back to article First, Google goggles - now the world gets self-censoring specs

The Committee for Purity in the Camp is reportedly selling spectacles that deliberately blur vision, leading wearers not into temptation. The glasses are, apparently, on sale in the more orthodox Jewish sections of Israel, for £25 or only a fiver for stickers one can attach to ones existing specs. The idea is to blur anything …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ha Ha

    I spotted it's 1st April !

    Wait a sec...

    1. LarsG
      Meh

      I had to

      Wipe the tears from my eyes, thought it was a great joke, until I saw someone wearing them!

      It's not ideal eyewear to go to the zoo with is it!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The small gaps

      Hide your eyes when looking down a lovely cleavage!

      Oh yes!

      1. hplasm Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: The small gaps

        If thine eye offends thee, my face is up here...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The small gaps

          Or in the writings (unpublished) of Cosmo Smallpiece

          If thine eye offends thee, you're not close enough. Ooooh! Knickers, knackers, knockers.

  2. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    And when they detect danger...

    ...they go completely black?

    Sorry Google, already been thought of...

    1. TRT Silver badge
      Coat

      Dark glasses...

      to match their ortho-docs.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And when they detect danger...

      Remember, it's customizeable ... hence (Ob) the parking lot is full:

      http://plif.courageunfettered.com/archive/wc161.gif

  3. Jimboom
    Trollface

    Roll up roll up

    Yes sir, this new patented system will 100% guarantee to ensure you don't give in to temptations.

    Step one is a large burly man walks alongside you wherever you go.

    Step two is, if he see's your eyes straying onto things it shouldn't then he punchs you. If you continue to oggle at Bulgarian airbags and the like then he pops you in the other eye. Your eyes swell up and then you can't see anything! Problem solved!

    Then when you cannot see anything the burly man helps you not walk into things.

    Praise buddah, your soul will be saved!!

    That will be £999.99 please.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Roll up roll up

      Sigh.

      Except this is about hardline Judaism, a different and less practical form of sky pilotry.

      BTW, it's spelled "Buddha" generally, and most Buddhist monks are usually quite relaxed about the fact that they are allowed to indulge in sexual relations.

      Still, carry on, Clarkson.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can't they just...

    ...learn a little self control? or are they lacking in the frontal lobe department?

    1. LarsG
      Meh

      Re: Can't they just...

      No man has self control!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Can't they just...

        "Re: Can't they just...

        No man has self control!"

        Ewww, sounds a bit rapey too me. Speak for your unbridled self.

      2. Elmer Phud Silver badge
        FAIL

        Re: Can't they just...

        "No man has self control!"

        Damned right!

        As we have been told many times it's all the fault of women - despite men apparently being better, stronger etc.etc.

        Google had produced the Tommy glasses - there are two more products to come---

        "just put on the eye shades, put in the ear plugs, you know where to put the cork"

    2. Robert E A Harvey

      or are they lacking

      I'm beginning to think so

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Joke

      @AC

      How dare you mock $religion. Your comment is highly insulting for $religion_practisers because you're generalizing thus causing them heavy damage.

      We'll sue and won't settle for less than $10000,- unless you're living in Europe; then it will have to be E 15000,- due to your extra "stigmatisation" being involved.

      Sure; jokingly written. The worst part? This sort of BS is actually happening right now.

      Whoops, did I just insinuate $religion to be bs? Uh oh....

  5. John G Imrie Silver badge

    I thought the bible said

    If thine eye offends you pluck it out.

    not

    If thine eye offends you where Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses

    1. The BigYin

      Re: I thought the bible said

      Whoops! Was that the correct name? Clearly I am not as much of a frood as I thought I was.

  6. The BigYin

    Blur?

    They need to go totally opaque.

    Ultra-Peril Sunglasses!

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Blur?

      Jew-Junta 2000s?

    2. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      Come back Douglas

      You are so needed.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Come back Douglas

        He's spending a few years dead for tax purposes.

  7. frank ly Silver badge
    Pint

    These could be dangerous if worn at the same time as beer goggles.

    Does the product packaging carry a warning about that?

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Put in your earplugs ...

    ... Put on your eyeshades. You know where to put the cork.

    (Apologies to The Who.)

    Some people are so bloody stupid.

    If you need artificial aids to maintain your mental purity, then you're failing to live up to what your culture/god requires of you.

    Still, there's profit in it for someone, I suppose.

    1. John F***ing Stepp

      Re: Put in your earplugs ...

      Profit?

      I have a set of readers exactly like that, I paid $1.00 (.64 pounds) for them.

      The real money is to be made by selling salvation to fundies; too bad I still have ethics.

  9. Captain_Aluminium
    WTF?

    So..

    They're like blinkers then? For horses? On people? Voluntarily?

    1. Graham Marsden
      Happy

      Re: So..

      Well you can get such things, and, yes, people do wear them voluntarily, but that's usually because they're into Pony Play fetish...!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Jewish, Israel and short-sightedness.

    'nuff said.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A much better idea...

    Instead of shielding your eyes to prevent you from temptation, why not just cut your cock off (or be castrated) - AND it has the added bonus of filtering out the less intelligent from the human gene pool at the same time.

  12. ukgnome Silver badge
    Joke

    I think the car drivers of Norwich already use a similar device on their windscreens

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Google Glasses hack/mods will rule

    Guessing it will be approximately 30 seconds after launch that glasses will be hacked. Can see a market for a variety of overlays, am I the only one that would fancy wandering round as normal but viewing everyone as Zombies or something similar.

    Personally I can't wait for the one that makes everyone else appear as a nude Kelly Brook.

    1. Alex Trenchard
      Alert

      Re: Google Glasses hack/mods will rule

      And remote hacking of other people's glasses.

      "I thought what I'd do was I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes."

    2. Lamont Cranston

      Re: "everyone else as a nude Kelly Brook"

      Your "morning afters" are going to suck.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    " female nipples which our own society likes to see covered "

    Only some of society! I for one am an equal opportunist, women have just the same right to bare their chests & nipples as men do!

    If people are offended by the human body, try moving to a Muslim country, they can accommodate the prudes just fine... (its their life, do what you want, but don't start being all puritanical in my country!)

    The UK is a bit too prudish I think, seriously people are even forced to wear clothes in a Sauna! how unhygienic!!

    1. ratfox Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Ontario is with you

      In the name of equality, women are allowed to be topless in the street, just like men. This is called Topfreedom.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down

      @OP

      >If people are offended by the human body, try moving to a Muslim country, they can accommodate the prudes just fine

      I hadn't realised America was a Muslim country

      1. Dave 15

        Re: @OP

        It isn't yet, but it is full of different breed of religious lunatics.

        Have to admit that the world would be a wholly better place without these religious.

    3. Dave 15

      sauna

      I have no idea why there is that rule most civilised countries deal with nudity in saunas without it turning into a total mess.

      But then I don't see what the problem is with allowing people to wear or not wear clothes as they like anywhere. However I suspect the reason for covering up is to save the council having to clear up the pools of puke that would be the result of most of our fellow citizens wobbling around. I mean have you seen the state of most of the people (especially the women) in this country - more uncontrolled, untoned, wobbly lard than you could ever burn. Its disgusting,

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Of all the weird religious rules I know…

    Orthodox Jewish rules are definitely the most funny:

    Sabbath mode for kitchen appliances

    Guidelines on eating canned food and potato chips served by a non-Jewish

    AC. Humor can be a matter of taste.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Of all the weird religious rules I know…

      I see a new market here, kosher vibrators.

      They refuse to work on the Sabbath but come the next day they go into overdrive to compensate for the built up frustration.

  16. Magister
    Pint

    There are times...

    ... when I marvel at what the human race has achieved. There are times when I really believe that there is nothing that we cannot achieve given the resources, leadership and the will to make it happen.

    Then I read about things like this; and I wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea for another asteroid to wipe out all life on Earth and start again from scratch.

    It's 10 in the morning and I feel like I need a large drink to cry into.

    1. John H Woods Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: There are times...

      I agree. And how much more would we have achieved if we hadn't lost 1000 years or so to the transmissable disease meme of religion?

      1. Imsimil Berati-Lahn

        Re: There are times...

        We're still searching for a nam-shub which doesn't cause more problems than it solves.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: There are times...

      "... a good idea for another asteroid to wipe out all life on Earth and start again from scratch."

      Hmm, one person wears stickers on their glasses to make them short-sighted, another wishes that all life on Earth was exterminated by an asteriod. I know which one I'd rather share this planet with...

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Optional

    I can't believe that enough people think that the problem in this situation is that pesky faculty of sight. I try not to judge, but this seems insane to me.

    Not to mention potentially dangerous. How long before someone gets run over by an oncoming speeding blur?

    1. Graham Bartlett
      Happy

      Re: Optional

      So long as they haven't bred, that's Darwinism at work.

    2. Dave 15

      Re: Optional

      Darwin in action :)

  18. TeeCee Gold badge

    Obvious prior art.

    Foggles.

    These are the glasses used for instrument flying training that allow you to look down and see the instruments while the view forward looks, er, foggy.

  19. Andrew Jones 2
    WTF?

    um..... isn't making long distance vision blurry going to be very bad for driving?

    "Yes, I know I should have seen the woman crossing the road - but my religion demands that I not be able to see that far ahead"

    1. hplasm Silver badge
      Happy

      "...but my religion demands that I not -"

      "...be able to see that woman."

    2. Graham Bartlett
      Devil

      Never mind that - why was she out of the house on her own?! Clearly she was bringing dishonour to her family by not having a man with her to make sure she didn't give in to the urge to strip naked and participate in a mass orgy right there in the street, which everyone knows women would do given half a chance. So running her over was socially responsible and an act of kindness for her family by saving them the trouble of killing her themselves.

      1. Dave 15

        never mind that...

        But surely she should be tied to the sink with a horde of babies (to ensure the religion takes over the world)

        what do you do if your wife changes the tv channel while you watch football?

        shorten the chain she shouldn't be out of the kitchen

  20. deadlockvictim Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Committee for Purity in the Camp

    I thought at first that El Reg was being sarcastic, but it seems to actually exist. The Committee of Un-American Activities does spring to mind.

    I wonder whether orthodox Israeli soldiers will be wearing these when they are next engaging neighbours or co-inhabitants?

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: Committee for Purity in the Camp

      > orthodox Israeli soldiers

      If you are relgious enough, you are exempted from military service.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Committee for Purity in the Camp

        Not any more, the law that grants those nutters that particular exemption expired recently. Yay religious loonies with guns!

      2. Crazy Operations Guy Silver badge
        FAIL

        Shouldn't they all be exempt from service

        What with the whole 'Thou shalt not kill' thing and all...

  21. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Devil

    A new take!

    Take the blue pill, and you stay in wonderland. Take the red pill, and YOUR F*CKING GLASSES WILL FALL OFF.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Meh

    Just switch over

    I wouldn't recommend these glasses to anybody, yet it would help to see where these guys are coming from.

    Many years ago, when 'Angry from Tumbridge Wells' would complain about too much leg being shown on the telly, many people responded saying "Well, just turn the telly off if you don't like it, or switch over to Songs of Praise". The same is said now about people complaining about porn on the internet, they're told to just not look at it and let those who want to look at it do just that.

    Now though, all the stuff that was offensive back then is around and about us so much that if you are offended by the sight of bare thighs, bosoms or bottoms, if certain words offend you or certain ideas cause you distress, then you can't just 'switch to another channel' can you? Suddenly, you're no longer free to leave the house because you're either made red with rage or you're offended by what you may call lies.

    1. NumptyScrub

      Re: Just switch over

      quote: "Now though, all the stuff that was offensive back then is around and about us so much that if you are offended by the sight of bare thighs, bosoms or bottoms, if certain words offend you or certain ideas cause you distress, then you can't just 'switch to another channel' can you? Suddenly, you're no longer free to leave the house because you're either made red with rage or you're offended by what you may call lies."

      Unless I am mistaken (and it is entirely possible I am) there is no defined "right to not be offended" here in the West, unlike other negative rights like the "right to not be assaulted". If someone is no longer free to leave the house because the entire country offends, I would recommend they should be looking at emigration to a country that better fits their personal moral beliefs, as the one that they are in is obviously the wrong one. It's the geographical equivalent to changing the channel.

      The drawback of a free society, is that the rest of society is free to offend as it sees fit. As a comitted freetard (a 'tard that believes in freedom), I fully support them in their right to excercise that freedom, even (especially!) if it is me they are offending. After all, I am free to offend them right back, and I am also free to ignore them ;)

    2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Holmes

      Re: Just switch over

      Why not become member of some fundamentalist party?

    3. Esskay
      Thumb Up

      Re: Just switch over

      "Suddenly, you're no longer free to leave the house because you're either a crazy cat person or you're a fucking mental."

      fixed.

  23. Stratman

    Is the act of putting them on a servile work? Will they be allowed to carry out the procedure on the sabbath?

  24. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

    X-ray specs

    So if we had working X-ray specs we would see everyone naked, and allegedly made in God's image.

    So lots of naked Gods walking around, who could object to that ?

    1. Michael Dunn

      Re: X-ray specs

      No, yaac, you'd just see the bones!

  25. HuwLewis
    FAIL

    Another myth debunked

    So clearly, despite what the god botherers say, it doesn't make you blind. You have to buy special specs for that...

    What a bunch of *ankers!

  26. John A Blackley

    No insults to offer

    but the more I learn about various religions, the more I smile.

    Thanks, folks, for the entertainment.

  27. Craig 28

    I'm just waiting...

    For the lawsuits when people realise these things have ruined their eyesight. It's essentially like wearing a prescription not suited to your vision, eventually your eyes try to adapt to the glasses then you can't see properly without them. Trouble is sooner or later these'll probably go out of production, then they'll need to pay for glasses they might not have otherwise needed.

  28. Brad Ackerman
    IT Angle

    The English-language link promises portable screens that will "prevent the calamity of inadvertently watching an in-flight movie". I'm 110% shomer trayf, but I'd love to buy those.

    1. MajorTom

      >>"prevent the calamity of inadvertently watching an in-flight movie".

      Just put on an eyepatch, like Captain Hook. Then put a patch on the other eye.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I suspect beer goggles could work in reverse, also.

  30. Maryland, USA
    Happy

    Someone came up with Googly modesty glasses in 2009 (video)

    For an augmented reality approach to Modesty Glasses, check out this prescient video:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDaXhyXwjkU

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