back to article Apple cultists slaver as Mothership landing now foretold in 2016

Apple's bid to build a UFO-like complex has been pushed back a year because it was late submitting the final plans to officials. The giant doughnut-shaped office is now expected to be open for business in 2016, if Cupertino City Council approves it, rather than 2015 as Apple had hoped. The final plans, first sketched out by …

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  1. mamsey

    Prior art?

    I'm thinking that the BBC should maybe meet apple in court over the use of toroidal office space...

    1. Psyx
      Thumb Up

      Re: Prior art?

      BBC? Hell, no: Sick GCHQ on 'em!

      1. Captain DaFt

        Re: Prior art?

        The US military might have a beef with the design,

        Obviously, it's just a Pentagon with rounded corners.

        1. Benchops

          Re: Prior art?

          > it's just a Pentagon with rounded corners.

          No doubt it will be pithily named the

          n-gon building

          lim n->∞

  2. Anonymous John

    Great!

    Now Apple will be suing anyone who uses a circular design.

    1. Psyx
      Pint

      Re: Great!

      They don't need a new patent: Look, it's just got *very* rounded corners...

    2. Simon Harris Silver badge

      Re: Great!

      "Now Apple will be suing anyone who uses a circular design."

      No, you've got it the wrong way round - it's Apple that get sued for copying circular designs...

      A little reminder

  3. Simon Harris Silver badge

    Football...

    There's an ad that appeared on the right for Statoil showing an aerial view of a roundish football stadium surrounded by trees - the Apple complex looks a bit similar.

    I wonder if that's another circular idea that Apple have copied!

  4. Mystic Megabyte Silver badge
    Trollface

    LHC?

    The Losers Hopeless Collider.

    Presuming they will be on Segways or rollerblades whilst fondling their slabs.

    1. jai

      Re: LHC?

      i thought it was Google that was all about the Segways wasn't it?

    2. rcorrect
      Angel

      Re: LHC?

      > The Losers Hopeless Collider.

      > Presuming they will be on Segways or rollerblades whilst fondling their slabs.

      I believe you meant the Reality Distortion Collider.

  5. Richard Gadsden

    Reminds me of the Allianz Arena

    Bayern Munich's football stadiu,

  6. St3n

    It's about as original as anything else Apple have designed.....

  7. adnim Silver badge

    It looks like

    a walled garden.

    1. Arctic fox
      Joke

      @adnim Re: "It looks like a walled garden" Indeed, surrounded by the largest and strangest....

      .......conservatory I have ever seen. Are they thinking of marketing iTomatoes or iTangerines maybe? Their advertising slogan being, perhaps, "it just squirts"?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It looks like

      Looks like a giant bulls-eye... pray a rather large asteroid has good aim.

  8. LOL123
    Unhappy

    Form over function.. again

    Just imagine having to go from HR in the south arc to Corporate in the North Arc

    It will probably be called an employment benefit - exercise, health and all that.

    Or maybe a colloseum for Apple non-believers to be killed by Gladiatroids..

    1. Justicesays

      Re: Form over function.. again

      I'm hoping they have a little tram system at the least.

      Ideally turbolifts of course.

      1. 7-zark-7
        Megaphone

        Re: Form over function.. again

        MONORAIL!

        1. stucs201

          Re: Form over function.. again

          A fleet of Sinclair C5s?

  9. BigG
    Coat

    Goatse anyone?

    Just can't escape that image anymore.

    1. rcorrect
      Mushroom

      Re: Goatse anyone?

      > Just can't escape that image anymore.

      Thanks. Now I can't stop wondering what the giver would look like.

  10. sandman

    Parkinson's Law

    Apart from his most famous law, Parkinson also postulated that you could tell how well a company was going to do by its HQ building. He reckoned that a growing company was too busy doing money making stuff to worry that much about the building but moving into a palatial new one was the sign of impending stagnation and decline... No axe to grind, just saying....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      A "sign of impending stagnation and decline..."

      ... we can only hope!

      Anon because I fear the fanbois :P

  11. Crisp Silver badge
    FAIL

    It doesn't look like the most efficient use of space.

    For example, that bit bit in the middle that just appears to be trees and stuff. Who'll be working in that bit exactly?

    1. Justicesays
      Joke

      Re: It doesn't look like the most efficient use of space.

      code monkeys

    2. FutureShock999

      Re: It doesn't look like the most efficient use of space.

      Ummm, it's CALIFORNIA - probably 10-20% of the staff at any given time!

    3. C Yates
      Coat

      Re: It doesn't look like the most efficient use of space.

      The trees are generating the atmosphere for the iCloud...

      Sorry..

  12. Bill Neal
    Facepalm

    Torrent?

    Why not just torrent the plans?

    Oh, that's right. Torrents are only for evil pirates.

    1. FutureShock999

      Re: Torrent?

      No, mostly due to version control issues - they want to have a central place to reference the plans that is always current. I am sure, and they are probably sure, that the plans will be torrented within minutes or hours of appearing. The problem is that (unlike a movie or album on a torrent network) these are not finished and finalised, and are subject to change as they get planning feedback - and anyone seeking the latest plans that are compliant will have to go to the website to do that. And because a great many will only want the absolutely latest plans...they will hit the website, likely hard, even if the torrent is available.

      1. Bill Neal

        Re: Torrent?

        That is why there should be numbers in the title. It works for software distribution. Soon as a new version of my favorite linux distro is out, it is readily available in torrent form. The plans will most likely be less than 700MB making it easy to redistribute continuous changes.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Look familiar?

    http://www.designbuild-network.com/projects/gchq/gchq1.html

  14. Richard Cartledge
    Go

    Apple will be suing Krispy Kreme soon then.

  15. W.O.Frobozz
    Thumb Down

    Does every office come with purple satin blankets, too?

    I think the Roman Colosseum counts as prior art.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A Total Ruse.....The Truth is.....

    The insider info on this is that the whole complex is but a pedestal (or hemorrhoid doughnut if you will) for a colossal statue of Steve Jobs sitting in the Buddha position. Erected as an enduring reminder to his fanboiz of the gadget maker's everlasting divinity.

    Also missing from the plans are the gift shop, chapel, shrine and observation platform that will be situated directly under the statue's privates (genitals and a-hole) in the midst of the courtyard, so worshipers may have an up close and personal kiss, lick and or other desired commune with his divinity in ways previously unavailable to them.

    As planned, the gift shop will offer, among other i-branded memorabilia, personal worship shrines (iWorship the home game) which are exact rubberized replicas of Steve Jobs' hinder parts. iWorshipers (such as Johnny Evans) would then be able to wake each morning to a waiting butt crack that they can then slam their faces into to grab a kiss and a lick of it's puckered orifice, much as (he) they'd done each day of their lives when Jobs was still with us.

    Apple isn't in the habit of revealing what it is doing for fear that their ideas might be co-opted by a competitor and this ruse is yet another example of its normal subterfuge. So take heart fanboiz, you'll be back to teabag lapping and cuddling up to Steve Jobs' pucker in no time....

    Happy Thanksgiving all you USAer's

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Scary

    that they are focussing the Reality Distortion Field at the centre of building. Perhaps it will lead to a rebirth of The Chosen One

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Scary

      Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

      Oh sorry, did you mean someone else...

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    10,500 parking spaces. That won't do wonders for their environmental ratings.

  19. Herby Silver badge

    The eatery at the center of the Pentagon

    Was called "ground zero". Now they will need to name the center of the Apple universe, where a nice red target will be placed (probably along with Steve Jobs ashes).

  20. Martin Budden
    FAIL

    not future-proofed

    The problem with a circular design is that you can't easily extend without ruining the effect.

    Australia's Parliament House (not circular, nevertheless a neat shape) has the same problem.

  21. crediblywitless

    Form over function, as always, yes. And of course they'll be replacing it with something else before it's properly finished. It's a two-dimensional Death Star.

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  23. RudeUnion

    Hilarious!

    LOL It's funny all the haters come out of the woodwork for this article. :-)

    On a positive note, if you look at the current status of that area it's all asphalt parking lots and buildings. The new building will bring a lot of green space back to an industrial area, which is good. And most of the 10,000+ parking will be underground. If they wanted to save a few dollars they could have paved everything and made it look like a typical mall with acres of outdoor parking.

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