Every day tea
(1) Mug with either some obscure IT reference on it, or stolen from Garfunkel's. Unwashed to allow the patina to build.
(2) Tetley Extra Strong, 1 bag.
(3) Try and grab some boiling water from the work's kettle before it's stolen.
(4) Try and grab some 1% (orange top) milk which is mine before it all gets stolen even though it is f***ing close to water which should put anybody off stealing it in the first place.
(5) Squeeze the bag and drink strong and hot.
(1) Warmed pot.
(2) One heaped teaspoon per cup with one for the pot of a ceylon/assam leaf blend.
(3) Pour boiling water from a great height into the pot to froth the tea.
(4) Show the pot the pictures.
(5) Cold milk into fine china cups, about 5% by volume.
(6) Pour tea through strainer.
Best tea in the world
(1) Throw a scoop of tea leaves into the stoker's pot with water drawn off from the cylinder cock drain valve. Stir with a spanner.
(2) Leave on the hotplate next to the firebox for about six miles.
(3) Tie a rope onto the handle and spin furiously around out of the cab between stations to centrifuge down the leaves.
(4) Pour the supernatant into two enamel mugs, each with a generous splash of unpasteurized milk. Use a coal hammer to knock a lump off the sugarloaf kept wrapped in brown parcel paper and drop in mug.
(5) Hand one mug to the driver and enjoy, ignoring the oil slick on the top, as that's what gives it the flavour.