back to article Swedish woman cuffed for sex with skeleton SHOCKER

A 37-year-old Swedish woman has been charged with "violating the peace of the dead" after allegedly using human skeletal remains for "sexual gratification". The unnamed boner-lover was cuffed back in September by cops investigating a report of a gunshot at her Gothenburg apartment. Shaken officers "immediately called for back- …

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  1. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    "violating the peace of the dead"

    Is that a mistranslation? The rest of the article would seem to suggest it should be "violating a piece of the dead".

    1. LinkOfHyrule
      Joke

      Re: "violating the peace of the dead"

      Talk about rest in piece(s)!

  2. LinkOfHyrule
    Paris Hilton

    Tip for budding criminals

    Do not film your crimes, burn the footage to DVD and then label the discs "My Drug Dealing" or "My First Ponzi Scheme" or "My Necrophilia"....

    It just makes it too easy for the cops if they raid your apartment!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tip for budding criminals

      My Little Ponzi

  3. Thomas 4

    I look forward to the Hollywood version

    ...with "Bad to the Bone" as its theme song.

    1. Nigel Brown

      Re: I look forward to the Hollywood version

      Or something by Elvis the Pelvis.

    2. dssf

      Re: I look forward to the Hollywood version

      I look to the Bollywood version. And, wouldn't hurt to have a Riverdance version. Not sure i wanna see a Reaverdance version unless Mal, Zoe, and Jayne are guarding my perimeter.

  4. FartingHippo
    Pirate

    So...

    Which end of the femur did she use? Inquiring minds need to know.

    (and seriously, am I really the first to use this icon? poor show, commentards)

  5. greenawayr
    Coat

    Don't believe a word she says...

    ...she's a fibula

    1. 2FishInATank

      Re: Don't believe a word she says...

      I find this humerus.

      1. teebie

        Re: Don't believe a word she says...

        Oi! If you two don't behave yourselves I'll be having some very sternum words with you

        1. wowfood
          Pirate

          Re: Don't believe a word she says...

          Maybe she just wanted a man with a large coccyx

    2. Huw D
      Coat

      Re: Don't believe a word she says...

      Let this be a warning to you. If you try to be hip it'll tibia over the edge...

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Don't believe a word she says...

        Now she faces the lumbaring wheels of justice...

        1. Steven Raith
          Coat

          Re: Don't believe a word she says...

          That's what happens once you're collared - you're boned.

          (apologies)

    3. YARR
      IT Angle

      So the IT angle is...

      ... it involves something digit-al.

      1. Martin Huizing
        Paris Hilton

        This story really...

        ...made my funny-bone tingle!

        Paris: Never been a more righteous bone in her!

      2. dssf

        Re: So the IT angle is...

        And, backboned and rack serv hers, too. Pick a Top ology...

    4. Quinch
      Coat

      Re: Don't believe a word she says...

      Auuggghh!!

      Knuckle! Knuckle!

  6. David Webb

    Something must have happened in her past, but, well, we all have skeletons in our closet.......

    1. Rob
      Joke

      Your right we do...

      ... but I don't pull the skeletons out of my cupboard and insert them into various orifices.

  7. Bertie D'astard
    Happy

    Bet she gets a right ribbing ..

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oh, I don't know

    As long as she's attractive, would you mind getting some after your death?

    1. Valeyard
      Stop

      Re: Oh, I don't know

      wouldn't mind getting some after my marriage

      1. Andus McCoatover
        Windows

        Re: Oh, I don't know

        "wouldn't mind getting some after my marriage or death"

        Thought the only difference was that the CSA didn't come after you after the latter. Oh, wait....

    2. Richard Scratcher
      Gimp

      Re: Oh, I don't know

      Attractive? She's probably a bit of a dog.

    3. Joefish
      Pirate

      Re: Oh, I don't know

      Well then, are you registered as an organ donor?

  9. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

    Geoff Peterson

    Now we know what Geoff does when he's no co-hosting with Craig Ferguson.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geoff_Peterson

  10. Big_Ted
    Facepalm

    I would say my jaw dropped when I read this, but I realised it was someone elses......

  11. perlcat
    Facepalm

    A guy just can't win.

    Spend your whole life trying not to stick it in the crazy, and the crazy sticks your bone in her anyway.

  12. John70

    "A fine or up to 2 years"... not much of a stiff sentence.

  13. This post has been deleted by its author

  14. candyman76

    You People

    You people are killing me!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Pirate

      Re: You People

      Don't bust a rib laughing! They're just doing what they say in show business: break a leg!

  15. ManiK67
    IT Angle

    I'm sure no arm will come of it!

  16. JayBizzle
    Coat

    Adds new meaning...

    to the term "receiving head"

  17. GrahamT
    Coat

    All together now...

    The foot bone's connected to the ankle bone,

    The ankle bone's connected to the leg bone,

    The leg bone's inserted in the lady parts,

    Now hear the word of the law!

    1. Martin Huizing
      Thumb Up

      Re: All together now...

      You kind Sir, just made my day!

    2. Thomas 4

      Re: All together now...

      *applauds*

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I may never be able to call it a boner again.....

    1. hexx

      LOL!!!!

  19. Concrete Cowboy
    Joke

    I guess she got fingered by the long arm of the law.

  20. tractor_saint

    Head, shoulders, knees and moans

  21. frank ly Silver badge
    Gimp

    I was going to make a serious comment ..

    .. about the self imposed emotional prison of fetishism, sexual dysfunction and social alienation ....... then I remembered where I am.

    1. Dick Emery
      Pirate

      Re: I was going to make a serious comment ..

      What a numbskull.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I was going to make a serious comment ..

      @frank ly That would be more poignant if you weren't wearing a gimp suit.

  22. Lord Voldemortgage

    What was the noise?

    Was is a gunshot?

  23. Fink-Nottle
    Headmaster

    I knew him, Horatio ...

    a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath

    borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how

    abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Re: I knew him, Horatio ...

      God bless you, sir, for not writing "I knew him well".

  24. Old Handle
    Alert

    Whoa?!

    Did anyone look at the pictures?

    Note: I'm almost sure these are all legal in the UK.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cuffed? Easy...

    just claim she was rapped. Shouldn't be a problem in Sweden. I bet the dude didn't put on a condom.

    1. Not That Andrew

      Re: Cuffed? Easy...

      Rap may be terrible music, but I'm pretty sure it isn't a crime, even in Sweden.

      1. Pastafarian
        WTF?

        Re: Cuffed? Easy...

        Surely it was the skeleton that was cuffed. (As in collar and cuffs)

        Seriously though, I dont see how this is a crime. If the bones were obtained legally what is the problem.

        Will there be court cases next for raping a vacuum cleaner?

  26. tractor_saint

    TBH she hasn't got a leg to stand (or sit) on

  27. John H Woods Silver badge

    Tony Chestnut

  28. mhoulden
    Coat

    "Swedish woman cuffed for sex with skeleton"

    But will it stand up in court?

  29. rcorrect
    IT Angle

    End of the world?

    So many up votes and only 1 down vote? Am I really seeing this? "IT?" because someone always complains when there isn't an IT angle...

    ...or is there? >.>

    <.<

    1. Johan Bastiaansen
      WTF?

      Re: End of the world?

      The IT angle is: well, it's a Swedish woman.

      1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

        Re: End of the world?

        IT angle: If you just looked at the pictures you'd have seen a box from an external HDD right next to the bones.

    2. Huw D

      Re: End of the world?

      It's in bootnotes. No IT angle required. Maybe people are getting used to it.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They walk amongst us...

    To think that very disturbed people like this walk amongst us is frightening.

    1. Rob
      Coat

      Re: They walk amongst us...

      This is quite tame compared to some of the nutjobs out there, thankfully you have heard of those yet then otherwise you'd be scared to death (literally) and we al know what happens to you after your dead....

    2. Old Handle
      Meh

      Re: They walk amongst us...

      I'm not worried because I'm not dead... Come to think of it I wouldn't worry if I were dead either.

  31. Anonymous Coward 101
    Windows

    Maybe she just fancied a little necromance in her life?

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093608/?mode=desktop

  32. veti Silver badge
    Coat

    '... bits of which she used as sex toys in an "unethical" manner. '

    I'm wondering if there's an "ethical" manner to use bits of skeletons as sex toys. Maybe if you got the person to sign some sort of permission while they were still alive...?

    '... initial suspicions of murderous foul play later gave way to the realisation of something rather more macabre.'

    What does it say about us, that getting it on with a femur is regarded as more macabre than 'murderous foul play'?

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Excellent bone jokes!

    LOL!

  34. dssf

    Is she "certifiable"?

    Possibly a bona fide certifiable. She's a few bones apart from a Napolean, non? I wonder if she used arsenic on the deceased...

    Say, looks like she invented a bona fide, new form of "Swedish Erotica". If her name were Lisa, this one probably was "moanin'" quite a bit.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Having sex with swedes is like shagging a corpse anyway.

    Move along: Nothing to see here.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Did you boil the turnip first, or was it raw?

  36. Pete the not so great
    Go

    I heard that some girls like older men...

    but this is taking it a little far.

  37. Smig

    Were the bones fresh from the morgue or had they been soiled?

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Her lawyers will have a bone to pick with the prosecution.

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