back to article Reg readers scrap over ultimate bacon sarnie

Our post-pub nosh deathmatches are proving highly popular with Reg reader gourmets, but we should have known better than to stray into that most hazardous of culinary minefields: just how to make the ultimate bacon sarnie. Last week's clash of titans featured our version of said butty, featuring hand-sliced white bread, bacon …

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  1. Steve I
    Go

    Make do with what one has...

    Used to make bacon sandwiches for my whole team. You needed a pack of smoke bacon and 1/2 baguette per person. Lacking proper cooking facilities at work, I had to microwave the bacon on a special 'microwave bacon tray' which worked surprisingly well. A bit of butter and bacon juice on the bread, add bacon and ketchup et voila - awesome.

    Healthy too, as we were never able to eat lunch afterwards...

    1. Annihilator
      Thumb Up

      Re: Make do with what one has...

      Baguette changes everything. As soon as you move into baguette territory you have truly strayed from the bacon sarnie herd and have wandered into brie territory.

      In this instance, you much immediately layer the bottom of the baguette with bacon, add slices of brie and a healthy dose of relish. Warming the baguette first allows for gooey brie goodness.

    2. Psyx
      Facepalm

      Re: Make do with what one has...

      "I had to microwave the bacon"

      The words of the Prosecutor repeating this phrase will haunt you in your cold cell at night.

      *ponders*

      Anyone know what prison bacon sarnies are like?

      Hopefully they involve undercooked fatty bits, unsalted streaky bacon and lashings of mayonnaise.

  2. micheal
    Coat

    Your mistake is not accounting for

    Taste in the food of Britain is a regional thing.

    In Anglia you cant get a wally in a chip shop.

    In Barnsley you have jam on yorkshire pudding

    Irish is the only true whisky unless in scotland, japan or tenessee...

    And to test it in Spain .....???

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Your mistake is not accounting for

      Well let's face it, Barnsley doesn't sound like much of a viable alternative.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @Micheal

      "Whisky" is not Irish - that would probably get your face punched in both countries. Irish Whiskey, Scotch Whisky. Canadian or Japanese "Whisky" would probably only earn a punch in Scotland.

      Some interesting background detail here: http://www.tullamoredew-usa.com/irish-whiskey/irish-scotch.asp

      Also, you spelled "Michael" wrong.

      Anon 'cos I'm at work just now.

      1. micheal

        Re: @Micheal

        No, it's on my birth certificate spelt that way :)

        1. Mycho Silver badge

          Re: @Micheal

          I'm used to people getting it wrong but my hat would be off to you if I wore one.

        2. TeeCee Gold badge
          Headmaster

          Re: @Micheal

          You should change your handle to "micheal (sic)" then.

      2. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

        Re: @Micheal

        This mention of Scotch whisky reminds me of a radio show I heard many years ago talking about the history of the liquor. The gist of it is that although part of the credit for the modern distilling process that enabled large-scale production goes to a Scotsman, Robert Stein, it was actually an Irishman, Aeneas Coffey, who improved on Stein's design to make the process cheaper and more efficient and thus economically viable. Coffey had been for many years the head of Customs and Excise in Dublin and, as the Crown's representative in Ireland and the person who was responsible for destroying illegal stills and collecting taxes, was a hated figure at the time. He also had a keen interest in whiskey, though, and had the technical skills to come up with his own his improved still design. When he left his position as the number one excise man, he patented his invention and tried to get backing to apply the invention in his native Ireland. Due to his past, however, nobody would support his endeavour (apart from one brief, failed venture, it seems) and he was forced to travel abroad in order to further his venture. So it was that he came to have his invention put to practical use in Scotland where, through a combination of his inventiveness, happenstance (a disease affecting grapes used in the premier spirit of the time--Cognac--left an opening in the market, while the whisky produced appealed to the English taste) and venture capital, Scotch whisky effectively exploded onto the scene and changed the industry completely.

        So in short, the single malt whiskies that are today synonymous with Scotch, actually owes a huge debt to the Irish--on the one hand thanks to Coffey's design, but also, on the other, thanks to the spite of his fellow Irishmen in turning their back on his invention due to his past job and associations.

        As the OP said, I might get punched in the face for recounting this story were I in Scotland. As we're online, though, I think that downvotes are a more likely outcome, so I've had to do a bit of searching to corroborate this account. I wasn't able to verify everything, but these two links seem to cover the basic outline:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aeneas_Coffey

        http://www.kennetpans.info/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=198&Itemid=336

        Downvote away!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @Micheal

          Not at all. Very interesting post.

          Oh, and Micheal, the comment about spelling was meant to be flip but I forgot my smiley - soz! :) Actually, I assumed it was just because someone already had "Michael".

          And I don't think anyone really gets punched for any of those ... the most you'll get is some bore droning on and on about how to ... er ... spell it correctly ... um ..... sorry again.

        2. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

          Re: @Micheal

          That is a gloriously good summary - thanks for that (especially with the collaborating data). I never knew this.

          I would upvote you 10 time if I could :)

          1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
            Big Brother

            Re: @Micheal

            > Coffey

            > head of Customs and Excise

            > patents the shit he probably got from some poor soul whose livelihood he destroyed

            Taxfeeder, in the protection money racket and an IP vulture? Probably a true story.

        3. Psyx
          Pint

          Re: @Micheal

          So... drinking Scotch whisky is basically paying homage to a taxman who took away people's booze?

          I knew I didn't like it for a reason

  3. ukgnome Silver badge
    Happy

    Head above parapet

    As a veggie I can only presume that you dead animal eaters have buggered your taste buds that much that you need all that spice \ no spice fat to make up for your lack.

    However, I am not adverse to a bit of snackery myself and propose this as the "healthy alternative"

    You will need

    2 slices of slightly toasted white bread

    2 Vege Sausages (meat sausages if you swing that way)

    loads of mushrooms fried in butter*

    1 Large egg **

    Some chipotle sauce

    Fry eggs and sausages - assemble sandwich, add chipotle sauce

    *mushrooms are mainly for dropping down your top

    ** yes yes, an egg isn't a vegetable, but in fact a chickens period

    1. Lord Voldemortgage

      " dead animal eaters"

      Many of us will, when the occasion demands, eat live animals too.

      -

      There's nothing wrong with your sarnie suggestion apart from the fact that, not being a bacon sarnie, it is inferior to bacon sarnies.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Head above parapet

      "you dead animal eaters"

      "Fry eggs"

      "** yes yes, an egg isn't a vegetable, but in fact a chickens period"

      Perhaps, but I'm still unsure how you can be against eating meat but still support an industry that kills all the male chicks soon after birth. Eating eggs isn't 'bloodless'.

      FYI I eat meat, I just don't like veggie hypocrisy.

      1. Richard 81

        Re: Head above parapet

        "I'm still unsure how you can be against eating meat but still support an industry that kills all the male chicks soon after birth. Eating eggs isn't 'bloodless'."

        Quite so. Doesn't matter if they're 'free range' or 'organic' or have any other friendly marketing label; they all come from the same machine.

      2. perlcat
        Facepalm

        Re: Head above parapet

        From the behavior of the vegetarians/vegans I know, the hardest part about it is telling other people what to eat and why.

    3. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
      Stop

      Re: Head above parapet

      Dead Animal Eaters How dare you use such a term sir!!!!! If $DEITY didn't intend for us to eat dead animals why did he/she make them out of such tasty (cured and smoked) meat??? Well......

      And as for you Haines, there I was enjoying my low-GI high fibre brown bread with low-fat spread when I saw your heinous article, I immediately had to break out the emergency bacon and white bread supplies, Suitably satisfied by two smoked rashers of bacon seasoned with a small amount of Hellmann's barbecue (brown) sauce I had to do 30 minutes penance on the exercise bike to atone for my indulgence.

      1. Psyx
        IT Angle

        Re: Head above parapet

        "If $DEITY didn't intend for us to eat dead animals why did he/she make them out of such tasty (cured and smoked) meat???"

        I think you'll find that in this particular instance $DEITY very deliberately made it very tasty and then told us all not to eat it, just to annoy us. It's just that Christians conveniently ignore that part of the bible, on the grounds that "bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good."

        I once knew a Saudi visitor to the UK who ordered a breakfast sandwich unknowingly, ate it and declared it to be "the best sandwich I have ever eaten in my life". He was a little gutted and crestfallen to discover that it involved pork as he'd never order it knowingly, but still stuck to his guns on the taste experience.

    4. Marty
      Headmaster

      Re: Head above parapet

      I have a few problems with your post.....

      "As a veggie I can only presume that you dead animal eaters have buggered your taste buds that much that you need all that spice"

      it has been my experience that vegetarian food is so bland that it takes a variety of spices and seasoning to actually make the food interesting to the pallet...

      "2 Vege Sausages"

      now here's the thing, Most low end supermarket sausages only have a 5% meat content and only just qualify as a meat product.. that aside, If your going to eat meat, eat meat, "fake meat" is a crime against the culinary world. its wrong, it has no place in society. never refer to something that has NO meat as a sausage !!

      "** yes yes, an egg isn't a vegetable, but in fact a chickens period"

      now this is where I have to put on my pedantic hat.... a chickens egg is not a chickens period, it is in fact a chickens ovulation....

      Vegetarians should be the first against the wall when the revolution comes....

    5. Annihilator
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Head above parapet

      "2 Vege Sausages (meat sausages if you swing that way)"

      See, I've never got that. If you're vegetarian, why eat something masquerading as meat? If you want sausages, eat sausages.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Head above parapet

        Meat is murder. Eggs is rape!

        1. ukgnome Silver badge

          Re: Head above parapet

          Yes, you are indeed dead animal eaters, I don't see what you pricks have against that, I myself eat dead vegetables. Maybe you don't like that fact. Truthfully don't try to second guess why I am a vegetarian, it's not about the fluffy animals. Who wants the towns overrun by feral cows? The meat industry actually goes a long way to protect species that would of died off. I'm happy you find them tasty, I actually find most of them a bit smelly. But each to their own I guess. In no particular order.....

          @richard81 - Lulz - my eggs come from my chickens, all rescued from harsh factory life.

          @marty - Yes, I also find it strange that vegetarians eat fake meat. Maybe They should call call vege sausages "tube shaped micro proteins"

          @marty - Vege food is bland - PMSl obviously you are correct and I bow down to your superior gastro-knowledge. Maybe you haven't eaten at the right hay troughs. Oh, and pedantry accepted.

          @Lord Voldemortgage - most bacon eaters would agree - a vege saus and egg buttie is not bacon.

          @percat - Totally agree - I just don't eat meat, nothing to do with some form of fluffy animal agenda - if the activist vege\vegan types actually debated the issue properly they would be walking around naked, only drinking rainwater.

    6. Dom 3
      FAIL

      Re: Head above parapet

      Butter, eh?

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dairy_farming#Calf_Management_for_the_Dairy_Herd

  4. Brian Morrison
    FAIL

    And just what.....

    ...is wrong with the use of Crosse & Blackwell Branston Fruity and/or Spicy sauce in bacon sarnies?

    1. Lord Voldemortgage

      Re: And just what.....

      They'd come under the umbrella term "brown sauce" wouldn't they?

      In which case they are one of the sane options.

      1. Brian Morrison
        Flame

        Re: And just what.....

        Brown sauce? Brown sauce!

        No no no no no. It's Crosse & Blackwell, you can't refer to it in such a generic manner.

        Nectar, pure nectar

        <wibble>

    2. Joefish
      Pint

      Re: And just what.....

      Fruity sauce? That is a good one. Another is a 50:50 mix of red and brown.

      Now I'm not going to suggest it for bacon - only sausages - but HP also do a Guinness-based brown sauce...

  5. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Damn this article

    I badly need a bacon sarnie now, come on work day end now please >_<

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "pink but just getting crispy at the edges"

    I knew a girl like that

  7. Amazon Wageslave
    Mushroom

    not a huge bacon sannie fan...

    My preference is for a roll and slice (square sausage) and tattie scone, with onions and tomato sauce. Bonus points for a well-fired or Morton's roll that's pleasingly jaggy to the mouth.

  8. IanPotter
    Thumb Up

    Roll with it...

    Surprised nobody from Scotland has brought up the Caledonian bread of choice: the morning roll

    Even the local Greggs have given up punting the oblong "breakfast" rolls they used to punt bacon in and have started using the proper Scottish ones. They still don't do a haggis roll though...

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Toast the bread.

    Add mushrooms cooked in lightly salted butter.

    Add UNSMOKED Bacon (smoking is for kippers!)

    Add a fried egg.

    Sauce? Hmm, sometimes.

    ENJOY!

  10. Richard 120

    Fuck sauce

    Put a soft fried egg on the sucker.

    1. Elmer Phud Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Fuck sauce

      Used to go to a cafe that did egg and bacon sarnies with doorsteps of fresh crusty white bread.

      Bacon and eggs cooked in a swimming pool of a frying pan that left you holding the thing at arms length to avoid the drips. Then you had to do the 'snake jaws' thing to eat it.

      Food of the Gods (and guaranteed to send you to see them quickly)

    2. Peter Johnstone
      Facepalm

      Re: Fuck sauce

      Nothing wrong with slapping an egg on it, but it's then no longer a bacon sarnie, it's a bacon and egg sarnie a completely different kettle of fish.

    3. jon 72
      Devil

      Re: Fuck sauce

      Fried egg without chutney... just seems weird..

  11. Richard Wharram

    Daddies Sauce

    Is the best.

    No, not that.

    No.

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Daddies Sauce

      Oh, go on - give it a blast...

      http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/12/12/natural_harvest/

      1. Richard Wharram
        Meh

        Re: Daddies Sauce

        Bacon is salty enough without that thanks :/

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Daddies Sauce

        Broken link :(

    2. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Daddies Sauce

      is that not the same as "fuck sauce"????

      Paris, 2 rashers, a big meaty sausage covered in what ever brand of sauce she likes.

  12. Dredge Judd
    WTF?

    Toasted/fried bread?! Noooo! That's just sick...

    As demonstrated to Mrs.Judd and the Juddlet this morning, a proper bacon sarnie has to be made with fresh, crusty white bread from a split-tin loaf, thick-cut oak-smoked, Wiltshire-cure back bacon, a smearing of English butter and a splodge of HP sauce. Anything else is just wrong.

    In these times of austerity, some compromises may be allowed, however, the gold standard is definitely the above.

    All this talk of catsup and other abominations is fightin' talk!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Doing well until the brown sauce.

      Tomato ketchup is what a perfect bacon sarnie demands. And that's not subject, it's just plain fact.

      1. Peter Johnstone
        Stop

        Ketchup

        Nah, Ketchup is for children. Brown sauce for grown ups.

    2. Sooty

      Not toasted solidly, but lightly toasted is definitely the way to go. Thick unsmoked back bacon, and since I was introduced to the concept of half hp sauce and half ketchup (daddies obviously), I've never gone back

      If an egg is required, it should be a duck egg, and the yolk should be kept runny.

    3. Frank Bough

      Bread doesn't come from a tin

      It makes the crust go horrible and robs you of any real flavour. Floured or poppy seeded bloomer baked on rice cones. No tin.

  13. John A Blackley

    Where I grew up

    ketchup was for people with ideas above their station. Brown sauce was for the masses and who cared where it was made.

    1. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Where I grew up

      Welcome to Britain, where even sauce is a class issue.

  14. Jules Wilko

    BBQ Sauce

    Personally I really quite enjoy BBQ saunce with my bacon butty...

    Back, smoked, and slightly crispy to the rest...

    Grilled with a light coating of warm butter.

    And fresh Warburtons Toastie.

    1. Ian Yates

      Re: BBQ Sauce

      I'm definitely HP over BBQ, but I'll let it pass as I agree on the rest.

      All this talk of no butter is just madness; the butter goes on cold bread and is melted by the bacon.

  15. Jules Wilko

    Oh as to Veggies...

    I prefer mine well grilled, and no where near my bacon butty, as we know they are all rather partial to "vegetarian delight".

  16. Dan Paul
    Thumb Up

    My personal favorite

    At the risk of excommunication I offer that MY version of the best bacon sandwhich is one using crusty Italian bread, crunchy peanut butter and 4 to 6 slices of good quality thick sliced smoked bacon fried until light brown and crispy on the edges on a griddle with no additional oil. Toast the bread, smear the crunchy peanut butter lightly on both sides and arrange the bacon as desired. Do not pat the bacon grease off.

    My other favorite is based on the same bread, toasted, lightly coated with Hellmans Mayonaisse, light salt & cracked pepper, very ripe 1/4" thick tomato slices to cover, add bacon. NO LETTUCE (It's for rabbits)

    BTW any meat with Ketchup on it is simply an abomination. Ketchup is for childrens "hot dogs" and french fries. It has no other purpose except as a base for making barbeque sauces. Mustard is made for sausages, especially hot horseradish mustard.

    drool...Bacon...drool

  17. Lionel Baden

    gotta have

    Fried mushrooms and eggs with it

    But i have to admit i love to lob chunks of butter on my bacon sarnie.

    But no sauces for me thank you

  18. Ben Tasker Silver badge

    That's the least of your worries. Being repeatedly pelted with rotten fruit and subsequently burned at the stake for heresy should be your primary concern.

    Little scared to admit this now, but I discovered a delight fairly recently, so;

    Three slices of bread

    Fry 2 eggs and bacon (sausages too if you're really hungry)

    Fry one piece of bread

    Smear the remaining slices with Dairylea (trust me)

    Build yourself a double decker sandwich.

    It's called the triple heart bypass and it's fookin tasty. Yes it's got dairylea in it, but yes it does seem to be a lot better that way.

    *runs for cover*

    1. Jelliphiish
      Thumb Up

      i like the happy cow ones.. they wedges are a little bigger. and my Dad's chilli chutney. omnomnomnomnom

  19. Captain_Aluminium
    Trollface

    Just bring me a suckling pig and a bottle of bbq sauce. Sorted.

  20. PastyFace

    Nobody else have avocado with theirs? *ducks*

    Slices of well ripe avocado do make a tasty bacon sarnie additive, honestly try it...

    1. Frank Bough

      Re: Nobody else have avocado with theirs? *ducks*

      If you're going to make a bacon and avocado sandwich, at least have the decency to put some smoked paprika on too.

      Savages.

    2. a cynic writes...

      Re: Nobody else have avocado with theirs? *ducks*

      I have and I can confirm it is nice. Not as nice as bacon on its own but if circumstances (or SWMBO) force you to include plant matter it is a winner.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Nobody else have avocado with theirs? *ducks*

      Avocado is good, so is some medium-thick sliced tomato, fried with the bacon. Having said that, I usually just have bacon and fried egg on medium-well done buttered toast, no sauce.

      This last week, though, it has been that cousin of the bacon sarnie, the toasted ham and grated Emmental sandwich, that has been my staple.

      1. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

        Re: Nobody else have avocado with theirs? *ducks*

        toasted ham and grated Emmental sandwich

        Not sure about melty cheese (is Emmental a melty one?) but I guess Gruyere would be nice.

        Putting goats' cheese on top and then grilling it definitely works. Put a bit of chutney or relish on the other slice and the whole thing is complete.

        Getting back to bacon and avocado... I think it's nicer with chicken, but chicken, bacon and avocado work really nicely together. Only thing is that you probably want foreigner style bacon---thin, streaky and crisp (Black Forest, Serrano and Parma ham all fry up quite nicely on a dry pan, and are miles better than US style crispy bacon) rather than thick back rashers if you go down that route. I can't seem to get smoked paprika here, so I've never tried it. I generally use Tabasco, a good dose of black pepper and a little salt (avocado needs salt, even if the bacon is salty) and maybe lime juice. That's just me, though. I probably like guacamole (proper home-made stuff) a little bit too much so that's why I'd head in that direction.

        Finally, not sure about the ducks. I think that's going a wee bit over the top...

      2. Spoonsinger

        Re: Nobody else have avocado with theirs? *ducks*

        Avocado is the biz. Totally miss the Bacon, Brie, Avocado and red current jelly sandwiches delivered to the office by the "sandwich" lady during the late 80's. Office 'sandwich' lady sandwiches, nowadays, are basically shite filled, (ok a bit strong but there is no style and they taste like ....).

  21. Neal L

    The ultimate bacon sarnie.

    It has to be fresh cut white bread.

    Several slices of back bacon, to be grilled not fried and so it's nice and crispy.

    Mayonnaise on the bread instead of butter and voila. A treat fit for a King.

  22. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge
    Devil

    As a Coeliac I must state that the bread is not merely optional...

    ... but un-needed and unwanted.

    I give you the bacon swiss roll....

    http://www.bbqaddicts.com/blog/recipes/bacon-explosion/

    Personally I'd leave the bbq sauce out.

  23. DoctorB
    Mushroom

    Any brown sauce will do...

    ...as long as it has massive vinegar content.

    White bread.

    Butter optional.

    Smoked back.

    And none of that pathetic streaky-shatter-into-a-million-pieces nonsense. That's for salads.

  24. Triggerfish

    The best bacon sandwich

    Personally if the bacons good enough sauce is optional.

    But the best bacon sandwich is the one brought to you in bed with a brew by your other half.

    Admitedly its a pretty rare sandwich, since it seems when you ask for one its only made from flying pigs.

    1. Ian Entwistle

      Re: The best bacon sandwich

      But the best bacon sandwich is the one brought to you in bed with a brew by your naked other half.

      ^^^^^^^ fixed that for you...

      1. Oldfogey
        Flame

        Blimey - so you've found an other half willing to fry bacon in the nude? Well griddle me sausages.

        Flame icon, naturally.

      2. Triggerfish

        Re: The best bacon sandwich

        to distracting, bacon sarnie first, beef curtains after.

  25. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Happy

    Simplicity is perfection.

    Fry, grill or microwave bacon to taste, but with no added fat or oil.

    Do nothing to a single slice of bread.

    Lay bacon over one half of the slice.

    Fold, and eat.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Meh

    Fish fingers and custard sandwich please.

    1. Alister Silver badge

      Re: Meh

      My daughter, having re-watched the Doctor Who episode, wanted to try fish fingers and custard, so I did it for her - I have to say, the taste of fish fingers dipped into cold vanilla custard from a tin is actually a surprisingly pleasant experience...

  27. Jason Hindle

    Didn't have much of a problem with El Reg's Recipe Except......

    I prefer the bread brown and preferably lightly toasted before it sees the butter and the bacon (and yes, people do tell me I'm a heretic so feel free to down-vote).

  28. Jim Carter

    Blimey, you lot are hard to please.

    My own variation is thus:

    Ingredients:

    Fresh baked white bread. Not sliced, and none of that cotton wool crap you get in supermarkets.

    Treacle cure bacon from Suffolk.

    Duck egg.

    Stoke's red sauce.

    Toasted sesame oil (only a little).

    Fry the bacon in a little of the oil, until slightly crispy on the rind. Fry the egg in about half an inch of oil. The flavour of the two are really nutty and bloody gorgeous. Let the bacon rest a minute on a warm plate, and lightly toast one side of each piece of bread, on the inside, of course. Combine the lot with Stoke's red sauce.

    Breakfast of champions, and a fantastic hangover cure to boot.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mustard

    The garlic farm on the Isle of Wight makes garlic and horseradish mustard which is absolutely gorgeous on a bacon sarnie.

    As for cooking the bacon, 20 seconds on each side under a hot grill, or 15 seconds eacch side in a pan, or 5 minutes held close to a 100W lightbulb is enough to cook bacon for a sarnie.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Mustard

      Amen to the Garlic Farm triple whammy Garlic Horseradish Mustard. The greatest condiment ever invented for a steak sandwich.

      If you haven't tried it, I seriously suggest you invest a few pounds and get some. I know the owners of the farm after meeting them at trade shows and farmer's markets over the years, and they are truly enthusiastic family business people. Support small businesses!

      http://thegarlicfarm.co.uk/

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I don't know what this "cooking" thing is...

    But ironically I find the cornish pastie co on clapham junction bridge does some of the best 7am bacon sarnies...

  31. laird cummings

    No damn sauces.

    Ever.

    For the Best, go with the basics:

    Lightly-toasted bread, swabbed with a small amount of bacon grease. Smoked bacon fried to that perfect junction between crispy and pink. Add slice of tomato, small-ish leaf of lettuce.

    Done.

    Heritics add a slice of onion, but we know what to do with heritics. And cheese is right out.

  32. Tom 7 Silver badge

    Smoked bacon is the devils work.

    Used to have bacon sarnies made with a simple cure bacon where the 8 slices of back bacon just changed colour in the frying pan and then slapped on some heavily buttered fresh white bloomer. Cant get that particular bacon any more but tried to make my own - no luck.

    If you like crispy streaky I recommend it on some fresh wholemeal sourdough that is still warm from the oven.

    I should add that there is no perfect bacon sarnie - the UK has a lot of what the french call terroir: local peaks of quality that are worth searching for. You may even find someone who can actually smoke bacon properly and not dip it in ashtray washings like the supermarkets do.

    Oh and suffolk black bacon on rye bread is an eye-opener and definitely worth trying if you don't mind throwing your frying pan away afterwards.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    I prefer:

    Bread, Smoked Streaky Bacon, Green Mango Chutney, Smoked Salmon, Cayenne Pepper, Bread

  34. defiler Silver badge

    Sauce? Seriously?

    I'm no veggie, before anyone starts, but that pig died to be on my roll, and the least I can do is appreciate the poor bastard. That poor, delicious bastard.

    Shit - I don't have any bacon in...

    1. Necrotix
      Trollface

      Re: Sauce? Seriously?

      Amen to that. Your post made my day :D

      As for my bacon....

      I like mine smoked, lightly cooked (no crispiness)

      1. Get bagel, slice it in half and spread some mayonaise on it

      2. Layer some cheese slices, preferably red leicester inside it

      3. Add generous amount of bacon on top of cheese, so that it melts into it

      4. (optional) add fried egg, preferably with a runny yolk on top of that

      5. Close bagel, press down a little on it and enjoy!

      Delicious!

  35. mafoo

    mayo

    Mayonnaise > Butter

  36. jake Silver badge

    "we have to work with what we can get ..."

    ... at the Special Project Bureau's mountaintop kitchen complex, so we make no apology for the bacon."

    Methinks "kitchen complex" is the operative term ...

    Make your own bacon. It ain't rocket science. Recipe(s) follow(s).

    Rub salt[1][2][3] on preferred chunk of meat. Other seasonings optional.

    Wrap in cling-film. Place in fridge for a week or ten days. Rinse & dry.

    Smoke[4] low & slow, ~205-220F, until done to taste.

    [1] For wild game, I use curing salt; homegrown meat and fish gets Diamond Kosher.

    [2] Brine fowl for 12-24 hours. 2Tbs salt per quart of water, to cover.

    [3] Rinse fish and get it into the smoker ASAP, no more than 24 hours after salting.

    [4] I use green Manzanita over White Oak coals. YMMV.

    [5] Some fish goes into the meat locker prior to smoking to develop what they call "pellicle" after rinsing the salt & drying.

  37. Jellied Eel Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Improvised bacon roll

    1)Fry bacon in decent sized round pan. Remove bacon once cooked to prefered consistency

    2)Add decent round pita/tortilla bread to pan. Cook to soak up bacon goodness from pan.

    3)Remove bread, add bacon to bread, add condiments according to conscience/availability

    4)Roll, eat.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Look, we all know there is only one way to make a bacon sarnie.

    Add some extra virgin olive oil to a frying pan and throw in some British oak smoked, dry cure streaky bacon rashers (6-8 per sarnie for a ‘me’ sized serving)

    Cook on medium high until crisp - but not brittle, it should still be soft enough to tear.

    Let the bacon dry between some paper towels for a few seconds.

    Take 2 slices of doorstep cut bread - preferably the end pieces. While the bacon is drying, partially toast your bread. In such a short toasting time it should retain much the same texture and flexibility of bread but be warmer and slightly drier to the touch.

    You can now apply a generous helping of Jersey butter on to both bits of warm bread, this should be quite easy as the bread will partially melt the butter. Distribute your rashers evenly over one slice. Apply a dollop of pre-Cameron* HP brown sauce. Cover with other slice. Now grip that sucker with a sheet of paper towel and eat it as fast as you can before all the juices run!

    If you are feeling particularly decadent I recommend frying a medium free range egg in the bacon juices. This should be cooked on both sides; the yolk should be of medium consistency. Doing this ensures optimal runny yolk dispersal through the sarnie when you place the yolk face down on the bacon and apply a little pressure with the top slice of bread using the palm of your hand.

    *No, you can't buy any off me.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Open fire in open field

    The best bacon sarnie is cooked on a smoky open fire in a field first thing in the morning with you and your mates surrounded by a massive pile of open stella cans from the previous night.

    It doesn't matter what type of bacon or bread you use or whether you add sausages or eggs, the sarnie should contain some crunchy bits and be accompanied by a big mug of steaming hot tea.

    (when you fish the unidentified floaters out of your tea with a grubby finger it will leave a greasy film on top, oh and don't drain your cup in one last big gulp, there will be something in the bottom)

    When your hangover starts to abate (at around 11) it is time to go to the pub for a couple of pints and then retire home at about 3pm to fall asleep on the settee (snoring loudly)

    For days afterwards the first thing visitors will say is 'is something burning'

  40. Andus McCoatover
    Windows

    Real Men...

    ...put Harissa Sauce in a bacon butty, then they have an excuse for weeping in public...and being able to read all of the Sun newspaper in the toilet in the morning.

    I'd like to try a "Bunny Butty", as described and illustrated by the film "Stiff Upper Lips" - NOT the "Fatal Attraction" variety - no bread.

  41. JimC Silver badge

    Of course you are all wrong...

    But I suspect what is perfect depends an awful lot on the circumstances...

    When you arrive at a Sailing club* (change venue to suit sport of your choice) having got up at some insane time of the morning to travel for a weekend's racing, then someone offering you a bacon sandwich made with otherwise horrble standard white bread and marge is armed with the food of the gods.. On the other hand if I want a classy snack early in the evening then its got to be fresh white crusty bread with butter and grilled, not fired bacon with grilled pineapple rings. Post a big session in the pub - well it hardly matters does it?

    Brown sauce: not with bacon please. In a fish finger sandwich on the other hand HP sauce is great...

    [sonafoabitch: I'm getting the munchies. I think I'm going to have to go and buy some bacon if I don't step away from the keyboard]

  42. Caerdydd_Mike

    May I suggest a petition ...

    ... to bring back PanYan Pickle.

    My mate down the Pub reckons the recipie was destroyed in a fire years ago.

    Anyone got a very old jar knocking about?

  43. Juan Inamillion

    All very well

    But if your hangover precludes the use of equipment that is sharp or very hot, then you need to seek an alternate source (geddit? Oh well, please yourselves).

    On those occasions, while on contract to a firm in Camden, I used to avail myself of the delights of the Café Metro stand-up, situated in Camden High St between the Electric Ballroom and Camden Town Tube. They'll pretty much make it how you like, but on exceptional occasions a hot baguette with bacon, egg and onions is the only way to go...

    Yes yes... the coat with the diced carrots and tomato skins down the front...

  44. Andus McCoatover
    Pint

    Bugger, Lester. I'm starving so I sent the missus out to get a pack of bacon for some butties...

    ...And HP sauce, natch.

    Didn't go myself, that'd be wasting VDT.

    (Valuable Drinking Time)

  45. Werner McGoole
    Happy

    Double-deckers for me

    Bacon downstairs, fried egg upstairs. Pepper on the bacon, ketchup on the egg.

  46. phr0g
    Happy

    Simple

    Warburtons medium white (having been nowhere near a toaster), buttered, streaky bacon and lashing of HP for me. Preferably with a Cumberland sausage and a soft fried egg. A dash of Tabasco in my case too :)

  47. phr0g
    Alert

    by the way

    HP is the only true brown sauce. If you use anything else you might as well get it from Aldi. That includes the abomination that is Daddies.

  48. Spider
    Happy

    Sauces and venues...

    Got to go with brown sauce... almost any, but also partial to OK sauce... or home brew "Firestarter" from my local mexican Mohujos. http://www.mohujos.co.uk/

    ...now for vending establishments, I have a soft spot for Capn Jaspers on the quayside in Plymouth. All manner of bacon and it's accompanying food groups the sausage and egg. Used to be perfect hangover treatment venue.

    1. stragen001

      Re: Sauces and venues...

      Speaking of hangover cures....

      As any Red Dwarf fan knows, the ONLY true hangover cure is a Triple Fried Egg Chilli Chutney Sandwich.

      http://feastygeeks.blogspot.co.uk/2010/10/red-dwarf-food-triple-fried-egg-chili.html

      Now onto Bacon Sarnies:

      Very lightly toasted split tin white bread (Avoids the bread dissolving while eating)

      SMOKED back bacon cooked so its just going crispy around the edges

      Real actual butter on the bread

      Brown Sauce spread on each piece of bread, not dolloped on (avoids leakage while eating)

  49. pctechxp

    The ultimate bacon sarnie

    Get some lean, good quality unsmoked back bacon.

    Fry it to your particular opinion of done in olive oil

    A nice fresh baguette dipped in the essence, lay on the bacon and enjoy.

    Get good quality bacon and you don't need no stinkin' sauce!

  50. The Jase

    Streaky, done crisply on bread with butter.

    Do not, I repeat, do NOT, ruin the taste of the bacon with tomato or brown sauce.

  51. DAH
    Go

    Upmarket with Chiltern

    Clearly you rarely venture away to the West Midlands, and use the cheaper & more comfortable (and free wifi) Chiltern Trains. There is a strong demand for the Maryleroll - a bacon ciabatta sandwich, and great debate on the topic by one P Tonks, who drives the little trains between Stourbridge Town and Stourbridge Junction.

    Meantime I'll muddy the waters and stir things up. I like my chips with Mayonnaise - like the Belgians do, and best of all with Garlic Mayonnaise, which is the sauce supreme for Doner Kebab. and the natural follow through is Mayonnaise on my bacon sarnies...Garlic Mayonnaise

  52. andy k O'Croydon

    There is literally no point arguing about this. No-one will win.

  53. Donkey

    The Best Way to make a bacon sandwich

    Use smoked back or streaky bacon. Unsmoked bacon is not really bacon it is pork and should never be used in a bacon sandwich.

    Cook the bacon in a microwave loosely covered with a plastic lid to stop splattering, cook until the bacon is just turning crispy.

    Use only wholemeal bread, white bread is tasteless pap designed for the masses and has no place in civilised society. Hand cut the bread and never ever fry the bread or add anything except Daddies brown sauce and Daddies tomato sauce.

    Spread the brown sauce on one piece of bread and spread an even mixture of brown and red sauce on the other. Place the Bacon on one slice of bread then liberally drizzle over the fat that has escaped from the bacon whilst cooking and more brown sauce to taste. Assemble the sandwich by placing the other slice of bread on top (sauce side down) and cut in half horizontally (never diagonally or into quarters unless you are a lady or a cissy).

    Consume quickly before the meat cools too much.

    The best beverage I find to compliment this splendid meal is a very dry cider (none of your nancy boy medium dry rubbish).

  54. davemcwish
    Paris Hilton

    It's so simple even Paris could do this

    Dry fry middle bacon in a cast iron skillet

    Plonk onto white buttered bread

    Eat

  55. Big_Boomer
    Happy

    MMMMMmmmmmmmmmm

    Onion Bagels, cut in half, toasted, slathered in butter.

    Smoked Bacon from the local Smokehouse fried in it's own juices.

    Then (and here's the controversial bit) add some Curry Ketchup (the German stuff) and stuff it in yer mush.

    MMMmmmmmmm YUM!

  56. Trokair 1

    Salad Cream

    Being from the US I've never had the pleasure of sampling various UK products but was intrigued by the idea of "Salad Cream". Luckily with the Olympic Games being hosted in London several major supermarket chains have seen fit to bring in some "International Items", on of which being the aforementioned cream. I must say, I find it delicious and indeed "Pourable Sunshine". Thank you UK, now I'm off to find some "brown sauce".

  57. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Read my lips

    It's a bacon sarnie..

    Fry bacon, put between bread, eat.

    It's not difficult and it doesn't need no lardy dah, oity toity dressing up with fancy recipes, frying techniques (although no doubt some twonk would pay a fortune for a triple fried bacon sarnie), sauces (especially mayonnaise, those Belgians get everywhere) nor anything else.

    If the concept is too difficult to understand then you are not yet ready to be eating solids let alone anything as sophisticated as bacon.

  58. Ned Ludd
    Boffin

    Simples

    Bacon + bread... anything else is superfluous

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