is a communist bastard"

              I find this statement deeply offensive, insulting, inaccurate and a gross generalisation.

              My parents were married when I was born.

            2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

              Re: Not socialist..

              Yep that's exactly what I think when I look at Tony Blair or Peter Mandleson - there goes a secret Maoist

          3. JeffyPooh Silver badge
            Pint

            Helpful advice...

            The political 'spectrum' is actually closed-in on itself; it's a circle.

            The extreme left and the extreme right are perfectly indistinguishable. They're the same exact thing, dangerous lunatics.

            The real battle is directly across the circle, moderates versus nut job extremists of any stripe.

            This Political Spectrum Is A Damn Circle concept is extremely useful. It explains a lot and helps greatly on many ethics and morals questions.

            I hope this helps.

        2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          A socialist dream?

          > If you tell people how to live their lives right down to the smallest detail it crushes their self esteem and will >and they become little more than robots with whom you can do what you like.

          Definitely a socialist idea - now just wait while I cut the end of my dick off, never cut my hair, don't eat shellfish, don't carry keys on saturday, hate gays, not use condoms .....

        3. Jamie Jones Silver badge
          FAIL

          "This is the reality of the socialist dream"

          This is the what Americans think is the reality of the socialist dream

          There. Fixed it for you.

          The damn pinko commie/socialist propaganda in America.. Most Americans wouldn't recognise a true socialist or have a clue what socialism stands for. And the irony is that most Americans that fall into this bracket are the ones that benefit most from some of the American "socialist" laws,,,,,, Medicare, state aid etc,

        4. Anonymous Coward
          Facepalm

          Socialist??? An enlightened social democracy would be a beautiful thing in any country. These "rulers" aren't socialists they're fascists. Frighteningly, Canada and many other countries are heading down that same road. Right now it's at a kinder, gentler pace but the harper regime is doing everything it can to quicken the pace and speed us into a totalitarian police state.

          It does make me wonder who our politicians are actually working for.

      5. Lars
        Pint

        True, but I am afraid some 1bn people here in the west focused on De Niro's haircut not so long ago.

    2. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Apparently it's based on the cut his grandfather (Kim Il-Sung) had, so it's presumably reserved exclusively for the family of the Great/Dear/Whatever Leader.

    3. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
      Big Brother

      All haircuts are equal, but some haircuts are more equal than others

      1. AceRimmer
        Big Brother

        Now we know what hair styles Winston and Julia would most probably have

    4. Cipher
      Alert

      exactly...

      Extremism is always for the masses, never for the elites administering it for the good of the great unwashed...

      1. relpy

        Re: exactly...

        "great unwashed"?

        I'll have you know they all have lovely clean, shiny hair.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    As opposed to the more expensive Capitalist Haircuts...

    ... in Greece, Italy, Spain .... etc

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: As opposed to the more expensive Capitalist Haircuts...

      Would that be like the one Apple stock just had?

  5. Ketlan
    Devil

    Brazilians?

    I wonder if the glorious socialist North Korean government has issued pictorial guidelines on decadent capitalist Brazilians. We should be told (and should see the pix, too).

    1. JetSetJim Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Brazilians?

      Not forgetting the glitzy denizens of Hollywood.

      (and, if memory serves correctly, you shoulda used the Paris icon...)

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wow it's like 1980s early 90s Hong Kong Action Movies and dodgy C-Drama's and K-Drama's all over again.

  7. Nigel Brown

    Resistant to western influence?

    I'm sure there's at least 3 styles in the men's selection that Elvis used to wear.......

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Resistant to western influence?

      Elvis was a communist!

      1. Christian Berger

        Re: Resistant to western influence?

        "Elvis was a communist!"

        You might be confusing him with Dean Reed, "The Red Elvis".

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Resistant to western influence?

      Whaddya mean used to wear ?

      1. TeeCee Gold badge
        Meh

        Re: Resistant to western influence?

        Well these days he's bald, which is why nobody recognises him.

  8. Rampant Spaniel

    Danny was right

    "All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hairs are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight."

    I guess Withnail finally got released in NK!

  9. VaalDonkie

    At least they get to choose between 28 styles. Turkey has the most hilarious history in this regard.

  10. Not also known as SC
    Thumb Down

    Daily Mail

    I know this was boot notes, but using the Daily Mail as an authoritative source?

    1. Rampant Spaniel

      Re: Daily Mail

      well it is about foreigners, and the DM has a lot to say about them! Not that quantity is an indicator of quality.

      1. Anonymous Coward 101

        Re: Daily Mail

        I simply do not believe that there was five part a series entitled 'Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyle'. I do not think that 'Tara Brady' has credible sources within North Korea that could provide this information.

        This factoid smells like a bullshit Wikipedia entry or joke that has been copy-pasted into her story. I could be wrong of course, but that's what I think.

        1. DavCrav Silver badge

          Re: Daily Mail

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let%27s_trim_our_hair_in_accordance_with_the_socialist_lifestyle

          It seems like a fairly well-referenced piece, with screenshots. Apparently some clips were replayed on the BBC, there's a Grauniad article about it, etc.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Daily Mail

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2XVNFzNlZ8

        3. Pookietoo

          Re: I could be wrong of course

          But YouTube is never wrong: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2XVNFzNlZ8

    2. JDX Gold badge
      IT Angle

      Re: Daily Mail

      Never mind the DM, what exactly does this have to do with World IT?

      1. Joseph Haig

        Re: Daily Mail

        "what exactly does this have to do with World IT?"

        Now, if it were guidance about suitable beards lengths for sys admins ...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "what exactly does this have to do with World IT?"

          Quite - I can't remember the last time I had a haircut. Beard's coming on nicely too.

    3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Daily Mail

      Looks like it might actually be genuine. Although the BBC doesn't give the program name, their source is BBC monitoring in Caversham, who watch foreign TV and listen to foreign radio all day. BBC story

      But those commies do like silly names, see these 2 examples from the Beeb story:

      Television newsreels such as "Employees of Pyongyang Textile Plant keep their hairstyle and dressing neat and tidy" and "Hairdressers at Ch'anggwangwo'n manage men's hair according to the demands of the military-first era" have also aired.

      1. John Wilson

        Re: Daily Mail

        That BBC article is from 2005. So either way, this can be safely filed under "not news".

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: Daily Mail

          John Wilson,

          If you read the article, it says that this poster is new, and then they refer you back to the excellent TV mini-series with the bonkers name - to point out that it's not unprecedented.

          So yes, it is news. As happens it's something I didn't know about, so now I've learnt a new (utterly useless) fact, all from reading the dear old Reg.

          Although in reality, it's not news, it's one of those interesting titbits that can be filed under "and finally" or "funny things that foreigners do". Which is exactly what Bootnotes or Odds and Sods is for. If you don't like it, don't read it.

  11. Louis Schreurs BEng
    Devil

    Western influence

    It's more like take today minus 50 yrs western hairstyles. In the idea of Elvis was a communist.................

  12. bowdie

    I'll have a bloke's number 6 please

    I'd actually quite like UK barbers to do this, at least then I wouldn't have to do the stupid "short on the sides and back, and a bit off the top, yeah.. parting there... around the ears, yes I would like it straight at the back... no product please..." bullshit I have to do whenever I get my haircut now.

    Or maybe I'm just bitter because the old greek bloke that knew just how I like my hair has retired.

    1. Rampant Spaniel

      Re: I'll have a bloke's number 6 please

      My old barbers used to have 12x17 inch b&w pictures or 'hair styles' around the top of the wall and you just pointed at the one you want. Much simpler. You still had to wait an hour every time you went in, and talk endless bollocks about football but it was a fair trade for a three quid haircut. Eventually moved away and couldn't find anywhere that satisfied the no appointments and no more than five quid rules on mens haircuts so just bought a hair trimmer.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I'll have a bloke's number 6 please

        My old barber did the same - then he would ignore the picture you had chosen and give you the one haircut he had learnt to do in his army days - short.

        1. FreeTard

          Re: I'll have a bloke's number 6 please

          Hang about, is that not how all barbers do hair styles? Everyone I've ever been to they ask you how you want your hair cut, and then do another one entirely.

          Lately I've taken to answering "meh", amazingly I've been getting the best cuts ever!

      2. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Barbers

        I used to use a barbers and luckily he was not a football fan, he liked barbering because you cannot say bollocks in a hair dressers.

        We did chat about sport as he was into local motorsports.

        Now dead unfortunately

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'll have a bloke's number 6 please @bowdie

      Get your haircut records transferred to the new guy.

      1. Not also known as SC

        Re: I'll have a bloke's number 6 please @bowdie

        But wouldn't the IP beling to the original barber exposing you and the new barber to all sort of copyright shenanigans? (IT angle... )

        Coat icon not available on my phone :-(

        1. Not also known as SC

          Re: I'll have a bloke's number 6 please @bowdie

          I must read what I write before hitting submit. I meant belong, not beling. Fail icon for myself.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'll have a bloke's number 6 please

      Round my way that's a large fried rice, Szechuan lamb, curry puffs and a bag of prawn crackers + 6 pack of beer.

  13. tkioz
    Angel

    I guess there is something to be said for running your own country... You get to tell chicks to wear their hair in the fashion you find hottest!

    1. David Schmidt
      Thumb Up

      History of the World, Part I

      As the great Mel Brooks said... "it's good to be da king!'

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Imagine if...

    ...the Great Leader himself was totally bald.

    Bald men, women, kids, dogs and cats everywhere.

    1. Don Jefe

      Re: Imagine if...

      Dear Leader can never be bald. The strength of the gravity field generated by his mighty brain hold his hairs in place.

      1. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Imagine if...

        Perhaps he is just dense?

  15. JDX Gold badge

    5 part series "Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyle"

    Where can I get the boxset? It has to be better than the last series of Lost.

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Coat

      Re: 5 part series "Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyle"

      You'll be pleased to hear that all that cutting edge documentary is a mere snip at 29.99.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: 5 part series "Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyle"

        All 350 betamax tapes of it.

        1. MJI Silver badge

          Re: 5 part series "Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyle"

          All 350 betamax tapes of it.

          If it is PAL I'll convert to DVD if you wish

    2. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

      Re: 5 part series "Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyle"

      ...and still a better love story than Twilight...

    3. Psyx
      Thumb Up

      Re: 5 part series "Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyle"

      "Where can I get the boxset? It has to be better than the last series of Lost."

      Certainly more coherent and internally consistent.

  16. ukgnome
    Windows

    What about Beards

    I couldn't live in a dictatorship if I had to shave, I haven't seen my chin for twenty years.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Joke

      Re: What about Beards

      Beard? You decedent capitalist western pig!

    2. aawelj

      Re: What about Beards

      Beards are obviously not properly Socialist - odd, given Karl Mark and Lenin were both averse to razors.

      1. Irony Deficient

        Karl Mark?

        aawelj, Lenin’s beard was neatly trimmed; perhaps you were thinking of Engels’ facial forest?

  17. Code Monkey

    Socialist haircuts seem to be heavily biased towards the bouffant spectrum, for socialist dudes at least.

  18. HP Cynic

    Old news

    Well, maybe having 28 acceptable haircuts is new but for years they have not only frowned upon long hair (for men) but actually have a TV Show where they publicly shame men who've "transgressed".

    I've seen "clips" of it :)

    1. Smallbrainfield

      Re: Old news

      Really old news. I remember seeing this on some programme years ago, might even have been one of Clive James programmes in the eighties.

  19. Alfred
    Thumb Up

    Not all bad news

    It's not all bad; they've clearly banned the mullet.

  20. Dogsauce
    Big Brother

    They're no longer taking bets on these images being pinned to the wall in every hipster barbershop within a mile radius of Hoxton by the weekend.

  21. TheNSB
    IT Angle

    Two plaits good, four plaits bad.

  22. ForthIsNotDead Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    They look alright to me...

    I like the look of 4,5 and 12.

    Very pretty.

    Onward, comrades!

  23. MJA
    Facepalm

    Side parting

    Have to say - one of the male pictures (the one with the 1940's side parting) is actually quite popular in the 'Western World' at the moment, particularly in the UK. In their secluded world I think N Korean government assume that all Westerners have shaggy Kurt Cobain styles or dyed pink Mohawks. Perhaps Kim Jung Il was once shown a picture of Camden Market and now Jung Un things everybody looks like that.

    Fair play to them though. I think there are quite a few people who'd love to go into the barbers and say "that one". I find more and more I'm having to learn strange hairdressing terminology to describe the barnet I want, despite only wanting short back and sides

    1. Psyx
      Stop

      Re: Side parting

      "Perhaps Kim Jung Il was once shown a picture of Camden Market and now Jung Un things everybody looks like that."

      What, a pushy Indian shop owner or a f**king tourist who feels it's ok to shove a camera in the face of anyone who is wearing black?

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So stylish is out of the question then?

  25. RainForestGuppy

    Something for the weekend Sir??

    Here you go the Complete Collection of Kim-Il-Sung's works. All 100 volumes.

  26. IronSteve

    North Korea is dead to me now....I couldn't live anywhere that doesn't allow a fohawk

  27. Ilgaz

    Old boring cold war stuff

    I guess you had to live in end of cold war times to figure you shouldn't trust to all news coming from either side of an ideological war.

    It can be true of course or... Russians eat babies stuff.

    1. cnapan
      Pint

      Re: Old boring cold war stuff

      I don't think anyone claimed russians ate their babies, but true things include: a) biggest problems the country faces are keeping warm and getting a belly full of food, b) There really is a fascination with the ruling class about the hairdos of their fellow citizens. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let's_trim_our_hair_in_accordance_with_the_socialist_lifestyle

      Do keep up!

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No mention of colours

    "I'll have a number 6, please.....dyed be the flag of South Korea"

  29. This post has been deleted by its author

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Socialism

    North Korea really is like this, and yes it is socialism, though it is also other things. Socialism simply puts the needs of the collective above the needs of the individual; that is how progressive taxation is justified: the individual has enough wealth and it is justified for the state to confiscate some of it for the good of poorer people.

    Of course there are matters of degree and North Korea is particularly extreme. But the point of controlling haircuts is part of a bigger strategy to keep out western individualistic influences. The point is to prevent people from thinking of themselves as individuals with rights; they are part of the collective.

    Capitalism, by contrast, is about individuals taking on risks and succeeding or failing, with no central control. However in the west what we have is messy. We have capitalism but also government regulation and progressive taxation that attempts to redistribute some wealth. (Of course the biggest companies influence government to stack the rules in their favour but that is not capitalism, it's big companies using government to their advantage; for this to work government has to co-operate.) If you subtract all the capitalist, individualist properties from the west you will end up with pure socialism and I am certain it will look like North Korea.

    1. Steven Roper

      Re: Socialism

      Socialism, communism, capitalism, democracy - they're all myths and fantasies.

      The only form of government ever practiced by any human culture anywhere, throughout history, is plutocratic feudalism, backed by the Gold and Gun Rule; i.e. who has the gold owns the guns and makes the rules. Rich people have children who will grow up to inherit their rule over everyone else's children, ad infinitum.

      Occasionally there's a revolution; the proles are recruited by the revolutionists with promises of a better life; they storm the houses of the rich with torches and pitchforks, then as soon as the revolution is complete the revolutionists become the new feudal lords, the proles get kicked back to the gutter where they belong, and feudalism continues unaltered.

      No other form of government exists, ever has existed, or ever will exist, as long as there are human beings.

      1. Irony Deficient

        plutocratic feudalism

        Steven, which plutocrats enforced feudalism in the Iroquois Confederacy?

  31. Crosseyed and Painless
    Joke

    North Korea's new haircut guild lines in to salons have been executed perfectly. As were anybody who criticised.

  32. Richard Joens

    What about wigs?

    I wonder if it makes any reference to wigs or if any citizens would be brave enough to sport a Mohawk wig?!

    1. Jason 5
      Joke

      Re: What about wigs?

      Maybe not a wig but you know some are making mohawks with shampoo in the privacy of their own.....oops....forgot that there is not such thing as privacy there.

      They can always dream. Until they find a way to control dreams as well.

      What a scary place. And to think these people believe the outside world is worse.

      Cue Post-Apocalyptic movies.

  33. Jason 5
    WTF?

    Next up on the agenda

    Beard or no beard? Bush or no bush?

    These are the really important issues we are working on.

    Food and health aren't as important as looking like a Socialist.

    1. Local G
      Unhappy

      Re: Next up on the agenda

      Alas, it's too late for no Bush.

  34. rcorrect
    Big Brother

    Can't go wrong

    This will be sure to stimulate the North Korean economy with everyone getting a haircut every 15 days.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Woof...

  36. Dana W

    1965 called, they want their haircuts back!

    Seriously though, the fact that this exists shows that outside influences and fashions are creeping in. Or this wouldn't be required at all. The defection rate goes up every year despite China tossing back every one they catch, and the rate of smuggled in material goes up every year as well. This is actually a GOOD sign.

    You can only keep a whole country in the dark for so long.

    1. Psyx

      "You can only keep a whole country in the dark for so long."

      Fifty years and counting...

      1. Steven Roper

        Re: Fifty years and counting...

        It took the Soviet Union more than 70, as I recall.

  37. Barely legible
    Go

    Wii Mii

    Very much like making a Wii Mii only with real people !

  38. Herby

    Obligatory pop reference:

    Penny Lane there is a barber showing photographs.......

    Welcome to the 60's. Just understand: If you remember the 60's, you weren't there!

  39. ravenviz

    This will just send haircuts underground.

    Just wonder when they'll get involved with pubic topiary.

  40. Local G
    Trollface

    mullet over

    Hair! huh-yeah

    What is it good for?

    Absolutely nothing

    Uh-huh

  41. itzman

    sigh..

    now look up why trousers - smart trousers - have a crease in them

    Some lazy royal bereft of 20 valets wore them straight out of the box and its been de rigeur ever since.

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