back to article 'Bah, this Apple Shop is full of APPLES'

A cider shop in Norfolk has had to change its name after receiving up to 24 phone calls a week from fanbois with computer problems. Since an Apple Store opened in Norwich, locals have been calling mistakenly phoning the Apple Shop in Wroxham Barns, with their iPhone and Apple-related woes. Apple Shop owner Geoff Fisher told …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    tut tut

    "Some people are very rude and they slam the phone down."

    Whereas the normal response to calling the wrong number is usually an apology for wasting the other persons time.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: tut tut

      Wrong numbers

      "Is that Steve?"

      "No, you have the wrong number."

      "Are you sure?"

      "Hmmmm, let me just check, birth certificate, passport, bank statement, it appears that all of these are in error, and that, yes, as you assert, I am indeed 'Steve' ".

      I'd have had some fun with the gullible fools.

      "Congratulations! You're our 1000th caller and have won an iPad! Come down to the Apple Store and collect your prize!"

      1. Lost in Cyberspace

        Re: tut tut

        My phone number used to be very similar to a Chinese Takeaway. Had some fun taking orders from people... I once forwarded an order to a different Chinese Takeaway, don't know if the customer ever noticed...

        1. LateNightLarry
          Devil

          Re: tut tut

          When I was in high school, my parents' telephone number was the same as the local branch of Bank of America except for the prefix... We were constantly getting wrong numbers, and finally my father started responding to the wrong numbers with "Bank of XXXXX, we accept deposits but not withdrawals"... A few months later, Bank of America changed their number, and went to a central switchboard for the entire SF Bay Area... end of wrong numbers.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: tut tut

      I've witnessed a landlord at a pub I used to drink at 1471 people and forcefully educate them on how rude it is to just hang up on a wrong number.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        They didn't hang up.

        The pips went.

    3. ThomH Silver badge

      Re: tut tut (@AC)

      You don't think "Actually I'm really good with numbers so I'm forced to assume that you're lying to me. Put Steve on the line." is the normal way to go?

    4. Darryl
      Trollface

      Re: tut tut

      "Some people are very rude and they slam the phone down."

      <Insert comment about Apple product owners>

    5. kain preacher Silver badge

      Re: tut tut

      Some people are just thick. When I did phones support I would get the occasional person that would misdial and get mad at me. Upset that they were on hold for 7 minutes. They would say why didn't some tell me this was not company xyz instead of making me wait.Now while they were on hold the hear adverts about our products and the company name.

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Linux

      Re: tut tut

      "Village retailer changes name of 'Apple Shop' after calls from frothing fanbois"

      I would have thought that it was all the people who come in with a hard on for Steve Jobs, that would have been a real pain in the arse.....

      "Oh Steve! Oh Steve! iI iLove iYou! iPlease, iPlease itouch imy iApple iMac!"

      "iWot? iYou mean iI have the wronge iAddress?"

      "iAn, iAn - he's iNot iHere?"

      "Damn.... Boo Hoo, and iI just wasted 3 packs of iViagra too!"

      Yeah 10 years of the Apple Fanboi bullshit I'd change my iNumber too.

      Linux - because iApple iFanbois iSuck iToo.

    7. Anonymous Coward
      Facepalm

      Re: tut tut

      'Whereas the normal response to calling the wrong number is usually an apology for wasting the other persons time.'

      Quite agree - that's how it always occurred to me to sign off such a call out of common courtesy. However, I guess the sense of entitlement that now comes with the fruity device 'lifestyle' (as well as stickers) has permeated such vagaries as manners.

      My number once got spanked owing to a balls-up by an unrelated individual from Newcastle. I know it was this area since I took ten calls over a week from the chap's family, all asking to speak to 'Paul' and getting utterly bewildered and frustrated that I wasn't the droid they were looking for.

      The final conversation went like this:

      Caller : 'Paul?'

      Me : 'Nope, it's me. Again. If you keep calling the same number, that won't change, will it?'

      Caller : 'Not Paul then?'

      Me : 'Still not, no.'

      Caller : 'Have you got his number?'

      Me : 'No, just because his number is similar, doesn't mean I know him'

      Caller : 'Oh right.'

      I got one more, during which I offered to BE the mysterious gentleman if it helped. They hung up and at that point gave me a week's sanity break - after which it started again, and I requested a new phone number from my provider.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: tut tut

        I had the a phone number that was similar to the local Chinese (swap the last two digits), but only had one prat kept ringing me and leaving messages. Anyway, if I had to give out my phone number to people I didn't want to speak to, I would "accidently" swap the last two digits. Fair's fair, I was getting their calls....

        Years ago, on my mobile I would get at least one call a week from some old biddy trying to contact her daughter and dialing the wrong number. Over the course of a year the old biddy was so amused that she kept dailing the same wrong number, while I was getting more and impolite until I snapped and swore at her. Must have done some good, never had a wrong number after that!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Went to buy an iPhone and ended up with a bottle of scrumpy. Couldn't make out the map home afterwards, so the functionality is there.

    'I'm very sorry, I can't help you, but please do come along and get some proper Norfolk cider to get over your sorrows'.

    Sage advice indeed.

  3. taxman

    Love the quote on the BBC web page:

    He said: "My most amusing caller was an elderly gentleman who rang up and the first thing he said was, 'I've been very silly'.

    "'I said, what's the problem? He said, 'I'm 87, and I've gone and bought an Apple Mac and I don't know how to use it'.

    "I said, 'Well, I'm very sorry, you have been very silly, perhaps you should give it to your grandchildren'."

    1. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
      Flame

      I've been very silly... I've gone and bought an Apple Mac

      An honest fanboi, we should have him stuffed and put on display.

      Let the flames begin...

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ahhh .. .

    Easy to tell the difference.

    One of these shops sells a product that makes you insensible, lose all dignity and even your grip on reality. In the other those qualities are a pre-requisite for purchasers.

    1. Winkypop Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: ahhh .. .

      ..and both could get you lost.

    2. Barticus

      Re: ahhh .. .

      One of these shops sells a product that makes you insensible, lose all dignity and even your grip on reality...

      ...whilst the other sells cider.

  5. RainForestGuppy

    I always remember driving past signs to the shropshire village of Knockin and wondering if they had a local store. They do and yes it is called "The Knockin Shop".

    1. mike2R
      Go

      And there is always the world famous Muff Diving Club

      http://www.muffdivingclub.ie/

    2. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
      Paris Hilton

      The village of Knockin, twined with the towns of Fucking in Austria and Intercourse in Pennsylvania

      Mandatory use of Paris icon.

  6. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Happy

    Says rather a lot about the people calling doesn't it?

  7. ukgnome Silver badge

    I know of this shop

    Geoff Fisher is one of the nicest bloke you will ever meet! I often visit the barns, usually pretending it's so the kiddies can stroke animals.

    The truth is (and not very hidden) that I always pop to the apple store for a few bottles of the driest strongest apple juice on offer. Geoff is a genius brewer, how you can get a drink so dry is beyond me.

    +1 to El Reg for promoting one of Norfolks finest

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: I know of this shop

      Do they provide core services?

      1. Phil E Succour
        Joke

        Re: I know of this shop

        >>>Do they provide core services?

        Yes, but I've never understood their a-peel

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I know of this shop

      Just added this to the list of places to visit next time I'm holidaying on the Broads.

  8. MJI Silver badge

    I would frequent one and not the other

    I would be very upset if my Rattler source swapped to Ithingies

    Westons is easy to get luckily.

  9. Eclectic Man
    Happy

    And the new name of the Apple Shop is ...?

    Just for those of us who would like a nice drink of cider the next time we are in that part fo the world.

    Please.

    (Smiley face at the prospect of some fermented apple juice.)

    1. Corinne
      Facepalm

      Re: And the new name of the Apple Shop is ...?

      "The Apple shop which specialises in local cider, will be re-named the Norfolk Cider Shop from Easter onwards."

      Um the new name is in the article?

  10. LinkOfHyrule
    Joke

    He's missing a track here!

    Don't change the bloody name - instead get a local scrumpy maker to do some fanboi themed ciders and up-sell it to the irate and confused callers looking for fondleslab fixes!

    I have suggestions for the name of this fruity new scrump; Jobsworth, iPissed, Giz-a-Jobs, Olde Steve, BlowJobs, One Eyed Mouse, FireWire Port, Gooey GUI, Siri-ously Strong Cider (Export Super Tramp Strength),

    and last but not least a really poor quality industrially made tipple called Windows 3.1 for Piss Artists!

    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: He's missing a track here!

      Or learn/hire someone to do repairs on Apple kit.

      1. Esskay
        Joke

        Re: He's missing a track here!

        Or make a new brew with half the alcohol, in an aluminium bottle that is impossible to open without breaking it.

  11. Arachnoid
    Thumb Up

    Scrumpy Apps.......now theres a name to go for

  12. jason 7
    Happy

    I was there last summer with friends.

    Nice little shop.

    We all jokingly remarked that we were surprised that Apple hadn't squashed them from orbit in some legal challenge (which is kind of a shame that we all thought that as soon as we saw it) and wondered if anyone had been thick enough to call them for Apple support.

    We concluded "Well we are talking about Apple users here!"

    Oh how we laughed that crazy hot summers day in Wroxham.......

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: I was there last summer with friends.

      I bought some, but I couldn't get the top off. Turns out I was holding the bottle wrong.

  13. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Kubla Cant Silver badge
      Thumb Down

      Re: Daft name

      Yeah, there's too much of this sort of thing. I went into a place called The Body Shop and all they sold was a load of soap.

      1. jason 7

        Re: Daft name

        Yeah I walked into an Alpaca Pete's shop in the US and they didn't sell a single Alpaca! Just loads of products made from them.

        Who would have thought.....

    2. graeme leggett

      Re: Daft name

      "mostly from apples" - like scumble

    3. graeme leggett

      Re: Daft name

      some sources say 20 years.

    4. ukgnome Silver badge

      Re: Daft name

      erm no - he sells apple cider vinegar, apple juice and cider as well as other things.

      He's been trading as the apple shop for quite a while, and this wrong number issue was only a problem when Apple opened there palace of glass and shiny shiny a few years ago. The cider that he sells is from the Norfolk Cider Company which has been on the go since 1987.

      A better understanding of the Apple shop can be found here Here

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Thumb Up

        Re: Daft name

        "A better understanding of the Apple shop can be found here Here"

        Thank you. That's exactly the kind of thing I was looking for that was omitted in the article. Clearly he is not some chancer that just wants to boost his cider sales.

        Anyone would think El Reg had missed out vital information in order to froth up the pro and anti fanboys up into a frenzy.

        1. Kane Silver badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: Daft name

          "Anyone would think El Reg had missed out vital information in order to froth up the pro and anti fanboys up into a frenzy."

          Yah, because leaving in that vital information would have made any difference whatsoever

          1. Will Godfrey Silver badge

            Re: Daft name

            Thanks for the link.

            Nice friendly atmosphere by the sounds of it. Real community spirit. Embraces the whole family. Provides a useful practical service.

            Nothing like those people who even take a bite out of their own logo before you get to see it.

    5. jason 7

      Re: Daft name

      Been there 24 years apparently.

  14. xyz
    Devil

    I would have played along...

    ...and have given them instructions on how to fix the problem.

    1) Put Apple object in toilet bowl

    2) Flush

    3) Go "haha"

    bet they would have followed the instructions too!

  15. tirk
    Coat

    "...they slam the phone down"

    They'll be needing Apple's repair service then!

  16. Mark McNeill
    Pint

    Cider: it just works.

    Drink different!

    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Cider: it just works.

      With a bottle of cider, it really is your fault if you hold it the wrong way.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What would you expect

    from Apple owners. Intelligence? The common sense to check beforehand?

    Of course not. Just an arrogant expectation from some of these people that of course it is an Apple store and noone would dare opening a store with such a name when they sell something that has more right to the name than Apple does.

    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: What would you expect

      What about if I run 'Apple computer repair', a local PC shop?

    2. Lost in Cyberspace

      Re: What would you expect

      Says as much about 118xxx operators (and perhaps various directories), as Apple customers, don't you think?

  18. Tom 7 Silver badge

    Its a sad day

    when stupidity means you cant even name your shop after the product it sells.

    Mind you there's a couple of places round here actually called Shop and you cant buy shops in their shops either.

    And then that shop that tells you to throw out the chinz seems to only sell paper models of furniture..

    1. Pedigree-Pete
      Coat

      Re: Its a sad day

      I went into a joke shop to buy jokes & the guy behind the counter said they didn't sell anything..it's a Joke Shop.

      (Thanks Tim Vine/Stu Francis)

      Gone.

    2. GBL Initialiser

      Re: Its a sad day

      "when stupidity means you cant even name your shop after the product it sells."

      Next time I'm hankering for a golden delicious I'll head to an "Apple Store" then. Are they next to the iPhones or the iPads?

  19. This post has been deleted by its author

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Some people are very rude and they slam the phone down."

    Sounds like fanbois to me.

    (fanbois of any allegiance)

  21. The Grump
    Joke

    Due to a recent court decision...

    the prior deemed copyright on the word "Apple", long held by the entity known as "God", has been vacated, due to failure to appear in court. Hereafter, all supermarkets and other vendors will refer to the fruit formerly known as "apples" by the new court approved name "elppa".

    You can find elppas, elppasauce, and elppa cider at your local fruit dealers and other vendors.

  22. kain preacher Silver badge

    Friday

    Just what you need on a Friday . An article involving booze.

  23. Saoir

    What a complete Di*k. What did he expect !

    1. Trevor Marron
      FAIL

      Someone is anyway...

      Yes, how dare he call a shop that sells things made from apples as 'The Apple Shop' and to do it before Apple Inc opened the first 'Apple Store.' The cheek of the man!

      What a complete dick.

    2. Steven Roper
      Facepalm

      @Saoir

      Thank you for proving the exact point the article (and several commentards) were making about the behaviour of Apple fanbois. You're a textbook case.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    We once had a case study from Toshiba on our web site. We were a software house. The page headings went something like: "XYZ Software" (big text), "Case Studies" (big text), "Toshiba" (small text). This didn't stop some idiot from bitching that we didn't fix Toshiba laptops and therefore were "committing false advertising". Whatever that means.

    TL;DR: People. Thick as shit.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The fact that even New York got served..

    I mean, here's a statement that hits the 1920's. Steve wasn't even in dad's bag. New York should be suing Apple.

    Typical arrogant American company. "We want to sell to you. Bend over and grasp your ankles so we can serve you."

    Apple has no place in the company I work for. We've made it an offence to bring iGadgets into the company (in the US and other at-will countries, a fireable offence), and any supplier that uses Apple products are left standing at the security desk until they give up and stop calling. Apple is not supported by our company because of cr-p just like this.

    You should encourage your company to stop taking this type of behaviour. Because we're all in the firing line.

    1. Steven Roper
      Go

      Re: The fact that even New York got served..

      You're not alone, friend. You should do what I do with my company.

      When I'm running up a quote for a customer, if during the interview I see them pull out an iPhone or iPad, I add a small percentage to the quote (it varies depending on how devoted to the Church of St. Jobs the customer appears to be) as an "Apple tax". After all, I figure that if they've got money to splurge on Apple crap, they've got money to splurge on our services!

      I've made my company quite a few grand extra by doing this. My partners know I do it too, but since they hate Apple almost as much as I do, there is no objection, as long as I disguise the increase amongst other itemisations on the quote sheet!

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Some people are very rude and they slam the phone down."....embarrassed that they not only purchased Apple, but could not even find the correct telephone number for their local Apple store. They should have asked SIRI.

    THICK.

  27. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
    Devil

    Maybe...

    ...the fanbois are holding the phone directory the wrong way.

  28. itzman

    Apples are just badge engineered lemons.

    So there.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    On the wrong numbers theme..

    I had some head of marketing or something sending me invites to corporate events for a while. The first time she sent me an email I ignored it thinking it was phishing, it the second time I sent her an email saying "I have no idea who you are. I would really like to come to your events but I don't think you really want me there"... 6 or so invites later and almost as many "I don't know who you are!" emails in her direction I wrote a reply to one of the invites along the lines of "I have no idea who you are, but I'll be sure to be there, you better bring the cake and lube like you promised" and CC'ed the list of 100 or so bigwigs that the email had been addressed to.

    For some reason I'm not getting any invites now. :(

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