back to article Fart-buster underpants selling well among Japanese salarymen

Pairs of fart-absorbing underpants designed to contain the copious trouser cough output from Irritable Bowel Syndrome sufferers have proved a hit with Japanese businessmen. A model sports a pair of Seiren guff-busting underpants Manufacturer Seiren expressed pleasant surprise that their guff-busting smalls had attracted the …

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  1. Khaptain Silver badge
    Happy

    Definately a Friday afternoon article

    Are they also noise absorbant ?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

      You're a bit hopeful, sadly it's only Thursday.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

        I've been telling people it's Friday today too. I've got tomorrow off, so the weekend starts here.

        You can take our weekdays but you cannae take our FREEEEDOM!!!!!

    2. earlyjester
      Thumb Up

      Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

      If so it ends the age old question of, when wearing headphones & I assume they are silent can anyone else hear my trumps

      1. symbol_soup
        FAIL

        Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

        I can def confirm that that is NOT the case after trying to "sneak out" a quiet one while sat in a crowded, un-carpeted lounge at Vienna airport while sitting on those bloody awful plastic chairs wearing a set of headphones. The looks of every other people sharing my lounge told me that my sneaky one was not so sneaky and def not quiet

        1. Steven Roper
          Trollface

          @ symbol_soup

          You care too much about what strangers think of you. I take Aussie pride in being a pig in public.

          When I drop my guts in public, I let it roar load and proud. Leaning to one side and lifting a leg during the release clearly identifies me to bystanders as the source as well as giving vastly improved echo and reverb. I do agree with your prognosis, though, that those plastic chairs are absolutely the best sounding boards for amplifying the anal rattle.

          Given that this is behaviour one would normally expect of bogan (chav) schoolboys, seeing a 46 year old man (usually wearing office clothes) carrying on like this definitely gets a reaction. It works a treat when you're in a crowded bus or train and need a bit of space...

          1. Khaptain Silver badge

            Re: @ symbol_soup

            And that is only the Australian men, the women can be worse...

          2. CNS
            Flame

            Re: @ symbol_soup

            One day. One day someone will flick a lit match in your general direction!!

    3. Amorous Cowherder
      Mushroom

      Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

      Exactly! Nothing is going to stop the pressure of a postern blast backed up by a plate of my wife's sausage caserole washed down with some particularly brutal scrumpy!

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

      Are there any adults who really haven't mastered the silent fart yet? Your sphincter control should be such that you can accurately let the gas out silently and without accidentally soiling yourself. The myth about women never farting is because they master this at a young age.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

        "Are there any adults who really haven't mastered the silent fart yet?"

        Good Lord, man! Why would you want to throw away one of nature's gifts like this?

      2. Khaptain Silver badge

        Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

        Sphincter control mastery is not a subject that we see to often on El Reg... I am not sure that it is a very common subject outside of the proctologists cabinet....

        Ok those that practice their Kegels regulary might occasionaly give it a crossing thought but probably not for the same reason....

      3. PhilBuk

        Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

        A silent fart? That's the sort of thing that Belgians do! The trumpet shall sound and the shirt shall be raised...(etc. to accompaniment by Handel).

        Phil.

      4. Shane 4
        WTF?

        Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

        I am going to be very vulgar here, But maybe womens bottoms are not as tight for another reason,Thus they are pro at silent farts. o.O

    5. Louis Schreurs BEng
      Megaphone

      Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

      >Are they also noise absorbant ?

      Would the manufacturers name be SIREN ????

  2. Winkypop Silver badge
    Flame

    Somebody step on a duck?

    Now they would be fun to test out.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Somebody step on a duck?

      "Now they would be fun to test out."

      Speak for yourself! Some of us consdider ourselves craftsmen in this particular avenue of life, and take joy and pride in the range of sounds and smells that can be achieved.

      From the richly pungent, warm, fruity, sulphurous aroma of a good daisy cutter, right through to the sort of tasteable, dry, acrid phosphorous grenade. Or the lingering cumin-like background waft of a medium artillery salvo. Or the deeply aromatic shit-scented "bypass", invariably when you're touching cloth in a business meeting.

      And as for the sounds - the creak of Dracula's coffin is a personal favourite, but a good noisy buttock-flapper is always one to raise the spirits. The hiss of death in a crowded lift can always be relied upon to strike fear into the hearts of fellow lift travellers. Or the perennial favourite, the SBD, or spod as it now seems to be more commonly referred to. And this last one is celebrated in music, being the inspiration for John Cage's seminal work, 4'33".

      1. Winkypop Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: Somebody step on a duck?

        You've obviously never wrapped your nostrils around my vegetarian burrito and beer 'special'.

        I doubt these uber pants would be up to scratch.

      2. TeeCee Gold badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: Somebody step on a duck?

        <--- You complete and utter bastard.

        Trying to type through the tears here. You forgot to mention that you should never try to hold one in while trapped in a meeting. That way lies the Rising Squeaker. Correct technique is to relax completely and go for the SBD, although this does run the risk of the Basso Burble.

        1. b166er

          Re: Somebody step on a duck?

          I agree, no holding back. You then run the risk of releasing a teaspoon full of juice.

        2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Happy

          Re: Somebody step on a duck?

          Can I point out an error in your terminology? If you're trying to suppress one, then it's not you that's trapped in the meeting, it's everybody else. As they will soon discover, once you manage to release the nostril offending goodness, in all it's glory. Preferably in a silent, non-traceable manner.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Somebody step on a duck?@TeeCee

          "<--- You complete and utter bastard."

          Result!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      3. Piro
        Thumb Up

        Re: Somebody step on a duck?

        "the deeply aromatic shit-scented "bypass", invariably when you're touching cloth in a business meeting."

        Ahh, that raised a titter. Thanks for that.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sell them to Mormons

    REAL magic underpants.

  4. Hayden Clark Silver badge
    FAIL

    Typical

    The one time you really need a "Buy from Amazon" link, it's not there!

  5. b166er

    Can the trump sequestering wunderpants be temporarily disabled, if, for instance, one is in an elevator?

    I'd like to see version 2 using the methane in a phone charging fuel cell, although I'm not sure how the collection interface might work. Presumably it would have to conform to standard skid-mark dimensions.

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Happy

      Can the trump sequestering wunderpants be temporarily disabled, if, for instance, one is in an elevator?

      Presumably the only time you want to release a throat-gripper in the lift is while you are alone and to ensure that the next user gets to appreciate the full benefit of your digestive fermentations in a confined space. So, as there are no witnesses, just drop 'em and let rip.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @TeeCee

        The first law of farting already states that "Drop a gut buster in an empty lift, and it will stop at the next floor and one or more attractive women will get in, and give you a filthy look".

        Your suggested strategem now involves the risk of the lift doors opening to reveal the Farticifer in the act with his trollies down, which is likely to have graver consequences than a dirty look. Of course, if you have the "car control" key, and can keep the doors closed at will then your proposal has some merit.

      2. b166er

        My personal preference is to let one go in a full lift, pause and then look with an accusatory glance at a chosen victim :D

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Thumb Up

          @b166er

          "My personal preference is to let one go in a full lift, pause and then look with an accusatory glance at a chosen victim :D"

          You do know that perverting the course of justice can carry a sentence up to life imprisonment?

    2. I. Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects

      Thanks for the insight.

      I always wondered why people stick mobile phones up their bums.

  6. wowfood

    And that's christmas shopping solved.

  7. Tank boy
    FAIL

    Where's the fun in that?

    Nothing beats a good "crop dusting" during a meeting. Damn you Japan!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Where's the fun in that?

      And it's not just work: How will you treat your partner to a traditional dutch oven wearing these abominations?

  8. Ferdelance
    Unhappy

    No follow thru protection..

    Would get some myself, but alas no follow-thru protection....

    "Because there is a deodorizing effect on dough itself, after that you could accidentally leak out, I was bleeding, odor not touch the dough will not be able to deodoran"

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Roger Byrne?

    Roger Byrne? - wouldn't lubricant be a more helpful product?

  10. TRT Silver badge

    I have...

    a pair of Johnny Fartpants boxer shorts somewhere.

  11. David Hicks
    Go

    Reminds me of an odd australianism

    In Australia you can buy two types of cucumber - regular and 'burpless'.

    I had no idea cucumbers and belching were associated, but apparently it's a big problem down under.

    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Reminds me of an odd australianism

      Down under?

      1. David Hicks
        Thumb Up

        Re: Reminds me of an odd australianism

        LOL, no I'm not sure if the burpless cucumbers are better for down-under bottom barks....

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Selling well?

    Probably trumped-up sales figures.

    1. Shagbag
      Joke

      Re: Selling well?

      That joke was pants.

    2. TeeCee Gold badge
      Coat

      Re: Selling well?

      Probably a load of guff in Powerpoint to back 'em up too.

  13. hplasm Silver badge
    Happy

    The graphic-

    looks like it will turn into Mr Sparkle at any moment.

  14. frank ly Silver badge

    That front access slot ....

    .. looks like the worst design ever. You'd twist your leg off before you managed to get ready for splashtime.

    (I know exactly what _somebody_ is going to say in reply.)

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I don't think the Japanese are first with this idea. Shreddies do the same job

    1. JDX Gold badge

      If you stick them up your arse? I guess I can see how the close-woven grid could act as a filter...

      1. Piro

        But the sharp edges would surely provide an issue.

  16. I. Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects

    The Japanese commercial looks like a gang of victims picking on the accused and then the odiferous issuer getting a clue.

    Do you suppose it was intended that way?

    I don't read manga but gather it isn't exactly subtle.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @ I,Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects

      "The Japanese commercial looks like a gang of victims picking on the accused"

      This could set a worrying precedent. Hopefully I will be protected by the UK's "hate crime" laws. In fact, should the lynch mob set upon me or my behind, I might even get a bob or two because my feelings have been hurt by the intolerance of my fellow workers.

  17. chiller

    Where is the fun in these pants?

    Nothing gives me greater pleasure than releasing a sphincter destroyer then tricking a work colleague into grabbing a gobful of my noxious gases.

  18. dssf

    A gut buster can also be a...

    Butt guster... Mutual enclusion possible

  19. Cleary1981
    Devil

    Reg Test

    Who else thinks el reg should conduct some testing. Number of volunteers required to fart within inches of researchers face. That should do it

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I should fscking sue their asses !

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtrik-QO7jo

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    As the Harley owners say...

    "Loud Pipes Save Lives."

  22. James Gosling
    FAIL

    The mention of...

    Used schoolgirls knickers was a bit random wasn't it? Write something decent for a change you bunch of lazy half arsed pathetic excuses for journalists!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The mention of...

      Really? You are ignorant to the availablity of soiled pubescent female student undergarments within the Japanese marketplace?

  23. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    an invention 100 years to late

    for Natsume Souseki..

    'You seem to do quite a lot of wandering about from place to place. This is so that you paint, is it?'

    'Yes. All I take with me is my colour-box, but whether I actually produce a picture or not doesn't worry me.'

    'So these trips are half for pleasure, are they?'

    'Yes, I suppose you could say that. The fact is, I don't like having people count how many times I break wind.'

    Zen priest though he was, this was one metaphor that apparently the abbot could not understand.

    'What do you mean by "counting how many times you break wind"?'

    'If you live in Tokyo for any length of time, you have your farts reckoned up.'

    'How do you mean?'

    'If that were all it wouldn't be so bad, but they do such unwarranted things as examining your backside to see whether your anus is triangular or square.'

    From 'The Three-Cornered World', 1906.

  24. Johnny Canuck

    Well, looks like the Underpants Gnomes have figured out step 2.

  25. zen1

    the sphyncter as a whole

    ok this is quite the dilemma. I can hear my wife draining our bank account and ordering me one pair for every day of the year. However, nothing gives me more joy than to bust ass in an empty elevator (or full, assuming it wasn't chilli night, the previous evening). Or cropdusting HR, the mall, the grocery store, the movie theater, the houses of friends and families, aircraft during take off and landing, every government building I can get my ass into, and any new car I test drive.

    I suppose I'd be interested in a low rise thong, but over all, I'm gonna miss sharing the funk

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Unhappy

      Re: the sphyncter as a whole

      Or cropdusting HR, ..... and ..... every government building I can get my ass into"

      No longer, young padawan, no longer.

      Having 'fessed up on El Reg, the homeland security people will be on your case, and you are looking at a future every bit as gloomy (and every bit as undeserved) as Bradley Manning.

  26. John H Woods Silver badge

    That reminds me...

    ... I bought a stick-type deodorant and followed the instructions: "Twist off cap and push up bottom" Walking is uncomfortable but my farts smell amazing.

  27. Herby Silver badge

    Does it include noise suppression?

    If it doesn't, everyone will be sniffing waiting for the inevitable result, which is probably just as bad. The best prevention is to be as silent as one can be, and ignore the "result".

    On the other hand, methane is a major "greenhouse gas" if there ever was one (even more potent than CO2!). If this magic apparel reduces the methane by some magic means, will it be far behind (sorry) as being required to be work by every man, woman and child. Just sayin'

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Does it include noise suppression?

      Whoa! Does that mean the Japanese company that makes these homo sap methane converters gets carbon credits?

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Where are the fart-enhancing undies?

    We want amplification, not nullification!

  29. jukejoint
    Childcatcher

    Well at last, a sensible solution for [gas] cloud storage - if you can access your output later - but count me out, I don't want to be around when you restore your viles.

    On another note, I certainly did not know so many - er, men, right men? - were anally offensive and proud of it. Yes you are real pieces of work. Tell me again how fabulous you are? OOH you made a stinky smell. What the hell.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ohhhh...

    Air Bisquit.

    I guess I don't get out enough, learnt something new.

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