back to article John McAfee the Belize spymaster uncovers 'ricin, terrorist plots'

Infosec daredevil John McAfee claims he became a spymaster in Belize after giving laptops infected with espionage malware to police and government officials. McAfee, who moved to the central American low-tax haven some years ago, further claimed he supervised a ring of 23 women and six men as operatives, and tasked them with …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    MacAfee? Espionage malware? Shurely shome mishtake...

    1. LarsG
      Meh

      As nutty as a nut cake on nut tablets......

      As paranoid as a paranoid thing on paranoid tablets....

      What! you mean it's all TRUE!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Perhaps the government is behind all of this ...

    The constant supply of crazy "conspiracy theories", making people grow bored of them, must certainly help governments really carry out some of the things they are accused of, because if it ever gets leaked, people will assume it's just another "conspiracy theory'" and ignore it. Depressing, really.

    I tend to ignore this stuff in an "agnostic", rather than a "non-believer" way.

    1. NomNomNom

      Re: Perhaps the government is behind all of this ...

      "The constant supply of crazy "conspiracy theories", making people grow bored of them, must certainly help governments really carry out some of the things they are accused of"

      That's what they want you to think.

      In reality governments don't have the capability to do it.

    2. Aldous
      Facepalm

      Re: Perhaps the government is behind all of this ...

      i find it hilarious that conspiracy nuts seem to think the various governments/state agency's which are so evil and capable of reverse engineering UFO's, flying unmanned planes (and making a load of people disappear, probably to some island where they are all assigned a number) into skyscrapers to start wars and murdering small children to get guns banned to make the populace more timid (seriously this one is starting to pop up) is the same government that can't cover up where the president/top general puts there privates.

      The politico's can barely agree on anything yet somehow can keep all these various "PSYOPS" under wraps. The hit on Bin Laden used some new high tech kit (stealth black hawks and drones) but was revealed by some bloke on twatter. The irony is by believing all these nutty theory's people make the governments/agency's/international jewish communist liberation front of palestine seem far more competent and powerful then they really are

      1. NomNomNom

        Re: Perhaps the government is behind all of this ...

        you are only ever seeing the tip of the iceberg: what THEY want you to see. No more. No less. To fill in the rest you need courage and genius. You need to be like john mcafee. Can you handle that?

      2. andy 45
        FAIL

        Re: Perhaps the government is behind all of this ...

        I hope you're joking, troll.

        Most of the things you state are conspiracy facts, not theories. There is nothing 'nuts' about it. It is deadly serious.

        The fact is that 9/11 gave America the 'excuse' to start wars, to lock up whoever they like, to blow people up with drones as if they're playing some computer game, and yes, many children have been part of that 'collaterall'.

        Do you really find all this hilarious?! Can you imagine what it's like waking up every day wondering if the drones are going to target you this time, like when they 'accidentally' blew up your mates family.

        You're the only nut around here.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Big Brother

        Re: Perhaps the government is behind all of this ...

        Most conspiracy theories I heard so far of were not rational, however that doesn't mean that governments do not, and are not capable of, committing acts of evil.

        For example, if presented with plans for Nazi genocide in, say, 1939, I'm pretty sure most people would have dismissed the messenger as a tinfoil hat lunatic. But as we know now, such plans unfortunately have existed and been executed.

        1. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

          Re: Perhaps the government is behind all of this ...

          More nuttier than squirrel poop.

          Just because he is paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after him.

          "They're trying to kill me," Yossarian told him calmly. "No one's trying to kill you," Clevinger cried. "Then why are they shooting at me?" Yossarian asked. "They're shooting at everyone," Clevinger answered. "They're trying to kill everyone." "And what difference does that make?"

        2. NomNomNom

          Re: Perhaps the government is behind all of this ...

          "But as we know now, such plans unfortunately have existed and been executed."

          That's just what they want you think

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wait, I've got it

    I finally figured out what's happening with John. I feel ashamed I didn't catch on before. Let's review the clues:

    1) Eccentric billionaire.

    2) Lots of extra time on his hands, looking for new excitement.

    3) Strange adventure involving a vast conspiracy.

    4) John 9:25

    Apparently Consumer Recreation Services is now based in Belize.

    1. That Steve Guy

      Re: Wait, I've got it

      The bootnote has a clue:

      * McAfee earlier claimed that his extensive postings on an underground internet forum about the powerful effects of MDPV - a psychoactive drug better known as bath salts and touted as a stimulant with sexual arousal effects whose side-effects include paranoia and psychotic delusions – were just an elaborate joke.

      Paranoia and Psychotic delusions? Well I bet its not such a joke after all.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Wait, I've got it

        lol. They were certainly NOT a joke.

  4. ukgnome Silver badge
    WTF?

    WTF

    Just WTF is that man on?

    Oh, and his rantings are that bat-shit crazy that i read "extensive spook network" as extensive spork network and it still made sense.

    1. jai

      Re: WTF

      what's he on? sounds like a large and constant supply of bath salts...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: WTF

      Sounds like a job for two men in white coats and an extra large butterfly net.

    3. cordwainer 1
      Unhappy

      Re: WTF

      There is probably something wrong with my brain, but the "extensive spork network" substitution set me giggling helplessly to the point of hyperventilation. Please don't do that again.

  5. Thomas 4
    Thumb Up

    I salute you, righteous fruitcake o7

    These stories are massively entertaining.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I salute you, righteous fruitcake o7

      No doubt the likes of the Met, SIS, HMG will find all this BS totally believable. I foresee lots of urgent all expenses paid trips to Belize in order to assess the accuracy of this data.

      1. Matt Bryant Silver badge
        Boffin

        Re: Re: I salute you, righteous fruitcake o7

        "No doubt the likes of the Met, SIS, HMG will find all this BS totally believable...." Not really. Whilst Hezbollah has a large and willing presence in the Shia communities in Argentina, Brazil and Paraguay, it doesn't have the same in Belize. Also, as Belize has a co-defence treaty with the UK, it also has British forces bases and is used by the SAS for jungle training, so not exactly the place you'd want to ship Abdul the Suicide Bomber through if you're looking to go unnoticed. Hezbollah has been implicated in drugs and cigarette smuggling in Latin America, and has a vocal ally in Chavez's Venezuela, but that's been known and documented for quite a while, so any massive organisation avoiding detection is unlikely.

        We do have the simple but sad truth that people trying to escape the Lebanon for a better future in the US has been happening every day for years. Not every Lebanese is a member of Hezbollah, indeed the majority of those seeking a better life in the US are from the Lebanese Christian minority. Some do try and cross the border via people smugglers in Mexico, aided by corrupt Mexican officials, so it's not beyond reason that a similar ring could exist in Belize. It's just the ricin and Hezbollah waffle is a bit too much.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I salute you, righteous fruitcake o7

          You obviously miss the whole point of security theatre.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I salute you, righteous fruitcake o7

          I thought the SAS was busy training and arming Syrian Rebels (aka al Qaeda supporters)

          1. Matt Bryant Silver badge
            Pirate

            Re: I salute you, righteous fruitcake o7

            "I thought the SAS was busy training and arming Syrian Rebels (aka al Qaeda supporters)". Well, not the Syrians (cough*Qatar*cough*Saudi*cough), but the Turks are a bit miffed as they think that MI6 may have been the link that put London-based Iraqi Kurds in bed with Israel's Mossad prior to the invasion of Iraq. No, if I was looking for SAS at the moment, apart from Waziristan, I'd be looking just north of Kenya and the ongoing operations against Al-Shabaab. The SAS also exercise often in Kenya as well as Belize, indeed there was a SAS unit exercising in Kenya when the Falklands War kicked off. Of course, there might also be the SAS Mountain Troop hiding down in the Falklands right now, just in case Emperess Kirchener the Nutty decides she really needs to distract her people from the chronically crap Argentine economy and tries to invade the Falklands again.....

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo

    See title!

  7. FartingHippo
    Black Helicopters

    Scanning...

    Alert! Brain Virus!

  8. Irongut

    I got to get me some of those bath salts!

    1. Zaphod.Beeblebrox
      Thumb Down

      Only if you are looking to be wanted as a murder suspect in a foreign country - oh, and thoroughly, possibly permanently, bonkers.

  9. Ketlan
    FAIL

    FFS

    He's an attention-seeking paranoid stone-bonker. Stop reporting on his delusions and he might just shut the fuck up.

    1. Psyx
      Pint

      Re: FFS

      So: A bat-shit paranoid egomaniac with a fondness for the ladies and column inches.

      Pretty much the same as Assange then, but with more hallucinogenics.

      1. zb

        Re: FFS

        Did you mean the inches of his column?

        1. Psyx
          Thumb Up

          Re: FFS

          "Did you mean the inches of his column?"

          You'd have to ask a 20 year old 'bar girl' or a 'very competent' live-in espionage agent about that.

  10. Flawless101
    WTF?

    Mind bloggling

    Just when you think John McAfee cannot get more crazy he comes out with this. I think I would go insane if I had to live his life for just one day.

  11. Colin Millar
    Paris Hilton

    John Le Carre plot?

    Reads more like a Dirk Diggler movie plot

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    the one flew over the cookoo's nest defense

    his calculated rambling would get him out of all this mess, except the victim of the crime is a fellow american.

  13. Cameron Colley

    Perhaps he went to a special company.

    They may have remembered it for him wholesale?

  14. Tom 38 Silver badge

    This is almost the plot to 'The Tailor of Panama'

    His 'operatives' continually find new and interesting things, because McAffee keeps paying them. "Oh, John, my cousin Jesus in immigration knows about these Hezbollah terrorists coming in to Belize, all he needs is some chatting (and $10k USD)".

    OTOH, It is a life-long dream of mine to make enough money in technology that I can afford to go bat-shit insane on soft drugs in a tropical paradise with my friendly 19 year old bed warmer. Kudos JM.

  15. Ikoth
    Facepalm

    Box of (jungle?) frogs

    Mad as a

  16. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Devil

    Clearly it's some version of Kill Bill

    With less Katana.

  17. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

    Its sad

    I've known a number of people who have moved to a little cabin deep into the woods (one on the beach in Belize will do as well), lost touch with society and have gone over the edge. Paranoia, conspiracy theories, etc.

    ProTip: Maintain contact with society. Its good for your mental health.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Its sad

      "ProTip: Maintain contact with society. Its good for your mental health."

      Only for certain values of "society" though. And certain values of "health" too for that matter.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Eight of the women were so accomplished that they ended up living with me.

    Boy, I'd like to be able to say that one day.

  19. asdf Silver badge
    Trollface

    1 of 3

    Bat

  20. asdf Silver badge
    Trollface

    2 of 3

    Shit

  21. asdf Silver badge
    Trollface

    3 of 3

    Crazy

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Never knew that reg 'tards were part of the MI5|FBI|CIA etc....

    They seem to know everything!?!

    1. nsld
      Coat

      Wrong agency

      Its more MFI I think.....

  23. Rampant Spaniel

    Nuttier than squirrel shit. It sounds like drugs sent him crazy and he attracted some parasites who fed his paranoia for as long as he paid them. Inside his mind must be a scary place, (not so) poor daft old bugger. At least it has made for some amusing reading over the months.

  24. Test Man
    WTF?

    He's full of it - if he REALLY was doing all that, he wouldn't need to spout it all to anyone that would listen.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Breaking Bad(ly)

    It's clear that Belize police didn't find the methlab but I'm not convinced there wasn't anything to find...

    Why only the female "operatives" where allowed to follow McAfee 24/7? Sounds a nice of a mix between a lot of paranoia, a bit of delirium, a pinch of conspiracy theory and a some cult leader bullshit...

    Anonymous just in case he's right!

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Stick to acid, John. It's safer...

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wonder if any of these laptops had a doctored version of McAfee antivirus so that the users would think they were protected. A real security program would of at least known something was going on.

    1. Wombling_Free
      Trollface

      Why use a doctored version?

      "I wonder if any of these laptops had a doctored version of McAfee antivirus so that the users would think they were protected."

      Why use a doctored version? I thought the standard version of McAfee led users to believe they were protected - mostly from McAfee's own woeful 'upgrades' admittedly.

      And why are you all cowering behind AC? Are you scared of John? Is he some uber-cyber-god who can make electricity leap from your wireless mouse and kill you?

  28. MissingSecurity
    Devil

    Reminds me of the BOFH...

    "Apparently he's built up a bit of immunity to ECT. You have to set the knob to 11. Write that down, '11'..."

  29. NomNomNom

    I see a wave of disinformists are hard at work here calling him insane and crazy.

    But if he's crazy and stupid how has he managed to survive so long without the government killing him?

    1. Don Jefe
      Happy

      Waste of Time

      Crazy and stupid people abound all over the world (in case you haven't noticed). It is the smart and cunning that get killed. For a government to do away with someone like McAfee or Assange is a waste of time and resources. Plus without nutters like this what would we have to laugh at?

      1. Wombling_Free
        Happy

        Re: Waste of Time

        Nutters like this...

        I think they are referred to as 'lightning rods'.

        Look for interesting little stories from the other side of the world involving Belgians with quiet online trading algorithms.

    2. Vic

      But if he's crazy and stupid how has he managed to survive so long without the government killing him?

      The same way I have - by not having any governments actually interested in killing him.

      Vic.

  30. lemmac

    sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

    Is it a cultural thing?

    1. Don Jefe

      Re: sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

      Yes. It is a cultural thing. All Guatemalans stick tampons up their nose, especially trinket salesmen and around Three Kings Day.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

        The better known of his two disguises. The second and as yet unused disguise consisted of wearing underpants on his head, sticking pencils up his nose whilst saying 'wibble wibble'. We might get to see it yet if extradition beckons...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

      It was the style at the time. You kids these days.

      Anyway, I was on my way to Belize and I had a tampon up my nose -- which was the style at the time. I had an all-female spy force that was directing my hidden keystroke loggers to prove that the government was secretly providing passports to Lebanese males every month while the Zetas cooked up ricin. But the important part was I had a tampon up my nose -- which was the style at the time.

      1. Wombling_Free

        Re: sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

        I prefer a ferret myself.

        Though how it got there I don't know; now it's there it hurts like hell and it radically alters my sense of smell.

        I don't think there is an icon even remotely relevant to this.

    3. phuzz Silver badge
      IT Angle

      Re: sticking a tampon up his nose to pretend to be a Guatemalan trinket salesman

      There's the bigger conspiracy story, why does el Reg not have a "John McAffee with a ferret up his nose" icon?

      IT'S ALL A CONSPIRACY I TELLS YEH

  31. Herby Silver badge

    One of two things are happening here.

    Either this is all very very false, and he is shorted between the headphones, or it is all very very true, and we all need to be afraid.

    Unfortunately the "bogometer" tends to point towards the first conclusion.

    If this is in the 'very very true' region we might never hear about it. Of course this might be the plot for the next Bond movie, as we all need villains. Where is the guy with the white cat?

  32. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
    Pint

    "Eight of the women were so accomplished that they ended up living with me"

    Dressed in skin-tight all-in-one black leathers, touting machine guns, guarding the volcano entrance and occasionally taking the cat out for walks?

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Again.....

    "Cocaine is a hell of a drug..."

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nutter

    Complete and Utter

  35. Havoc

    Lost the plot?

    Well if we have no BOFH at least we have some entertainment. Does he really believe himself?

  36. EJ
    Go

    The American Midwest...

    A place where Hezbollah sticks out? Or is it where a a paranoid delusional oddball would better fit in with the existing paranoid and delusional armed populace?

  37. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Go

    Dammit!!

    I knew I should have bet someone that John McAfee could not go 2 weeks without appearing in the news again!!

    (Anyone want to start a pool on how many days untl we hear from him again? $5 gets you the choice of a day and date!)

  38. Esskay
    WTF?

    "8 of the women were so accomplished they ended up living with me"

    ummm..... wut?

  39. bag o' spanners
    Black Helicopters

    There can be only one...

    Charlie Sheen.

    Belize is notorious(ly popular) among squaddies and travelers for the excellent herbage which flourishes there.

  40. southpacificpom
    Facepalm

    McAfee's life surrounding these recent events needs to be made into a film - a comedy film...

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Clearly this is all a Nazi Communist plot to enrich the Military Industrial Complex!

  42. Levente Szileszky
    WTF?

    Full account of the PAST YEAR can be read here...

    ...and it gives you the full background so you can grasp the whole backstory - make sure you read ALL LINKED material (including the 13-chapeter eBook!): http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2012/12/how-vice-got-john-mcafee-caught/:

  43. Thorsten
    Holmes

    Hedging your bets...

    <quote>Jones [...] concluded that McAfee is either telling the truth, "is partially telling the truth and has become paranoid" or is "one of the best liars and storytellers".</quote>

    No shit, Sherlock.

    Give the man a job in a think-tank. Such deep analysis ... awesome.

  44. CAPS LOCK Silver badge

    Oh how I wish this were all true.

    However Mr McAfee has a history of 'practical jokes'.

  45. Ben Rosenthal

    Rekall, Rekall, Rekall

    It won't make the slightest difference to me Doug, but the consequences to you will be devastating. In your mind, I'll be dead, and with no one to guide you out, you'll be stuck here in permanent psychosis. The walls of reality will come crashing down around you. One minute, you're the savior of the rebel cause; next thing you know, you'll be Cohaagen's bosom buddy. You'll even have fantasies about alien civilizations as you requested; but in the end, back on Earth, you'll be lobotomized! So get a grip on yourself, Doug, and put down that gun!

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Load of old rubbish

    The guy claims to have purchased 75 laptops to hand out to various people in positions of authority. His evidence for this? A poor quality photo of THREE Acer Aspire Netbook boxes. If he had actually bought 75 I'd have expected to see better evidence than that like erm...... 75 boxes or netbooks?

    As for the key logging / activating webcams remotely. I'm glad I use Linux....

  47. RainForestGuppy

    He forgot to mention

    That all the Belize goventment officials are all alien lizard people, who live inside of the hollow earth and are controlling everything we do.

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    John Leyden: "UUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH"

    Good to see that you have still not learned to write in complete sentences.

  49. apjanes
    WTF?

    Um... is he still living there??

    Perhaps the strongest evidence to his apparent nuttiness is that he's willing allege publicly on the Internet that he has stitched up high ranking and powerful people in the country HE IS CURRENTLY LIVING IN! Surely if he really did this he'd want to keep quiet about it... forever??!

  50. johnnymi5

    John McAfee Secret Agent of MI5

    Go on facebook and discover the truth about John McAfee!

    Search on facebook for "johnny.english.and.john.mcafee" and you will read about new disguises and his newest mission, the rescue of the royal poodle!

    Please don't forget to "friend" Johnny English an facebook!

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