back to article Humanity facing GLOBAL BACON SHORTAGE

Doomwatchers are painting an apocalyptic picture of a world where weeping humanity is reduced to scraping meagre nourishment from mash without bangers, hole without toad, scratchings without pork and, chillingly, sarnies without bacon. According to the BBC, a drought-hit US maize harvest has forced up cereal prices worldwide, …

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  1. Pooka
    Unhappy

    AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!

    Global panic, riots on the street, and queues for the butchers that will make your average iShop owner on iPhone release day cry..... I can see it now.....

    Gonna have to stock up, even if I have to freeze it. Frozen bacon is a set up from no bacon, but only a small one!

    1. S.G.
      Trollface

      Re: AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!

      It's the aporcalipse!

      1. ukgnome Silver badge

        Re: AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!

        aporkalypse

        1. Thorne

          Re: AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!

          Crowds of zombie like people eating police officers to stave off the withdrawal symptoms

    2. Ammaross Danan
      Coat

      Re: AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!

      All because of mandated ethanol and a bad yield year....

    3. Captain Scarlet Silver badge

      Re: AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!

      I wonder if Baconise actually works, I will test soem on my bacon later!

      1. big_D Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!

        Stop with all the bacon! You are driving me insane.

        Due to a medical condition, I can't eat my beloved bacon any more! So eat mine and stop tormenting me!

  2. Justice
    Unhappy

    OMFG!!! This is the worst thing to happen to IT since... ever!

    You MUST suspend the Bacon Sammich competition!!!

    1. RainForestGuppy

      NO!! The competition must go on.

      In fact if pork is in short supply, then only the most dedicated baconologists will be tempted to enter.

      The freaks and oddballs who despoil the 'holy sandwich of loviness' with such abonimations such as Mayonnaise, cheese or vegetables, will probaby look at turkey rashers to complete their evil butties of the beast

      1. wowfood
        Megaphone

        Vegetables as an abomination yes

        Mayo as an abomination hell yes the vile stuff should be banned from everything

        But cheese? I mean, american processed cheese sure, anyone using that should be shot in the foot, but a nice mature cheddar, or a deliciously creamy mozzarella can help bring out the true bacony goodness of a bacon sarnie, y'know so long as you don't overload with cheese.

        1. Lord Voldemortgage

          You can improve a cheese sandwich with bacon but not the other way round.

          1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
            Happy

            Actually, you can improve a cheese sandwich simply by removing the cheese.

        2. Joe User

          The label for American processed cheese clearly says "cheese food". It isn't intended for human consumption; it's supposed to be fed to cheese.

      2. kain preacher Silver badge

        Turkey bacon.

        1. Not That Andrew
          Mushroom

          RE: Turkey bacon.

          BLASPHEMER!

  3. Captain TickTock
    Joke

    I blame...

    Angry Birds for wanton destruction of piggies

    1. Anonymous Coward 15

      I do not like green (eggs and) ham.

      I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

      1. Alan Dougherty
        Pint

        Re: I do not like green (eggs and) ham.

        Would you like them in a tree (due to rising sea levels)?

        They are so good, so good you see?

        You should have them here or there,

        You should have them anywhere.

        *Bacon sarnies need only six ingredients..

        Plain white sliced bread

        Butter

        Bacon

        Small amount of grated mature chedder (grated smoked applewood if it takes your fancy)

        HP Sauce (just a drizzle)

        One or two sun dried tomatoes, making sure you don't get too much oil on the bread.

        Anyway.. if we are currently importing bacon, and we have farmers wondering what to do with their land, then can we not step up and make this once great Kingdom an exporting powerhouse of bacon again (and keep enough back (bacon) for ourselves)?

        If the import price is high, then the home grown price should be getting close to equilibrium.. maybe enough to make it worth while for local pig farmers to do what they do best, and export the best of British pork?

        Where's the bacon icon?

        1. Lord Voldemortgage

          Re: I do not like green (eggs and) ham.

          "Bacon sarnies need only six ingredients"

          Two ingredients are necessary: bacon and bread.

          1. Pooka
            Pint

            Re: I do not like green (eggs and) ham.

            Six ingredients - two slices of bread, four slabs of bacon.

            Job done.

            1. Thorne

              Re: I do not like green (eggs and) ham.

              "Six ingredients - two slices of bread, four slabs of bacon."

              Wrong. Six slices of bacon

          2. kain preacher Silver badge

            Re: I do not like green (eggs and) ham.

            I'm a freak I like a bacon ,eggs on croissant .

        2. Evil Graham

          Re: I do not like green (eggs and) ham.

          I think you're getting all the downvotes because of the sundried tomatoes.

          They may be nice, but they ain't part of trad British nosh.

          1. Stevie Silver badge

            Re: I do not like green (eggs and) ham.

            " think you're getting all the downvotes because of the sundried tomatoes."

            He lost me at "sliced white bread". I could live with that if it was Texas Toast, otherwise bread sawn by hand into doorstep-thick wedges is the only acceptable method.

            To be properly British, the flour for the bread should have been clog-milled in Lancashire by burly loom-tenders to the rhythm of traditional concertina music, but that is, alas, impractical today owing to the scarcity of concertinas.

            Me I like it toasted too, but can allow that that is optional.

            Back bacon, and lots of it, cooked properly but not overcooked.

            Cheese is entirely unnecessary, smoked cheese doubly so (one suspects this "cheddar" as never having been within ten miles of the county or indeed of having been made in the UK at all), and the sun-dried tomatoes have no place in a larder of any sort. All they are good for is adding half a quid to the price of an otherwise palatable sandwich and rendering it barely edible. I'm only surprised this so-called recipe didn't involve guacamole, snails or raw fish.

            As for the HP, I reserve the right to slather. My sandwich, my rules.

            Once again we see that no culinary delight is so good it cannot be rendered entirely naff by someone with pretensions of chef-ness.

            Sun dried tomatoes. Applewood smoked cheddar. Azathoth on a Bike.

  4. Captain TickTock
    Coffee/keyboard

    Bootnote

    see title and icon

  5. Ol'Peculier
    Coat

    There was a big fire of straw bales here on Tuesday night, right next to a barn with 350 piglets in it.

    Was thinking of grabbing a loaf and popping over there...

    (AFAIK, pigs OK, hay bales not so good)

    1. Michael Dunn

      @Ol'Peculier

      cf Charles Lamb's Essay on Roast Pig!

  6. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    Alert

    Doooooomed!

    ...doomed, I tell you!

    Though the sausage appreciation society actually explains what cookies it uses, so kudos there for bacon cookies

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Doooooomed!

      As you were, private Fraser!

  7. Lee Dowling Silver badge

    Forgive me - if everyone has to abide by the new rules, why do prices have to increase? Because all your competitors have to do the same anyway, and the only loss will be the cost of the new procedures/equipment spread over your ENTIRE sales for the year. Are we seriously talking more than a percent or two?

    And, surely, if we import most of our bacon now we're not really doing it the most cost-effective way anyway. Won't this be a boost for UK farms wanting to farm pigs again?

    1. David_H
      Boffin

      Young Farmer and Rocket Scientist

      We have had very good animal welfare rules for many years, and you will find British pork at the 'premium' end of the supermarket range as good welfare is more expensive than the truly disgusting conditions animals are kept in abroad. Denmark has been a foreign source for many decades#centuries# and is reasonable on the welfare side, but bringing them up to a similar standard to us is going to increase their costs. Southern Asia will only grow as a source for the 'value' end of the market as a result of this and their animal welfare will stay truly terrible for a long as I can forsee.

      UK farming is very efficient, but in general we produce everything the most humane way, and that is how we can be undercut on cost. I always buy British and yes, you can taste the difference!

      Rocket scientist logo, as you don't have to be to buy the best and buy British

    2. Trygve

      at a guess...

      because farmers will only be able to cram half as many piggies into the giant concrete and steel hangars, and will have to buy slightly less rancid and contaminated food to feed the pigs.

      And if most pork is imported, that's a pretty good indicator that foreign pork is cheaper than domestic pork - otherwise it wouldn't be cost-effective to do it.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      British OK then?

      So if I understand correctly - the foreign pork will become more expensive as they have to upgrade their farming conditions to match what British farmers already have to do.

      So British pork (and especially bacon) should not rise in price (except as dictated by feed prices).

      If so, then goody - I always buy British pork and bacon.

  8. Bored Stupid
    Coat

    Totally illogical.

    Why a shortage? Obviously if there's a pig-food shortage, then to save the pigs starving we should be eating them at record-breaking pace.

    There should be a glut of bacon, we shouldn't be able to move for bacon.

    Your reporters should sit and think a minute before they write - they're obviously rasher than they should be.

    1. Trollslayer Silver badge
      Thumb Down

      Re: Totally illogical.

      It means that when the current livestock have been baconified(tm) they will raise a lot less next time or maybe move to a different type of farming.

      1. Bored Stupid
        Facepalm

        Re: Totally illogical.

        fekk sake, you think I didn't know that?

    2. Shooter
      Facepalm

      Re: Totally illogical.

      That's a long way to tip a rarie...

      (Let's see who gets that one).

      1. Alan Dougherty

        Re: Totally illogical.

        Hang on.. if you're talking about the Boer Wars, i think it was penned a good bit after, by Jack Judge..

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Two words....

    Long Pig

    1. Richard 120
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Two words....

      You owe me a new keyboard.

    2. Crisp Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Two words....

      Cannibalism ftw!

      1. wowfood

        Re: Two words....

        I shall fetch a rug.

      2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Two words....

        Or just feed people to pigs then eat the pigs.

        That way nobody will object

        1. Will Godfrey Silver badge

          Re: Two words....

          Good idea, and the people of Liverpool can select the pig food.

        2. Vanir
          Thumb Up

          Re: Two words....

          As happened in Deadwood.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Two words....

      LOL...damn you, other Great Mind, that was MY comment.... ;)

    4. Steven Roper
      Thumb Up

      Two more words...

      Soylent Green

  10. Kubla Cant Silver badge
    Windows

    White slime

    Slightly off-topic. When I read this I thought "will this make a difference to the price of expensive, dry-cure bacon, or only to the rubbish?"

    Then it occurred to me that in the 50% of the bacon sarnie thread that I had the stamina** to read, there was no mention of the horrible white slime emitted by much bacon when it's fried. Will the new bacon rules lead to a reduction in this abomination?

    **Need more bacon sandwiches.

    1. Trollslayer Silver badge

      Re: White slime

      This is a result of injected nitrites to make the bacon retain more water.

      Literally diluting the product.

      1. wowfood

        Re: White slime

        This generally only comes from cheap bacon. The stuff from your local butchers should have little to no white mess.

        1. Will Godfrey Silver badge

          Re: White slime

          To my great surprise, I recently discovered that Tesco's advertise 'no added water' on their bacon packs. Being a frontier type person I decided to try some. Guess what? No slime!

  11. Richard 120

    Sounds quite unsavoury

    Scratchings without pork...

    1. Badvok
      FAIL

      Re: Sounds quite unsavoury

      "scratchings without pork"

      So that'd be a bag of salt then?

  12. aidanstevens

    Idea

    Instead of feeding cereals to pigs which then get slaughtered and eaten, why don't we just eat the food we grow directly? Would make sense in a world of 7 billion people and rising.

    1. Richard 120

      Re: Idea

      Heretic!

      Bacon makes everything better. Particularly a bacon sandwich.

      Celery on the other hand is the anti-bacon.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Idea

        What if you could genetically engineer celery to taste of bacon?

      2. kain preacher Silver badge

        Re: Idea

        OMG pukes bacon and celery does not belong in the same sentence. One is divine food sent from the gods above. The other was grown in a CIA lab to torture misbehaving kids .

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Idea

      you must be one o' them peace & love vegetairns.

      Bet you believe in that climate change malarky too

    3. Sean Timarco Baggaley
      FAIL

      Re: Idea

      Homo Sapiens' rampant copulation is not the pigs' fault.

      Should ovine, bovine and porcine species be punished for having been domesticated by humans over thousands of years?

      1. Elmer Phud Silver badge
        Boffin

        Re: Idea

        I think it's seen as a threat to meat eaters as they may become infected with vegetables -- after all, it's a well known fact that the humble bacon sandwich is the usual cure for vegetarianism.

        1. Simon Round
          Happy

          Re: Idea

          @Elmer Phud

          Indeed the bacon Sandwich is a cure for vegetarianism. My wife, when she met me, was a vegetarian. All it took was one bacon sarni on a sunday morning to cure her.

          In fact her mum used to cook bacon on sunday mornings and waft to smell through the kitchen door and upstairs to entice her away from the dark side.

          Needless to say I get on very well with the mother-in-law.

      2. Lord Voldemortgage

        Re: Idea

        "Should ovine, bovine and porcine species be punished for having been domesticated by humans over thousands of years?"

        Yes. For their cravenness they must be punished with death, slicing, fire (varying amounts dependent on species) and, optionally, condiments.

    4. fridaynightsmoke
      FAIL

      Re: Idea

      "People are wasting resources on unnecessary things!!", says man using computer, drawing ~200W from the national grid to post brainfarts on an internet forum.

      Again.

    5. Flatpackhamster
      Pint

      Re: Idea

      Because maize tastes like honk, but pig tastes of pure awesome stuffed with win.

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Idea

      Because you can't make a bacon sarnie with cereal!

    7. Stevie Silver badge

      Re: Idea

      "Instead of feeding cereals to pigs which then get slaughtered and eaten, why don't we just eat the food we grow directly? Would make sense in a world of 7 billion people and rising."

      Okay. By that reasoning wouldn't it make sense to stop using expensive electricity to heat your house and simply burn the excess population?

      And who the fist-lightningbolt-skull-musroomcloud wants to eat a cereal sandwich? Get on message!

    8. Thorne

      Re: Idea

      "Instead of feeding cereals to pigs which then get slaughtered and eaten, why don't we just eat the food we grow directly? Would make sense in a world of 7 billion people and rising."

      Bacon is concentrated cereal with extra flavor

    9. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Idea

      its obvious isn't it. get the pigs to eat the horrible nosh and then they transform it into big fat porky pig sandwich. the future is to get the pig to grow an outer skin of bread and butter much like one can get a mouse to carry a human ear. i predict a pig in every home!

    10. JohnG Silver badge

      Re: Idea

      "Instead of feeding cereals to pigs which then get slaughtered and eaten, why don't we just eat the food we grow directly?"

      I guess you are in favour of the wholesale slaughter (and extinction) of all domestic livestock then?

      "Would make sense in a world of 7 billion people and rising."

      However you paint it, a world population of 7 billion and rising doesn't make sense. It isn't sustainable. For starters, there isn't enough fresh water.

    11. A J Stiles

      Re: Idea

      Two reasons I can think of, off the top of my head:

      1: Gluten intolerance. The human digestive system is not adapted to eat cereals. Some are lucky, others not so lucky.

      2: Taurase deficiency. This is a rare* genetic condition; which leaves sufferers unable to produce an enzyme required to manufacture taurine from other protein fragments, and therefore unable to survive on a vegetarian diet. Sufferers first go blind; then their internal organs fail slowly, one by one, over a period of many years.

      * Rare in humans, anyway.

  13. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

    Shortage or improvement in quality?

    If British regulations mean that we get less low-quality pork from badly treated animals, surely this will only mean that we see a fall in the availability of the cheapest sausages, lowest quality bacon and crappiest reformed ham. This will push people to buy superior quality products, which should lead to an increase in demand, making breeding pigs in the UK more profitable, and ultimately a fall in the price of this higher-quality British meat as the economies of scale cut in.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @aidanstevens

    Why don't we just eat some of the 7bn people? Two birds with one stone, to mix several metaphors, even though they weren't metaphors anyway...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: @aidanstevens

      How to solve all the worlds problems

      Kill all the prisoners, feed them to the starving third world countries.

      We suddenly have huge empty buildings, so move in the homeless.

      World hunger, and homelessness solved in two steps.

      1. Piro

        Re: @aidanstevens

        Job done. I like this kind of no-nonsense approach.

        Why would you need to be AC?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @aidanstevens

          I've spotted a trend that I get far more thumbs up, and far less thumbs down when I'm AC.

          1. Local G
            Happy

            Little Jack Horner

            I pull out all the plums on my thumbs and tally the ups AND the downs. It makes a ginormous figure and I say "What a good boy am I. (And thank you, Mr.You-know-who, for more than half of them. :o)

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: @aidanstevens

        but the starving countries could eat the homeless as well and then we have just one step. at least that is how i would program it for extensibility anyway.

    2. Nev Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: @aidanstevens

      But remember, Tuesday is Soylent Green day!

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: @aidanstevens

      Are you volunteering to go first?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yay! Good news...

    ...for the pigs! :)

    Don't worry there's always `Longpig`. It's just as tasty and it gets cheaper by the day ;)

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pig tentacles?

    "Stephen Howarth, of the pig tentacle of the UK's Agriculture and Horticulture Development Board ... "

    What hellish architeuthidae-suidae hybris is this? Is some kind of submarine porker the proposed solution to the shortage? I guess it'll make bacon production easier since they'll already have been marinaded in salt

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Pig tentacles?

      Well, they eat plankton, which is plentiful, you get eight trotters instead of four, plus the giant "octopig" variety can be trained to attack and drag down enemy ships. Works for me.

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        Re: Pig tentacles?

        Octopig ftaghn?

        1. Crisp Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Pig tentacles?

          Just don't keep an Octopig and a Dogapuss in the same tank.

          Or you'll just end up with one very fat happy Dogapuss.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Pig tentacles?

        But if it's an invertebrate - no spare ribs!

    2. Anonymous Coward 15

      I've seen enough hentai

      to know where this is going.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hide your stash!

    In "I am legend", Will Smith managed to live on his own for years, then it took only 24 hours for him to die after a woman showed up... And that bitch took the last of his bacon.

    1. Thorne

      Re: Hide your stash!

      With no bacon he lost the will to live

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hide your stash!

      That rather parallels Adam's experience, wouldn't you say?

  18. JDX Gold badge

    Did they time this news alongside the iPhone 5 announcement...

    ...hoping people wouldn't notice?

    1. ShadowedOne
      Stop

      Re: Did they time this news alongside the iPhone 5 announcement...

      There was an iPhone announcement?

  19. EddieD

    Hopefully, I'll be spared...

    I get my bacon (and pork and beef and lamb and buffalo) from a wee (okay, not so wee) farm about 20 miles from my house, where all the animals get to frolic and gambol as god intented, till they're slaughtered, and chopped up and eviscerated and sliced and grilled and stuffed between two slices of bread...

    It actually costs very little more than most supermarkets...other than the bike ride (or other transport of your choice) to get it.

    Support your local farmers...it's surprisingly economical.

    1. Piro
      Pint

      Re: Hopefully, I'll be spared...

      This is it, the producers will go on and on about standards increasing costs and so on - but really everyone just wants a bit more money in their pocket.

      I recently complained to Seabrook's crisps about the shrinking size from 31.8g bags to 25g in their multipacks, with no price drop. They said the generic rubbish you'd expect, such as the prices haven't been rising in the shop - my arse - prices often trend upwards - I'd rather pay a few pennies more and get the correct portion than be potentially misled by shrinking portions!

      1. Alan Dougherty
        Thumb Down

        Re: Hopefully, I'll be spared...

        It's not the producers, it's the retailers..

        I produce a product, that is placed into 200 outlets acroos my area of operations..

        My price to the retailers has not increased in 4 years (it will shortly, mark my words).

        My product is VAT free, yet every time there is a VAT increase, the retailers increase the price of my product, to the public, citing VAT, despite the fact that I haven't increased my price to them.

        When I tell them I'm increasing my price, to cover a 60% rise in fuel costs, 50% in materials cost, they tell me they will drop me as a supplier...

        DON'T blame the pruduction.. blame the gready fuknuts on the retail end..

  20. The Axe
    FAIL

    Is this based on the same "science" that says that it takes 7 liters of water to produce 1 kg of beef because the assumption is made that all cows always eat maize and other similar foods and doesn't take into account at all that cows generally are put out to pasture? Pigs eat just about anything, not just maize. So it's unlikely that the price of bacon will change the slightest iota, even if it is wrapped up in a global warming scare type story.

  21. bill 36
    Thumb Up

    drool

    As a northern Briton living abroad i can't get the ingredients easily to enter the competition.

    Nevertheless, when i get home, the first thing i do is grill some best quality back bacon, butter some fresh "plain loaf", preferably the heel, sometimes lightly toasted, and then lightly spread some English mustard on it.

    Heaven!!

  22. CaNsA
    Stop

    No bacon.... no bacon sammiches

    What will women do in the kitchen now?

  23. ElectricFox
    Holmes

    Rub some bacon on it:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSReSGe200A

  24. Panzerbjorn
    Facepalm

    I see a way through this crisis...

    If we run out of little pigs, there's always 'longpig' ;-)

  25. localzuk
    Trollface

    Engage smug mode...

    ...vegetarian. ;)

    1. Joe User
      Trollface

      Re: Engage smug mode...

      Vegetarians: the other white meat.

    2. Zaphod.Beeblebrox
      Trollface

      Re: Engage smug mode...

      veg·e·tar·i·an [vej-i-tair-ee-uhn]

      noun

      A bad hunter. Someone who survives by consuming not food, but the stuff that food eats.

      "The vegetarian was forced to subsist on slower prey, such as the broccoli and carrot."

  26. Bill Fresher

    I was planning on buying an iPhone 5 but now I'll save my money for a pack of bacon, two chops and a sausage.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's because of GLOBAL WARMING (tm)

    the BBC didn't mention the main reason for high corn prices:

    "While the drought may have triggered the price spike in corn, an underlying cause is the federal policy mandating ever-increasing amounts corn for fuel. Because of this policy, ethanol production now consumes approximately 40 percent of the U.S. corn crop, and the cost of corn for use in food production has increased by 193 percent since 2005 [the year before the RFS took effect]. Put simply, ethanol policies have created significantly higher corn prices, tighter supplies, and increased volatility."

    source: http://www.globalwarming.org/2012/09/10/ethanol-mandate-waiver-decks-stacked-against-petitioners/

    so no bacon for you and me, and no supper at all if you're one of the world's real poor folk :-(

  28. Dave 15

    Seriously worried

    'er in doors keeps calling me a fat pig (when she is being nice - worse when she is not), if she sees profit in slaughter I don't stand a chance....

  29. Scott Broukell
    Flame

    Petri dish ahoy!

    I am actually looking forward to victim less, lab-meat. In-vitro bio-tech is fast approaching the stage when commercial production can begin to be considered. Imagine ordering your own customized prime cut of Saddleback and Old Spot bacon. Charolais rump at possibly as little as half of today's market price mmmm ..... and no animals died in the process (yeah!). I'm drooling at the very thought. It's the future you know and I can't stay silent (or do I mean soylent?), about it any longer.

    Flames cos it's frying right now and I'm anticipating some down votes, just saying.

    1. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: Petri dish ahoy!

      One word: "Ambrosia"

  30. Mike Richards Silver badge

    The alternative Reg expert viewpoint

    This is clearly nothing more than scaremongering by an organised lobby seeking to destroy our economies. Everyone knows that bacon availability has fluctuated throughout human history and in fact bacon today is almost certainly less crispy than when the Vikings settled in Greenland. Making projections like this on little more than computer models doesn't take account of Thames frost fairs or the Maunder Minimum and just because the majority of bacon experts are adamant we are heading into a crisis doesn't mean we should continue to change our behaviour. We will always be able to find more bacon so long as we ignore the Green lobby and start fracking for shale bacon.

  31. earl grey Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    sausage appreciation society

    'nuff said

  32. Bob Merkin
    Black Helicopters

    British SAS

    For some reason, I was operating under the delusion that this organization was something completely different.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Worth paying more...

    ... for quality pork goodness.

    The difference in quality between my local butchers bacon and a certain large supermarket chain that starts with T is more than a little noticable.

    Even their 'finest' range is no comparison.

    Yup, you pay a premium for it already - and why not?

    Once you've tried proper, high welfare, free to roam and snuffle up truffles pork based products you'll wonder why you ever settled for less.

    The cheap stuff - notice how when you fry it, you get water with horrible specs of white fat - ending up with half the product you purchased = bad economic sense.

    Pork eaters of Britain, show solidarity!

    Buy the good stuff regardless of how pricey it gets - just eat less of it, or make every scrap count!

    Your waistline will thank you.

    1. Michael Dunn
      Joke

      Re: Worth paying more...

      "....large supermarket chain that starts with T>>>>" Oh, you've got a Tainsbury's in your town too, have you?

      1. Andrew Moore Silver badge

        Re: Worth paying more...

        I think he's talking about Torrisons or Taitrose.

  34. mrmond
    Pint

    Beef ?

    Ok, panic over Bacon but doesn't anyone like a nice Beef Sausage? , especially the Beer sausage variety with a good Mash.

    1. Moosey
      Pint

      Re: Beef ?

      Pork > Beef!

      Nuff said

  35. SirDigalot

    speaking of octopig...

    didn't she just move into a new house?

  36. johnwerneken
    Mushroom

    Enviro-Nazis have Gone Too Far!

    The conspiracy that diverted the world's food corn to ethanol is not only environmentally useless - and worse, as the ethanol binge is poisoning the Great Plains soils, the Mississippi River, and the Gulf of Mexico - it is not only pricing food out of the reach of poorer folks world-wide, but now: NO BACON!

  37. ElPoto
    Thumb Up

    Pigs are friends not food.

  38. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
    Coat

    Linda McCartney...

    ...meat free bacon.

    Quorn bacon.

    Mines the one with the puke in the pocket (I didn't mess up the floor in here)

    So, anyway, why is a shortage of corn/maize in the USA going to affect UK pigs, or even Danish pigs for that matter? Surely the UK and Europe don't import feed all the way across the Atlantic just for pigs. Don't they still have the pigswill bucket in the school canteens any more?

    Where are British Oil and Cake Mills during this crisis?

  39. Local G
    Black Helicopters

    Dial down your taste buds, Bunkos

    Spam is the new bacon.

  40. Long John Brass Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Toffuacon anyone?

    First there was the abomination that is toffurkey, never was a big turkey fan; so I said nothing

    But if Toffu-Bacon is the only thing left to me than the world is definitely coming to its end times

    Where will I get my Bacon & Egg Pies from now?

    We're doomed I tells ya, DOOOMED

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    i'm pig sick of this type of article. sort it out reg!

  42. James 36

    brick top

    And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

  43. Andrew Moore Silver badge

    I don't think I'm affected...

    ...Spke to a mate today who supplies me my pork products- and threre's no difference in the herd size this year than last year and he doesn't see any difference next year. I told him about the corn shortage and he said yeah, that will affect the large producers but not the small. So my bacon is saved.

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