back to article 'Look, isn't there some way we can get Julian out of here?'

The HP v Autonomy spat rumbled on this week, as Hewlett-Packard continued to maintain that Autonomy had "inflated its value", leading HP to slurp it up for an unwise amount of money. HP has said that it had to write down $8.8bn on the acquisition and alleges that Autonomy shuffled the figures to make itself look good. Former …


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  1. JeffUK

    Remote controls with their own screens? new?

    Not quite a new idea, Nintendo were pipped at the post by the Sega Dreamcast by a mere 14 years or so.

    Nice try though :)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Remote controls with their own screens? new?

      Samsung 9000 TV remote, what, 2 years ago?

      Useful if you need to take a dump during the final 2 minutes of the FA cup final (Superbowl if you're a septic).

    2. Mykilr

      Re: Remote controls with their own screens? new?

      Nintendo themselves also had a system where you could use a Game Boy Advance as a controller for the Game Cube. I know of at least 1 game that would even use the Game Boy screen in some circumstances.

    3. J. R. Hartley Silver badge

      Using the PSP as a remote for PS3 games..

      .. was an idea that I thought was pretty cool (for the map in GTA for example)

      It got quietly dropped.

      With hindsight I can see why.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Who needs a fake rock?

    "Interested in working for NSA? Mention it to your Mum next time you ring her, and we'll drop you a leaflet."

    OK, I know it's a old one.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ' he needs "sunlight and fresh air". '

    Tough, the whining little maggot shouldn't have gone running to his mates and simply faced the music if he had nothing to hide!

    Let me try that at work, "Hello, it's me I'm not coming in to work today as I ballsed up the main batch process and I am now hiding in the Papua New Guinea Consulate in central London as I think you might be angry!".

    1. Pie

      You work for NatWest then...

    2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      needs "sunlight and fresh air".

      After what the press reports said about his personal hygiene, maybe it's the Ecuadoreans who are looking for the fresh air?

      1. Tom 13

        Re: needs "sunlight and fresh air".

        If he wants the same right to sunlight and fresh air that inmates have, perhaps he should go to court and spin the wheel. Either he gets the same amount they get, or he goes free and gets as much as he wants.

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: needs "sunlight and fresh air".

          I wonder if there was someway he could get a free long holiday in somewhere sunny, like Cuba?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: needs "sunlight and fresh air".

        I bet he's not as much in need of sunlight and fresh air as Bradley Manning, who may not be seeing much of it for the foreseeable future.

  4. Justicesays
    Black Helicopters

    They are getting him out of there, this is part of the plan,

    And the "chronic lung illness" is part of it.

    Here's the scene, policemen standing around outside the embassy when a doctor and an EMT come through carrying a stretcher.

    Minutes later a thin blond man comes out of the embassy on the stretcher, wearing a oxygen mask.

    Police run over, much commotion, arrest blond man there and then, doctor objects to mask being lifted etc.

    Police get in ambulance and all concerned driven to hospital.

    When they get there, EMT breaks off , goes to a quiet place and removes "Mission impossible" style mask, revealing The Assange, with dyed black hair, dark fake tan and a goatee.

    Quickly jumps in a waiting vehicle and speeds off to a beach where a zodiac/speed boat/french fishing boat crewed by Argentinian special forces is waiting.

    Boat whisks him out to sea where they meet up with a container ship bound for South America.

    The Assange is inserted into a pre-prepared container with living quarters / septic tank / water etc. all self contained, and seals are affixed showing it was consigned in Spain 2 weeks earlier.

    A month later he appears in Ecuador.

    The "doctor" mingles with the hospital staff and disappears.

    The man with pneumonia (the real EMT sans disguise) turns out to be a disposable foreign national with a now much enlarged bank account to make up for the time he will serve.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Re: They are getting him out of there, this is part of the plan,


      What could possibly go wrong?

      Thatcher wakes up and declares the ship to be in an exclusion zone...

    2. madick

      Re: They are getting him out of there, this is part of the plan,

      Good idea, but I think it's too complicated.

      How about through the window into a harness hanging from a helicopter with a winch? Then out to sea to a Ecuadorian registered ship outside UK territorial waters.

      The helo would be violating airspace restrictions for 2 or 3 minutes whilst over central London, but "they" can hardly shoot it down - even if a Tornedo/Eurofighter could be scrambled and sent to intercept in time.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Previously ...

    Isn't there some precedent for moving humans, physically, in the diplomatic bag?

    1. Scorchio!!

      Re: Previously ...

      It was done and failed miserably; the 'bag' was over sized and didn't pass inspection, was opened and inside there was an unconscious/pharmacologically comatose 'patient' and an Israeli national/doctor and I think one other. The 'upset' member of diplomatic staff whose 'bag' it supposedly was ("that ain't my bag baby") flew like the wind, leaving the haul to be discovered.

      It will not happen, least of all with the T-ray scanning of today... ...unless the 'bag' is lead lined, in which case this will be deemed to be inadmissible and sent straight back into the embassy.... ....after a long delay, in the hope that the 'contents' of the 'bag' run low on oxygen.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: the 'bag' was over sized...

        Can't it be a crate?

        1. Scorchio!!

          Re: the 'bag' was over sized...

          It was a crate. Hence the suspicion.

  6. Youngdog


    There isn't a garden? A balcony? A window that opens even? Please, can someone familiar with the ground enlighten me.

  7. This post has been deleted by a moderator

    1. Drewc (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Hmmmmm

      Not sure what is going on here. We'll check it out.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Assange must be stinking.

    "Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days." - Benjamin Franklin

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