back to article So, just what is the ultimate bacon sarnie?

It's fair to say that the question of just what makes the ultimate bacon sandwich has proved somewhat controversial with hungry Reg Readers. Our Bauernfrühstück v bacon sarnie post-pub nosh deathmatch prompted a furious scrap over the comparative merits of back versus streaky, brown sauce versus ketchup and butter versus, well …

COMMENTS

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  1. A Non e-mouse Silver badge
    Stop

    The only way to create a great bacon butty is... To do what you like. You'll never get anywhere near agreement on anything as important as a bacon butty.

    1. Thomas 4
      Flame

      I disagree

      True believers have been granted the vision and skills to make the perfect bacon sandwich. Heretics that use things like tomato ketchup or cheap and crappy white bread shall fry in the Devil's pan for all eternity. And they won't even get any brown sauce.

      1. Blofeld's Cat
        Devil

        Re: I disagree

        "...shall fry in the Devil's pan for all eternity."

        Together with the microwave users.

      2. fixit_f
        Flame

        Re: I disagree

        I disagree with your disagreement. A bacon sandwich in anything other than crappy white bread just tastes wrong! And forget the ketchup and brown sauce, mustard all the way!

        1. Spoonsinger
          Unhappy

          Re: I disagree

          Interesting I would so love to agree with your "And forget the ketchup and brown sauce, mustard all the way!" position, however a bacon sandwich should, and in my opinion, only be in white bread - but "good" white bread, (i.e. FRESH and not middle aged purveyors, "can't be bothered to go and shop properly so we use our freezer to store the stuff - for no real reason than our taste buds have decade to such an extent that a Tesco's ready meal is spicy", type white bread).

          PS speaking as a middle aged person, I despair at what these people have come too :-(

          1. 4.1.3_U1

            Re: I disagree

            It's supposed to be a hangover cure. Ergo trying to per cure FRESH bread of any sort is out of the question under any circumstances.

            1. David Dawson
              Happy

              Re: I disagree

              It's supposed to be a hangover cure. Ergo trying to per cure FRESH bread of any sort is out of the question under any circumstances.

              ------

              That would be procure, as in, take great care to obtain. From the latin (etymonline.com) pro- ob behalf of, cure- curare, care for.

              lesson ends.

              Nice fresh brown bread, butter, ketchup, good thick smoked back bacon cooked till the edge is nice and crispy. Optionally add a goose egg for taste (yellowest damn yolk I've ever seen from a northumbrian goose). Needs to be a big sarnie to accommodate the egg, but oh so good.

              We need a bacon sarnie icon.

              1. Smallbrainfield
                Thumb Up

                Re: I disagree

                It depends on how extravagant you want to get.

                Once in a while I like a BLT on thick sliced seeded batch loaf, but I add some slices of stilton as well and top off the lot with HP or Reggae Reggae sauce.

                But I'm just as happy with 3 slices of bacon on Tesco Value white bread with a bit of Ketchup.

        2. Dave 15

          Re: I disagree... mustard on bacon... are you ill...

          Oh yes, you must be... 'crappy white bread is a must'....

          as one of the other posts says 'won't get agreement'

          certainly not, crappy white bread is just too disgusting even to feed to the ducks....

          give me a large number of well FRIED and crispy rashers in a decent roll (preferably with sunflower seeds on - perverse I know but thats my taste) with some butter, cream cheese (yes yes yes, mustard is bad cream cheese is just perverted), mushrooms and an egg (bacon without an egg is like a cart without a horse - nice but not useful)

          When I get home I will make one and photo it for your pervy delight :)

          1. Spoonsinger
            IT Angle

            Re: I disagree... mustard on bacon... are you ill...

            "give me a large number of well FRIED and crispy rashers in a decent roll (preferably with sunflower seeds on - perverse I know but thats my taste) with some butter, cream cheese (yes yes yes, mustard is bad cream cheese is just perverted), mushrooms and an egg (bacon without an egg is like a cart without a horse - nice but not useful)"

            This is why sicko's gain a totally understandable heroic populist status. Nothing to do with how wrong their ideas are, but more with how they show people, as a whole, to be so mediocre. Good on ya - but you are totally wrong so don't go printing off a big gold star.

    2. Tom 13
      Thumb Up

      @A Non e-mouse

      Not unlike the best bacon, which always comes from a local farmer who sells it as his own shop.

      1. Blofeld's Cat
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: @A Non e-mouse

        "Not unlike the best bacon, which always comes from a local farmer..."

        Thank's Tom for that more than somewhat disturbing image.

        Long pig anyone?

        1. Graham Bartlett

          Re: @A Non e-mouse

          Ah, the *special stuff*...

  2. Piloti
    Meh

    .....almost anything with Marmite.

    1. djack
      Pint

      Marmite??... you're lucky I can only down-vote once! :P

      There's only one acceptable use for malt and yeast (see left)

      1. JDX Gold badge

        Milkshake and bread spring to mind too.

      2. Piloti
        Pint

        @DJACK

        So, we're not Marmite people then?

        The good thing about Marmite is that it is a by-product of the brewing process, not a diversion from!

    2. ElNumbre
      Coat

      Id agree with the Marmite - Proper Bread, lashings of Bacon, a dash of real butter on one slice, a spread of marmite on the other. However, if your bacon is too salty it can be ruined (don't buy the cheap stuff). Ketchup can be used to reduce the marmitey flavour for those fools out of touch with their tastebuds.

      Flameproof coat - on.

      1. Subtilior

        Ketchup is not allowed under any circumstances.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. Captain Scarlet Silver badge

      I hate marmite but love marmite flavoured Crisps. I must try this.

    4. Asiren
      Trollface

      So it is true then...

      with 12 up votes and 12 down votes at time of posting, it appears you either love it or hate it.

    5. Andus McCoatover
      Windows

      Almost anything with Marmite...

      Judging by the equal upvotes and downvotes (12-12 at the time of writing) it seems you really love it or hate it - 50/50!!!!

      (Personally, if Marmite's not spread on my "soldiers" before I dip 'em in my 3½ - minute soft-boiled runny eggs, there's something seriously missing in the morning as I set off, once again, to the (un)employment office.I can get a bit tetchy..Of course, anyone on the other side of the pond wouldn't know this culinary breakfast luxury.)

  3. Whitter
    Coat

    Foiled again!

    Sorry. I ate it too quick for a photo.

  4. The lone lurker
    Trollface

    You don't fry bacon, you grill it...

    ...after trimming the fat off with scissors then preferably over a grill pan so all the fat can run off the bacon

    1. FartingHippo
      Trollface

      Re: You don't fry bacon, you grill it...

      Exactly. It's then best eaten in a brioche bun with mayonnaise and some chopped chives.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. RainForestGuppy
        Thumb Down

        Re: You don't fry bacon, you grill it...

        Re:FartingHippo

        "Exactly. It's then best eaten in a brioche bun with mayonnaise and some chopped chives."

        must be Belgium to come up with a mad variation of a British classic.

      3. Psyx
        Pint

        Re: You don't fry bacon, you grill it...

        "It's then best eaten in a brioche bun with mayonnaise and some chopped chives."

        You can fuck right off with your foreign heresies!

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Devil

        fartinghippo

        Mayonnaise on bacon? I do hope he is a genuinely forgiving god.

    2. Kool-Aid drinker
      Boffin

      Re: You don't fry bacon, you grill it...

      Not around here you don't. The smoked streaky bacon is fried in a non-stick pan without additional fat or oil, then when the bacon is cooked, you very lightly fry one side of both slices of bread in the same pan until the bacon fat is absorbed. The sarnie is assembled by turning the fried sides to the middle. No other condiments are required.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: You don't fry bacon, you grill it...

        Kool-Aid drinker has it right, though I prefer a good white roll (or four), halved and fried on the inside. Not that it really matters as long as it's fried.

        If you don't have enough bacon fat to fry all the bread, I can recommend white rolls fried in olive oil or granary rolls fried in butter (this is fantastic but I thought I was going to have a heart attack).

    3. Russ Pitcher
      WTF?

      Re: You don't fry bacon, you grill it...

      What!?! The fat's where the best bit of the flavour is! Fry it quickly and when you're done cooking the bacon you can fry off some thick mushroom slices in what's left.

      Hungry now...

  5. Gavin 8
    Mushroom

    you bastards

    Trapped in India for two and half months, and now you've made me homesick. I would kill for a bacon sarnie, literally. Or even a big mac right now, somehow they managed to franchise mcdonalds here with out any pork/beef based products (not they are probably pork/beef based in the UK either).

    1. BoyModernist
      Flame

      Re: you bastards

      How can you mention McVomit's in the same post as bacon sandwches?!? Please wash ot your mouth with soap and then go stand in the corner and think about what you've done.

      1. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

        Re: you bastards

        The true travesty is the Bacon McMuffin.

        After a heavy team night out (they used to happen about twice a month), a colleague of mine used to bring in a big bag of them to work next morning and hand them out. I'll swear that most of the people must still have been drunk in order to eat them! Made worse by the Berocca that they also thought made them feel better.

  6. jai

    simple is always best with a bacon sarnie, i feel.

    plain white sliced bread, butter, nuke the bacon in the microwave to ensure it's crispy but not burnt, lots of ketchup

    but, this got me thinking - surely somewhere in Scotland there's a chippie that'll do a deep fried bacon sarnie, no? now that would be perfect :)

    1. Zaphod.Beeblebrox
      Flame

      White bread? Nuked bacon? Ketchup? Blasphemy! Burn the heretic I say! Burn him!

  7. Bored Stupid

    You can all stop the debate

    'cos when you see the bacon sarnie that I intend to enter*, you'll then know the ultimate.

    *enter as in enter the competition with, obviously. I've no intention whatsoever of "entering" a bacon sarnie.

    1. Mr Young
      Coffee/keyboard

      "entering" a bacon sarnie!

      Go on - maybe just a little tongue wiggling?

  8. Bob H
    Thumb Up

    Location, location, location

    There is a wagon located at BBC Television Centre (FSM rest its soul), behind the scenery block, which opens for breakfast until about 11s'es. They do one of the finest bacon and egg rolls on the whole FSM planet.

    Being that I don't work there anymore there is also the Boston Cafe on Boston Manor Road, they probably should be shut down by environmental health, or NATO, but they do a mean bacon roll.

    Personally I am a roll man more than a sarnie man, sarnies are more prone to flop around the place. Although you could tempt me with some thick sliced crusty white. Oh, and brown more than red, fried egg is a bonus.

    1. Neil Greatorex

      Re: Location, location, location

      There's a van, located here:

      https://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&ll=52.538175,-0.306027&spn=0.001343,0.004128&sll=52.538285,-0.30605&sspn=0.001349,0.004128&t=m&z=19&layer=c&cbll=52.538285,-0.30605&panoid=-LFKmwtfd5i9OLAwxgToIg&cbp=12,267.67,,0,5.79

      That makes the finest Bacon & egg rolls in the universe. No sauce, just salt & pepper on a buttered torpedo roll. Devine. We place a bulk order for almost the entire office on a Friday morning & get them wrapped in foil, in a paper bag with our names on the outside, as there are perverts in the office who insist on sauce & you wouldn't want any cross contamination :-)

    2. CastorAcer
      Pint

      Re: Location, location, location

      Oh my dear god.... Is that van still there? I last ate there over 10 years ago.

      It was the highlight of my week as a junior geek in the basement of TV Centre supporting the ungodly pile of cr*p that was P4A to go there and have one of their mighty works of gustatory pleasure. The Bacon and Egg Roll was a joy but you haven't lived (and died) until you had one of their fully loaded burgers with bacon, egg, cheese, mushrooms, onions etc. etc. etc.

      As I remember it all the guys that did the real work in the studios used to eat there, the carpenters, technicians, cameramen and so on. Always amusing to rock up in my shiny geek suit and shoes among the guys in jeans and t-shirts.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    M&S

    I've discovered the most delicious ones, and you have to do no cooking yourself, are large quantities of those M&S packets of cooked smoked crispy bacon strips between white bread slices. With Brittany butter, spread thickly. Full of salt and nitrates, Yummy. You do have to take the strips out of the packet first before adding them to the bread and butter.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: M&S

      Don't like my idea huh? I'll bet you're all just lonely old operators, shift people used to eating by the cold fluorescent rest room lights in the middle of the night.

    3. Michael Dunn
      Thumb Up

      Re: M&S

      Why is Brittany/Normandy butter so scrumptious? ...and their cheeses aren't bad, either, thought the ultimate hard cheeses are Ludlovian or Montgomery.

  10. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    A prize for the best should be called:

    The Sir Samuel Vimes, Commander of the City Watch, Duke of Ankh's Annual Bacon Sarnie Award

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

      Re: A prize for the best should be called:

      Bit of a mouthful I will admit, but then so is a good bacon sarnie!

      1. Julian Bond
        Paris Hilton

        Re: A prize for the best should be called:

        "Bit of a mouthful I will admit, but then so is a good bacon sarnie!"

        That's what she said.

    2. Slacker@work
      Thumb Up

      Re: A prize for the best should be called:

      MMMMMMMM now salivating like one of Pavlov's dogs at the thought of BCB's

  11. Richard Bragg
    Pint

    My favourite bacon creation

    Fry bacon (good quality middle or back, dry cured) and onions

    Put in a chiabata "roll" with some good mature cheddar.

    "Toast" in a panini press or similar so the cheese melts into the onions and sticks the thing together.

    Slice in half.

  12. djack
    Thumb Up

    The best ..

    The best bacon sarnie is one with .. another bacon sarnie next to it

    1. earl grey Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: The best ..

      The best sarnis is one with... another next to it...

      served by the chippie in her maid costume

      1. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

        Re: The best ..

        You have a female carpenter? And one who works in a maid costume?

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    So, just what is the ultimate bacon sarnie?

    A vertical one.

    1. Psyx
      Thumb Up

      Re: So, just what is the ultimate bacon sarnie?

      Actually; yes.

      I tend to put the bread under the grill to part-toast it. And then balance the sandwich on it's side (ideally leaning against another one) on the plate, thus ensuring that the bottom layer doesn't get soggy due to steam on the plate.

  14. Geoff Campbell
    Boffin

    I cannot let this pass.

    I do not, sadly, have pictures, as we were mostly too drunk to be trusted with cameras. The very best bacon roll involves cooking the bacon on a barbecue, carefully balancing three or four rashers on a burger bun on top of a thick slice of black pudding, similarly barbecued, and then adding as much parmesan as you can get to stay in the bun.

    We do this every year during a four-day party to celebrate the August Bank Holiday. Absolutely delicious, especially when washed down with a bottle of good red wine. Breakfast of champions.

    GJC

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Pint

      @GJC

      you Sir, are a culinary titan.

      1. Geoff Campbell

        Re: @enigmatix

        You are too kind.

        It turns out there is some photographic evidence of a precursor version, as seen here:

        http://budley.quatermass.co.uk/2012/08/31/izza-bacon-good/

        GJC

        1. Geoff Campbell

          And here is the "before" shot.

          If I remember correctly, we had to go and get some more supplies for the Monday morning, that year.

          http://www.flickr.com/photos/ramtops/4944847957/

          GJC

    2. Lennart Sorensen
      Thumb Down

      Re: I cannot let this pass.

      You ruin bacon by putting parmesan on it? You are mad. Bacon tastes great. You don't ruin it by putting stale old cheese on it. I don't even want to think about what black pudding would do to it.

      1. Geoff Campbell
        Pint

        Re: I cannot let this pass.

        Ah, well, if you don't want to think, there's not a lot I can do to help you. Pretty much everyone who has tried this has loved it, for the record.

        GJC

  15. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Step 1: no bacon

    Forget rashers: too thin.

    Instead take a bacon steak (essentially a thick chunk of best back, sans the fatty bits) and grill until thoroughly cooked, but not crispy. While the grill's still on, lightly toast 2 slices of hand-cut to your preferred thickness, white farmhouse bread.

    While the bread's toasting, slice the bacon steak into 2 or, if you're a budding surgeon: 3, slices. Placing lovingly on one of the now toasted slices and add tomato relish (the red stuff with "bits" in) to cover. Depending on size of mouth, cut sarnie into pieces but be warned: this makes it an easy target for partners to say "wotcha got there, gizzus a bit".

    Bite, crunch, enjoy. Repeat

  16. Trollslayer Silver badge
    Devil

    Too late

    Will a photo of an emtpy plate do?

  17. Steve Hine

    It's all about the cooking of the bacon

    Seriously... don't trim the fat; you'll never know when it's properly cooked (if you must trim it; do it after you've cooked it) - buy proper dry cured (or correctly brined) bacon; fry it gently in a good glug of rapeseed oil until the fat has rendered down and become crunchy and liberally fill two slices of fresh; hand cut bread.

    1. Neil Greatorex

      Re: It's all about the cooking of the bacon

      "fry it gently in a good glug of rapeseed oil"

      No no & thrice no. Bacon, not the cheap Danish stuff that's 99.5% water, should be fried dry, let the fat do its devine work.

    2. Richard 12 Silver badge

      Re: It's all about the cooking of the bacon

      Not rape, that stuff is awful. Corn oil is much nicer.

      Proper dripping is best but can be harder to get hold of.

  18. Stuman8484
    Stop

    Always second best

    The best bacon sandwich actually has no bacon in it but has sausages instead!

    Bacon will always be second best to the dong shaped bag of pork.

  19. Blofeld's Cat
    Happy

    Incentive...

    One of the electrical trade shows I go to offer:

    - Free product samples (meh)

    - Demonstrations of the latest kit and tools (again?)

    - Technical literature (>shrug<)

    - Lectures on various subjects (yawn!)

    - a free bacon roll for every visitor (where do I sign up!)

    Talk about knowing your target market...

    1. Gordon 8
      Megaphone

      Re: Incentive...

      Which Trade show, we must be told....

  20. Wize

    Source of bacon makes all the difference

    Most supermarket bacon has too much water forced into it.

    Its also in 10 packs.

    I like Costco's own brand bacon. Not too much water in them and 8 rashers to a pack.

    8 is a good number because it fits on my grill perfectly. Plus the other half and I get two rolls each, 10 is a bit more fiddly.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Source of bacon makes all the difference

      Any forced water is bad, bacon MUST be traditionally prepared for it to taste right! Whether it be Wiltshire cured or apple wood smoked, it must have no forced water!

    2. Psyx

      Re: Source of bacon makes all the difference

      I'm a big fan of off-cut bacon from the butchers.

      Use the little ratty bits for risotto and stuff, and the big chunky lean bits for sarnies.

  21. jimbarter
    Thumb Up

    The best Bacon sarnie?

    ...Is mine.

  22. Interested Party
    Pint

    Too late...

    I've just polished off a bacon sarnie for my lunch, although I'm sure I'll be eating many more before the deadline reaches so I'll have to get a snap to show you all how it's really done ;)

    Thick brown bread, plenty of butter, and just slightly crispy bacon, now I want another one!

  23. Crisp Silver badge

    So now that the recipe for the perfect bacon sarnie has been found.

    What's the perfect beverage to wash it down with?

    1. sventamagotchi
      Pint

      Re: So now that the recipe for the perfect bacon sarnie has been found.

      I'm actually a vegetarian (although I think eating meat is totally natural etc and am not a moss juggler) , and have read this thread with interest.

      Best thing to wash a bacon sarnie down with? Why, a cup of strong builders tea of course!

  24. oddie
    Mushroom

    must be white

    Although bacon sarnies _can_ be made with brown bread it _should_ be made with white. but not the kind you buy in the supermarket.

    It needs to be a sweet white oval roll, preferably similar to those you get from KFC: It needs to be slightly (very slightly) buttered, and then gently toasted on the side that has butter (the insides of both buns).

    The bacon must not be washed, a Bacon Sarnie needs to be salty as well as sweet, sour and delicious

    The bacon can either be back or streaked, the key is to bake (not fry) it long enough that the meat and the fat both turn crispy (but not too crispy, there should still be the slightest of 'give' in it). To achieve this it is paramount that the slices of porcine mana be turned half way through.

    This should then be covered in the highest quality ketchup (not too much, not too little, it must be just right), without which we are not talking about a bacon sarnie but bits burned flesh between pieces of bread.

    Eat This.

  25. Def Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    The very best bacon sandwich used to be made by Andy (last name unknown) in his (now closed because he broke his contract and cooked on the premises) sandwich shop which used to be situated in St. Augustine's Parade, Bristol. (Almost under the Colston Tower.)

    Now that that hammy heaven has closed, the second best is the Brunel Buttery on the other side of the docks.

    Failing that, pop over to my place on a Sunday morning. (The perfect bacon sandwich is all about timing as much as it is ingredients. Make an identical sandwich on a wet Tuesday afternoon and it just wont be the same as that hangover curing marvel you lovingly prepare on the weekends.)

  26. David Robinson 1

    Ultimate Bacon Sarnie

    How soon people forget.

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/04/10/ultimate_bacon_sarnie/

  27. Armando 123
    Coat

    First obvious step

    Start with Vyvyan's pet ferret ... http://i.ytimg.com/vi/tm7wQ_J6XzA/0.jpg

    1. Grahame 2

      Re: First obvious step

      That's one seriously deformed ferret.

  28. MrXavia
    Pint

    To me the best bacon sarnie has to have Smoked British Back Bacon Grilled with HP sauce in a buttered crusty roll.

    Simple but delicious.

    and accompanied by a pint of Scrumpy.

  29. PsychoHippy
    WTF?

    Not Made By Me!

    The best bacon sarnie has to be the one that has been made for me by the wife, on the first morning of any festival that we happen to be at!

    It dosen't matter how it's made, or what's in it - as long as I didn't have to make it.

    1. Graham Bartlett

      Re: Not Made By Me!

      Correction: The best bacon sandwich is one you didn't have to make *AND* you don't have to wash the frying-pan up. Bonus marks for it being a camping frying-pan where shifting the burnt-on crud requires sandblasting.

      1. PsychoHippy
        Thumb Up

        Re: Not Made By Me!

        Correction totally accepted!

  30. PerlyKing
    Go

    Now I'm getting hungry

    Gale's burger van in the paddock at Lydden Hill circuit used to do a breakfast baguette containing bacon, a jumbo sausage and a fried egg. Add sauce to taste and book your coronary surgery :-)

  31. deanpm

    thick crusty poppy seed loaf. cut roughly into doorstep size slices. thickly slathered with some quality butter , non of that namby pamby healthy eating spread or low calorie nonsense.. proper salted butter.

    several rashers smoked or unsmoked whataver your preference.. these need to be fried in lard.. none of that wimpy olive oil or some frylight rubbish. fry until the fat goes slightly crispy .. DO NOT CUT OFF THE FAT IT ADDS TO THE FLAVOUR. any sauce is blasphemy . we had a colleague who put tomato ketchup on a steak at our christmas works dinner.. we of course had to kill him!. The only Thing that needs to accompany a bacon sarnie is of course a good quality strong pint of dark ale!

  32. Furbian
    Meh

    Two empty slices of bread...

    ... with possibly a spread applied, if you're an observant Jew or Muslim.

  33. GougedEye
    Angel

    We know whats good for you

    The best bacon butties are made in Cupertino. They don't actually have any bacon or sauce in them as these are considered bad for you, but they have very carefully cut and shaped bread made to a secret recipe which smells amazing.Oh and you'll get sued if you try make one yourself.

    1. Graham Bartlett

      Re: We know whats good for you

      Just don't cut the corners off...

    2. Michael Dunn

      Re: We know whats good for you

      Rounded corners, no doubt.

  34. Mike Tree
    Thumb Up

    Help required.

    Please can someone pop along to the Cafe at Jodrell Bank & get a picture of one of their bacon butties to submit.

    I suggest eating one while you are there.

    The best 'away from home' bacon butty I have had in many a year.

    I would go myself, but it is quite a trek.

  35. Gazz

    "Don't worry unduly about the quality of your snaps, as long as they give a flavour of your offering.."

    I've heard of smellivision, haven't got a tastycam though.

  36. David Evans

    Jesus I'm fucking starving now.

    Good crusty white bread (Irish batch bread works), back bacon cooked with a grill pan, fat is OK because its going to be crispy. Butter or not, doesn't really matter to me (I tend towards not) and HP sauce. Not ketchup, not mustard (that's fine for sausage sarnies but not bacon) and none of those shitty brown sauces like Chef or Daddies, has to be HP. Mug of tea on the side (the only time I drink tea is with bacon sarnies).

  37. Ben Tasker Silver badge
    Joke

    I really do know how to make the best bacon sarnie, but whilst I was getting the instructions on how to attach the photo to an email on my smartphone, my dog ate the sandwich!

    Do I get an entry with that?

  38. Richard Cartledge

    I have done many tests and found that anything other than common white bread sucks. Fresh cheap white bread is best, it can be from a baker, but must be soft crust. As for bacon, I prefer streaky from LIDL, it is not British though. Sadly, I haven't found any British bacons that are as nice in a sarnie as the cruelly-reared milk-fed Dutch, Danish or Polish types.

    1. Neil Greatorex

      @ Richard Cartledge

      You want to nip into my village & get some real Lincolnshire, properly cured, not injected with salty water, middle bacon, rind on, from the village butcher who, conveniently has the other half of the shop as a bakery.

      Ruskington :-)

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about Nottinghamshire/Potteries-butty-van style, with mushrooms.

    I nearly died of pleasure when I discovered they did that thereabouts ;)

    Plus the people were sooo charming and lurrrvley to us Sweaty Sock type visitors.. Waah.

    Now if only they had lots of jobs ;)

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bacon Butty

    My opinion on the perfect bacon butty is simple. Good British white loaf, freshly sliced in thick slices. Thick slices of back bacon fried and loaded into the un-buttered bread. Brown sauce. Done.

    Cheap white sliced works, but isn't as good. Keeping a white sliced loaf in the freezer is useful for emergency bacon sandwiches after the pub. In that case, I toast the bread to thaw it.

    However, my favourite breakfast sandwich is fundamentally different. Same bread. English mustard on both slices. 2 sausages, preferably Lincolnshire or Cumberland, but any good quality works. 2-3 slices of thick back bacon. 2-3 mushrooms in thick slices. One or if greedy, 2 eggs. Fry the sausages and bacon, as fat is released use that to fry the mushroom. When near completion fry the egg, but ensure the yolk is runny. Also slice the sausages in half lengthways, flatten them out and flip them over to fry the newly cut side. The sandwich is then built with sausages on the base. Bacon to follow. Mushroom on top of that. Egg on top. Bread as the last piece (of course). Now crush the bread down to break the yolk and let it soak through everything. Either eat the sandwich like a man, with both hands and big bites, or cut into 2 girlie halves to be more manageable. Use the bread to soak up and egg yolk that escapes.

  41. Dex

    Tons of smoked crisped-to-hell rashers in a garlic butter buttered roll with Primula chive squeezy cheese.....divine!

  42. Stig2k
    WTF?

    Are you all MAD??

    Anything you add to your bacon that isn't more bacon is just making it taste LESS of bacon. If you want your wierd so-called sandwiches to taste or ketchup, brown sauce or garlic nonsense then why waste any precious bacon on it at all?

    1. DF118
      Megaphone

      Re: Are you all MAD??

      TESTIFY!

  43. Homer 1
    Windows

    The One True Bacon Sarnie

    This is how real men do it...

    First grab a field of wheat and smash it into flour with your bare hands. Spit on it to make dough, kneed it, then breath on it for half an hour to prove it. Leave in the hot baking sun for a few hours to produce bread, then chop into slices with your whanger.

    Catch a wild boar and throw it into a bonfire for 60 seconds, then place the burning beast between two slices of bread, and shove the whole thing into your gob. Chew slowly.

    That's the way my granny taught me, anyway, and she was never wrong about anything.

    1. Psyx
      Joke

      Re: The One True Bacon Sarnie

      What, no HP sauce?

      Obviously 'real' men wear dresses and lipstick where you're from.

  44. ici.chacal

    Four rashers of smoked back, dry fried, two slices of lightly toasted wholemeal, dash of mayo, dash of tabasco...

    I'm off to make that right now...

  45. TheHub
    Pint

    The best

    White bread only, with top slice dipped in the cooking fat. Three rashers of streaky bacon, cooked in lard. Brown sauce, Heinz or Daddies. Never never never ketchup ... that is reserved for Fish Finger sarnies.

    1. Tibbs

      Re: The best

      Savage, everyone KNOWS that it's Salad Cream with Fish Finger sarnies.

      White Bread hand sliced thick (the more agricultural the better)

      Dry Smoked Back Bacon grilled to get that perfectly crispy edge

      HP Sauce

      Good quality butter spread thick.

      Job Done

  46. DF118
    Mushroom

    Can't understand these commenters going on about the requirements for eggs, black pudding etc. I mean, these are all fantastic things to be admired and guzzled in equal measure (to my mind few things on this planet come close to the ecstasy that is a black pudding and egg butty with loads of butter and brown sauce) BUT... NONE OF THESE THINGS BELONG IN A BACON BUTTY! THE CLUE IS IN THE NAME PEOPLE!

  47. proto-robbie
    Pirate

    Get on a jet to Toronto...

    ... and to the St Lawrence Market to experience the peameal bacon sandwich. You will know then that you could never taste a better bacon buttie.

  48. Andus McCoatover

    For inspiration...

    http://blog.ivman.com/bringing-home-the-bacon/

    I'm wondering about a cheese-flavoured roll, filled with mozarella, dash of either crushed garlic paste, HP sauce, or a bit of both, wrapped in uncooked bacon, secured with cocktail sticks, coated liberally with beaten egg, then deep-fried for a minute or two...Must try it before the deadline. My dole comes a few days before, so I should have enough wedge for an experiment or two.

    Lard or dripping to fry, naturally...I have a superb butchers shop* about 5 km. away, source of the meat ingredients.

    *Rare as hen's teeth in Finland. This one in Oulu is crowded!

    1. Gordon 8
      Pint

      Re: For inspiration...

      Cheese Flavoured....

      Get thee to a Hospital, I think you have a problem in your head.

      The rest of the idea is not bad, but please we are not talking Carbonara here, keep the cheese where it belongs, away from the Bacon.

      May be you need a Beer to get your thinking straight.

      1. Nick Pettefar

        Re: For inspiration...

        Cheese for breakfast is simply wrong!

  49. MrZoolook
    Paris Hilton

    Frankly, I'm easy as long as...

    ...the Bacon is crispy enough to give that 'clink' sound on the plate and nearly shatters!

    Paris beacause... she's easy.

  50. Gordon 8
    Pint

    Lucky B@#$%&^s

    If you want the pits try living in South East Asia, we get Religion friendly (Wait for it)

    Turkey Bacon

    It is truly truly gross, low fat processed nastyness. If we do get 'bacon' that is not fowl, it's water injected Danish C*$@

    I am sitting here eating Roast Pork Rice (in no way religion friendly) as it's possibly as close to what i want as I'll find in this place. ( good crispy pork on rice cooked with the juices of steamed chicken (used to make Chicken rice) and a bit of ginger... Magnificent)

    If i could make a good Sarnie out here it would go like this :-

    Bacon:- Nice thick cut Organic Pig, If you can't decide back or streaky have both (both, double meat for me ;-) ), pan fried to crispy. If you cut off the fat you should be excommunicated.

    Bread - Good solid crusty white loaf, thick cut, fried in the remaining fat from the Bacon

    For me a little bit of freshly made up Colmans English mustard.

    And if it's a serious occasion, a nice fried egg

    Any condiment that does not originated from Great Britain has to be ignored.

    If it is part of a goo UNhealthy English Breakfast, bring on the Black Pudding, decent sausages, tomatoes, Mushrooms.... all fried in Bacon fat.

    If you want Scottish, add haggis

    Beer for the first person to go out an eat one of those magical English Bacon Sarnies for me...

  51. Toby Poynder

    On the Great Sauce Question

    A friend of mine mentioned that he'd had a bacon sandwich for breakfast, and I naturally inquired whether he'd put tomato ketchup or brown sauce on it. "Daddy's", came the magisterial reply, "ketchup is for fools". I think that settles the matter.

  52. The FunkeyGibbon
    Happy

    The Bacon Sandwich Experience

    Much has been said on how you make a bacon sandwich and I think from this we can gather that it is as personal an experience as can be had when it comes to food.

    Personally I like good quality white farmhouse bread with a good crust, three thick rashers of unsmoked back bacon from a butcher with a good dollop of HP sauce and freshly milled black pepper.

    Almost as important is the accompanying drink. It has to be a strong cup of white tea. Anything else would only be doing the majestic sandwich as disservice. On this at least we can all agree, right? :-)

  53. Brokendiet
    Thumb Up

    To all the freaks who add sauce and use bread with bits in..... Just accept it, you're wrong.

    The ultimate bacon butty has to be a double decker with 3 lightly toasted and buttered slices of white bread, bottom deck has back bacon dry fried and done to a turn, not nuked just cooked long enough that the fat is cooked, with mushrooms cooked in the bacon fat. The top deck has a fried egg nuked enough that the yolk is just slightly runny. Heaven. Oh god I'd kill for that right now.

  54. Nick Pettefar

    Perfection

    Wholemeal bagel, nicely toasted. Two pieces of lean bacon, preferably grilled, seasoned with a good brown sauce. Add a fried egg and mushrooms and maybe a slice of well-grilled tomato.

    Yummmmm!

  55. Roger Mew

    Bacon!

    The problem is getting bacon, I have actually contacted the trading standards people. Bacon is described as pork that is cured by smoking or other drying processes, nowhere does it say bunging loads of salty water into pork make it cured. So, technically Danish Bacon and the likes are not making bacon.

    So these meats and salty water will NEVER make a nice crispy bacon sarny. At best they will leave a white milky residue in the frying pan, at worst cause the frying pan to spit out all over the hob top and shrink by about 50%.

    Do remember YOU paid for that salty water, it costs a lot less than pork, but is sold to you at an inflated price.

    I have a difficulty here in getting smoked back, but can always get portrine fume and gosh does it taste a lot better than shrivelled up chemically enlarged and flavoured DBC products.

    I cannot see how or why the authorities accept that it is bacon, I guess the real bacon producers need to call their products real bacon!

  56. Ben Bonsall

    Grilled.

  57. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

    Perhaps not the best...

    But the bacon with fried onions and chilli sauce in a white stick that I had at lunchtime from the sandwich/burger van certainly hit the spot - yum!

  58. tmfyorks
    Mushroom

    beauty and joy

    A bacon sarnie, is a thing of beauty and joy. It SHALL HAVE decent white bread, back bacon (smoked or unsmoked) fried so it has brown bits, brown sauce. Naff white bread OR streaky bacon is only just acceptable if nothing else is available. It SHALL NOT have, that disgusting "tomato" sauce, overly crispy bacon, butter, marmite (what are people on?), mustard (sorry wrong sarnie, sausages only). People who put "tomato" sauce into a bacon sarnie are just hideous and should not be associated with, it shows a lack or moral judgement or worse.

  59. Shagbag
    Thumb Up

    A Vertical One

    50% of the population will agree there is nothing better than a vertical bacon sandwich.

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