back to article Oregon farmer devoured by own hogs

Authorities in Coos County, Oregon, are investigating just how a 69-year-old farmer ended up being eaten by his own monster hogs. The remains of Vietnam vet Terry Vance Garner were discovered at his farm outside Bandon "several hours after he went to feed his animals". A family member first spotted the farmer's dentures on the …

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  1. Andrew Moore

    Strange...

    I'm pretty sure that was a short horror story by Clive Barker.

    1. jai

      Re: Strange...

      more like a sequel by Thomas Harris, no?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Strange...

      My immediate thought was that there's a (I think) Fredrick Forsyth short story in which a gang (IRA I think) dispose of someone by throwing them (alive but with broken legs) into a herd of pigs.

    3. Sceptic Tank
      Big Brother

      Re: Strange...

      Animal Farm. The pigs got rid of the farmer. They'll move into the farmhouse next.

      This is it boys!

  2. ravenviz
    Devil

    Feed 'im to the pigs, Errol

    Obviously he got on the wrong side of Bricktop.

    1. Thorne

      Re: Feed 'im to the pigs, Errol

      It was his Angry Birds T-shirt that pissed them off

  3. Chris Hunt
    Mushroom

    "Register-Guard" eh?

    Has El Reg started employing a tooled up american organ to protect it from flaming commetards? I think we should be told.

    1. Thomas 4
      Unhappy

      Re: "Register-Guard" eh?

      Isn't it obvious? This is revenge for the bacon sandwich article.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bricktop

    Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Bricktop

      We are having a public enquiry here into how the police failed to catch a serial killer for 10years:

      "You know that man we keep arresting for violence to women?"

      "The one with van we keep seeing in the redlight district ?"

      "Should we interview him?"

      "No need - we went out to his pig farm and there were no sign of lots of murdered prostitutes"

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Surprised no one's said this yet

    >DA describes demise as 'doggone weird'

    Shouldn't that be 'hoggone weird'

  6. Desk Jockey

    Snatch

    A great one liner paraphrased from the film Snatch for those who have not watched it, "Never trust a pig farmer."

    The Hollywood script writers have done this story before, but no doubt they will be paying a visit for some fresh ideas... As for 700lb pigs, well that is a hell of a lot of bacon sarnies!

    1. Bill Neal
      Happy

      Re: Snatch

      As for 700lb pigs, that is why the states are under no threat of a bacon shortage

    2. Naughtyhorse

      Re: Snatch

      or one really big bacon sarnie

  7. fran 2
    Boffin

    Brings a whole new meaning to "long pork"

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Um

      No it doesn't. That's what it means.

  8. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hogfather

      That's one way of looking at it!

    2. Richard J
      Coat

      Re: Hogfather

      Organleggers. Larry Niven wrote about this 40 years ago.

      Downvote for the last paragraph though.

      Mine's the one with the tasp in the pocket.

  9. Steve Button
    WTF?

    Is this the ultimate bacon sarnie?

    Or have they got it the wrong way round?

    Assuming he just tripped and broke his ankle and then was eaten alive... What a way to go. Sheesh. (and why wouldn't you assume that?)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Is this the ultimate bacon sarnie?

      He's a zen bacon sarnie master, at one with the bacon he became the sarnie and reached a the ultimate state of bacon nirvana.

      1. Naughtyhorse

        Re: Is this the ultimate bacon sarnie?

        and he died to the sound on one ham clapping

  10. Alan Brown Silver badge

    Don't stand still in a pig enclosure

    They _will_ eat anything and they don't care much if it's alive or dead when they do it. (childhood memories of seeing one chase down and eat a wayward lamb in a farmyard)

    1. JeeBee

      Re: Don't stand still in a pig enclosure

      That was a rather distressing Shaun the Sheep episode for sure. Poor Timmy.

    2. BioPeek
      IT Angle

      Re: Don't stand still in a pig enclosure

      My grandfather kept pigs. He never went into the sty without a huge board, to act as a shield, in front of legs and alway had a very large stick in his hand.

      He said pigs aren't dumb, they know where they're headed. Out of all the animals on his farm, I was not never allowed near pigs on my own. Even the sheepdogs kept well clear.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What a way to go!

    But as a vegetarian myself I can't help but see the poetic justice in it!

    Can't wait to count the downvotes on this one... ;-)

    1. Armando 123

      Re: What a way to go!

      I have nothing against vegetarians. Why, some of my best meals are made from vegetarians.

    2. Mephistro Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: What a way to go!

      "But as a vegetarian myself I can't help but see the poetic justice in it!"

      Being devoured by pigs is bad, but being devoured by lettuces has to be far far worse. So continue being a vegetarian at your own risk.

      You have been warned.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I hope he wasn't Jewish

    The irony would have killed him.

    Oh, sorry.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I hope he wasn't Jewish

      No problem.

      Jews can't eat pigs, but there's no divine prohibition against pigs eating Jews.

  13. beardman
    IT Angle

    angle missing

    Hogs and IT?

    1. possessedone
      Trollface

      Re: angle missing

      a) It's in bootnotes

      b) IT need their bacon sarnies and who is going to look after the pigs now?

  14. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    Tragic, however...

    it reminds me of:

    Ravenous bugblatter beasts of Traal often make a good meal for visiting tourists

    versus

    Ravenous bugblatter beasts of Traal often make a good meal of visiting tourists

    The bacon sarnie that bit back.

  15. geordietaf

    Clearly the work of National Pig Association activists. We should never have let them organise.

  16. possessedone
    Trollface

    Role Reversal

    Was it a bit of role reversal?

    1. Dr Insanity

      Re: Role Reversal

      Or was it Roll Reversal?

      Million pound question: Did they use Ketchup or HP Brown?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Role Reversal

      And when the pigs are finally eaten, does it become cannibalism?

  17. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    I don't care if he's Muhummad "I'm hard" Bruce Lee...

    The sight of a chopped up body to a pig'll look like curry to a piss head!!!!

  18. Winkypop Silver badge
    Coat

    The Police who attended said:

    Don't stand, don't stand so

    Don't stand so close to ham

    Don't stand, don't stand so

    Don't stand so close to ham

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The Police who attended said:

      Im sorry, downvoted for being cheesy..

      Ham and cheesy......

  19. Pedigree-Pete
    Facepalm

    Vietnam vet

    Am I the only one who read Vietnam vet & was temporarilly confused by the clearly Western name of the victim?

    1. Mike Smith
      Coat

      Re: Vietnam vet

      No, I wondered about that. Surely a vet would know how to handle animals...

      S'OK, I'm going...

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

        Re: Vietnam vet

        His name was Charlie Ham...

  20. ukgnome

    I wonder

    Would Lester eat the bacon from these hogs, knowing that they are part red neck?

  21. Nigel 11

    Some animals are more equal than others ...

    and occasionally, the other way around.

  22. emmanuel goldstein
    Thumb Up

    he did what he set out to do

    The remains of Vietnam vet Terry Vance Garner were discovered at his farm outside Bandon "several hours after he went to feed his animals"

    mission accomplished then, Terry.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Evilspeak

    This reminds me of a scene from a horrible movie called Evilspeak. Don't look it up. Don't watch it. You have been warned.

    and, scene...

    and this BIG piggie went

    OMNOMNOMNOM all the way to the bone....

    1. Peter Johnstone

      Re: Evilspeak

      Evilspeak was banned in the UK back in the seventies, due to the scene that you mention. You're advice is absolutely right though; Don't watch it, it was a dreadful movie, even for a horror!

  24. 0laf Silver badge
    Gimp

    Deadwood

    Did someone pay Wu?

  25. CCCP

    The grim...?

    You reep what you sow (sic)

    That is all.

    1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: The grim...?

      You reep [sic] what you sow (sic)

      That would have worked better had you looked up the preferred spelling of "reap".

  26. TheRealRoland
    Meh

    Amazing...

    So far, no obligatory Hannibal references?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Amazing...

      Do you mean apart from the first reply to the first comment?

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Free To Forage

    Can they be classed as free range now?

  28. Tom 7 Silver badge

    Vietnam Vet?

    Don't they normally access animals innards from the other end?

  29. Roger Kynaston

    On a more serious note

    A few years ago Vancouver (BC) police found that a pig farmer to the south of the border had been going to the red light district, murdering prostitutes and feeding them to his herd.

    Very unpleasant and all that

    1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Unhappy

      Re: On a more serious note

      "A few years ago Vancouver (BC) police found that a pig farmer to the south of the border had been going to the red light district, murdering prostitutes and feeding them to his herd."

      You mean the rather tasteless dialogue sketch described above is *true*?

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Actually...

        I expect there'll be downvotes, but a quick google reveals that the killings started shortly *after* the film was released...

  30. ShadowedOne

    700lbs

    Damn, that is one Boss Hogg!

  31. toadwarrior
    Trollface

    who run barter town?

    Guess he shouldn't have fucked with tina turner.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Where are the angry birds when you need 'em?

  33. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Coat

    Obligatory "deliverance" reference

    "Squeal boy, squeal like a pig"

    I'm off for a fried sarnie. All this bacon talk has made me ravenous.

  34. Mephistro Silver badge
    Joke

    Everyone knows pigs are extremely dangerous...

    ...specially when you question their authority.

    1. Local G
      Joke

      Re: Everyone knows pigs are extremely dangerous...

      Yeah, you're always supposed to call them "officer."

      1. Ed_UK

        Re: Everyone knows pigs are extremely dangerous...

        He probably called them "plebs."

  35. Dropper

    Snatch

    Reminds me more of Snatch, where Brick Top (Alan Ford) fed the remains of his victims to his pigs..

    I suppose on the plus side at least this guy wasn't stabbed to death by chicken trained to kill other chickens or died from being bitten by a hampster.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Things that occur to me..

    Do pigs have the guilty look dogs display when they've eaten the birthday cake?

    did anyone line these up and check for one or two that won't look you in the eye?

    What will happen to these piranhaporkers, the preemptive strike of bacon land?

    Are a few 300+kg pigs still going to find their way into the human food chain?

    "Farmers own pies" no doubt.

    I just hope it was quick and might forgo the sausages for a while.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Things that occur to me..

      ...forgo the sausages and become a vaginatarian =P

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Things that occur to me..

        So as a "vaginatarian" he was trying to harpoon a cute (no accounting for taste...) 300Kg porcine whale?

        The other Great White Whale Meat got ole Ahab before he could plant the trusty rock hard marlin spike in her?

  37. objectivesea
    Paris Hilton

    Karma

    Anonymous Coward wrote: "What a way to go! But as a vegetarian myself I can't help but see the poetic justice in it!"

    Indeed, it is the law of nature. Sometimes you eat the pork; sometimes the pork eats you.

    -- Paris, because no one wants to learn that her purse pooch had feasted on her in her sleep/

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Karma

      There is precedence, we can only hope ... See Marie Provost.

      Good gawd/ess ... Was that song really released 35 years ago? Pardon while I advise the music computer to shuffle thru' Stiff Records late '70s/early '80s, starting with that. Memories of my youth ... Next comes "Heads Down No Nonsense Mindless Boogie", good start. Peering at the running order, "Neat, Neat, Neat", "Spellbound", "Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick", "Leaving Here" and "Alison" are to follow ... Kids these days don't know what music is ;-)

  38. jelly

    Oink

    And so the first casualty of the new american drought.......

    Farmer: no more corn for you piggies....

    Piggies:........GET HIM!!!!!!

  39. Zmodem

    its probaly them random hairy things that live on the hill www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIQJe2Ve-lo

  40. jake Silver badge

    Does anyone actually understand where food comes from anymore?

    Firstly, 700 pounds isn't "abnormal" for hogs raised for meat.

    Second, I'll bet a nickle that he got jostled & spilled the damp/wet hog chow on himself as he fell over. There is a reason that my hog's troughs are accessible from outside the pens ...

    Thirdly, no, eating the hogs in question wouldn't make you a cannibal. The "input protein" has no bearing on "finished product" anymore that eating chicken turns you into a chicken or eating salmon turns you into a fish. The "ick" factor does come into play, however, even for this backwoods hick ... I'd probably just shoot & bury the hogs in question (I have an old, dried up well that I'm saving for this kind of thing, gawd/ess forbid ...).

    1. I. Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects

      Re: Does anyone actually understand where food comes from anymore?

      I don't know why you got a down vote.

      I am just curious how you are going to use the well if your pigs ever eat you.

      And I find it hard to imagine anyone getting into the pen with a herd of 700 pound flesh eaters at dinnertime. There is always one and he would have known that. Sounds more like he had an attack of something (heart or dizzy spell) and fell in.

      How the hell they are going to do an autopsy?

      Seriously. He'd be semidigested by the time he was almost found and by anyone got around to doing anything to the pigs would have been well on his way to methane and carbon dioxide.

      Just going in with them to pick up the remains would have been an ordeal anyone would put off for a long while.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dangerous animals

    They can be quite dangerous. My great aunt got her finger bitten off and eaten by one of hers.

  42. kain preacher

    Did this guy owe the wrong people money ?

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hogfather

    Hogfather

    Wasn't "porcine ingestion" a favoured method of body disposal by the Sicilian Mafia?

    I still like the story I heard a while back about someone figuring out that while a dead informant isn't worth much, the same recently dead informant suitably dissected into organs and sold on the black market was a money maker as the organs rarely get DNA profiled once implanted..

    Corneas are worth >$8000+ whereas kidneys can fetch >$30,000 depending on quality.

    Struck off doctors are easy to hire and will work for a pittance if it is paid in cash or drugs.

    Getting the specialist equipment and drugs needed to ensure harvesting succeeds isn't difficult at all..

    Don't even get me started on the whole "ice pick lobotomy + drop victim minus organs off in middle of unfriendly rival gang area" method...

  44. Richard Scratcher
    Holmes

    The reason for the 'attack' may never be known... unless somebody squeals.

    A sow bit Garner last year when he accidentally stepped on one of her piglets. His brother, Michael Garner, said: “He said he was going to kill it, but when I asked him about it later, he said he had changed his mind."

    Looks like a clear case of self defence to me.

  45. Tank boy

    Dedication

    It was always said that Terry Vance Garner took great care of his pigs, often going "whole hog" tending to them.

    I suspect that the investigation will indeed prove, that the animals went "hog wild".

  46. ka7ana

    nomnomnom

    Mmmm, mancon!

  47. Local G
    Devil

    Brighton all-you-can eat restaurant bans two 'greedy' diners

    "As we were eating the last bowl, the owner came up and said never to come back again, we're disgusting, and we're eating him out of business, so we're nothing but filthy pigs."

    Have you thought of inviting the restaurant owner to Oregon to show him how genuine filthy pigs dine?

  48. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

    Not that unusual

    Shocking fact: big, dangerous animals are dangerous, big.

    One of my wife's relatives was eaten by his hogs. That was in Indiana, only a few decades back. Witnesses think he had a heart attack before falling into the pen; but it's possible the heart attack might not have been fatal. The hogs were.

    Pigs are large, aggressive omnivores. It's not quite like keeping bears, but it's along the same lines. My brother's ex-girlfriend's father (yes, I know that sounds tenuous, but I knew the gentleman in question myself) kept a few pigs on the family homestead in Vermont. He'd dumpster-dive at the local supermarket for expired groceries and toss them in the pen, packaging and all; the pigs would eat the lot. He'd cut down saplings and throw those in the pen, and the pigs would eat them. They'd eat the rats that came in after the garbage. No reason why a pig wouldn't eat you, if it had opportunity and felt a bit peckish.

    "Eaten by a pig" was a not-uncommon cause of death in medieval Europe, where pigs often roamed village streets eating garbage. Stallybrass & White cite some sources in The Politics and Poetics of Transgression.

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